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Thank you for the feedback. After looking back at the first example, sorry that was a mistake on my part. It should have been Ashely swung her purse not swings. I mentioned this in another reply, but what I'm trying to do is present this as if I were writing a Facebook or Blog post about what's happening in my day or what happened in my day. So say I posted that on FB:
We're just standing outside the Blue Velvet right now. We're gonna go in there and have a good time tonight!
But then I want to add the dialogue to show the characters talking or talked.
The idea of what I'm trying to do is throw me (simself) and people (simselves) I know into a different world and post the events as they happen as if I were posting FB or Blog post but with character dialogue. I'm beginning to think that maybe character dialogue just doesn't work with what I'm trying to do lol. The only other thing I can think of is just including the character dialogue in my post:
We're just standing outside the Blue Velvet right now. We're gonna go in there and have a good time tonight! I hope the drinks are cheap, but Paul said he would cover for the drinks. Ashley is so in a hurry to get in there. She even swung her purse so fast!
I would still flag that for a student, mostly because it makes it unclear when things are happening. The first part is okay, and the "I hope the drinks are cheap, but Paul said he would cover for the drinks" works fine, IF you mean that Paul promised this before you got there. If he promised you that while you're standing there (as in the dialogue) then the same tense should be used. So this would be the timeline:
Paul promises to pay for drinks THEN you go to the nightclub together AND NOW you're standing outside the nightclub.
Asheley swung her purse is still wrong, because she is doing this while standing outside the nightclub, which is your story's present time.
Basically, in any writing, be it a blog, facebook or a story, you need to make up your mind of when NOW is (the story now), and keep tenses accordingly. So if NOW is the time of writing, then everything should be in past tense - You were standing, Paul promised and Ashley swung her purse...and NOW you are writing. If NOW is the time of the story (when everyone is standing outside the nightclub) then everything that happens at that time needs to be in present tense. You are standing, Paul promises, Ashley swings her bag.
- rjssim23 days agoSeasoned Traveler
Say the scenario is we've already been standing outside the night club for a while, and then I am posting about it say on Facebook as:
We're just standing outside the Blue Velvet right now.
But before I posted that on Facebook. Paul already said that he would pay for the drinks, and Ashley already swung her purse.
Say, I'm trying to tell say my Facebook friends that we're just standing outside the Blue Velvet right now, but I am also trying to say that Paul said he would cover for the drinks and Ashley is so excited that she was swinging her purse. What Paul and Ashley did happened in the past, but I am telling my Facebook friends that we're just outside the Blue Velvet right now even though we've been standing outside the Blue Velvet for a while.
What I am trying to do is say that we're here right now at this moment, but then I want to say something that had already happened:
I'm at work right now. I'm a little late. The last time I was late, my boss told me I would be in big trouble if it ever happened again! My coworker told me that I need to relax and not to worry. So, I'm not gonna worry about this.
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