A Hole in None Pt. 1
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Kent Brockman: Welcome to Channel 6's coverage of the Springfield Celebrity Pro-am, America's premier mini-golf tournament.
Kent Brockman: I'm joined by legendary golf champion Lee Carvallo. Lee, how do you like your chances today?
Lee Carvallo: I just want to go out there and give it my all. It's a talented field, lot of great players, we'll see how it goes.
Kent Brockman: *chuckles* Every athlete is just a mind-numbingly boring interview, Lee. I didn't realize that included golfers, but I see it does.
Lee Carvallo: It is what it is. We'll just see how it goes, try to have fun out there.
Kent Brockman: *laughs* Stunningly bland! Lee, show us some of the trophies you've won over the years. Anything is better than listening to you.
Task: Make Lee Carvallo Display His Awards
Time: 8h
Kent Brockman: Lee, I would literally kill everyone on this planet for a single daytime Emmy. And here you are, a mindless dud, surrounded by awards.
Kent Brockman: Moving on. Lee, instead of listening to your moronic blather, let's meet the amateur you'll be paired with today.
Lee Carvallo: One day at a time, right?
Kent Brockman: That was in no way a response to what I said. Good job, Lee!
Ned: Hey-diddly-o, Mr. C! Ned Flanders here. Honored to be your partner.
Lee Carvallo: Excited to get out there and let the chips fall where they may. Course looks to be in great shape, excited for the challenge.
Ned: What a charming man, eh, Kent?
Kent Brockman: There's not a single working neuron in his skull.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
A Hole in None Pt. 2
Lee Carvallo starts
Ned: So, Mr. Carvallo. Are you familiar with our mini-golf course? Need any pointers?
Lee Carvallo: *chuckles* You can only do what you can do. We'll see how it goes. Excited to compete.
Ned: Okay... that's the spirit, I guess. Just be advised, the wind tends to sort of whip around that windmill, so stay to the right.
Lee Carvallo: Course is in great shape. Strong field, gonna be a challenge, one shot at a time, short memory.
Ned: Is that... did you hear what I said? It feels like you didn't...
Task: Make Lee Carvallo Take a Perfect Shot
Time: 4h
Location: Mini Golf Castle
Kent Brockman: Beautiful tee shot on the first hole for Lee. He's putting on a mini-golf clinic today, folks!
Lee Carvallo: Just gotta stay within myself. Can't wait to get out there.
Ned: Uh... you DO realize we've already started playing, Mr. Carvallo?
Lee Carvallo: I've been striking the ball well in practice. We'll see what happens on the course.
Ned: *uncomfortable chuckle* Let's... let's just move on to the next hole.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
A Hole in None Pt. 3
Lee Carvallo starts
Ned: This next green is tricky, Lee. Make sure you aim for the ramp on the left. The other ramp drops you into a pretty nasty spot.
Lee Carvallo: Looking forward to playing some mini-golf.
Ned: Wait, Lee! I meant to say aim for the ramp on the right! The right!
Ned: Too late! He's stuck behind the little lighthouse. It'll be a double bogey for sure!
Lee Carvallo: It is what it is! Every day playing golf is a good day!
Ned: Oh, my. He's furious.
Task: Make Lee Carvallo Suck at Mini Golf
Time: 1h
Location: Mini Golf Castle
Lee Carvallo: If I'm seeing the breaks, I like my chances! Beautiful day for golf!
Ned: Mr. Carvallo, I'm real sorry about that last hole. I made a mistake. Please don't scream at me.
Lee Carvallo: It's a marathon, not a sprint! These are some great fans!
Ned: Mr. Carvallo, you're turning beet red! Try to breathe!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
A Hole in None Pt. 4
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Kent Brockman: In a shocking development, Lee Carvallo finds himself ten shots behind the leaders.
Kent Brockman: A living legend, a man who's never lost a mini-golf game in his life, could see it all go up in flames here today.
Kent Brockman: Ever since Ned Flanders steered him towards the wrong ramp, Carvallo has completely crumbled. I've rarely seen a professional athlete this broken.
Kent Brockman: Lee, what's going through your head right now?
Lee Carvallo: The greens are playing fast but fair! I'm just looking to string together a few good holes! It's great weather for golf!
Kent Brockman: And so this pea-brained champion, this dim-witted maestro of the greens, withers before our very eyes.
Task: Make Lee Carvallo Ruin His Perfect Record
Time: 8h
Location: Mini Golf Castle
Kent Brockman: Lee Carvallo's sad march continues. Now forty-three shots behind the leaders, he stalks the 17th green, completely unhinged.
Lee Carvallo: *shouting in the distance* THIS IS A GREAT TOURNAMENT! I WANT TO THANK BANK OF SPRINGFIELD FOR SPONSORING A FIRST-CLASS OPERATION!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
A Hole in None Pt. 5
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Ned: Mr. Carvallo? Can I get you anything? A glass of water maybe?
Lee Carvallo: It's about consistency. Just trying to do the same thing, swing after swing.
Ned: Again, I'm really sorry about what happened. Could you find it in your heart to forgive me?
Lee Carvallo: *stares daggers at Flanders* Every tournament is different. Sometimes the ball rolls funny.
Ned: Just one word of comfort for my guilty soul? That's all I ask...
Lee Carvallo: *his look growing even more hate-filled* I love the game of golf.
Task: Make Lee Carvallo Show No Love
Time: 12h
Kent Brockman: It's never easy to watch a greatness dim. Lee Carvallo was a hero to many. Today, that all ended.
Kent Brockman: We may never know exactly what was going on in his head. Or if ANYTHING was going on in his head, which I seriously doubt.
Kent Brockman: But we do know this -- as far as Lee Carvallo is concerned, it was a great day for golf. Also, it is what it is.
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Learning to Share Pt. 1
Jim Hope starts
Blue-Haired Lawyer: Mr. Hope, I've just received a letter from the IRS. Your company, Kid First Industries, is suspected of tax evasion.
Blue-Haired Lawyer: You're also charged with -- and I've never seen this before -- “general grossness”. It's a little-known crime from the Constitution.
Jim Hope: Since when is evading taxes a crime?! Listen, I'll make this right. I'll have the IRS killed.
Blue-Haired Lawyer: Murder is, sadly, also a crime.
Jim Hope: That's the government for you. Always nosing into other people's homicides.
Jim Hope: Well, I can't pay. I haven't had a hit toy since the Funzo. I'm broke.
Task: Make Jim Hope Search His Pockets for Spare Change
Time: 4h
Location: Kid First Industries
Jim Hope: Here, this is everything I've got in my pockets. *drops coins on desk*
Blue-Haired Lawyer: You're going to need... fifteen million dollars more.
Jim Hope: I do have another pair of pants at home. So, there's that. But I suppose I could just invent another hit toy.
Jim Hope: Better put on a happy face for the kiddies and hope ol' Uncle Jim's still got it.
Blue-Haired Lawyer: As your lawyer, I must advise you not to refer to yourself as “uncle” around children who aren't your relatives.
Jim Hope: Why? Liability issue?
Blue-Haired Lawyer: No, just creepy.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Learning to Share Pt. 2
Jim Hope starts
Jim Hope: All right, Lindsey. We need a smash hit toy for the holidays or I'm going to jail.
Lindsey Naegle: You're not the only one who's been evading taxes. Should I be worried?
Jim Hope: Probably. As in, I'm “probably” going to rat you out to get a reduced sentence.
Lindsey Naegle: I see. I suppose I could have you killed?
Jim Hope: No, it's illegal. The lawyer said so.
Lindsey Naegle: Shoot. Well, I never like making money honestly, but that may be our only option here.
Jim Hope: If there was any other way, believe me I'd be all over it. Let's get to work.
Task: Make Jim Hope Brainstorm Original Ideas
Time: 4h
If the user has Lindsey Naegle: Task: Make Lindsey Naegle Brainstorm Ways to Backstab Jim Hope
Time: 4h
Location: Kid First Industries
Jim Hope: Read back to me what we've come up with so far.
Lindsey Naegle: A doll that explodes if you forget to feed it, a mobile game based on a past-its-prime cartoon...
Lindsey Naegle: ...an action figure with a monthly subscription fee for some reason, and a kid-sized AR-15 that doesn't set off metal detectors.
Jim Hope: All brilliant, every one! Let's run some focus groups and see what the kids think!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Learning to Share Pt. 3
Jim Hope starts
Jim Hope: Hey there kids, how would you like to play with some toys?
Lisa: No way! You're not fooling us with that act again.
Ralph: I like playing with toys in front of one-way mirrors!
Lisa: Hey Ralph, take my hand and we'll look for fairies in your backyard, okay?
Ralph: I like doing the last thing someone suggested! Let's go!
Lisa: We'll catch a fairy today for sure. But we have to get far, far away from this guy -- fairies don't like him.
Jim Hope: *sigh* They grow out of their easily-manipulated stage so fast.
Task: Make Jim Hope Demonstrate Toys
Time: 12h
Jim Hope: The kids hated our toys! They said they were "too cynical”. Since when is making toys designed to prey on kids' worst impulses “cynical”?
Jim Hope: How am I supposed to con them if they're wise to my tricks? Am I supposed to make something they actually like? *chuckles*
Lindsey Naegle: Don't spout such nonsense!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Learning to Share Pt. 4
Jim Hope starts
Jim Hope: Little girl, please come back. I need your help -- I'm desperate!
Lisa: You've always been desperate.
Jim Hope: Hey, you think it's EASY being a grown man who's nowhere near as good at inventing toys as the great Lisa Simpson?
Lisa: Flattery won't work on me.
Jim Hope: I know. You're way too smart to fall for flattery.
Lisa: Sweet, sweet flattery... Oh how I love it...
Lisa: Fine! You get ten minutes of my time. I'll come up with one toy. But that's it!
Task: Make Jim Hope Steal Lisa's Ideas
Time: 8h
Location: Springfield Elementary or Kid First Industries
Requires: Lisa
On job start:
Jim Hope: How about a toy oven that makes fattening cakes, then we sell a weight loss supplement as an add-on?
Lisa: Hmm. What if the toy oven makes nutritious snacks, but they look like cupcakes. Makes the kids AND the parents happy.
Jim Hope: So, it's not exploitative? I mean, what's the fun in that?
Jim Hope: What about a set of encyclopedias, but all the facts are wrong so it makes you stupider? Then we sell tutoring services to all the new dummies we just made.
Lisa: Stick with the healthy oven.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Learning to Share Pt. 5
Jim Hope starts
Jim Hope: Lindsey, I think we've got our hit toy: The Half-Baked Oven!
Jim Hope: Half-Baked is half as powerful as regular play ovens. So you have to buy special pre-half-baked treats from us.
Lisa: Wait, no! That's not what we agreed on!
Jim Hope: Can't you see how much more evil it is my way? Think, Lisa!
Lisa: I want my idea back. You stole it from me!
Lindsey Naegle: Jim, open us some bubbly to celebrate. I just need to make a quick phone call...
Jim Hope: It's hot tubbing time!
Task: Make Jim Hope Pop Some Bottles
Time: 12h
Location: Kid First Industries
If the user has Lindsey Naegle: Task: Make Lindsey Naegle Give Chief Wiggum a Hot Tip
Time: 12h
Location: Kid First Industries
Jim Hope: Lindsey! Hot tub's ready! I've got a special mankini I've been saving!
Wiggum: Hold it right there, Hope! You're under arrest for exploiting the work of miners.
Jim Hope: Because of the Lisa Simpson thing?
Wiggum: What? No, not some kid. Miners. The guys who work in mines. Anyway, that's what I heard over the phone.
Wiggum: And that's how I wrote it up. You can't expect me to redo all that paperwork.
Jim Hope: Lindsey! You set me up!
Lindsey Naegle: Have fun in prison, Jim!
Jim Hope: Eureka, that's it! A play set that's a prison, and whenever you want to free your dolls, you have to purchase a new security code from us?
Lisa: Hmmm. Yeah, I'd play with that.
Jim Hope: *being dragged off to jail* I'm back, baby!
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Toys "B" This Pt. 1
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Bart: Now remember, Mom. All I want for Christmas is FortFite: Platinum Headshot Edition.
Marge: I know, sweetie. It's really hard to find that video game. The internet is sold out.
Bart: What about the toy store? You've exhausted every possible angle to satisfy my demands, right?
Bart: You still love me, right?
Bart: Right?
Marge: Bart, the toy store went out of business.
Bart: ...
Marge: But I guess we could break in! Maybe there's a copy of your game lying around in there.
Bart: I'll bring the car around.
Task: Make Marge Break Into the Abandoned Toy Store
Time: 4h
Location: Toys "B" This
Task: Make Bart Be Overcome by Nostalgia
Time: 4h
Location: Toys "B" This
On job start:
Marge: It's kind of spooky in here.
Bart: We passed so many wonderful hours in here, didn't we? I wonder why they shut it down?
Marge: Probably because we, and all the other people who cherish the magic of toy stores, ditched these places the second they turned on the internet.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Toys "B" This Pt. 2
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Bart: How could we let this happen to toy stores? What were we thinking?
Marge: Well, it IS pretty great buying toys in your underwear from the convenience of the couch.
Bart: It's not fair! You can't drag your parents to the internet and make a scene until they crumble and buy you what you want!
Marge: We should get out of here. Ol' Gil isn't much of a security guard, but even he's gotta wake up sometime.
Task: Make Marge Try to Comfort Bart
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
Marge: Bart, how come you're not playing your new game? I worked very hard to track it down for you.
Bart: I can't stop thinking about the store. Why do things have to change?
Marge: That's just what happens when you get older, sweetie. The world keeps changing.
Marge: But there's one thing that will never, ever change. Not even if you live a million years. *kisses his forehead* And that's --
Bart: How much you suck at videogames?
Marge: Right. That's exactly what I was going to say. That the one constant in the universe is how much I suck at stupid Fortfite.
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Personalized Talking Astrolabe Pt. 1
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Marge: Homie, I've got a special surprise for you - something you've been wanting for a long time.
Homer: Oh boy, oh boy! Is it that deep fryer that can fit a whole cow? Or that girdle that's made out of bacon?
Marge: Neither, it's this thing. Tada! The astro-whatchamacallit!
Homer: My beloved unnecessary object! At last! Let's hear what wisdom it's been keeping for us.
Task: Tap the Personalized Talking Astrolabe
Marge: Huh. Somehow, I thought the info it gave would be more necessary.
Homer: You don't get the point of ANYTHING, do you, Marge? Do you?
Marge: *sigh* Well, at least it's shiny. That's nice.
Homer: Never leave me again you beautiful, pointless thing...
Homer: My life was so much less meaningless until you came along.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
