SciFi: Act 1 Walkthrough
EVENT GUIDES
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Dark Matters Pt. 1
Auto starts
Professor Frink: Ladies and gentleflavens, mark this day on your calendar! For today begins a glorious new age of scientific discovery!
Homer: Sorry, I already marked today as Taco Tuesday. And I wrote it in pen.
Professor Frink: Sir, I don't actually care about your salsa-stained calendar. I was trying to sound dramatic.
Homer: Try harder.
Professor Frink: Very well. Behold my latest invention... drum roll please... with the drumming and the rolling... the PolyVac!
Lisa: Neat! What is it, some kind of super-computer-controlled particle detector for studying black holes?
Professor Frink: Actually, little girl, it's a super-computer-controlled, uh... yes, exactly. What she said.
Task: Build the PolyVac
Dark Matters Pt. 2
Auto starts
Professor Frink: Now, all we need to study a black hole is a, uh, black hole to study.
Bart: Black holes suck!
Marge: Bart! Watch your language, unless you meant that as a scientific observation.
Bart: Rest assured, madam, I did not.
Professor Frink: The potty-mouthed lad is correct. Black holes absorb, or colloquially, "suck," everything within their event horizon.
Bart: Dammit! I hate accidentally making scientific observations.
Marge: Professor, is it safe to have a black hole within just a few squares of our schools and peanut carts?
Homer: Relax, Marge, he's a scientist! He wouldn't ask us to do anything dangerous.
Professor Frink: Quite right, Homer. Now grab a mouthful of that plutonium over there and spit it into this boiling acid to initiate the black hole implosion.
Homer: I'm way ahead of you!
Task: Make Homer Spit Plutonium Into Acid to Form the Black Hole
Time: 6s
Location: PolyVac
Professor Frink: Now, using the PolyVac, I will prove once and for all that nothing can escape the black hole!
Lisa: But didn't the great physicist Stephen Hawking theorize that black holes emit particles known as Hawking radiation?
Professor Frink: Hawking Shmawking! I'm sick of that know-it-all with his fancy awards and his show-off chair. There's no such thing as Hawking Radiation.
Hawking Radiation: That's not what I heard.
Professor Frink: Who said that, in a strangely familiar computerized voice?
Quest reward: Stephen Hawking
Dark Matters Pt. 3
Auto starts
Professor Frink: Great Caesar's Gloiven, it's Stephen Hawking! B-but how did you get here?
Lisa: The Hawking Radiation condensed into a physical manifestation of Hawking himself!
Stephen Hawking: Thereby conclusively proving the existence of my namesake radiation. Now I'm sure to win the Nobel Prize, and maybe the even more prestigious Hawking Medal.
Professor Frink: I've never even won the Frink Medal.
Stephen Hawking: I surmise black holes are actually terminal endpoints of wormholes leading to parallel universes. We'll need someone brave and expendable to test my theory.
Homer: Not me, buddy! I'm sick of doing tasks. How come Moleman never has to do anything?
Hans Moleman: Yes, pick me, please, I'm begging you.
Stephen Hawking: This sounds like a job for Homer Simpson.
Homer: Grrr. Okay. But I swear, crawling into this singularity is the last task I'll ever do!
Stephen Hawking: Probably. Now wriggle on in there.
Homer: Sheesh, this wormhole is kind of tight... can you let out the event horizon a little?
Stephen Hawking: I said wriggle!
Task: Make Homer Wriggle Through the Wormhole
Time: 6s
Location: PolyVac
Homer: I hope you're happy, Hawking. I proved your theory correct. I made it through the wormhole and lived three lifetimes in another dimension.
Stephen Hawking: And all you missed was Taco Tuesday.
Homer: This is the worst day of my lives!
Dark Matters Pt. 4
Auto starts
Stephen Hawking: The multiverse is ripe for exploration!
Stephen Hawking: So much work to do! Homer, imagine all the work you've ever done, then multiply it by infinity.
Homer: Zero times infinity? How much is that?
Stephen Hawking: About 37. Get busy!
Task: Make Homer Do 37 Experiments for Hawking
Homer: Forget it, Egghead! No more tasks for me!
Homer: From now on, whenever anyone sends me on a task, I'm going to refuse!
Task: Make Homer Refuse to Do a Task
Homer: No! I refuse! Heh heh.
Task complete screen: Goal Complete! Congratulations, you completed "Make Homer Refuse to Do a Task." Collect your reward!
Homer: D'oh!
Homer: I've gotta get more clever here. To be truly lazy, I'll need to assemble an all-star team of super-dupes to take over my workload.
Task: Make Homer Kidnap Alternate Homers from Other Universes
Time: 6s
Location: PolyVac
Homer: I'm back. Or should I say, WE'RE back! Meet the alternate universe all-stars!
Alternate Strongman Homer: Hello.
Alternate Evil Homer: Charmed.
Alternate Cool Homer: What up, Ho-bro.
Alternate Kingsized Homer: *CHEWING AND BELCHING SOUNDS*
Alternate Barbarian Homer: Glargggh!
Lisa: Wow, two of them couldn't speak at all. Yet they still seemed slightly smarter than Dad.
Quest Reward: Alternate Barbarian Homer, Alternate Cool Homer, Alternate Kingsized Homer, Alternate Strongman Homer, Alternate Evil Homer
Alternate Homers
Auto starts
Homer: This is awesome! A small army of Homers, and I'm the average guy. Which makes me the best!
Alternate Kingsized Homer: You're the best at nothing! Me? I can overeat better than anyone here, and check out my excellent figure.
Alternate Strongman Homer: In my universe, I'm Mr. Universe!
Alternate Barbarian Homer: Me pillage good!
Alternate Cool Homer: It's all cool, homies. I like my music and my universes to be Alternate.
Alternate Evil Homer: I suppose I'm the prankster of the group. Always up for a round of good-natured criminality.
Homer: Welcome to my universe, fellas! Sorry if it's a little cheap looking. My Sky Finger is kinda tight with the donuts.
Alternate Evil Homer: Oh, don’t sell yourself short! This universe may be a bit shabby, but it's far superior to mine.
Alternate Evil Homer: My Sky Finger only made it to level two before devoting his life to Candy Crush Saga!
Alternate Evil Homer: I don't even have my own Marge! I have nothing but a fence post and a pathetic 1x1 square of flowers!
Alternate Evil Homer: But this universe is a veritable cornucopia of riches, ripe for the plucking… mwahahaha!
Task: Make Evil Homer Case the Joint
Task: Make Alternate Homers Fraternize
Time: 4h
Location: PolyVac
System Message: Keep sending the Alternate Homers to Fraternize!
Dark Matters Pt. 5
Auto starts
Bart: Look, there's something else coming through the space sphincter! A real live robot!
Robot: I AM ROBOT NUMBER 1.
Lisa: Here comes another!
Robot: I AM ROBOT NUMBER 2.
Homer: I wonder what the next guy's name will be.
Robot: I AM ROBOT NUMBER 4. BUT YOU CAN CALL ME ROBOT NUMBER 3.
Bart: There comes another... and another!
Stephen Hawking: That makes five.
Professor Frink: Quit showing off, Hawking.
Comic Book Guy: A veritable army of robots from a parallel universe. What could go wrong?
Comic Book Guy: ...I said in the most sarcastic way imaginable.
Comic Book Guy: ...Which is how I say everything, so I can understand if there was some measure of confusion regarding--
Robot: ROBOTS... ATTACK!!!!!!!
Comic Book Guy: Swish.
Kent Brockman: I, for one, welcome our new robot overlords.
Stephen Hawking: Fight back! Every able-bodied man, woman, and child!
Homer: That's everyone but you!
Stephen Hawking: Less talking, more fighting.
Task: Tap Some Robots
Dark Matters Pt. 6
Auto starts
Homer: My Homers versus your robots!
Stephen Hawking: They're not my robots.
Alternate Kingsized Homer: Help! I'm being beaten to a king-sized pulp!
Lisa: It's no use! There's dozens more robots pouring out of the wormhole!
Homer: Tapping isn't working, and it's our only interface!
Professor Frink: I have an idea!
Stephen Hawking: I have a better idea. Fire up the PolyVac!
Task: Use the SciFighter
Lisa: What was that flash?
Stephen Hawking: A burst of Hawking Radiation. I destroyed the robots, proving once again that brute force is no match for the human mind...
Stephen Hawking: ...when accompanied by a tremendously powerful particle-beam weapon.
Robot: Revenge!
Lisa: Oh no! They're still coming!
Stephen Hawking: Guard the PolyVac until it can recharge for another Hawking burst!
Bart: Less talking, more Hawking!
SciFighter First Win Dialogue
Auto starts
Lisa: We did it! We destroyed the robots!
Bart: What else can we blow up? Grampa's dentures? Martin's underwear?
Nelson: Haw-Haw! I was able to visualize that.
Stephen Hawking: I'd like to blow up all those things and more. But unfortunately, the PolyVac has a four-hour cooldown time.
Professor Frink: According to the, uh, laws of science and what have you, most things take four hours.
SciFighter First Loss Dialogue
Auto starts
Lisa: Crud, the robots defeated us. This could be the end of the human race!
Nelson: Haw-Haw!
Nelson: And I direct that partially at myself. I can dish it out, but I can also take it.
Stephen Hawking: Relax. We'll be fine. The PolyVac should regenerate in four hours.
Professor Frink: According to the, uh, laws of science and what have you, most things take four hours.
Dark Matters Pt. 7
Auto starts
Lisa: Professor Hawking, can't we stop the robot invasion by just closing the wormhole?
Stephen Hawking: Easier said than done. I recruited a local expert on String Theory to advise us, but her analysis is somewhat difficult to follow.
CrazyCatLady: BALLSOFSTRING! BALLSOFSTRING!
Stephen Hawking: For now, our only hope of survival is to place a highly skilled nuclear engineer in control of the PolyVac. Homer, can we count on you?
Homer: I'm your man! I'm really good at pressing buttons! Unless they're close together. Or far apart.
Frank Grimes: Oh, God. You're relying on Homer Simpson to keep us alive? I'm the only competent engineer in this entire town!
Stephen Hawking: Competent? Didn't I pass your grave already?
System Message: Check out the store for Frank Grimes, Springfield Nuclear Plant's first and last competent employee!
Task: Make Homer Relax in the Brown House
Time: 2h
Location: Brown House
If the user has Frank Grimes: Task: Make Frank Grimes Prepare High Voltage Defenses
Time: 4h
System Message: While these Alternate Homers are visiting your Springfield, keep sending them to Plunder the Multiverse!
Quest Reward: 10 XP and 25 Event Currency
Across the Multiverse
Auto starts
Stephen Hawking: As long as the wormhole remains open, we can take the battle to parallel universes!
Homer: Parallel universes? Put it in terms we can understand, Poindexter!
Stephen Hawking: *sigh* Just think of them as your "Friends' Towns."
Task: Tap 3 Robots in a Friend's Town
After tapping an Anomaly:
Otto: Whoa, man, what's that crazy shape? I'd like to see science explain that! 'Cause it can't!
Professor Frink: Yes it can, my young mind-altered friend. That is clearly the three-dimensional analog of the square, which I modestly dub the "Frinkohedron."
Stephen Hawking: It's called a cube, you boob!
What's the Matter? Pt. 1
Stephen Hawking starts
Stephen Hawking: To understand the nature of the wormhole, we'll need to gather matter samples from a number of other universes.
Homer: Team Homer is on the job! And as coach of the team, I'll be in the coach's hammock.
Stephen Hawking: Very well. You other Homers, travel through the wormhole and liberate a few items of exotic matter.
Alternate Evil Homer: Liberate? That's one of my favorite synonyms for larceny!
Homer: We're stealing stuff?! Woo-hoo!
Task: Make Alternate Homers Gather Exotic Matter
Time: 4h
Location: PolyVac
What's the Matter? Pt. 2
Stephen Hawking starts
Stephen Hawking: This exotic matter the Homers obtained is fascinating! What a boon to science!
Marge: That's nice, Professor Hawking, but the robots are still attacking! I know it's hard to see at this pixel resolution, but a lot of us have very serious wounds.
Stephen Hawking: Well, there's not much I can do about that. We'll just have to get used to living in a world where a never-ending line of robots are continually murdering us.
Stephen Hawking: Science offers no means to stop them.
Ned: Then it's time for prayer!
Stephen Hawking: Oh, Lord.
Ned: That's the spirit, Professor! We call upon the Lord to smite these wicked robots! Everyone, bow your heads in prayer to the Almighty One...
Ned: The Sky Finger.
Task: Make Ned Pray to the Sky Finger
Time: 8h
Location: Flanders House
Task: Make Stephen Hawking Roll His Eyes
Time: 8h
Location: PolyVac
What's the Matter? Pt. 3
Stephen Hawking starts
Ned: Seeing the finger of God smash the robots of science makes ya think, doesn't it, Dr. Hawking?
Stephen Hawking: I'm always thinking! What does it look like I'm doing?
Bart: Don't have a cow, man! That's what I used to say as a boy.
Stephen Hawking: The Sky Finger is not a god. It's a natural phenomenon, easily explainable by, uh, basic laws of physics that we don't yet understand.
Ned: Then how is it that the Sky Finger can make us do his or her bidding, with a simple tap of his or her mighty finger?
Bart: Let's just assume it's a him.
Bart: And that his cubicle is littered with vending machine pastry wrappers.
Stephen Hawking: I respect your ludicrous blathering, Ned. But the Sky Finger does not control me.
Task: Make Stephen Hawking DJ Some Tunes
Time: 1h
Stephen Hawking: Okay. I acknowledge that the Sky Finger is an entity of power. But it's still not a god.
Stephen Hawking: For no god would force me to spin records all day!
Ned: The Lord works in mysterious ways. Can I get an amen and a little more subwoofer?
What's the Matter? Pt. 4
Stephen Hawking starts
Stephen Hawking: Whatever the Sky Finger is, it must be governed by the laws of science. To fall back on supernatural explanations means giving up the will to understand our universe.
Ned: Understanding is overrated. Just do as the Sky Finger commands, and enjoy the calming numbness of true faith.
Stephen Hawking: Never! As an independent thinking being, I choose to exercise my free will and ponder the nature of the Sky Finger!
Task: Make Stephen Hawking Ponder the Nature of the Sky Finger
Time: 8h
Location: PolyVac
Task: Make Ned Enjoy the Calming Numbness of Faith
Time: 8h
Location: Flanders House
What's the Matter? Pt. 5
Stephen Hawking starts
Stephen Hawking: Logic demands that we consider an alternate hypothesis. Perhaps we're all actually living in a simulation... a virtual world manipulated by the Sky Finger.
Professor Frink: Like a video game?
Stephen Hawking: No, nothing like that.
Marge: Professor Hawking, while you're gassing on, the robots are continuing their attack! Luckily it's mostly stab wounds so far. But still, the sheer quantity of stabbing is hard on people. Particularly the children.
Stephen Hawking: Great, now I lost my train of thought. Homer, block as many knife thrusts as you can absorb while I consider whether I'm really just a simulation.
Task: Make Stephen Hawking Wonder if He's a Simulation
Time: 4h
Location: PolyVac
Task: Make Homer Relax in the Brown House
Time: 2h
Location: Brown House
Task: Make Alternate Homers Absorb Knife Thrusts
Task: Make Evil Homer Scheme
Time: 4h
Location: PolyVac
What's the Matter? Pt. 6
Stephen Hawking starts
Stephen Hawking: I've come to a conclusion: I am NOT a simulation. For truly, any being capable of contemplating such a question is by definition sentient.
Rev. Lovejoy: That's super.
Stephen Hawking: I may never understand the Sky Finger. But that doesn't diminish my personal dignity.
Task: Force Hawking to Drive His Wheel Chair Up and Down Stairs
Time: 8h
Location: Brown House
What's the Matter? Pt. 7
Stephen Hawking starts
Stephen Hawking: I've come to a new conclusion: the Sky Finger is a Sky Jerk!
Ned: Blasphemy! Thou'st mayn't taketh the Finger's name in vain!
Stephen Hawking: The Finger giveth and I giveth the finger.
Ned: Clever. But still blas-diddly-asphemous!
Stephen Hawking: I'm tired of thinking so hard. And I'm tired of rolling up and down stairs! Haven't you people ever heard of a ramp? It was invented thousands of years ago! What kind of society has black hole generators, but no ramps?!
Task: Make Stephen Hawking Fight for His Rights
Time: 8h
Quimby: By the power vested in me by the unelected superdelegates, I hereby decree that all buildings are now required to have ramps.
Stephen Hawking: Thank you.
Quimby: Let us bow our heads and pray to Sky Finger that such ramps might miraculously be built.
Stephen Hawking: Oh, for Finger's sake! Just forget it, I'll use the stairs.
What's the Matter? Pt. 8
Stephen Hawking starts
Stephen Hawking: Perhaps I've been viewing this through the wrong lens...
Bart: Like that time I put on Milhouse's glasses and caught lice.
Stephen Hawking: If the Sky Finger is an intelligent, albeit non-divine being, physics may not be the best approach to understanding it.
Stephen Hawking: Instead, I need to employ that lowest of pseudo-sciences... psychology.
Marvin Monroe: I take offense! Psychology is the most rigorous of the self-help infomercial sciences.
Stephen Hawking: Sky Finger, it's time you and I had a serious discussion.
Task: Make Stephen Hawking Rocket Around Town
Time: 8h
Stephen Hawking: Observation: this rocket chair makes ramps obsolete. And it's, like, totally fun!
What's the Matter? Pt. 9
Stephen Hawking starts
Stephen Hawking: I get it now! The Sky Finger is merely a cosmic child! A powerful being with infinite time to waste!
Stephen Hawking: To keep the Sky Finger happy, we just need to offer it things to play with!
Rev. Lovejoy: Just as the ancients offered up blood sacrifices unto the Almighty!
Stephen Hawking: Yes. Except instead of a freshly slaughtered goat, we'll offer it digital shrubbery, brightly colored dumpsters, and other such treasures.
Ned: So science and religion are in agree-diddly-eement?
Stephen Hawking: It's not an agreement! More of a, uh, covenant.
Ned: No fair, that's our word!
Marge: This is all well and good, but what about the army of bloodthirsty robots invading from another dimension?
Stephen Hawking: I heard you the first time, Marge.
Stephen Hawking: We'll let the Sky Finger play with the PolyVac. That'll keep its juvenile mind busy so I can think without him tapping me all the time.
Task: Make Stephen Hawking Think Without Getting Tapped by the Sky Finger
Time: 8h
Location: PolyVac
Task: Make Evil Homer Scheme
Time: 4h
Location: PolyVac
System Message: This story will continue in the second act. For now, keep playing with the PolyVac; get more cool "treasures"!
SciFi Campaign
Auto starts on August 22nd, after a Server Update
System Message: Our sincere thanks for playing Tapped Out! Here is our gift - free donuts!!!
Quest Reward: 15 Donuts
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Dark Matters Pt. 1
Auto starts
Professor Frink: Ladies and gentleflavens, mark this day on your calendar! For today begins a glorious new age of scientific discovery!
Homer: Sorry, I already marked today as Taco Tuesday. And I wrote it in pen.
Professor Frink: Sir, I don't actually care about your salsa-stained calendar. I was trying to sound dramatic.
Homer: Try harder.
Professor Frink: Very well. Behold my latest invention... drum roll please... with the drumming and the rolling... the PolyVac!
Lisa: Neat! What is it, some kind of super-computer-controlled particle detector for studying black holes?
Professor Frink: Actually, little girl, it's a super-computer-controlled, uh... yes, exactly. What she said.
Task: Build the PolyVac
Dark Matters Pt. 2
Auto starts
Professor Frink: Now, all we need to study a black hole is a, uh, black hole to study.
Bart: Black holes suck!
Marge: Bart! Watch your language, unless you meant that as a scientific observation.
Bart: Rest assured, madam, I did not.
Professor Frink: The potty-mouthed lad is correct. Black holes absorb, or colloquially, "suck," everything within their event horizon.
Bart: Dammit! I hate accidentally making scientific observations.
Marge: Professor, is it safe to have a black hole within just a few squares of our schools and peanut carts?
Homer: Relax, Marge, he's a scientist! He wouldn't ask us to do anything dangerous.
Professor Frink: Quite right, Homer. Now grab a mouthful of that plutonium over there and spit it into this boiling acid to initiate the black hole implosion.
Homer: I'm way ahead of you!
Task: Make Homer Spit Plutonium Into Acid to Form the Black Hole
Time: 6s
Location: PolyVac
Professor Frink: Now, using the PolyVac, I will prove once and for all that nothing can escape the black hole!
Lisa: But didn't the great physicist Stephen Hawking theorize that black holes emit particles known as Hawking radiation?
Professor Frink: Hawking Shmawking! I'm sick of that know-it-all with his fancy awards and his show-off chair. There's no such thing as Hawking Radiation.
Hawking Radiation: That's not what I heard.
Professor Frink: Who said that, in a strangely familiar computerized voice?
Quest reward: Stephen Hawking
Dark Matters Pt. 3
Auto starts
Professor Frink: Great Caesar's Gloiven, it's Stephen Hawking! B-but how did you get here?
Lisa: The Hawking Radiation condensed into a physical manifestation of Hawking himself!
Stephen Hawking: Thereby conclusively proving the existence of my namesake radiation. Now I'm sure to win the Nobel Prize, and maybe the even more prestigious Hawking Medal.
Professor Frink: I've never even won the Frink Medal.
Stephen Hawking: I surmise black holes are actually terminal endpoints of wormholes leading to parallel universes. We'll need someone brave and expendable to test my theory.
Homer: Not me, buddy! I'm sick of doing tasks. How come Moleman never has to do anything?
Hans Moleman: Yes, pick me, please, I'm begging you.
Stephen Hawking: This sounds like a job for Homer Simpson.
Homer: Grrr. Okay. But I swear, crawling into this singularity is the last task I'll ever do!
Stephen Hawking: Probably. Now wriggle on in there.
Homer: Sheesh, this wormhole is kind of tight... can you let out the event horizon a little?
Stephen Hawking: I said wriggle!
Task: Make Homer Wriggle Through the Wormhole
Time: 6s
Location: PolyVac
Homer: I hope you're happy, Hawking. I proved your theory correct. I made it through the wormhole and lived three lifetimes in another dimension.
Stephen Hawking: And all you missed was Taco Tuesday.
Homer: This is the worst day of my lives!
Dark Matters Pt. 4
Auto starts
Stephen Hawking: The multiverse is ripe for exploration!
Stephen Hawking: So much work to do! Homer, imagine all the work you've ever done, then multiply it by infinity.
Homer: Zero times infinity? How much is that?
Stephen Hawking: About 37. Get busy!
Task: Make Homer Do 37 Experiments for Hawking
Homer: Forget it, Egghead! No more tasks for me!
Homer: From now on, whenever anyone sends me on a task, I'm going to refuse!
Task: Make Homer Refuse to Do a Task
Homer: No! I refuse! Heh heh.
Task complete screen: Goal Complete! Congratulations, you completed "Make Homer Refuse to Do a Task." Collect your reward!
Homer: D'oh!
Homer: I've gotta get more clever here. To be truly lazy, I'll need to assemble an all-star team of super-dupes to take over my workload.
Task: Make Homer Kidnap Alternate Homers from Other Universes
Time: 6s
Location: PolyVac
Homer: I'm back. Or should I say, WE'RE back! Meet the alternate universe all-stars!
Alternate Strongman Homer: Hello.
Alternate Evil Homer: Charmed.
Alternate Cool Homer: What up, Ho-bro.
Alternate Kingsized Homer: *CHEWING AND BELCHING SOUNDS*
Alternate Barbarian Homer: Glargggh!
Lisa: Wow, two of them couldn't speak at all. Yet they still seemed slightly smarter than Dad.
Quest Reward: Alternate Barbarian Homer, Alternate Cool Homer, Alternate Kingsized Homer, Alternate Strongman Homer, Alternate Evil Homer
Alternate Homers
Auto starts
Homer: This is awesome! A small army of Homers, and I'm the average guy. Which makes me the best!
Alternate Kingsized Homer: You're the best at nothing! Me? I can overeat better than anyone here, and check out my excellent figure.
Alternate Strongman Homer: In my universe, I'm Mr. Universe!
Alternate Barbarian Homer: Me pillage good!
Alternate Cool Homer: It's all cool, homies. I like my music and my universes to be Alternate.
Alternate Evil Homer: I suppose I'm the prankster of the group. Always up for a round of good-natured criminality.
Homer: Welcome to my universe, fellas! Sorry if it's a little cheap looking. My Sky Finger is kinda tight with the donuts.
Alternate Evil Homer: Oh, don’t sell yourself short! This universe may be a bit shabby, but it's far superior to mine.
Alternate Evil Homer: My Sky Finger only made it to level two before devoting his life to Candy Crush Saga!
Alternate Evil Homer: I don't even have my own Marge! I have nothing but a fence post and a pathetic 1x1 square of flowers!
Alternate Evil Homer: But this universe is a veritable cornucopia of riches, ripe for the plucking… mwahahaha!
Task: Make Evil Homer Case the Joint
Task: Make Alternate Homers Fraternize
Time: 4h
Location: PolyVac
System Message: Keep sending the Alternate Homers to Fraternize!
Dark Matters Pt. 5
Auto starts
Bart: Look, there's something else coming through the space sphincter! A real live robot!
Robot: I AM ROBOT NUMBER 1.
Lisa: Here comes another!
Robot: I AM ROBOT NUMBER 2.
Homer: I wonder what the next guy's name will be.
Robot: I AM ROBOT NUMBER 4. BUT YOU CAN CALL ME ROBOT NUMBER 3.
Bart: There comes another... and another!
Stephen Hawking: That makes five.
Professor Frink: Quit showing off, Hawking.
Comic Book Guy: A veritable army of robots from a parallel universe. What could go wrong?
Comic Book Guy: ...I said in the most sarcastic way imaginable.
Comic Book Guy: ...Which is how I say everything, so I can understand if there was some measure of confusion regarding--
Robot: ROBOTS... ATTACK!!!!!!!
Comic Book Guy: Swish.
Kent Brockman: I, for one, welcome our new robot overlords.
Stephen Hawking: Fight back! Every able-bodied man, woman, and child!
Homer: That's everyone but you!
Stephen Hawking: Less talking, more fighting.
Task: Tap Some Robots
Dark Matters Pt. 6
Auto starts
Homer: My Homers versus your robots!
Stephen Hawking: They're not my robots.
Alternate Kingsized Homer: Help! I'm being beaten to a king-sized pulp!
Lisa: It's no use! There's dozens more robots pouring out of the wormhole!
Homer: Tapping isn't working, and it's our only interface!
Professor Frink: I have an idea!
Stephen Hawking: I have a better idea. Fire up the PolyVac!
Task: Use the SciFighter
Lisa: What was that flash?
Stephen Hawking: A burst of Hawking Radiation. I destroyed the robots, proving once again that brute force is no match for the human mind...
Stephen Hawking: ...when accompanied by a tremendously powerful particle-beam weapon.
Robot: Revenge!
Lisa: Oh no! They're still coming!
Stephen Hawking: Guard the PolyVac until it can recharge for another Hawking burst!
Bart: Less talking, more Hawking!
SciFighter First Win Dialogue
Auto starts
Lisa: We did it! We destroyed the robots!
Bart: What else can we blow up? Grampa's dentures? Martin's underwear?
Nelson: Haw-Haw! I was able to visualize that.
Stephen Hawking: I'd like to blow up all those things and more. But unfortunately, the PolyVac has a four-hour cooldown time.
Professor Frink: According to the, uh, laws of science and what have you, most things take four hours.
SciFighter First Loss Dialogue
Auto starts
Lisa: Crud, the robots defeated us. This could be the end of the human race!
Nelson: Haw-Haw!
Nelson: And I direct that partially at myself. I can dish it out, but I can also take it.
Stephen Hawking: Relax. We'll be fine. The PolyVac should regenerate in four hours.
Professor Frink: According to the, uh, laws of science and what have you, most things take four hours.
Dark Matters Pt. 7
Auto starts
Lisa: Professor Hawking, can't we stop the robot invasion by just closing the wormhole?
Stephen Hawking: Easier said than done. I recruited a local expert on String Theory to advise us, but her analysis is somewhat difficult to follow.
CrazyCatLady: BALLSOFSTRING! BALLSOFSTRING!
Stephen Hawking: For now, our only hope of survival is to place a highly skilled nuclear engineer in control of the PolyVac. Homer, can we count on you?
Homer: I'm your man! I'm really good at pressing buttons! Unless they're close together. Or far apart.
Frank Grimes: Oh, God. You're relying on Homer Simpson to keep us alive? I'm the only competent engineer in this entire town!
Stephen Hawking: Competent? Didn't I pass your grave already?
System Message: Check out the store for Frank Grimes, Springfield Nuclear Plant's first and last competent employee!
Task: Make Homer Relax in the Brown House
Time: 2h
Location: Brown House
If the user has Frank Grimes: Task: Make Frank Grimes Prepare High Voltage Defenses
Time: 4h
System Message: While these Alternate Homers are visiting your Springfield, keep sending them to Plunder the Multiverse!
Quest Reward: 10 XP and 25 Event Currency
Across the Multiverse
Auto starts
Stephen Hawking: As long as the wormhole remains open, we can take the battle to parallel universes!
Homer: Parallel universes? Put it in terms we can understand, Poindexter!
Stephen Hawking: *sigh* Just think of them as your "Friends' Towns."
Task: Tap 3 Robots in a Friend's Town
After tapping an Anomaly:
Otto: Whoa, man, what's that crazy shape? I'd like to see science explain that! 'Cause it can't!
Professor Frink: Yes it can, my young mind-altered friend. That is clearly the three-dimensional analog of the square, which I modestly dub the "Frinkohedron."
Stephen Hawking: It's called a cube, you boob!
What's the Matter? Pt. 1
Stephen Hawking starts
Stephen Hawking: To understand the nature of the wormhole, we'll need to gather matter samples from a number of other universes.
Homer: Team Homer is on the job! And as coach of the team, I'll be in the coach's hammock.
Stephen Hawking: Very well. You other Homers, travel through the wormhole and liberate a few items of exotic matter.
Alternate Evil Homer: Liberate? That's one of my favorite synonyms for larceny!
Homer: We're stealing stuff?! Woo-hoo!
Task: Make Alternate Homers Gather Exotic Matter
Time: 4h
Location: PolyVac
What's the Matter? Pt. 2
Stephen Hawking starts
Stephen Hawking: This exotic matter the Homers obtained is fascinating! What a boon to science!
Marge: That's nice, Professor Hawking, but the robots are still attacking! I know it's hard to see at this pixel resolution, but a lot of us have very serious wounds.
Stephen Hawking: Well, there's not much I can do about that. We'll just have to get used to living in a world where a never-ending line of robots are continually murdering us.
Stephen Hawking: Science offers no means to stop them.
Ned: Then it's time for prayer!
Stephen Hawking: Oh, Lord.
Ned: That's the spirit, Professor! We call upon the Lord to smite these wicked robots! Everyone, bow your heads in prayer to the Almighty One...
Ned: The Sky Finger.
Task: Make Ned Pray to the Sky Finger
Time: 8h
Location: Flanders House
Task: Make Stephen Hawking Roll His Eyes
Time: 8h
Location: PolyVac
What's the Matter? Pt. 3
Stephen Hawking starts
Ned: Seeing the finger of God smash the robots of science makes ya think, doesn't it, Dr. Hawking?
Stephen Hawking: I'm always thinking! What does it look like I'm doing?
Bart: Don't have a cow, man! That's what I used to say as a boy.
Stephen Hawking: The Sky Finger is not a god. It's a natural phenomenon, easily explainable by, uh, basic laws of physics that we don't yet understand.
Ned: Then how is it that the Sky Finger can make us do his or her bidding, with a simple tap of his or her mighty finger?
Bart: Let's just assume it's a him.
Bart: And that his cubicle is littered with vending machine pastry wrappers.
Stephen Hawking: I respect your ludicrous blathering, Ned. But the Sky Finger does not control me.
Task: Make Stephen Hawking DJ Some Tunes
Time: 1h
Stephen Hawking: Okay. I acknowledge that the Sky Finger is an entity of power. But it's still not a god.
Stephen Hawking: For no god would force me to spin records all day!
Ned: The Lord works in mysterious ways. Can I get an amen and a little more subwoofer?
What's the Matter? Pt. 4
Stephen Hawking starts
Stephen Hawking: Whatever the Sky Finger is, it must be governed by the laws of science. To fall back on supernatural explanations means giving up the will to understand our universe.
Ned: Understanding is overrated. Just do as the Sky Finger commands, and enjoy the calming numbness of true faith.
Stephen Hawking: Never! As an independent thinking being, I choose to exercise my free will and ponder the nature of the Sky Finger!
Task: Make Stephen Hawking Ponder the Nature of the Sky Finger
Time: 8h
Location: PolyVac
Task: Make Ned Enjoy the Calming Numbness of Faith
Time: 8h
Location: Flanders House
What's the Matter? Pt. 5
Stephen Hawking starts
Stephen Hawking: Logic demands that we consider an alternate hypothesis. Perhaps we're all actually living in a simulation... a virtual world manipulated by the Sky Finger.
Professor Frink: Like a video game?
Stephen Hawking: No, nothing like that.
Marge: Professor Hawking, while you're gassing on, the robots are continuing their attack! Luckily it's mostly stab wounds so far. But still, the sheer quantity of stabbing is hard on people. Particularly the children.
Stephen Hawking: Great, now I lost my train of thought. Homer, block as many knife thrusts as you can absorb while I consider whether I'm really just a simulation.
Task: Make Stephen Hawking Wonder if He's a Simulation
Time: 4h
Location: PolyVac
Task: Make Homer Relax in the Brown House
Time: 2h
Location: Brown House
Task: Make Alternate Homers Absorb Knife Thrusts
Task: Make Evil Homer Scheme
Time: 4h
Location: PolyVac
What's the Matter? Pt. 6
Stephen Hawking starts
Stephen Hawking: I've come to a conclusion: I am NOT a simulation. For truly, any being capable of contemplating such a question is by definition sentient.
Rev. Lovejoy: That's super.
Stephen Hawking: I may never understand the Sky Finger. But that doesn't diminish my personal dignity.
Task: Force Hawking to Drive His Wheel Chair Up and Down Stairs
Time: 8h
Location: Brown House
What's the Matter? Pt. 7
Stephen Hawking starts
Stephen Hawking: I've come to a new conclusion: the Sky Finger is a Sky Jerk!
Ned: Blasphemy! Thou'st mayn't taketh the Finger's name in vain!
Stephen Hawking: The Finger giveth and I giveth the finger.
Ned: Clever. But still blas-diddly-asphemous!
Stephen Hawking: I'm tired of thinking so hard. And I'm tired of rolling up and down stairs! Haven't you people ever heard of a ramp? It was invented thousands of years ago! What kind of society has black hole generators, but no ramps?!
Task: Make Stephen Hawking Fight for His Rights
Time: 8h
Quimby: By the power vested in me by the unelected superdelegates, I hereby decree that all buildings are now required to have ramps.
Stephen Hawking: Thank you.
Quimby: Let us bow our heads and pray to Sky Finger that such ramps might miraculously be built.
Stephen Hawking: Oh, for Finger's sake! Just forget it, I'll use the stairs.
What's the Matter? Pt. 8
Stephen Hawking starts
Stephen Hawking: Perhaps I've been viewing this through the wrong lens...
Bart: Like that time I put on Milhouse's glasses and caught lice.
Stephen Hawking: If the Sky Finger is an intelligent, albeit non-divine being, physics may not be the best approach to understanding it.
Stephen Hawking: Instead, I need to employ that lowest of pseudo-sciences... psychology.
Marvin Monroe: I take offense! Psychology is the most rigorous of the self-help infomercial sciences.
Stephen Hawking: Sky Finger, it's time you and I had a serious discussion.
Task: Make Stephen Hawking Rocket Around Town
Time: 8h
Stephen Hawking: Observation: this rocket chair makes ramps obsolete. And it's, like, totally fun!
What's the Matter? Pt. 9
Stephen Hawking starts
Stephen Hawking: I get it now! The Sky Finger is merely a cosmic child! A powerful being with infinite time to waste!
Stephen Hawking: To keep the Sky Finger happy, we just need to offer it things to play with!
Rev. Lovejoy: Just as the ancients offered up blood sacrifices unto the Almighty!
Stephen Hawking: Yes. Except instead of a freshly slaughtered goat, we'll offer it digital shrubbery, brightly colored dumpsters, and other such treasures.
Ned: So science and religion are in agree-diddly-eement?
Stephen Hawking: It's not an agreement! More of a, uh, covenant.
Ned: No fair, that's our word!
Marge: This is all well and good, but what about the army of bloodthirsty robots invading from another dimension?
Stephen Hawking: I heard you the first time, Marge.
Stephen Hawking: We'll let the Sky Finger play with the PolyVac. That'll keep its juvenile mind busy so I can think without him tapping me all the time.
Task: Make Stephen Hawking Think Without Getting Tapped by the Sky Finger
Time: 8h
Location: PolyVac
Task: Make Evil Homer Scheme
Time: 4h
Location: PolyVac
System Message: This story will continue in the second act. For now, keep playing with the PolyVac; get more cool "treasures"!
SciFi Campaign
Auto starts on August 22nd, after a Server Update
System Message: Our sincere thanks for playing Tapped Out! Here is our gift - free donuts!!!
Quest Reward: 15 Donuts
