Tap Ball ***WALKTHROUGH***
Act 1
Meet My Trophy Life Pt. 1
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Lisa: Can you believe it, Dad? The World Cup is in full swing!
Homer: I know! It's yachting's biggest event!
Lisa: No, that's the AMERICA'S Cup. And it's stupid. I'm talking about the--
Homer: So much drama! Which billionaire will rise to the challenge, and hire the best sailor to drive his catamaran?
Homer: I'll be glued to the TV!
Lisa: I'm talking about the Women's World Cup of soccer!
Homer: Oh. That's the sport where some dudes--
Lisa: --women, in this case--
Homer: --kick a ball around until one of them fakes an injury the best and a winner is declared?
Lisa: Let's just watch the game.
Task: Make Lisa Watch Soccer
Task: Make Homer Watch Soccer
Time: 45s
Location: Simpson Home
Meet My Trophy Life Pt. 2
Homer starts
Homer: *snores*
Lisa: Dad, wake up!
Homer: Why? Did somebody finally score a soccer goal?
Lisa: Almost! ...but then no.
Homer: Exciting stuff. This sport could really use some cheerleaders and hockey fights.
Lisa: Soccer is the single most popular sport in the world! Bigger than motorcycle polo and bear baiting COMBINED.
Homer: Which confirms what I've always said: the world is an idiot.
Homer: It's time for a new sport! A better sport!
Task: Build Grass Field
Task: Build Stadium Entrance
Meet My Trophy Life Pt. 3
Homer starts
Homer: Have you ever longed for a sport that combines the thrill of selecting a team with the fun of waiting for a long time between matches?
Lisa: Not at all.
Homer: Then say hello to Tap Ball!
Homer: Tap Ball takes the best parts of other sports -- dribbling, the infield fly rule, an epidemic of concussions --
Homer: -- and adds the excitement of watching people play second-rate video games!
Lisa: That sounds confusing and terrible.
Homer: Best of all, the only equipment you need is a smartphone, thirteen balls of varying size, bats made of glass...
Homer: ...some chalk to mark the many end zones, a quaffle, Kevlar body armor and a greedy, narcissistic owner to screw it all up!
Lisa: The town library is crumbling, and you got a Tap Ball stadium built in no time at all.
Homer: It's easy, when you sell the naming rights. Welcome to Duff Beer Krusty Burger Buzz Cola Costington's Department Store Kwik-E-Mart Stupid Flanders Park!
Homer: Duff gets to be first because they gave us the most money.
Homer: People are gonna love it!
Task: Make Homer Pander to Sponsors
Time: 3m
Location: Stadium Entrance
Meet My Trophy Life Pt. 4
Lisa starts
Lisa: So what are the rules of Tap Ball?
Homer: You ready for this? Because it's gonna blow your mind. The only rule of Tap Ball is...
Homer: ...THERE...
Homer: ...ARE...
Homer: ...NO...
Homer: ...more than sixty-seven rules. With attached sub-rules, notes, and clarifications.
Task: Make Homer Invent More Rules
Time: 6s
Location: Stadium Entrance
1st done:
Homer: Rule one: a three-point shot is worth five points.
Homer: Rule two: attire is business casual, no underwear.
2nd done:
Homer: Rule three: with one minute to go in the eighth quarter, the score is always tied. So it's more exciting.
Homer: Rule four: punching, whether of opponents or teammates, shall be worth two runs.
3rd done:
Homer: Rule five: every player must keep both feet on the floor at all times. When running, a hand must also be on the floor.
Homer: Rule six: only the player with the ball may cry.
Homer: Rule seven: defense loses championships.
Lisa: I think I get it.
Homer: I'm not done yet!
4th done:
Soccer Lisa: Dad, I have to admit. There’s a puncher’s chance this new sport of yours will catch on.
Soccer Lisa: In that case, I’d like its first bona fide star to be a woman. Sign me up.
Homer: Great! You’ll play the critical position of center left forward back. Your job is to feed me alley-oops.
Soccer Lisa: I thought you were the referee.
Homer: I’m both! And that’s how I’ll ensure I’m also the greatest Tap Ball player ever. It’s why Babe Ruth was a baseball umpire.
Soccer Lisa: Baseball is the least important thing in the universe to me, but I’m fairly certain that’s not true.
Homer: My game, my rules!
Balls of Glory Pt. 1
Homer starts
Homer: I need players for Tap Ball, America’s fastest-growing-sport (as measured by bench-clearing brawls).
Homer: Here's the sign up sheet. See? It's already got my name, Lisa's name, and Flanders.
Ned: Well that doesn't look like my hand writing, but I'm always willing to get physical with my favorite neighbour.
Apu: Sports is my only escape from my crushing family life. I'm in!
Homer: Amen to that brother!
Homer: We officially have enough players to play Tap Ball!
Task: Play Tap Ball
Nelson: Hey fatso! Your team needs more jocks like me. I'm going to be a superstar Tap Ball player.
Nelson: How many millions of dollars do those jerks make?
Homer: Zero! You play for free! Being part of Professional Tap Ball is its own reward!
Homer: After all, this is a sport that's steeped in tradition, having been founded over three missions ago.
Nelson: Wait a second. You got a ton of sponsorship money. Why can't you use some of that to pay your players?
Homer: How about instead of money, I pay you with something much more valuable.
Homer: Experience!
Nelson: …
Homer: ...er, what if, INSTEAD, I pay you in something else?
Homer: Something called...uh... “Amateur Bucks!” Redeemable everywhere that accepts pretend money!
Nelson: Now we're talking!
System Message: Football Nelson is now available in the store!
Balls of Glory Pt. 2
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Ned: That was fun, but I'm more out of breath than an atheist attempting to disprove God's existence.
Homer: Come on! We can play again! More games mean more money!
Soccer Lisa: I'm tired, too. Just give us some time to rest.
Homer: You could rest, or you could drink one of our sponsor's products in front of the camera!
Homer: Put those hard earned Amateur Bucks to use!
System Message: Your players need to rest between games. Unlock more Tap Ball players to play games more often.
Task: Buy Obesotades
Task: Recharge Your Players and Play Tap Ball
Balls of Glory Pt. 3
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Task: Win Tap Ball Game
Meet My Trophy Life Pt. 5
After completing Balls of Glory Pt. 2
Homer starts
Homer: Attendance at last night's Tap Ball game was only 6 people.
Homer: While that's superior to most MLB games, it is concerning.
Homer: Attention everyone! Tap Ball stadium is open, and everyone can watch for free!
Pin Pal Apu: Free? Mr. Simpson, as one of your sponsors, I do not see how that is a good idea.
Homer: Good sir, I assure you it's all a scam. My motives toward our fans are purely evil.
Pin Pal Apu: Phew. So it's like every other sport.
Homer: Not exactly.
Homer: See Tap Ball is free to try, but then we lure people into buying foam fingers and hats and other useless overpriced stuff that costs real money.
Apu: So like every other sport, except that it's free to try?
Homer: No, it's completely differ-- oh hey, you're right. Man, this freemium model has been around forever.
Task: Tap Fans
Meet My Trophy Life Pt. 6
Homer starts
Homer: Great game, everybody! I saw a lot of effort out there.
Homer: Except for you, Flanders! You stink. Don't ask me why.
Homer: And your moustache also stinks. It played really lousy today.
Ned: Appreciate the constructive criticism, coachareeno! Maybe I can train a little more to get better.
System Message: Earn Amateur Bucks through practice jobs and Tap Ball games. Spend your earnings to upgrade your Tap Ball players.
System Message: Upgrading players allows you to face off against stronger opponents for better rewards.
System Message: Upgrading your Tap Ball players also helps your merchandising reach more fans, so don't forget to keep training
Task: Make Tap Ball Players Practice
Time: 4h
Location: Stadium Entrance
Task: Upgrade Homer
Task: Upgrade Lisa
Meet My Trophy Life Pt. 7
Homer starts
Homer: It's hard being a team owner, manager and athlete at the same time.
Homer: How will I find time to improve the stadium, yell at my teammates, drink and nap?
Soccer Lisa: Sounds like you need a schedule. You should plan your day, make a time table for yourself and others.
Homer: Schedules? Time tables? Numbers? These things shouldn't exist in sports.
Task: Complete Daily Training
Balls of Glory Pt. 4
Lisa starts
Soccer Lisa: Tap Ball is fun, but how can you start a league with just one town?
Homer: We'll start a rivalry with another Springfield. I still haven't forgiven those guys for raiding our castles last summer.
Soccer Lisa: To be fair, we raided them, too.
Homer: Well, to be unfair... let's get ‘em!
Task: Play Tap Ball in Another Springfield
Balls of Glory Pt. 5
Ned starts
Ned: What a fun game, neighboreeno! Even when we lose, it's a hum-dinger!
Homer: You are the LAST person I'd expect to be okay with losing, Flanders!
Homer: Your buddy the Lord never lost a fight in his life! That guy peeled himself off the carpet and came back swinging!
Ned: I'm not sure about your Biblical reading, there. “Turn the other cheek,” and all that. Plus the whole sacrificing himself thing...
Homer: He was the ultimate warrior! And I will follow his example!
Task: Rematch Another Springfield
Balls of Glory Pt. 6
Auto starts
Task: Win Tap Ball Games in Another Springfield
Secondary Quests
Fickle Fans
After completing Balls of Glory Pt. 4
Homer starts
Homer: Ok, more fans means more potential buyers. But how can I get even more?
Homer: I know, I'll steal fans from other Springfields!
Task: Tap Fans in Another Springfield
Professor Frink: Good glayvin! All this tapping of fans in alternate Springfields is making the space-time hoyvin go ker-flooey!
Homer: Shut up! What do nerds know about sports, anyway?
Professor Frink: This goes far beyond sports! Your incessant tapping threatens the very fabric of reality!
Homer: Double shut up! What's the fate of the universe measured against me getting a little attention for myself?
Professor Frink: Attention IS awfully nice. As a lonely intellectual, I sometimes feel--- Hey, where are you going?
Homer: Away from you, nerd!
Alternate Joke
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Professor Frink: Good glayvin! Our tap ball team just faced off against alternate versions of themselves!
Professor Frink: But they were wearing red and black instead of blue and white, so they're evil.
Soccer Lisa: How does that make them evil?
Professor Frink: There's a history of such things in games.
Waluigi: It's-a me, Waluigi! We're-a gonna win!
Homer: Too late, Waluigi. The game's over. Your team already went home.
Waluigi: Oh, that's-a not a spicy meatball.
Waluigi: Okay, well... it was-a me, Waluigi. I'm-a gonna go.
Homer: References!
The Longest Grind Pt. 1
After obtaining Single Bleachers
Homer starts
Homer: Aww. My stadium is full of happy families, cheering on their Tap Ball heroes.
Homer: And the only way a stadium makes top dollar these days is to have a million luxury boxes, and sell them to corporations!
Homer: I gotta price these lousy families outta here!
Task: Purchase Stadium Improvements
Note: Football Uprights don't count as Stadium Improvements.
The Longest Grind Pt. 2
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Task: Purchase Stadium Improvements
The Longest Grind Pt. 3
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Task: Purchase Stadium Improvements
The Longest Grind Pt. 4
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Task: Purchase Stadium Improvements
Train Sporting Pt. 1
After completing Meet My Trophy Life Pt. 7
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Task: Upgrade Tap Ball Players
Train Sporting Pt. 2
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Task: Upgrade Tap Ball Players
Train Sporting Pt. 3
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Task: Upgrade Tap Ball Players
Train Sporting Pt. 4
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Task: Upgrade Tap Ball Players
Overtime Bonus
After unlocking Softball Mr Burns
Task: Collect Foam Fingers
