The Van Houtens: Premium Walkthrough
Salting the Books Pt. 1 Kirkedemious Van Houten starts Kirkedemious Van Houten: So this is the Springfield I've heard so much about. Kirkedemious Van Houten: Time to go check up on the cracker ...
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The Great Indoors Pt. 1
Grandpa Van Houten starts
Grandpa Van Houten: Well, now that the missus is out of the picture, it’s just me and the RV.
Grandpa Van Houten: I need to get away from all this craziness, ya know?
Grandpa Van Houten: Huh. Almost out of gas. Well, I’m sure Kirk would love a surprise visit while I wait for my next social security check.
Squeaky Voice Attendant: That’s nice, sir. But there’s quite a big line of cars forming behind you. Can I take your Krusty Burger order?
Task: Make Grandpa Van Houten Place His Order
Time: 4h
Location: Krusty Burger or Brown House
If the user has Squeaky Voice Teen: Task: Make Squeaky Voice Teen Ask Grandpa Van Houten to Move
Time: 4h
Location: Krusty Burger or Brown House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Great Indoors Pt. 2
Grandpa Van Houten starts
Grandpa Van Houten: Howdy, Kirk. I assume you heard about your mom and me getting a divorce?
Kirk: I did. I’m really sorry. I know exactly what you’re going through, because of how Luann and I—
Grandpa Van Houten: Yeah, you’ve mentioned it. Anyways, you think I could crash here for a bit?
Kirk: Well, under normal circumstances that wouldn’t be a problem. But Milhouse has tambourine practice later tonight and we can’t have any distractions.
Grandpa Van Houten: Oh, I see. Well, I wouldn’t want to get in the way. D’you think I could park the RV in your driveway and camp out in there for a bit?
Kirk: You can stay there as long as you need. Until the end of the week.
Grandpa Van Houten: Thanks, son. Ya think Milhouse might want to camp out in the backyard with his ol’ gramps tonight?
Kirk: Oh, I’m sure he’d love that. You’ll just need to tuck him into his snuggle bag...
Kirk: It hugs him tight all night, for when he doesn’t have a mom around to do it. Did I mention that Luann and I—
Grandpa Van Houten: Yeah, you mentioned.
Task: Make Grandpa Camp in Kirk’s Backyard With Milhouse
Time: 4h
Location: Van Houten House or Brown House
If the user has Milhouse: Task: Make Milhouse Camp in His Backyard With Grandpa
Time: 4h
Location: Van Houten House or Brown House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Great Indoors Pt. 3
Grandpa Van Houten starts
Milhouse: This is gonna be so much fun! I LOVE camping!
Grandpa Van Houten: Milhouse, are you ready to experience the great outdoors with your old man’s old man?
Milhouse: Am I?! I already put my jammies on under my clothes! Can I collect the wood to get the fire started?
Grandpa Van Houten: No need, my boy. I’ve got all the heat we need right here.
Milhouse: On the radiator of your RV?
Grandpa Van Houten: It cooks the hot dogs to perfection. And you don’t even need a turnin’ stick.
Task: Make Grandpa Van Houten Roast Hot Dogs on the Radiator
Time: 4h
Location: Grandpa Van Houten's RV
If the user has Milhouse: Task: Make Milhouse Roast Hot Dogs
Time: 4h
Location: Grandpa Van Houten's RV, Van Houten House or Brown House
Milhouse: This is kind of taking a while.
Grandpa Van Houten: Yeah. Want to use the microwave?
Milhouse: Can I press the buttons?
Grandpa Van Houten: Of course. Though it’s a little bit complicated.
Grandpa Van Houten: You have to press Time Cook first, then choose the power level, then the length of time, then Time Cook again, then…
Milhouse: Uh, you can just do it.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Great Indoors Pt. 4
Grandpa Van Houten starts
Grandpa Van Houten: Oh boy, I’m stuffed. I think I may have eaten one hot dog too many.
Milhouse: Me too. Can we sit for a minute before we set up our tents? I can’t move right now.
Grandpa Van Houten: How about we tell stories while we digest?
Milhouse: That’s a great idea! I can’t wait to hear what crazy stories you have, Grandpa!
Grandpa Van Houten: Great! Now let’s see. What story should I tell? Ah, of course…
Grandpa Van Houten: There was this young boy from Shelbyville. Or…was it a girl? Oh, no, I remember. It wasn’t a boy or a girl...
Grandpa Van Houten: It was a werewolf, and he was from North Haverbrook. Well he originally was from Shelbyville, but he moved…
Task: Make Grandpa Van Houten Attempt to Tell a Story
Time: 4h
Location: Grandpa Van Houten's RV, Van Houten House or Brown House
If the user has Milhouse: Task: Make Milhouse Listen in Quiet Awe
Time: 4h
Location: Grandpa Van Houten's RV, Van Houten House or Brown House
Milhouse: So why did he have to move from Shelbyville to North Haverbrook?!
Grandpa Van Houten: Taxes, I suppose. Say, all this storytelling has got me beat. Want to watch some TV inside the RV for a bit while I rest my throat?
Milhouse: Sure! If we hurry, we can catch the latest episode of Battling Seizure Robots!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Great Indoors Pt. 5
Grandpa Van Houten starts
Grandpa Van Houten: So, what’s the point of this show again?
Milhouse: Well, the bad guy robots shoot lasers like this *makes machine gun noises* but the good guy robots shoot lasers like this *makes laser noises*.
Grandpa Van Houten: I see. You know, it’s gonna be dark soon. We should probably start setting up our tents.
Milhouse: Okay but do you think you could give me a hand with mine?
Grandpa Van Houten: They don’t call me the Great Outdoors Van Houten fer nothin’!
Milhouse: They call you that?
Grandpa Van Houten: No, I said they DON’T call me that. Not fer nothin’.
Milhouse: It looks like the assembly instructions are in Chinese.
Grandpa Van Houten: *screams* I just saw a bee! I’m allergic to bees. How about we just sleep in the RV for tonight?
Milhouse: Way ahead of you, Grandpa.
Task: Make Grandpa Van Houten Sleep in the RV
Time: 4h
Location: Grandpa Van Houten's RV
If the user has Milhouse: Task: Make Milhouse Sleep in the RV
Time: 4h
Location: Grandpa Van Houten's RV
Milhouse: Boy, nothing beats camping outdoors! I feel so refreshed. And it’s just great to unplug for a while, you know? *turns off TV*
Grandpa Van Houten: I know exactly how you feel, Milhouse. Experiencing the outdoors is just good for the soul.
Grandpa Van Houten: Oh, I forgot to hookup the RV to the septic tank. That last flush must have emptied right onto your Dad’s driveway.
Grandpa Van Houten: I think I’ll teach a class on how to survive in the wilderness…
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Marine One Gil Deal
Gil starts
Gil: Here's the show-stopping chopper that's gonna make ol' Gil a sales chart-topper. I've only got one, and it's number one. Marine One to be exact.
Secret Service Agent: It's that guy we found sleeping under the Coolidge Gazebo in the Rose Garden. Get him!
Gil: Hey, I can sleep on government property! I pay my taxes! Or I would if I ever had any income!
Secret Service Agent: *guns drawn* Step away from the Sky Finger.
Gil: Whattaya say? Buy the whirlybird and keep Gil from being a jailbird?
On offer accepted:
Gil: Hail to the Chief! Ol' Gil's doin' the West Wing Ring-a-Ding-Ding!
Gil: Mind if I spend a few nights in the back seat before the commission comes in?
On offer declined:
Gil: You're gonna veto the sale, huh? Ol' Gil better use my connections to stay out of stir.
Gil: Do you Secret Service guys know the Man with the Football? I sold him his first briefcase handcuffs...
Damage Control Pt. 1
Secretary Van Houten starts
Secretary Van Houten: Madam President, the latest approval numbers are in.
President Lisa: You don’t have to keep calling me Madam President. We've known each other since we were in diapers.
Secretary Van Houten: Perhaps not as long ago as we’d like to admit.
President Lisa: Really?
Secretary Van Houten: Anyway, about your approval rating — it’s twice as high as any president in the last thirty-five years. A whopping 51%!
President Lisa: I’m glad to hear it. Though, it’s concerning that so few Americans have been satisfied with their president in such a long time.
Secretary Van Houten: Well, the rise of the Civil Unrest Party caused the Global Dominators to kill off the New Feudalists and opened the door for the We the Party People party.
President Lisa: I’m well aware of our nation’s history, Milhouse. Now, was there anything else?
Secretary Van Houten: I was thinking you might want to show your gratitude with an address to the nation.
President Lisa: Good idea. Let’s fit it in between golfing with the Sino-Soviet trade delegation and parasailing with the ambassador to the Magic Kingdom.
Task: Make Secretary Van Houten Prepare Lisa’s Speech
Time: 4h
Location: U.S. Capitol Building, Town Hall or Brown House
If the user has President Lisa: Task: Make President Lisa Prepare for Her Speech
Time: 4h
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Damage Control Pt. 2
Secretary Van Houten starts
Man-in-Tan: Secretary Van Houten. May I have a moment?
Secretary Van Houten: Who are you?
Man-in-Tan: A nameless lackey with ties to the deep state.
Secretary Van Houten: But the deep state doesn’t exist.
Man-in-Tan: And if you want to keep it that way, you’ll listen to what I have to say. Our oppo research has revealed that you have a thing for the president.
Secretary Van Houten: What — No! Who told you that?
Man-in-Tan: Relax, I’m only here to help. Now, here’s the proposition…
Task: Make Secretary Van Houten Listen to the Proposition
Time: 4h
Location: U.S. Capitol Building, Town Hall or Brown House
Secretary Van Houten: You really think that would work?
Man-in-Tan: Absolutely. My source has assured me that the president is extremely fond of public displays of affection during nationally televised speeches.
Secretary Van Houten: That seems like an awfully specific piece of intelligence. Who is your source?
Man-in-Tan: I could tell you that, but then I’d have to kill you.
Secretary Van Houten: Oh, God please no, don’t tell me, don’t tell me!
Man-in-Tan: Uh…that was just an expression. Anyway, we just want to see the president “happy”.
Secretary Van Houten: Well, when you put it in oddly menacing quotation marks…it sounds like a great idea!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Damage Control Pt. 3
Secretary Van Houten starts
President Lisa: My fellow Americans, you honor me and my administration with your historic high marks and praise.
President Lisa: I’d like to particularly thank the donors who gave the maximum amount below what is required for public disclosure.
Secretary Van Houten: Madam President, we have a situation.
President Lisa: Not now, Milhouse, can’t you see I’m in the middle of a speech?
Secretary Van Houten: Exactly. *lifts boombox over his head* President Lisa, I love you. Will you marry me?
President Lisa: Are you insane?
Secretary Van Houten: Is that a yes?!
President Lisa: Ugh, it’s a hard no! Not in a million years!
President Lisa: Ahem. Apologies for the interruption. Now where was I?
President Lisa: Oh yes, when I took over the presidency, America was a global embarrassment. I felt that pain then, and I REALLY feel it right now…
Task: Make Secretary Van Houten Wallow in Shame
Time: 4h
Location: U.S. Capitol Building, Town Hall or Brown House
If the user has President Lisa: Task: Make President Lisa Be Embarrassed
Time: 4h
Location: U.S. Capitol Building, Town Hall or Brown House
President Lisa: Milhouse! What has gotten into you? How could you embarrass me like that on national television?
Secretary Van Houten: I’m sorry, Lisa. I got some bad intel. What can I do to help?
President Lisa: Call a cabinet meeting. I need the Secretary of Social Media and the Deputy Director for Trending Hashtags to advise me on #omgshebmean.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Damage Control Pt. 4
Secretary Van Houten starts
Secretary Van Houten: Walking briskly down long hallways in the West Wing is the perfect place to think…
Secretary Van Houten: I need to do something. I got Lisa into this situation, so it’s up to me to bail her out… I’ve got it!
Task: Make Secretary Van Houten Twirl His Sign
Time: 8h
Secretary Van Houten: It’s no use. This sign twirling gets less attention than climate change.
Secretary Van Houten: Hey you! You’re the guy who told me to propose to Lisa on camera!
Man-in-Tan: Easy there, guy. I never told you to propose.
Man-in-Tan: Although it was absolutely hilarious the way she turned you down. I haven’t laughed that hard since the day we shot that Go-Go Ray at Skinner.
Secretary Van Houten: Bart?! Is that you?
Moocher Bart: Took ya long enough to guess. You’re more gullible than CIA Director Ralph Wiggum.
Secretary Van Houten: How could you do that to me? I humiliated myself in front of the whole country.
Moocher Bart: More importantly, you humiliated Lisa. I just needed her taken down a peg. Mom’s been going on and on about her since those approval ratings came in.
Moocher Bart: I couldn’t get her to make me a quesadilla last night. She wanted ME to do it so she could watch Lisa’s stupid speech. Can you believe that?
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Damage Control Pt. 5
Secretary Van Houten starts
President Lisa: You put Milhouse up to this? Bart, do you understand the ramifications of what you’ve done?!
Moocher Bart: Relax, Lis. This’ll all blow over by the next news cycle. Which is in three…two…one…
Secretary Van Houten: *panting* Lisa...you’re not…going to…believe it…
President Lisa: What now?
Secretary Van Houten: Your approval rating…shot up…to 78%!
President Lisa: That’s higher than the day President Gaga pushed Jeff Zuckerberg out of Air Force One. How is that possible?
Moocher Bart: Probably because you turned down a lame-o like Milhouse.
Secretary Van Houten: It’s true! All of the pundits attribute your approval increase to everyone’s disapproval of me! Isn’t that great? I fixed it!
Secretary Van Houten: So, since your approval rating is now the highest in history, how about a kiss?
President Lisa: Well, we wouldn’t want to upset the voters, would we, Milhouse?
Secretary Van Houten: Uh, right. Okay. I’ll just go sit in the Situation Room and listen to the rest of that song on my boombox.
Task: Make Secretary Van Houten Listen to His Boombox
Time: 4h
Location: Marine One or Brown House
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
The Hardest Place to Add Mass Pt. 1
Muscular Milhouse starts
Muscular Milhouse: Work those legs!
Muscular Milhouse: Crunch those abs!
Muscular Milhouse: Gun those lattes!
Muscular Milhouse: Double check that thesaurus!
Muscular Milhouse: Gun those lats!
Task: Make Muscular Milhouse Gun His Lats
Time: 4h
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Hardest Place to Add Mass Pt. 2
Muscular Milhouse starts
Duffman: Hey there, chicken legs.
Muscular Milhouse: Who you calling chicken legs?!
Duffman: Why you, of course. Pencil neck. Dough butt. Rubber teeth. All these insults apply to you. Oh yeah!
Muscular Milhouse: How can I ever earn the respect of a famous beer mascot like you?
Duffman: Have you considered calf implants?
Muscular Milhouse: Implants? Pfft, no one actually does those.
Duffman: How do you think I got these puppies?
Muscular Milhouse: Are they calves or puppies?
Duffman: I’m gonna add “donkey brain” to the list of insults. Oh yeah!
Task: Make Muscular Milhouse Ogle Duffman’s Calves
Time: 4h
Location: All Night Gym, Lugash's Gym or Brown House
If the user has Duffman: Task: Make Duffman Model His Artificial Calves
Time: 4h
Location: All Night Gym, Lugash's Gym or Brown House
Muscular Milhouse: Wow. I never would have suspected those were fake.
Duffman: So are my abs, pecs and shoulders. Duffman is sixty percent implants. Oh yeah!
Muscular Milhouse: Who did you go to?
Duffman: Duffman went to Dr. Nick. Duffman’s calves look great, but they’re made of Playdough.
Muscular Milhouse: Playdough, huh? I think I’ll give Dr. Hibbert a call.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Hardest Place to Add Mass Pt. 3
Muscular Milhouse starts
Dr. Hibbert: Ah, well if it isn’t little Milhouse.
Muscular Milhouse: Who you callin' little?!
Dr. Hibbert: Easy, Milhouse. I'm guessing you’re experiencing irrational irritability because of testosterone injections.
Dr. Hibbert: And that you’re here for more testosterone injections. *chuckles*
Muscular Milhouse: What? No, I’m here for calf implants. I need to get swole.
Dr. Hibbert: Oh, that’s not really something I’d recommend for a seventeen-year-old, no matter how irrational or irritable.
Muscular Milhouse: I am not irrational! Or Irritable! And I just turned eighteen!! I’ve had like twenty birthday parties!!!
Task: Make Muscular Milhouse Go on a Rampage
Time: 8h
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Hardest Place to Add Mass Pt. 4
Muscular Milhouse starts
Muscular Milhouse: Eh, what’s the point. All this destruction isn’t going to embiggen my calves. Although I did just TOTALLY blast my quads!
Apu: Excuse me, exceptionally muscular boy-sir. I couldn’t help but notice that you are very good at handling trash cans.
Muscular Milhouse: You want me to take the garbage out at the Kwik-E-Mart?
Apu: No, I want you to protect it from would-be attackers. But if you could take out the garbage, that would be nice too.
Muscular Milhouse: Would-be attackers? You mean like robbers with guns?
Snake: Nobody move! This is totally a stickup.
Apu: Ah, yes. Mr. Snake. Right on time. And speaking of a stickup, I have hired this muscle-bound manchild to shove this stick up your—
Muscular Milhouse: Enough! You picked the wrong Kwik-E-Mart on the wrong day. Leg day!
Task: Make Muscular Milhouse Weakly Kick Snake
Time: 4h
Location: Kwik-E-Mart or Brown House
Snake: Yo was that a joke, chicken legs? That kick was slower than Wiggum’s response time. It was thinner than Duff Lite. It was weaker than—
Muscular Milhouse: I get it, you’re not impressed. Moving on.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Hardest Place to Add Mass Pt. 5
Muscular Milhouse starts
Muscular Milhouse: There’s got to be someone in this town that needs my muscles.
Fat Tony: I could use someone like you.
Muscular Milhouse: You could?
Fat Tony: Yes indeed. In my line of work, we can always use muscle. It’s even its own job description.
Muscular Milhouse: What do you need?
Fat Tony: Well, you see, some associates of mine are tired from lugging around my…area rugs. I need to hire someone to help share the load...
Fat Tony: Preferably someone with an alibi for Tuesday night. You interested?
Muscular Milhouse: Am I! I love a good rug. It really brings the room together.
Task: Make Muscular Milhouse Throw “Rugs” Over the Bridge
Time: 4h
Location: Rickety Bridge, Covered Bridge or Brown House
Fat Tony: Excellent work. I hope those rugs learned their lesson to always pay back what they owe. Plus the 125% vig.
Muscular Milhouse: Uh, speaking of payment?
Fat Tony: Of course. I am now in your debt. Should you ever need any services performed by anyone unwilling to perform them, I can provide irrefutable elements of persuasion.
Muscular Milhouse: Meaning?
Fat Tony: You need anybody leaned on, just ask.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Hardest Place to Add Mass Pt. 6
Muscular Milhouse starts
Dr. Hibbert: Well, Milhouse. Thanks to Fat Tony, you have your new calf implants, and my access to black market stimulants has been restored.
Muscular Milhouse: Thanks, Doc. After I tore up your office I thought you’d never do that operation for me.
Dr. Hibbert: Oh, I didn’t do the operation.
Dr. Nick: Hey, everybody!
Muscular Milhouse: Hey, Dr. Nick.
Dr. Nick: Now stay off those legs for at least two weeks! Just enough time for the Playdough to harden and for you to binge watch Liger Queen.
Task: Make Muscular Milhouse Watch TV
Time: 4h
Location: Hibbert Family Practice, Springfield General Hospital or Brown House
Kent Brockman: Tonight, on Eye on Springfield: Are muscular men more attractive to women?
Kent Brockman: In a recent poll, a shocking 95% of women say they can’t stand muscular calves on a man.
Muscular Milhouse: Noooooo!
Kent Brockman: In other news, Playdough announced the recall of a toxic batch of its signature product...
Kent Brockman: The announcement was made at the Springfield Factory — shown here as local toddler Maggie Simpson floats helplessly above…
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Grandpa Van Houten starts
Grandpa Van Houten: Well, now that the missus is out of the picture, it’s just me and the RV.
Grandpa Van Houten: I need to get away from all this craziness, ya know?
Grandpa Van Houten: Huh. Almost out of gas. Well, I’m sure Kirk would love a surprise visit while I wait for my next social security check.
Squeaky Voice Attendant: That’s nice, sir. But there’s quite a big line of cars forming behind you. Can I take your Krusty Burger order?
Task: Make Grandpa Van Houten Place His Order
Time: 4h
Location: Krusty Burger or Brown House
If the user has Squeaky Voice Teen: Task: Make Squeaky Voice Teen Ask Grandpa Van Houten to Move
Time: 4h
Location: Krusty Burger or Brown House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Great Indoors Pt. 2
Grandpa Van Houten starts
Grandpa Van Houten: Howdy, Kirk. I assume you heard about your mom and me getting a divorce?
Kirk: I did. I’m really sorry. I know exactly what you’re going through, because of how Luann and I—
Grandpa Van Houten: Yeah, you’ve mentioned it. Anyways, you think I could crash here for a bit?
Kirk: Well, under normal circumstances that wouldn’t be a problem. But Milhouse has tambourine practice later tonight and we can’t have any distractions.
Grandpa Van Houten: Oh, I see. Well, I wouldn’t want to get in the way. D’you think I could park the RV in your driveway and camp out in there for a bit?
Kirk: You can stay there as long as you need. Until the end of the week.
Grandpa Van Houten: Thanks, son. Ya think Milhouse might want to camp out in the backyard with his ol’ gramps tonight?
Kirk: Oh, I’m sure he’d love that. You’ll just need to tuck him into his snuggle bag...
Kirk: It hugs him tight all night, for when he doesn’t have a mom around to do it. Did I mention that Luann and I—
Grandpa Van Houten: Yeah, you mentioned.
Task: Make Grandpa Camp in Kirk’s Backyard With Milhouse
Time: 4h
Location: Van Houten House or Brown House
If the user has Milhouse: Task: Make Milhouse Camp in His Backyard With Grandpa
Time: 4h
Location: Van Houten House or Brown House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Great Indoors Pt. 3
Grandpa Van Houten starts
Milhouse: This is gonna be so much fun! I LOVE camping!
Grandpa Van Houten: Milhouse, are you ready to experience the great outdoors with your old man’s old man?
Milhouse: Am I?! I already put my jammies on under my clothes! Can I collect the wood to get the fire started?
Grandpa Van Houten: No need, my boy. I’ve got all the heat we need right here.
Milhouse: On the radiator of your RV?
Grandpa Van Houten: It cooks the hot dogs to perfection. And you don’t even need a turnin’ stick.
Task: Make Grandpa Van Houten Roast Hot Dogs on the Radiator
Time: 4h
Location: Grandpa Van Houten's RV
If the user has Milhouse: Task: Make Milhouse Roast Hot Dogs
Time: 4h
Location: Grandpa Van Houten's RV, Van Houten House or Brown House
Milhouse: This is kind of taking a while.
Grandpa Van Houten: Yeah. Want to use the microwave?
Milhouse: Can I press the buttons?
Grandpa Van Houten: Of course. Though it’s a little bit complicated.
Grandpa Van Houten: You have to press Time Cook first, then choose the power level, then the length of time, then Time Cook again, then…
Milhouse: Uh, you can just do it.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Great Indoors Pt. 4
Grandpa Van Houten starts
Grandpa Van Houten: Oh boy, I’m stuffed. I think I may have eaten one hot dog too many.
Milhouse: Me too. Can we sit for a minute before we set up our tents? I can’t move right now.
Grandpa Van Houten: How about we tell stories while we digest?
Milhouse: That’s a great idea! I can’t wait to hear what crazy stories you have, Grandpa!
Grandpa Van Houten: Great! Now let’s see. What story should I tell? Ah, of course…
Grandpa Van Houten: There was this young boy from Shelbyville. Or…was it a girl? Oh, no, I remember. It wasn’t a boy or a girl...
Grandpa Van Houten: It was a werewolf, and he was from North Haverbrook. Well he originally was from Shelbyville, but he moved…
Task: Make Grandpa Van Houten Attempt to Tell a Story
Time: 4h
Location: Grandpa Van Houten's RV, Van Houten House or Brown House
If the user has Milhouse: Task: Make Milhouse Listen in Quiet Awe
Time: 4h
Location: Grandpa Van Houten's RV, Van Houten House or Brown House
Milhouse: So why did he have to move from Shelbyville to North Haverbrook?!
Grandpa Van Houten: Taxes, I suppose. Say, all this storytelling has got me beat. Want to watch some TV inside the RV for a bit while I rest my throat?
Milhouse: Sure! If we hurry, we can catch the latest episode of Battling Seizure Robots!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Great Indoors Pt. 5
Grandpa Van Houten starts
Grandpa Van Houten: So, what’s the point of this show again?
Milhouse: Well, the bad guy robots shoot lasers like this *makes machine gun noises* but the good guy robots shoot lasers like this *makes laser noises*.
Grandpa Van Houten: I see. You know, it’s gonna be dark soon. We should probably start setting up our tents.
Milhouse: Okay but do you think you could give me a hand with mine?
Grandpa Van Houten: They don’t call me the Great Outdoors Van Houten fer nothin’!
Milhouse: They call you that?
Grandpa Van Houten: No, I said they DON’T call me that. Not fer nothin’.
Milhouse: It looks like the assembly instructions are in Chinese.
Grandpa Van Houten: *screams* I just saw a bee! I’m allergic to bees. How about we just sleep in the RV for tonight?
Milhouse: Way ahead of you, Grandpa.
Task: Make Grandpa Van Houten Sleep in the RV
Time: 4h
Location: Grandpa Van Houten's RV
If the user has Milhouse: Task: Make Milhouse Sleep in the RV
Time: 4h
Location: Grandpa Van Houten's RV
Milhouse: Boy, nothing beats camping outdoors! I feel so refreshed. And it’s just great to unplug for a while, you know? *turns off TV*
Grandpa Van Houten: I know exactly how you feel, Milhouse. Experiencing the outdoors is just good for the soul.
Grandpa Van Houten: Oh, I forgot to hookup the RV to the septic tank. That last flush must have emptied right onto your Dad’s driveway.
Grandpa Van Houten: I think I’ll teach a class on how to survive in the wilderness…
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Marine One Gil Deal
Gil starts
Gil: Here's the show-stopping chopper that's gonna make ol' Gil a sales chart-topper. I've only got one, and it's number one. Marine One to be exact.
Secret Service Agent: It's that guy we found sleeping under the Coolidge Gazebo in the Rose Garden. Get him!
Gil: Hey, I can sleep on government property! I pay my taxes! Or I would if I ever had any income!
Secret Service Agent: *guns drawn* Step away from the Sky Finger.
Gil: Whattaya say? Buy the whirlybird and keep Gil from being a jailbird?
On offer accepted:
Gil: Hail to the Chief! Ol' Gil's doin' the West Wing Ring-a-Ding-Ding!
Gil: Mind if I spend a few nights in the back seat before the commission comes in?
On offer declined:
Gil: You're gonna veto the sale, huh? Ol' Gil better use my connections to stay out of stir.
Gil: Do you Secret Service guys know the Man with the Football? I sold him his first briefcase handcuffs...
Damage Control Pt. 1
Secretary Van Houten starts
Secretary Van Houten: Madam President, the latest approval numbers are in.
President Lisa: You don’t have to keep calling me Madam President. We've known each other since we were in diapers.
Secretary Van Houten: Perhaps not as long ago as we’d like to admit.
President Lisa: Really?
Secretary Van Houten: Anyway, about your approval rating — it’s twice as high as any president in the last thirty-five years. A whopping 51%!
President Lisa: I’m glad to hear it. Though, it’s concerning that so few Americans have been satisfied with their president in such a long time.
Secretary Van Houten: Well, the rise of the Civil Unrest Party caused the Global Dominators to kill off the New Feudalists and opened the door for the We the Party People party.
President Lisa: I’m well aware of our nation’s history, Milhouse. Now, was there anything else?
Secretary Van Houten: I was thinking you might want to show your gratitude with an address to the nation.
President Lisa: Good idea. Let’s fit it in between golfing with the Sino-Soviet trade delegation and parasailing with the ambassador to the Magic Kingdom.
Task: Make Secretary Van Houten Prepare Lisa’s Speech
Time: 4h
Location: U.S. Capitol Building, Town Hall or Brown House
If the user has President Lisa: Task: Make President Lisa Prepare for Her Speech
Time: 4h
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Damage Control Pt. 2
Secretary Van Houten starts
Man-in-Tan: Secretary Van Houten. May I have a moment?
Secretary Van Houten: Who are you?
Man-in-Tan: A nameless lackey with ties to the deep state.
Secretary Van Houten: But the deep state doesn’t exist.
Man-in-Tan: And if you want to keep it that way, you’ll listen to what I have to say. Our oppo research has revealed that you have a thing for the president.
Secretary Van Houten: What — No! Who told you that?
Man-in-Tan: Relax, I’m only here to help. Now, here’s the proposition…
Task: Make Secretary Van Houten Listen to the Proposition
Time: 4h
Location: U.S. Capitol Building, Town Hall or Brown House
Secretary Van Houten: You really think that would work?
Man-in-Tan: Absolutely. My source has assured me that the president is extremely fond of public displays of affection during nationally televised speeches.
Secretary Van Houten: That seems like an awfully specific piece of intelligence. Who is your source?
Man-in-Tan: I could tell you that, but then I’d have to kill you.
Secretary Van Houten: Oh, God please no, don’t tell me, don’t tell me!
Man-in-Tan: Uh…that was just an expression. Anyway, we just want to see the president “happy”.
Secretary Van Houten: Well, when you put it in oddly menacing quotation marks…it sounds like a great idea!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Damage Control Pt. 3
Secretary Van Houten starts
President Lisa: My fellow Americans, you honor me and my administration with your historic high marks and praise.
President Lisa: I’d like to particularly thank the donors who gave the maximum amount below what is required for public disclosure.
Secretary Van Houten: Madam President, we have a situation.
President Lisa: Not now, Milhouse, can’t you see I’m in the middle of a speech?
Secretary Van Houten: Exactly. *lifts boombox over his head* President Lisa, I love you. Will you marry me?
President Lisa: Are you insane?
Secretary Van Houten: Is that a yes?!
President Lisa: Ugh, it’s a hard no! Not in a million years!
President Lisa: Ahem. Apologies for the interruption. Now where was I?
President Lisa: Oh yes, when I took over the presidency, America was a global embarrassment. I felt that pain then, and I REALLY feel it right now…
Task: Make Secretary Van Houten Wallow in Shame
Time: 4h
Location: U.S. Capitol Building, Town Hall or Brown House
If the user has President Lisa: Task: Make President Lisa Be Embarrassed
Time: 4h
Location: U.S. Capitol Building, Town Hall or Brown House
President Lisa: Milhouse! What has gotten into you? How could you embarrass me like that on national television?
Secretary Van Houten: I’m sorry, Lisa. I got some bad intel. What can I do to help?
President Lisa: Call a cabinet meeting. I need the Secretary of Social Media and the Deputy Director for Trending Hashtags to advise me on #omgshebmean.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Damage Control Pt. 4
Secretary Van Houten starts
Secretary Van Houten: Walking briskly down long hallways in the West Wing is the perfect place to think…
Secretary Van Houten: I need to do something. I got Lisa into this situation, so it’s up to me to bail her out… I’ve got it!
Task: Make Secretary Van Houten Twirl His Sign
Time: 8h
Secretary Van Houten: It’s no use. This sign twirling gets less attention than climate change.
Secretary Van Houten: Hey you! You’re the guy who told me to propose to Lisa on camera!
Man-in-Tan: Easy there, guy. I never told you to propose.
Man-in-Tan: Although it was absolutely hilarious the way she turned you down. I haven’t laughed that hard since the day we shot that Go-Go Ray at Skinner.
Secretary Van Houten: Bart?! Is that you?
Moocher Bart: Took ya long enough to guess. You’re more gullible than CIA Director Ralph Wiggum.
Secretary Van Houten: How could you do that to me? I humiliated myself in front of the whole country.
Moocher Bart: More importantly, you humiliated Lisa. I just needed her taken down a peg. Mom’s been going on and on about her since those approval ratings came in.
Moocher Bart: I couldn’t get her to make me a quesadilla last night. She wanted ME to do it so she could watch Lisa’s stupid speech. Can you believe that?
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Damage Control Pt. 5
Secretary Van Houten starts
President Lisa: You put Milhouse up to this? Bart, do you understand the ramifications of what you’ve done?!
Moocher Bart: Relax, Lis. This’ll all blow over by the next news cycle. Which is in three…two…one…
Secretary Van Houten: *panting* Lisa...you’re not…going to…believe it…
President Lisa: What now?
Secretary Van Houten: Your approval rating…shot up…to 78%!
President Lisa: That’s higher than the day President Gaga pushed Jeff Zuckerberg out of Air Force One. How is that possible?
Moocher Bart: Probably because you turned down a lame-o like Milhouse.
Secretary Van Houten: It’s true! All of the pundits attribute your approval increase to everyone’s disapproval of me! Isn’t that great? I fixed it!
Secretary Van Houten: So, since your approval rating is now the highest in history, how about a kiss?
President Lisa: Well, we wouldn’t want to upset the voters, would we, Milhouse?
Secretary Van Houten: Uh, right. Okay. I’ll just go sit in the Situation Room and listen to the rest of that song on my boombox.
Task: Make Secretary Van Houten Listen to His Boombox
Time: 4h
Location: Marine One or Brown House
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
The Hardest Place to Add Mass Pt. 1
Muscular Milhouse starts
Muscular Milhouse: Work those legs!
Muscular Milhouse: Crunch those abs!
Muscular Milhouse: Gun those lattes!
Muscular Milhouse: Double check that thesaurus!
Muscular Milhouse: Gun those lats!
Task: Make Muscular Milhouse Gun His Lats
Time: 4h
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Hardest Place to Add Mass Pt. 2
Muscular Milhouse starts
Duffman: Hey there, chicken legs.
Muscular Milhouse: Who you calling chicken legs?!
Duffman: Why you, of course. Pencil neck. Dough butt. Rubber teeth. All these insults apply to you. Oh yeah!
Muscular Milhouse: How can I ever earn the respect of a famous beer mascot like you?
Duffman: Have you considered calf implants?
Muscular Milhouse: Implants? Pfft, no one actually does those.
Duffman: How do you think I got these puppies?
Muscular Milhouse: Are they calves or puppies?
Duffman: I’m gonna add “donkey brain” to the list of insults. Oh yeah!
Task: Make Muscular Milhouse Ogle Duffman’s Calves
Time: 4h
Location: All Night Gym, Lugash's Gym or Brown House
If the user has Duffman: Task: Make Duffman Model His Artificial Calves
Time: 4h
Location: All Night Gym, Lugash's Gym or Brown House
Muscular Milhouse: Wow. I never would have suspected those were fake.
Duffman: So are my abs, pecs and shoulders. Duffman is sixty percent implants. Oh yeah!
Muscular Milhouse: Who did you go to?
Duffman: Duffman went to Dr. Nick. Duffman’s calves look great, but they’re made of Playdough.
Muscular Milhouse: Playdough, huh? I think I’ll give Dr. Hibbert a call.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Hardest Place to Add Mass Pt. 3
Muscular Milhouse starts
Dr. Hibbert: Ah, well if it isn’t little Milhouse.
Muscular Milhouse: Who you callin' little?!
Dr. Hibbert: Easy, Milhouse. I'm guessing you’re experiencing irrational irritability because of testosterone injections.
Dr. Hibbert: And that you’re here for more testosterone injections. *chuckles*
Muscular Milhouse: What? No, I’m here for calf implants. I need to get swole.
Dr. Hibbert: Oh, that’s not really something I’d recommend for a seventeen-year-old, no matter how irrational or irritable.
Muscular Milhouse: I am not irrational! Or Irritable! And I just turned eighteen!! I’ve had like twenty birthday parties!!!
Task: Make Muscular Milhouse Go on a Rampage
Time: 8h
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Hardest Place to Add Mass Pt. 4
Muscular Milhouse starts
Muscular Milhouse: Eh, what’s the point. All this destruction isn’t going to embiggen my calves. Although I did just TOTALLY blast my quads!
Apu: Excuse me, exceptionally muscular boy-sir. I couldn’t help but notice that you are very good at handling trash cans.
Muscular Milhouse: You want me to take the garbage out at the Kwik-E-Mart?
Apu: No, I want you to protect it from would-be attackers. But if you could take out the garbage, that would be nice too.
Muscular Milhouse: Would-be attackers? You mean like robbers with guns?
Snake: Nobody move! This is totally a stickup.
Apu: Ah, yes. Mr. Snake. Right on time. And speaking of a stickup, I have hired this muscle-bound manchild to shove this stick up your—
Muscular Milhouse: Enough! You picked the wrong Kwik-E-Mart on the wrong day. Leg day!
Task: Make Muscular Milhouse Weakly Kick Snake
Time: 4h
Location: Kwik-E-Mart or Brown House
Snake: Yo was that a joke, chicken legs? That kick was slower than Wiggum’s response time. It was thinner than Duff Lite. It was weaker than—
Muscular Milhouse: I get it, you’re not impressed. Moving on.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Hardest Place to Add Mass Pt. 5
Muscular Milhouse starts
Muscular Milhouse: There’s got to be someone in this town that needs my muscles.
Fat Tony: I could use someone like you.
Muscular Milhouse: You could?
Fat Tony: Yes indeed. In my line of work, we can always use muscle. It’s even its own job description.
Muscular Milhouse: What do you need?
Fat Tony: Well, you see, some associates of mine are tired from lugging around my…area rugs. I need to hire someone to help share the load...
Fat Tony: Preferably someone with an alibi for Tuesday night. You interested?
Muscular Milhouse: Am I! I love a good rug. It really brings the room together.
Task: Make Muscular Milhouse Throw “Rugs” Over the Bridge
Time: 4h
Location: Rickety Bridge, Covered Bridge or Brown House
Fat Tony: Excellent work. I hope those rugs learned their lesson to always pay back what they owe. Plus the 125% vig.
Muscular Milhouse: Uh, speaking of payment?
Fat Tony: Of course. I am now in your debt. Should you ever need any services performed by anyone unwilling to perform them, I can provide irrefutable elements of persuasion.
Muscular Milhouse: Meaning?
Fat Tony: You need anybody leaned on, just ask.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Hardest Place to Add Mass Pt. 6
Muscular Milhouse starts
Dr. Hibbert: Well, Milhouse. Thanks to Fat Tony, you have your new calf implants, and my access to black market stimulants has been restored.
Muscular Milhouse: Thanks, Doc. After I tore up your office I thought you’d never do that operation for me.
Dr. Hibbert: Oh, I didn’t do the operation.
Dr. Nick: Hey, everybody!
Muscular Milhouse: Hey, Dr. Nick.
Dr. Nick: Now stay off those legs for at least two weeks! Just enough time for the Playdough to harden and for you to binge watch Liger Queen.
Task: Make Muscular Milhouse Watch TV
Time: 4h
Location: Hibbert Family Practice, Springfield General Hospital or Brown House
Kent Brockman: Tonight, on Eye on Springfield: Are muscular men more attractive to women?
Kent Brockman: In a recent poll, a shocking 95% of women say they can’t stand muscular calves on a man.
Muscular Milhouse: Noooooo!
Kent Brockman: In other news, Playdough announced the recall of a toxic batch of its signature product...
Kent Brockman: The announcement was made at the Springfield Factory — shown here as local toddler Maggie Simpson floats helplessly above…
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
