Time Traveling Toaster: Prizes and Excavation Site Prizes Walkthrough
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Place Mammoth Statue
Auto starts
Bart: Look, Stampy -- it's your great-great-great grandfather.
Stampy: *LONG, LONG ELEPHANT TRUMPET*
Bart: Okay, okay, you're a different species. Thanks for the biology lesson. I was just making conversation.
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Place Pterodactyl Nest
Auto starts
Homer: Mmmm... pterodactyl omelet...
Lisa: You are NOT raiding a dinosaur nest for eggs.
Homer: What? I thought you were all about locally-sourced food!
Task: Place Pterodactyl Nest
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Darwin Fish
Lisa starts
Lisa: Look at this! A transitional species! Further proof that evolution is real!
Ned: OR, a clever ruse concocted by the great Intelligent Designer upstairs, to test our faith in his Divine Creation!
Lisa: Gets harder and harder to cling to that line of reasoning all the time, don't it, chief?
Ned: You have no idea!
Task: Tap Darwin Fish
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Place Dinosaur Lake
Auto starts
Homer: Look, it's Nessie!
Lisa: Dad, that's a brontosaurus: a genus of the sauropoda. And don't say “mmm... brontosaurus burgers...”
Homer: I wasn't even gonna!
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The Caveman's Lover Pt. 1
Caveman Moe starts
Carl: What's up, Moe? You're looking the same as always.
Caveman Moe: UGG! UGG-UGG!
Moe: Oh come on! You honestly can't tell me apart from this Neanderthal?
Carl: He's an honest-to-goodness caveman? Huh. Does he understand the concept of money?
Caveman Moe: nugg...
Carl: Good. Then I'm ordering my beers from him from now on.
Task: Make Caveman Moe Be Mistaken for Moe
Time: 12h
Location: Moe's Tavern
The Caveman's Lover Pt. 2
Caveman Moe starts
Caveman Moe: UGG! WUGG UGG!
Homer: Hiya Moe. Hey is that a new bear pelt you're wearing? Pretty sharp.
Moe: That ain't me! He's a primitive, hirsute, hunch-shouldered primate with a pronounced brow ridge!
Homer: ...
Moe: Okay, yeah. I guess I see the resemblance.
Task: Make Moe Serve Drinks
Time: 4h
Location: Moe's Tavern
Task: Make Caveman Moe Tend Bar
Time: 8h
Location: Moe's Cavern
The Caveman's Lover Pt. 3
Moe starts
Moe: Okay, Caveman Me. I'm leaving you in charge of the bar for a while. I got a date.
Caveman Moe: *CAVEMAN LAUGH*
Moe: What? You don't think I can get a girl?
Caveman Moe: NUGG!
Moe: Oh, like you could do better! ‘Least I sorta talk good!
Task: Make Caveman Moe Find a Mate
Time: 4h
The Caveman's Lover Pt. 4
Moe starts
Moe: You ready to hit the town, Cavegirl Booberella?
Cavegirl Booberella: Why did you take off the caveman outfit? You looked very manly!
Moe: That wasn't me! That was a prehistoric, far stronger, and less-inhibited version of me
Moe: *sigh* Just give me a moment to freshen up.
Caveman Moe: Ugg ugg...
Cavegirl Booberella: Well hello there, handsome...
Task: Make Moe Psyche Himself Up
Time: 4h
Location: Moe's House or Moe's Tavern
Task: Make Caveman Moe Go Clubbing With Cavegirl Booberella
Time: 4h
Location: Stu's Disco or Moe's Tavern
If the user has Cavegirl Booberella: Requires: Cavegirl Booberella
The Caveman's Lover Pt. 5
Moe starts
Moe: Oh come on! Even my girl likes Caveman Me better than Modern Me?
Cavegirl Booberella: Sorry, Moe. He's just so primal. He really sees the real me.
Moe: What's that supposed to mean?
Cavegirl Booberella: He sees my BOOOOOOBS.
Task: Make Moe Drink Booooooooze
Time: 4h
Location: Moe's Tavern
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Bonus Treasure
Auto starts
Task: Collect Fossils
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Quest reward: 1/2/3 Donuts
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Place Cave Drawing
Auto starts
Lisa: This ancient cave drawing is amazing!
Homer: Pfft! Even in the Stone Age, stupid hipsters couldn't resist taking pictures of their food.
Task: Place Cave Drawing
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Baby T-Rex
Homer starts
Homer: Don't move. It can't see us if we don't move.
Lisa: Actually, that stupid plot device from “Jurassic Park” has been discredited. T-Rex had excellent visual acuity.
Homer: Great. And now that you've said it out loud, T-Rex knows it can see us!
Lisa: It doesn't understand English, dad.
Homer: Well, maybe THAT'S been discredited. Maybe T-Rex had excellent English acuity. Ever think of that?
Lisa: ...
Task: Tap Baby T-Rex
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"A" Is for "Ankh"
Skinner starts
Chalmers: SKIN-NER! I want you to teach at the new Egyptian school.
Skinner: New?! But it's thousands of years old.
Chalmers: In that case, you're extremely late. I have to dock you thousands of years of pay. You understand, I'm sure.
Task: Make Skinner Teach at Tuts 'n' Tots Elementary
Time: 6h
Location: Tuts 'n' Tots Elementary
Skinner: These papyri are all First Dynasty. Some things never change.
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Place Orb of Isis
Auto starts
Lisa: Oh my goodness - it's the Orb of Isis!
Homer: Eh, you seen one, you seen ‘em all.
Lisa: Dad, it's four thousand years old.
Homer: What does it want, a medal?
Lisa: Why are you being so blasé in the face of archaeological wonder?
Homer: I ‘unno. Makes me feel like a big shot, probably.
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The Task at Hand Pt. 1
Willie starts
Skinner: Willie? You look even more frightening than usual.
Taskmaster Willie: Yer too kind. I found a whip in the trash, and I've been working on my mad-eye stare.
Skinner: Someone like you could really “whip” the student body into shape.
Taskmaster Willie: Double entendre received. Loud and clear!
Task: Make Willie Round Up Truants
Time: 4h
Task: Make Children Go to School
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Elementary
Skinner: Thanks, Taskmaster Willie! You're whip-happy ways have advanced the cause of education immeasurably.
Taskmaster Willie: Always a pleasure, sir!
Skinner: It's so nice to have someone around who is willing to break the law in so many, many vile ways.
Taskmaster Willie: Come again?
The Task at Hand Pt. 2
Willie starts
Skinner: The parents of the students you've “disciplined” are livid. Shame, really. NEVER could have foreseen it.
Skinner: My hands are tied, Willie. I'm forced to suspend you without pay.
Taskmaster Willie: Oh, I get it. Use Taskmaster Willie to do your dirty work, then toss him aside like yesterday's caber.
Taskmaster Willie: Well, I've had it! Willie will never set foot in Springfield Elementary again!
System Message: GAME ONLY. DOES NOT APPLY TO TV SHOW.
Task: Make Willie Quit Springfield Elementary
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Elementary
The Task at Hand Pt. 3
Willie starts
Mr. Burns: I've heard you're a psychotic monster who recklessly doles out physical punishment over the slightest transgressions.
Mr. Burns: Needless to say, I am impressed.
Taskmaster Willie: I'm not proud of what I've become.
Taskmaster Willie: Ach, who'm I kidding? I couldn't BE more proud!
Mr. Burns: Welcome aboard!
Task: Make Willie Whip the Plant Staff Into Shape
Time: 4h
Location: Control Building
The Task at Hand Pt. 4
Willie starts
Homer: You want to whip me all day? Fine. It's a living. But don't ask me to work, too!
Lenny: If I can't spend all day watching Mario Kart speed runs on my computer, how is life even worth living?
Taskmaster Willie: Willie d'nae say you could talk. It's time for another whippin'!
Carl: It's really gusting outside. Come on, no way this kilt-wearer will chase us into a headwind.
Taskmaster Willie: Dream on! You don't wear a skirt if you're not secretly HOPING to flash the world!
Task: Make Willie Face the Wind
Time: 4h
Task: Make Plant Workers Hide in the Brown House
Time: 4h
Location: Brown House
Taskmaster Willie: Exposing myself in public is the best part of the job!
Bonus Treasure
Auto starts
Task: Collect Papyri
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Quest reward: 1/2/3 Donuts
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Place Burning Tree
Auto starts
Ned: Oh my stars, it's the burning bush!
Lisa: It's a burning tree, actually.
Ned: Just let me have this one, okay, Lis? I try not to crap all over your Buddhism stuff.
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Place Skinner Sarcophagus
Auto starts
Skinner: Simpson! How dare you vandalize this priceless artifact?
Bart: Because it reminds me of you. Which is kind of sweet, when you think about it.
Skinner: It is? I don't really see how...
Bart: Yeah, well, I'm already running away.
Skinner: So you are.
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Pyramid Scheme Pt. 1
Lisa starts
Lisa: Is that one of the temples of Abu Simbel?!
Homer: Yup. I left the other one in Egypt ‘cause, you know, nice guy.
Lisa: How did you possibly get it here?
Homer: Ask Sky Finger. Anyway, what's done is done. Might as well make a little cash. Abu Simbel maybe would have wanted it that way?
Task: Make Homer Charge Admission to the Temple
Time: 4h
Location: Abu Simbel Temple
Task: Make Lisa Be Horrified
Time: 4h
Location: Abu Simbel Temple
Mr. Burns: Smithers, when I die, you'll bury yourself alive with me, like the ancient lickspittles of old, won't you?
Smithers: Do you really have to ask, sir?
Pyramid Scheme Pt. 2
Lisa starts
Lisa: Dad, I can't believe you're CHARGING people to see this historic landmark.
Homer: Really? It seems like something I'd do.
Lisa: It's a priceless Nubian monument, that's survived earthquakes, flooding, and the test of time for thousands of years.
Homer: I hear what you're saying, sweetie.
Homer: Ten bucks a head!
Task: Make Homer Charge Admission to the Temple
Time: 4h
Location: Abu Simbel Temple
Task: Make Springfielders Visit the Temple
Time: 4h
Location: Abu Simbel Temple
Homer: After careful consideration, I've decided to do the right thing and donate the temple to the museum.
Bart: Why the sudden change of heart?
Lisa: He was up late last night, watching Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy.
Homer: The mummy is standing right behind you, Costello! Turn around! Turn around for God's sake!
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Place Pirate Animatronic
Auto starts
Sea Captain: Oh, nice to see a friendly face. What be your name, sailor?
Sea Captain: Not much of a talker, are ye? The sea will do that to a man. Aye, it will.
Sea Captain: ...
Sea Captain: Well, if you don't mind the company, I'll join ye in robotically waving my arms around for a spell.
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Big Boy Buccaneer
Dolph starts
Dolph: Why are you following me around, lamewad?
Ralph: Do you want to play pirates with me?
Dolph: Look, kid, I'm a teenager. Sometimes. It's actually confusing how old I am. But I'm definitely too old to play pirates.
Ralph: Do you want to play pirates with me?
Dolph: *sighs* Kid, you brought this upon yourself.
Task: Make Ralph Play Pirates
Time: 1h
Location: Pirate Fire Pit
Requires: Dolph
Wiggum: Ralphie! What are you doing up there?
Ralph: I'm rotisserating!
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Intellectual Parroty
Marge starts
Marge: Look Maggie, it's your favorite wisecracking parrot from all those movies!
Blue Haired Lawyer: This parrot infringes on the intellectual property of a company so big, I can't even say its name without getting sued.
Marge: You can't just own the entire concept of a talking parrot.
Blue Haired Lawyer: You can when you are a rapacious foe of all that is innocent and good in this world.
Task: Tap the Wisecracking Parrot
Possible Wisecracking Parrot quotes:
Wisecracking Parrot: I knew a pirate boxer once. He had a killer right hook.
Wisecracking Parrot: A young buccaneer was going to see Booty and the Beast, but it was "arr rated".
Wisecracking Parrot: Where does Captain Hook go shopping? The second-hand store.
Wisecracking Parrot: I was going to get a hook and wooden peg, but it cost an arm and a leg.
Wisecracking Parrot: To err is human. To arr is pirate.
Wisecracking Parrot: Pirates make great singers, because they can hit the high C's.
Wisecracking Parrot: What do you call a pirate with two legs and two eyes? A rookie.
Wisecracking Parrot: The problem with piracy is that once you start, you're hooked for life.
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Muscularly Endowed Privateer Pt. 1
Sexy Pirate starts
Sexy Pirate: Hoist up the mainsail, me mateys, because thar... she... blows.
Luann: You have some nerve-- oh! I didn't see you there. Hello, captain. Did you just sail into port?
Sexy Pirate: Aye, miss. And I be on the lookout for plunder and pillage. Of the late-thirties female variety.
Luann: But I'm married. Although to a pirate significantly less... SEXY... than yourself.
Sexy Pirate: Aye. I have a way of shivering the female timbers.
Task: Make Sexy Pirate Seduce Luann
Time: 4h
Location: Van Houten House
If the user has Luann: Task: Make Luann Succumb to Flattery
Time: 4h
Location: Van Houten House
Luann: Have you killed many men in battle, you sexy, dangerous man?
Sexy Pirate: Aye. I have killed the sexiest number of men -- nine.
Muscularly Endowed Privateer Pt. 2
Sexy Pirate starts
Sexy Pirate: Hoist up the mainsail, me mateys, because thar... she... blows.
Marge: I bet you use that lame pick-up line on women all the time.
Sexy Pirate: Yes. I lack imagination, due to my overall low intelligence. But I make up for it with incredible sexiness.
Marge: Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I am happily married to an even sexier pirate: Mr. Homer J. Simpson.
Sexy Pirate: He must be very sexy indeed. Which is exactly why I MUST steal his woman!
Task: Make Sexy Pirate Try to Seduce Marge
Time: 8h
Requires: Marge
Homer: Get away from my wife before I rip out your seductive heart and cram it down your arousing throat!
Sexy Pirate: Sexily, I comply.
Muscularly Endowed Privateer Pt. 3
Homer starts
Homer: Why don't you go back to the sea, you titillating jerk?
Sexy Pirate: I... I cannot. I hang my luscious head in shame.
Homer: Why can't you go to sea? You're a sexy PIRATE, right?
Sexy Pirate: Sexy, I am. But a pirate? No. I was born, you see, in a Florida theme park.
Sexy Pirate: Raised from ravishing birth, I was, to play the role of Sexy Pirate, a character from a beloved movie franchise.
Sexy Pirate: At the age of two, I could apply eye liner to my perfect face. I could tie a scarf at three. But I never learned the ways of the sea.
Task: Make Sexy Pirate Hang His Head in Shame
Time: 4h
Location: Brown House
Sexy Pirate: I am a fraud! A disgusting, chiseled, irresistible, sensual fraud!
Muscularly Endowed Privateer Pt. 4
Sexy Pirate starts
Sexy Pirate: I am tired of living a super hot lie.
Homer: You poor, gorgeous man. Get it all out.
Sexy Pirate: Tired of sculpting my flawless physique in the gym. Tired of yearning to make love to my own reflection.
Sexy Pirate: But most of all, I am tired of being able to take any woman I want, at any time. In any way. Anywhere.
Homer: You don't have to be sexy anymore.
Sexy Pirate: It is true? Can I truly stop lying, and happily grow as disgusting as you?
Task: Make Sexy Pirate Let It All Hang Out
Time: 1h
Sexy Pirate: Ahhh... after a lifetime, I finally know what carbs taste like. One percent body fat, and rising!
Muscularly Endowed Privateer Pt. 5
Homer starts
Helen Lovejoy: Homer Simpson! You've ruined our sexy pirate!
Homer: Ruined? Why, I've merely shown him a world of sloth and obesity, a heaven all men are entitled to.
Sexy Pirate: No, Homer. Alas, the desperate housewife is correct. A lazy slob, I cannot be.
Sexy Pirate: Sexy pirates are put on this earth to tantalize. Without us, the lives of women everywhere are meaningless.
Sexy Pirate: I see that now. I thank you, Homer, for the brief glimpse of paradise you have given me.
Sexy Pirate: Now, to sexiness I return. Avast, ye middle aged ladies. Objectify me!
Task: Make Sexy Pirate Embrace His Inner Stereotype
Time: 4h
Location: Brown House
Sexy Pirate: I will never forget the taste of donuts. But my place is in the weight room!
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Bonus Treasure
Auto starts
Task: Collect Eye Patches
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Quest reward: 1/2/3 Donuts
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Place Pirate Treasure
Auto starts
Krusty: Now THAT'S what I call a big booty!
Krusty: Anyone...?
Krusty: I like a big chest, but this is ridiculous!
Krusty: BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T LAUGH, NOW I GOTTA FIRE MY WRITERS. AND ONE OF THEM JUST BOUGHT A HOUSE.
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Place Grog Barrel
Auto starts
Homer: Pirate beer is terrible!
Lisa: Grog isn't beer, Dad. It's a mix of rum, water, sugar, and sometimes spices or aromatics.
Homer: Shhh. Daddy's trying to drink the bad beer, sweetie.
Place Mammoth Statue
Auto starts
Bart: Look, Stampy -- it's your great-great-great grandfather.
Stampy: *LONG, LONG ELEPHANT TRUMPET*
Bart: Okay, okay, you're a different species. Thanks for the biology lesson. I was just making conversation.
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Place Pterodactyl Nest
Auto starts
Homer: Mmmm... pterodactyl omelet...
Lisa: You are NOT raiding a dinosaur nest for eggs.
Homer: What? I thought you were all about locally-sourced food!
Task: Place Pterodactyl Nest
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Darwin Fish
Lisa starts
Lisa: Look at this! A transitional species! Further proof that evolution is real!
Ned: OR, a clever ruse concocted by the great Intelligent Designer upstairs, to test our faith in his Divine Creation!
Lisa: Gets harder and harder to cling to that line of reasoning all the time, don't it, chief?
Ned: You have no idea!
Task: Tap Darwin Fish
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Place Dinosaur Lake
Auto starts
Homer: Look, it's Nessie!
Lisa: Dad, that's a brontosaurus: a genus of the sauropoda. And don't say “mmm... brontosaurus burgers...”
Homer: I wasn't even gonna!
https://tstotopix.files.wordpress.com/2017/06/cavern.png?w=150
The Caveman's Lover Pt. 1
Caveman Moe starts
Carl: What's up, Moe? You're looking the same as always.
Caveman Moe: UGG! UGG-UGG!
Moe: Oh come on! You honestly can't tell me apart from this Neanderthal?
Carl: He's an honest-to-goodness caveman? Huh. Does he understand the concept of money?
Caveman Moe: nugg...
Carl: Good. Then I'm ordering my beers from him from now on.
Task: Make Caveman Moe Be Mistaken for Moe
Time: 12h
Location: Moe's Tavern
The Caveman's Lover Pt. 2
Caveman Moe starts
Caveman Moe: UGG! WUGG UGG!
Homer: Hiya Moe. Hey is that a new bear pelt you're wearing? Pretty sharp.
Moe: That ain't me! He's a primitive, hirsute, hunch-shouldered primate with a pronounced brow ridge!
Homer: ...
Moe: Okay, yeah. I guess I see the resemblance.
Task: Make Moe Serve Drinks
Time: 4h
Location: Moe's Tavern
Task: Make Caveman Moe Tend Bar
Time: 8h
Location: Moe's Cavern
The Caveman's Lover Pt. 3
Moe starts
Moe: Okay, Caveman Me. I'm leaving you in charge of the bar for a while. I got a date.
Caveman Moe: *CAVEMAN LAUGH*
Moe: What? You don't think I can get a girl?
Caveman Moe: NUGG!
Moe: Oh, like you could do better! ‘Least I sorta talk good!
Task: Make Caveman Moe Find a Mate
Time: 4h
The Caveman's Lover Pt. 4
Moe starts
Moe: You ready to hit the town, Cavegirl Booberella?
Cavegirl Booberella: Why did you take off the caveman outfit? You looked very manly!
Moe: That wasn't me! That was a prehistoric, far stronger, and less-inhibited version of me
Moe: *sigh* Just give me a moment to freshen up.
Caveman Moe: Ugg ugg...
Cavegirl Booberella: Well hello there, handsome...
Task: Make Moe Psyche Himself Up
Time: 4h
Location: Moe's House or Moe's Tavern
Task: Make Caveman Moe Go Clubbing With Cavegirl Booberella
Time: 4h
Location: Stu's Disco or Moe's Tavern
If the user has Cavegirl Booberella: Requires: Cavegirl Booberella
The Caveman's Lover Pt. 5
Moe starts
Moe: Oh come on! Even my girl likes Caveman Me better than Modern Me?
Cavegirl Booberella: Sorry, Moe. He's just so primal. He really sees the real me.
Moe: What's that supposed to mean?
Cavegirl Booberella: He sees my BOOOOOOBS.
Task: Make Moe Drink Booooooooze
Time: 4h
Location: Moe's Tavern
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Bonus Treasure
Auto starts
Task: Collect Fossils
https://tstotopix.files.wordpress.com/2017/05/ttt-bonus-treasure-act-1.png?w=150
Quest reward: 1/2/3 Donuts
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Place Cave Drawing
Auto starts
Lisa: This ancient cave drawing is amazing!
Homer: Pfft! Even in the Stone Age, stupid hipsters couldn't resist taking pictures of their food.
Task: Place Cave Drawing
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Baby T-Rex
Homer starts
Homer: Don't move. It can't see us if we don't move.
Lisa: Actually, that stupid plot device from “Jurassic Park” has been discredited. T-Rex had excellent visual acuity.
Homer: Great. And now that you've said it out loud, T-Rex knows it can see us!
Lisa: It doesn't understand English, dad.
Homer: Well, maybe THAT'S been discredited. Maybe T-Rex had excellent English acuity. Ever think of that?
Lisa: ...
Task: Tap Baby T-Rex
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"A" Is for "Ankh"
Skinner starts
Chalmers: SKIN-NER! I want you to teach at the new Egyptian school.
Skinner: New?! But it's thousands of years old.
Chalmers: In that case, you're extremely late. I have to dock you thousands of years of pay. You understand, I'm sure.
Task: Make Skinner Teach at Tuts 'n' Tots Elementary
Time: 6h
Location: Tuts 'n' Tots Elementary
Skinner: These papyri are all First Dynasty. Some things never change.
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Place Orb of Isis
Auto starts
Lisa: Oh my goodness - it's the Orb of Isis!
Homer: Eh, you seen one, you seen ‘em all.
Lisa: Dad, it's four thousand years old.
Homer: What does it want, a medal?
Lisa: Why are you being so blasé in the face of archaeological wonder?
Homer: I ‘unno. Makes me feel like a big shot, probably.
https://tstotopix.files.wordpress.com/2017/06/pyramid.png?w=150
The Task at Hand Pt. 1
Willie starts
Skinner: Willie? You look even more frightening than usual.
Taskmaster Willie: Yer too kind. I found a whip in the trash, and I've been working on my mad-eye stare.
Skinner: Someone like you could really “whip” the student body into shape.
Taskmaster Willie: Double entendre received. Loud and clear!
Task: Make Willie Round Up Truants
Time: 4h
Task: Make Children Go to School
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Elementary
Skinner: Thanks, Taskmaster Willie! You're whip-happy ways have advanced the cause of education immeasurably.
Taskmaster Willie: Always a pleasure, sir!
Skinner: It's so nice to have someone around who is willing to break the law in so many, many vile ways.
Taskmaster Willie: Come again?
The Task at Hand Pt. 2
Willie starts
Skinner: The parents of the students you've “disciplined” are livid. Shame, really. NEVER could have foreseen it.
Skinner: My hands are tied, Willie. I'm forced to suspend you without pay.
Taskmaster Willie: Oh, I get it. Use Taskmaster Willie to do your dirty work, then toss him aside like yesterday's caber.
Taskmaster Willie: Well, I've had it! Willie will never set foot in Springfield Elementary again!
System Message: GAME ONLY. DOES NOT APPLY TO TV SHOW.
Task: Make Willie Quit Springfield Elementary
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Elementary
The Task at Hand Pt. 3
Willie starts
Mr. Burns: I've heard you're a psychotic monster who recklessly doles out physical punishment over the slightest transgressions.
Mr. Burns: Needless to say, I am impressed.
Taskmaster Willie: I'm not proud of what I've become.
Taskmaster Willie: Ach, who'm I kidding? I couldn't BE more proud!
Mr. Burns: Welcome aboard!
Task: Make Willie Whip the Plant Staff Into Shape
Time: 4h
Location: Control Building
The Task at Hand Pt. 4
Willie starts
Homer: You want to whip me all day? Fine. It's a living. But don't ask me to work, too!
Lenny: If I can't spend all day watching Mario Kart speed runs on my computer, how is life even worth living?
Taskmaster Willie: Willie d'nae say you could talk. It's time for another whippin'!
Carl: It's really gusting outside. Come on, no way this kilt-wearer will chase us into a headwind.
Taskmaster Willie: Dream on! You don't wear a skirt if you're not secretly HOPING to flash the world!
Task: Make Willie Face the Wind
Time: 4h
Task: Make Plant Workers Hide in the Brown House
Time: 4h
Location: Brown House
Taskmaster Willie: Exposing myself in public is the best part of the job!
Bonus Treasure
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Task: Collect Papyri
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Quest reward: 1/2/3 Donuts
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Place Burning Tree
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Ned: Oh my stars, it's the burning bush!
Lisa: It's a burning tree, actually.
Ned: Just let me have this one, okay, Lis? I try not to crap all over your Buddhism stuff.
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Place Skinner Sarcophagus
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Skinner: Simpson! How dare you vandalize this priceless artifact?
Bart: Because it reminds me of you. Which is kind of sweet, when you think about it.
Skinner: It is? I don't really see how...
Bart: Yeah, well, I'm already running away.
Skinner: So you are.
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Pyramid Scheme Pt. 1
Lisa starts
Lisa: Is that one of the temples of Abu Simbel?!
Homer: Yup. I left the other one in Egypt ‘cause, you know, nice guy.
Lisa: How did you possibly get it here?
Homer: Ask Sky Finger. Anyway, what's done is done. Might as well make a little cash. Abu Simbel maybe would have wanted it that way?
Task: Make Homer Charge Admission to the Temple
Time: 4h
Location: Abu Simbel Temple
Task: Make Lisa Be Horrified
Time: 4h
Location: Abu Simbel Temple
Mr. Burns: Smithers, when I die, you'll bury yourself alive with me, like the ancient lickspittles of old, won't you?
Smithers: Do you really have to ask, sir?
Pyramid Scheme Pt. 2
Lisa starts
Lisa: Dad, I can't believe you're CHARGING people to see this historic landmark.
Homer: Really? It seems like something I'd do.
Lisa: It's a priceless Nubian monument, that's survived earthquakes, flooding, and the test of time for thousands of years.
Homer: I hear what you're saying, sweetie.
Homer: Ten bucks a head!
Task: Make Homer Charge Admission to the Temple
Time: 4h
Location: Abu Simbel Temple
Task: Make Springfielders Visit the Temple
Time: 4h
Location: Abu Simbel Temple
Homer: After careful consideration, I've decided to do the right thing and donate the temple to the museum.
Bart: Why the sudden change of heart?
Lisa: He was up late last night, watching Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy.
Homer: The mummy is standing right behind you, Costello! Turn around! Turn around for God's sake!
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Place Pirate Animatronic
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Sea Captain: Oh, nice to see a friendly face. What be your name, sailor?
Sea Captain: Not much of a talker, are ye? The sea will do that to a man. Aye, it will.
Sea Captain: ...
Sea Captain: Well, if you don't mind the company, I'll join ye in robotically waving my arms around for a spell.
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Big Boy Buccaneer
Dolph starts
Dolph: Why are you following me around, lamewad?
Ralph: Do you want to play pirates with me?
Dolph: Look, kid, I'm a teenager. Sometimes. It's actually confusing how old I am. But I'm definitely too old to play pirates.
Ralph: Do you want to play pirates with me?
Dolph: *sighs* Kid, you brought this upon yourself.
Task: Make Ralph Play Pirates
Time: 1h
Location: Pirate Fire Pit
Requires: Dolph
Wiggum: Ralphie! What are you doing up there?
Ralph: I'm rotisserating!
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Intellectual Parroty
Marge starts
Marge: Look Maggie, it's your favorite wisecracking parrot from all those movies!
Blue Haired Lawyer: This parrot infringes on the intellectual property of a company so big, I can't even say its name without getting sued.
Marge: You can't just own the entire concept of a talking parrot.
Blue Haired Lawyer: You can when you are a rapacious foe of all that is innocent and good in this world.
Task: Tap the Wisecracking Parrot
Possible Wisecracking Parrot quotes:
Wisecracking Parrot: I knew a pirate boxer once. He had a killer right hook.
Wisecracking Parrot: A young buccaneer was going to see Booty and the Beast, but it was "arr rated".
Wisecracking Parrot: Where does Captain Hook go shopping? The second-hand store.
Wisecracking Parrot: I was going to get a hook and wooden peg, but it cost an arm and a leg.
Wisecracking Parrot: To err is human. To arr is pirate.
Wisecracking Parrot: Pirates make great singers, because they can hit the high C's.
Wisecracking Parrot: What do you call a pirate with two legs and two eyes? A rookie.
Wisecracking Parrot: The problem with piracy is that once you start, you're hooked for life.
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Muscularly Endowed Privateer Pt. 1
Sexy Pirate starts
Sexy Pirate: Hoist up the mainsail, me mateys, because thar... she... blows.
Luann: You have some nerve-- oh! I didn't see you there. Hello, captain. Did you just sail into port?
Sexy Pirate: Aye, miss. And I be on the lookout for plunder and pillage. Of the late-thirties female variety.
Luann: But I'm married. Although to a pirate significantly less... SEXY... than yourself.
Sexy Pirate: Aye. I have a way of shivering the female timbers.
Task: Make Sexy Pirate Seduce Luann
Time: 4h
Location: Van Houten House
If the user has Luann: Task: Make Luann Succumb to Flattery
Time: 4h
Location: Van Houten House
Luann: Have you killed many men in battle, you sexy, dangerous man?
Sexy Pirate: Aye. I have killed the sexiest number of men -- nine.
Muscularly Endowed Privateer Pt. 2
Sexy Pirate starts
Sexy Pirate: Hoist up the mainsail, me mateys, because thar... she... blows.
Marge: I bet you use that lame pick-up line on women all the time.
Sexy Pirate: Yes. I lack imagination, due to my overall low intelligence. But I make up for it with incredible sexiness.
Marge: Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I am happily married to an even sexier pirate: Mr. Homer J. Simpson.
Sexy Pirate: He must be very sexy indeed. Which is exactly why I MUST steal his woman!
Task: Make Sexy Pirate Try to Seduce Marge
Time: 8h
Requires: Marge
Homer: Get away from my wife before I rip out your seductive heart and cram it down your arousing throat!
Sexy Pirate: Sexily, I comply.
Muscularly Endowed Privateer Pt. 3
Homer starts
Homer: Why don't you go back to the sea, you titillating jerk?
Sexy Pirate: I... I cannot. I hang my luscious head in shame.
Homer: Why can't you go to sea? You're a sexy PIRATE, right?
Sexy Pirate: Sexy, I am. But a pirate? No. I was born, you see, in a Florida theme park.
Sexy Pirate: Raised from ravishing birth, I was, to play the role of Sexy Pirate, a character from a beloved movie franchise.
Sexy Pirate: At the age of two, I could apply eye liner to my perfect face. I could tie a scarf at three. But I never learned the ways of the sea.
Task: Make Sexy Pirate Hang His Head in Shame
Time: 4h
Location: Brown House
Sexy Pirate: I am a fraud! A disgusting, chiseled, irresistible, sensual fraud!
Muscularly Endowed Privateer Pt. 4
Sexy Pirate starts
Sexy Pirate: I am tired of living a super hot lie.
Homer: You poor, gorgeous man. Get it all out.
Sexy Pirate: Tired of sculpting my flawless physique in the gym. Tired of yearning to make love to my own reflection.
Sexy Pirate: But most of all, I am tired of being able to take any woman I want, at any time. In any way. Anywhere.
Homer: You don't have to be sexy anymore.
Sexy Pirate: It is true? Can I truly stop lying, and happily grow as disgusting as you?
Task: Make Sexy Pirate Let It All Hang Out
Time: 1h
Sexy Pirate: Ahhh... after a lifetime, I finally know what carbs taste like. One percent body fat, and rising!
Muscularly Endowed Privateer Pt. 5
Homer starts
Helen Lovejoy: Homer Simpson! You've ruined our sexy pirate!
Homer: Ruined? Why, I've merely shown him a world of sloth and obesity, a heaven all men are entitled to.
Sexy Pirate: No, Homer. Alas, the desperate housewife is correct. A lazy slob, I cannot be.
Sexy Pirate: Sexy pirates are put on this earth to tantalize. Without us, the lives of women everywhere are meaningless.
Sexy Pirate: I see that now. I thank you, Homer, for the brief glimpse of paradise you have given me.
Sexy Pirate: Now, to sexiness I return. Avast, ye middle aged ladies. Objectify me!
Task: Make Sexy Pirate Embrace His Inner Stereotype
Time: 4h
Location: Brown House
Sexy Pirate: I will never forget the taste of donuts. But my place is in the weight room!
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Bonus Treasure
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Task: Collect Eye Patches
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Quest reward: 1/2/3 Donuts
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Place Pirate Treasure
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Krusty: Now THAT'S what I call a big booty!
Krusty: Anyone...?
Krusty: I like a big chest, but this is ridiculous!
Krusty: BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T LAUGH, NOW I GOTTA FIRE MY WRITERS. AND ONE OF THEM JUST BOUGHT A HOUSE.
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Place Grog Barrel
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Homer: Pirate beer is terrible!
Lisa: Grog isn't beer, Dad. It's a mix of rum, water, sugar, and sometimes spices or aromatics.
Homer: Shhh. Daddy's trying to drink the bad beer, sweetie.
