2 different accounts, 2 separate TVs, 2 separate 360s, why can't we both play?

To make sure that no corrupt data is causing your issue, you should clear your cache:
1) From the dashboard, click on My Xbox.
2) Select System Settings.
3) Select Storage.
4) Highlight Hard Drive Device.
5) Press Y to select Device Options, then Clear System Cache.
6) Reboot your console.
7) Re-download the updates for the game.

Also try to delete your Xbox Account and redownload it.

*Note: Delete your ACCOUNT ONLY.

Thanks for the quick reply

We both cleared cache's and redownloaded our profiles with no luck

How do you re-download an update?

Nevermind, we both redownloaded updates 8-11
Still no luck, same EA Server message
Why can one play now but the other not?

Did EA implement something where you have to have two seperate internet connections just to play?...

This is certainly odd. EA most definelty wouldn't do something like that.

Please contact an Electronic Arts Battlefield 4 technical support agent here to get further assistance: http://help.ea.com/en/contact-us/new/?product=battlefield-4
1) Pick the device you need help with.
2) Select the topic your problem falls under, and provide some more information on the issue.
3) Select 'Live Chat' or 'Call Me' depending on what is available, and what you would prefer.

Sorry I couldn't help, but there may be more to this problem than appears.

To me it sounds like you are having a routing issue with your router. It sounds like it simply fails at directing the right traffic from one service to two different devices.

You might try the following:

1. Log into your modem / router
2. Turn off UPNP if it's on, turn it on if it's off
3. Save your changes

You might also want to look into a new firmware for your router.

Thank you both for the suggestions
Unfortunately nothing has worked
This is what I tried

1. Cleared caches on both systems
2. Deleted all updated and redownloaded most recent update (11)
3. Enabled UPnP (it was originally disabled)

Im going to try calling EA to see if this can get sorted out
i really hope they don't expect two ISPs so we can play in the same house...

Do you have DMZ or some other weird settings enabled on your router? You might want to link screenshots / list settings for it.

http://i60.tinypic.com/21oab6w.jpg

I didn't really know what to screen shot/black out...

DMZ is disabled/ advanced DMZ is disabled
Firewall is NAT only

Not sure what I can do here
EA wait time for a call is 492 minutes

This problem is only recent, this week
After I tried resetting the router the first time my internet name changed from BELLALIANT400 to FIBREOP400
I have no clue if that means anything in correlation to the problem

Did you ever find a solution for this? I have been having the same problem too.