Battlefield 1 "unable to connect to EA servers to activate Battlefield 1"

So I just booted up battlefield 1 after a few months of not playing and got this error:

I did some digging, and after the hell that was navigating the ea support ai bot, I finally got connected to somebody real. They quickly redirected me to someone else:

I was then connected with another person, who then redirected me to a final person. After trying initial troubleshooting things I had already tried (like checking firewall etc) they said this:

Which I thought was asinine. Other people have clearly had this issue, its not a new bug. The forums all say reach out to EA and they can fix your account.

When I asked what I should do if it still doesn't work in a few hours, they recommended me to this forum page:

As you can see, this is a fix for Battlefield 3, not Battlefield 1. It will not help me, so I pushed back:

To which they replied, like a hallucinating LLM:

I just want to launch the game man. I really wanted to avoid making a forum post here because it'll probably lead to circular customer service hell, but hoping someone has a fix. I'm out of ideas (and it seems EA as a company is too)