Stuck on Splash Screen

Naturally, I wouldn’t dream of expecting a venerable institution such as yours to concern itself with the petty misfortunes of someone like myself—after all, what’s one broken product among the unwashed masses? Hardly worth a footnote, I’m sure. And yet, you’ll forgive my audacity in feeling rather affected by the matter—particularly now that I’ve been so graciously enlightened as to why I’ve been left to cradle this malfunctioning treasure. It’s been an absolutely enriching experience, really—character-building, one might say. A masterclass in dignified neglect.