The Freezer Bunny Club - A Reading Circle

GENERAL
- Cats or dogs?
- Okay, questions for realsies now. What are your general thoughts on the story so far?

WRITING
- What do you think of my writing style? Are the sentences clear? Too short? Too long? Am I saying the same words repeatedly?
- I sometimes switch between points-of-view as the story is going on. Is this confusing to read? Should a writer stick with one pov, or is it all right to peek into multiple people's heads in the same chapter? What do you think?
- My chapters tend to hover around 3,000 words, with some longer and some shorter. What do you think about the length? I sometimes have trouble hitting the right story beats with fewer words per chapter, but I realize that too long a chapter can overstay its welcome.

STORY
- What do you think about the main characters (Arthur, Gawain, Morgana)?
- What do you think about the side characters (Uther, Richard, Gaius)?
- What is your favourite moment in the story, and what is your least favourite? Why?
- Where do you think the story is headed? Where would you like to see it go?

VISUALS
- What do you think about the pictures taken? I have a habit of showing close-ups to showcase their emotions. Are they too close, or do you like them this way?
- What do you think about the size? They're now 1200 x 675, and 1100 x 612 in the next chapter. Are they too big?
- In TS3, we could tilt the camera to give dynamic angles to our pictures. I cannot for the life of me figure out how to do that in TS4. Did they remove the option?
- For purposes completely unrelated to the story *cough* I need magic. All the magic. Do you have any good CC for visual effects? Alternatively, is it worth buying the Realm of Magic game pack?

MISC
- The white pose statue and I are at war after I spawned him at the bottom of a pond by accident and forgot about him for a week. He has sworn watery revenge. I need allies. Are you with me, or against me?
- I like having my cast comment on things out-of-story. If you want, you can ask questions of them, and I'll write the answer from their POV (they may not be completely truthful, though :wink: )

GENERAL
- Cats or dogs?
Definitely dogs. #TeamNinja

- Okay, questions for realsies now. What are your general thoughts on the story so far?
I absolutely love it. I don't know exactly why but the way you write was attracting me. I don't really know much about Camelot and I'm not really interested in it but for some reason now I want to know more about it HAHAHA.

WRITING
- What do you think of my writing style? Are the sentences clear? Too short? Too long? Am I saying the same words repeatedly?
Your writing style is what attracted me to your story, so yeah, I adore your writing style. Everything is so in detail. It's as if I'm thrown back in time and I'm there myself as Sarah or something.

I don't think there's something wrong with your writing style. Keep it that way.

- I sometimes switch between points-of-view as the story is going on. Is this confusing to read? Should a writer stick with one pov, or is it all right to peek into multiple people's heads in the same chapter? What do you think?
Nah, I like the aspect of different points-of views. Chapter 1 started with Morgana and Gawain (at this point I thought that it would be a point-of-view story from Morgana's point of view, because the prologue was mostly about her :D), then the King is introduced, then Arthur, ... You get to know the characters at a slow pace and that's what I like. If everyone is introduced in one chapter, I'm done for.

I'm going somewhere else with all my blabla, sorry. What I want to say: I like being able to read multiple points of view!

Back to going somewhere else: I totally forgot about the prologue. The prologue was mysterious because I didn't knew a lot about the subject but hey, I like mysteries. Is Merlin going to return sometimes? In my head this story goes on until Arthur becomes the King and nobody ever heard of Merlin again (and everybody forgot him as a character in the prologue hahahaha), but then suddenly BOOM, there he is! XD

- My chapters tend to hover around 3,000 words, with some longer and some shorter. What do you think about the length? I sometimes have trouble hitting the right story beats with fewer words per chapter, but I realize that too long a chapter can overstay its welcome.
At first you may think 'ooooof that's long' but when you're actually reading, you're done before you know it. I think if you shorten the chapters, I would be like "Oh, is it already done?"

STORY
- What do you think about the main characters (Arthur, Gawain, Morgana)?
Morgana and Gawain stole my heart from the beginning. I wasn't super into Arthur at first (okay he's a handsome kid and probably even more handsome when growing up), but after talking with Gawain and loosing up a bit, I think he's also very nice.

- What do you think about the side characters (Uther, Richard, Gaius)?
Ehhhhhm, who's Richard again???? :D Is he that little black-haired boy? I even remember Agravaine more than Richard HAHAHAHAH oops.

I do Like Uther and Gaius in their unique ways. Okay, I want to stomp Uther in the butt for being so close minded, but he's actually a really nice father. Gaius is super chill and stole my heart after Chapter 1.4 - in the end where he helps Morgana out. Morgana stole my heart so I love everyone who's sweet towards Morgana.

- What is your favorite moment in the story, and what is your least favorite? Why?
The big 'Morgana is actually a witch'-reveal. Well, I think everybody had it somewhere in their mind, but when she really used her magic I was like "Yeahhhhhh, you go girl!"

- Where do you think the story is headed? Where would you like to see it go?
Merlin is going to come back at a very delicate time. WATCH MY WORDS.

VISUALS
- What do you think about the pictures taken? I have a habit of showing close-ups to showcase their emotions. Are they too close, or do you like them this way?
I like all of your pictures! I'm always wondering "How?!" because yeah I just can't do that. It's good. Super good.

- What do you think about the size? They're now 1200 x 675, and 1100 x 612 in the next chapter. Are they too big?
I don't think that the photo's are too big.

- In TS3, we could tilt the camera to give dynamic angles to our pictures. I cannot for the life of me figure out how to do that in TS4. Did they remove the option?
Have you tried hitting the shift-button? :') Idk that's how I always take my pictures. Hit shift-button, 'walk' around with WASD, changing angles with my mouse (I always have my computer mouse in the screen so I need to click until it's away and then I can move around as much as I want) and when I take a picture, I hit C.

Am I making sense with this?

- For purposes completely unrelated to the story *cough* I need magic. All the magic. Do you have any good CC for visual effects? Alternatively, is it worth buying the Realm of Magic game pack?
I have the Realm of Magic game pack and I'm using it for my SimLit 'Wizardry Academy' but I'm not really far enough in the story to let you know how the magic is shown :D. Now I'm wondering... How on earth did you do Morgana's magic?

MISC
- The white pose statue and I are at war after I spawned him at the bottom of a pond by accident and forgot about him for a week. He has sworn watery revenge. I need allies. Are you with me, or against me?
I'm with you! That white pose statue likes to irritate me when I use it. It NEVER stands on the place where I want it.

- I like having my cast comment on things out-of-story. If you want, you can ask questions of them, and I'll write the answer from their POV (they may not be completely truthful, though :wink: )
Oof, I need to think about that but I'll give every character something soon! (I'm too lazy to think about it now and I still have a whole week hehe)

Both, though I lean towards cats. My family used to have 5 dogs and 1 cat. All of them are strays we rescued from the streets. I used to be closer with my kitty until I developed cat allergies. After that it was hard for me to give her cuddles and kisses and she couldn’t understand why I can’t have her nap on my lap anymore. :sweat_smile:

Tales of Camelot is a very interesting story for me. It has solid characters with distinct personalities, an intriguing mystery and promising of a rich backstory (and story). The setting encourages witty dialogue and schemes which is something I personally enjoy. I find each child relatable and regardless of who’s pov is featured, I enjoy seeing through their eyes.

I enjoy your blend of narrative, dialogue and action. It doesn’t get too fast paced for the readers, nor is there too much narrative or dialogue. It is an excellent balance that moves the story along and keeps the readers engaged. I love your command of the language and you use it very well to deliver the plot, character motivations and feelings very well. The vocab you use is expansive so I don’t focus on repetition. Sentence length is irrelevant to me as long as it clearly conveys what you’re trying to say.

I also want to add that I find your narratives impressive, especially in regards to building the setting for readers to construct. There are pictures, but your descriptions are vivid and elaborate, hence even without them, I am able to imagine the setting and the players within it.

Shifting perspectives is an important writing technique to build a relationship between the character and reader. As long as it is structured clearly within the chapter you can peek into several perspectives and readers will go along with it. IMO there is a time when it will be too much. When ‘head-hopping’, it is usually done with a purpose I.e. you want to show their backstory, inner thoughts/dilemma which is so so important for reader/character intimacy. If shown too many without connection to one another, it may come across as rushed, but if they both are dwelling on the same issue, or one causes the effect of the other, the story will flow seamlessly between the perspectives.

Length is relative so I will include my reading comforts at the end of this for comparison. I agree with you, too short a chapter and the reader isn’t fully immersed. Long chapters though are more forgiving because if the writer balances narrative/action well, long chapters will feel like too short chapters because the reader wants to go on. :tongue: I.e a person may not be able to read beyond a paragraph of a dry textbook but can read an entire novel in one setting. (Meeee :D )
- My chapters hovers around 1300 - 1700 words, but I post 2 chapters at a time, so we have the same ish word count. As long as it is not entirely narrative and the plot/writing varies, readers are more likely to immerse themselves with solid writing than nitpick on number of words.

Arthur, Gawain and Morgana’s characters are the richest and most fleshed out. (That’s why they’re the mains right?) I think I’ve gushed about Arthur and Gawain for the longest time so I’m not going to continue like a broken record and bore you to death. I’ll just do a summary and say that I really like how you’ve captured Arthur and Gawain’s perspectives, motivations, reservations and values. These are conveyed very clearly to me so I, the reader, find them relatable.

In one of my comments, I asked about Morgana because while she is the main character. I find her so endearing and lovely that I have not yet found a weakness in her. She is a perfect all-round character who isn’t too arrogant and isn’t too pure, considerate of others and a healthy trust/mistrust. A very good balance. There are no problems with characters like this, (There are so many like this too actually) but it does put Morgana at a disadvantage compared to Arthur and Gawain. To err is human and at this point, Morgana’s lack of weakness makes me unable to relate to her.

I can relate to wanting to be like her and I do like her, but I feel so much closer to Arthur and Gawain because I can imagine a time when I was just as arrogant, or just as pure at some point in my life, but not so much to being perfect. Especially when Morgana is a budding spellcaster, she is going to become quite an unstoppable force in the future. So to enrich her character, it’ll be good to portray her not in her best moments. It’ll be good for us too! Because once we know what is her kryptonite, readers will be actively looking out for it because we’re invested in her wellbeing and we don’t want her to get hurt like that again! :D

Hm.. My favourite side character so far is Richard. Uther is a character I love to hate because of what he did to Millicent (she’s a dang healer for watchers sake) and Merlin (a child!) He is the embodiment of modern day racism too. Granted his racism came from a tragic backstory involving his wife but of all the sins he could’ve developed, racism is the one vice I am completely intolerable of. We can all have prejudices and biases but for him to employ it on a national scale and hunt down innocent people, it’s not mere discrimination anymore. It’s ethnic oppression and committing genocide.

I like Richard because he is not fully fleshed out at all, just enough for us to know he’s a key player, but so much is left shrouded in mystery. He also doesn’t seem too malicious yet, and at this point of the story, the other kid’s wit/cuteness serves as a buffer that he might not be as bad as it seems. So he is a promising character that will present more lovely drama. This makes me (reader) look forward to his next appearance.

Gaius is taking the form of a protector role for me. He is a healer, an elder, has an innate desire to help others and is accepting of Millicent. He doesn’t scheme, but is wise enough to engage in deception when needed. He is a VERY important side character. We can’t have all schemy nasty characters. I also think he is the kind of character that MUST steer clear of the main conflict. There’s only imo, two outcomes for lovable characters like this: they stay away far enough and survive, or they are sacrificed.

Hmm… I love the lighthearted moments in the story. I also love how you put me on the edge when Gawain’s life was in jeopardy. Man you’re evil :tongue: I don’t really have a least favourite moment at all. If have to point one out, Uther would be it because he and my personality clashes and I want to continue to hate him in ignorance so I don’t want to see his backstory. Hehe! Of course I’ll still read it but I’m happy you’re not showing it to us yet so I can justify my condemnation of his character. :tongue:

It goes into their teens and Richard looks like a promising young chap so. Arthur and Gawain are showing signs of brotherhood/good relations. Merlin is safe from harm so… Hi Romance! You can start budding now. Btw I have no idea about the orignal Camelot so I’m purely saying this of my own imagination.

I can forsee a battle/war coming. I’m worried for that. But it’s a natural progression of things. That masked figure and his band of shadiness will not stop at this hurdle either. They’re waiting for their time to strike so I assume Morgana will be in trouble again :( I only hope this time Gawain is more capable of handling himself against that assassin. I can see Gawain thinking of the assassin as he goes to bed every night. Making pure sincere promises to himself and Morgana that one day he’ll be able to protect her, Arthur and his kingdom. NOOOO, the powers that be usually sacrifice these beautiful souls! :bawling:

PFFFT I can’t answer you. Have you seen my pictures!!! :joy: Anyway, it’s important to have long shots/close ups/variety because each picture angle/distance conveys visual input to the readers. As you said, close up focuses on emotions, Mid range on relation/interaction between two or more characters and long shots to convey details of settings. Of course this is just a simple overview to camera positioning and is in no way absolute, but yes don’t worry about the nitty details of your readers liking it or not. If you don’t know this and are actively applying it, it shows you have a keep intuition on how to deliver/convey stories. Trust your gut.

As long as they convey the message you want and do not have obstructions like blurriness. Or color contrast problems. I think you're worrying about obscure details again. :smile:

Hmm.. I’m using a camera mod for my pictures. I don’t know if you find my photos ‘dynamic’ but you could try the mod. I can’t give you a good overview on this because I had this installed since forever so I’m not sure if there’s any difference between ingame default picture taking or this xD

Depends on how you want your magic to look like. I wanted the magic in my story to be relatable to readers, hence I have ROM (it’s 50% off now) And I use ‘Studio Effects player’ mod to extract in-game special effects and pose them wherever I want. That’s how I used to construct all my magical scenes in my story. I only added small special effects like cracks in the shieds, but the shields themselves, the crimson beams, god rays, and devilish lightning balls are all in-game effects.

Edited to add that Natalie Auditore has an amazing amount of magic/fantasy CC. There's god rays, ring of fire, weather effects, shattered glass, just so much fantasy cc. Haven't used any but downloaded heaps and they are amazing! It's not very maxis match but give it a go.

LOL. I have no words. But of course I’m with you! Let’s take em down!

I’ll ask in the letters :D

Hmm, maybe I should add a third option of "neither" to the cats or dogs question, then :D

Your chapters feel like they're the right length. This last one was longer than usual and I did notice that a bit, but I do enjoy your story so much I didn't particularly mind. 3.000 words overall seems like a good length. As long as there's some Arthur in it ( :D ).

Thank you for the feedback! I'll try to keep an eye on not letting the chapters go on for too long. :blush: Looking forward to the rest of your feedback!

Definitely dogs. #TeamNinja

Dangit! I should have known Ninja is too strong a foe to defeat :D

Ehhhhhm, who's Richard again???? :D Is he that little black-haired boy? I even remember Agravaine more than Richard HAHAHAHAH oops.

Woops, maybe I should have put Agravaine on the banner instead of Richard, then :D Thank you for the feedback. He's a big driving force behind Morgana's behaviour in my mind, but in the story he's only appeared one time, so it's good to get a reader's perspective on this. Noted for the future!

Merlin is going to come back at a very delicate time. WATCH MY WORDS.

Are you a mind reader, too? :o

Have you tried hitting the shift-button? :') Idk that's how I always take my pictures. Hit shift-button, 'walk' around with WASD, changing angles with my mouse (I always have my computer mouse in the screen so I need to click until it's away and then I can move around as much as I want) and when I take a picture, I hit C.

Wait, shift is still a thing? I'm going to try that when I'm done with work today. Thanks for the tip!

Now I'm wondering... How on earth did you do Morgana's magic?

Adobe fireworks, random sparkly effects from the internets and a lot of frustration :lol: It was the game version of a person on set being told to put out their arm with the special effects guy going "It'll look awesome later! I promise!"

I'm with you! That white pose statue likes to irritate me when I use it. It NEVER stands on the place where I want it.

Yes! First ally obtained!

Oof, I need to think about that but I'll give every character something soon! (I'm too lazy to think about it now and I still have a whole week hehe)

Okay! I look forward to it o:)

Shifting perspectives is an important writing technique to build a relationship between the character and reader. As long as it is structured clearly within the chapter you can peek into several perspectives and readers will go along with it. IMO there is a time when it will be too much. When ‘head-hopping’, it is usually done with a purpose I.e. you want to show their backstory, inner thoughts/dilemma which is so so important for reader/character intimacy. If shown too many without connection to one another, it may come across as rushed, but if they both are dwelling on the same issue, or one causes the effect of the other, the story will flow seamlessly between the perspectives.

Thank you for your perspective! I've seen people divide chapters into two parts before - one from the perspective of A, and one from B, while they go through the same event. That's an interesting way of doing it too, but I always end up skipping through parts of B because we already know what happened from the last chapter.

In one of my comments, I asked about Morgana because while she is the main character. I find her so endearing and lovely that I have not yet found a weakness in her. She is a perfect all-round character who isn’t too arrogant and isn’t too pure, considerate of others and a healthy trust/mistrust. A very good balance. There are no problems with characters like this, (There are so many like this too actually) but it does put Morgana at a disadvantage compared to Arthur and Gawain. To err is human and at this point, Morgana’s lack of weakness makes me unable to relate to her.

I can relate to wanting to be like her and I do like her, but I feel so much closer to Arthur and Gawain because I can imagine a time when I was just as arrogant, or just as pure at some point in my life, but not so much to being perfect. Especially when Morgana is a budding spellcaster, she is going to become quite an unstoppable force in the future. So to enrich her character, it’ll be good to portray her not in her best moments. It’ll be good for us too! Because once we know what is her kryptonite, readers will be actively looking out for it because we’re invested in her wellbeing and we don’t want her to get hurt like that again!

Thank you for bringing up Morgana. Her flaws are very clear in my head, but you're right that they haven't really shown themselves in the story yet. I'll keep that in mind, and try to show them a little clearer in future chapters.

It goes into their teens and Richard looks like a promising young chap so. Arthur and Gawain are showing signs of brotherhood/good relations. Merlin is safe from harm so… Hi Romance! You can start budding now. Btw I have no idea about the orignal Camelot so I’m purely saying this of my own imagination.

Haha, I see that most of the future ships will probably be coming from you o:) There's definitely potential for it though, yeah! That reminds me, I have no idea how medieval courtship works. Better read up on that before they turn into teenagers.

I think you're worrying about obscure details again. :smile:

I know :sweat_smile: figured it couldn't hurt to ask, hehe.

Hmm.. I’m using a camera mod for my pictures. I don’t know if you find my photos ‘dynamic’ but you could try the mod. I can’t give you a good overview on this because I had this installed since forever so I’m not sure if there’s any difference between ingame default picture taking or this xD

Oooh, there's a whole mod for that? I'm going to try Skeilah's suggestion first tonight, but if that doesn't work, I'll definitely check it out!

LOL. I have no words. But of course I’m with you! Let’s take em down!

Hahaa, two allies! Statue won't know what hit it.