😂 I wouldn't even notice tbh but grammar is not my strong suit, not even in my first language which is not english
I wonder how many grammar pro stumble upon my stories and get increasingly upset as they read not because of the plot but because the grammar just keeps getting worse 😂
Well at least you'll know if I'm replaced by AI cause the text has too few mistakes 😂
I just tried using AI for one of my posts which in one paragraph. The AI turned it into like five paragraphs! So much unnecessary emotion, expression, and details! It just dragged it on and on, and with all the details and expression, it just seemed way over the top! No AI for me lol!
I wouldn't use - or trust - AI either. But, that being said, saying emotion, expression and details are unnecessary is a bit on the glib side. Without those, it's hard for the reader/audience to get involved - we may as well be reading about robots. Don't go to the extent of a Robert Jordan who would absolutely dictate everything (probably due to either ego or insecurities, who knows). You have to discover for yourself just what is enough and what is too much.
I'll have to get the current piece I'm working on edited (yet again) and post some snippets here to give you an idea of what I mean by not going overboard but still allowing the reader to invest in a story.
I've been re-reading and editing my "little" piece and I'll just give you an intro here to give you an idea of all that I've mentioned. It's turned itself into a novel over the years and is called "Escaping to Paradise". You'll pick up on a couple of things that will provide good examples of getting a reader invested in a story.
First up is the prologue ...
PROLOGUE
The tour had been a good and fruitful one, Jensen Larsen had to admit as he rode his dark Bay stallion north toward the outlier town of Ipswich. Over the past month, he had gone out to a number of small settlements around Ipswich, visiting the local churches as part of his mission duties. As per the itinerary outlay, not only had Jens given assistance where necessary he had also spoken at the Sunday Church meetings and had led the mid-week studies. Though most of the people in the settlements were already believers, strong and devout in their faith, there were a few whose faith had waned, but at least they had attended the meetings. But that wasn’t why Jens considered the tour fruitful. Rather it was the opportunity to present his faith to a wandering tribe of indigenous people. That, Jens reflected, had been an opportunity he could not pass up and he considered it a blessing to be able to do as such. Fortunately, there had been a helper with them who had been able to translate for him. Not all of the indigenous had chosen to accept his faith, but a few had – including one who Jens took to be the tribal leader. It had been a fruitful trip indeed.
The trip would have been even better if he’d had company with him. It wasn’t that the people in the settlements had been stand-offish, rather they had been very welcoming. And he always had God with him. But none of that was quite the same as having his wife, Agatha, by his side. Yes, his relationship with God was intimate, but it wasn’t the same as that of a man and his wife. Normally, Agatha would have accompanied him. In the past she had done so and many of the people had commented on her absence. But this time round, Agatha had stayed behind in Ipswich due to her being pregnant with their first child.
Oh, how Jens had beamed when they had found out. Even thinking about his wife and his child caused Jens to smile. The prospect of being a father to a child of his own was both daunting and exhilarating. Daunting because he was still a young man just barely into his twenties. Exhilarating because it meant a new challenge and Jens was always open for a new challenge.
As he rounded a bend that brought him facing directly north, Jens slowed his steed. Even though Ipswich was still a good hour’s ride away and there were several hills between him and the town proper, Jens could see smoke wafting to the sky. Immediately, Jens knew something was wrong. Even though the smoke was thin, there was too much of it rising from too many sources. Filled with a sense of urgency, Jens spurred his steed and raced onward fervently praying that everyone was alright. Especially his Agatha.
Twenty minutes later, his steed sweating and trembling beneath him, Jens arrived in Ipswich to a sight too horrific to conceive. Everywhere he looked, there were the smouldering ruins of buildings. But that wasn’t the truly horrific thing that had brought Jens to a sudden stop and caused his face to go ashen. Among the ruins were the charred remains of the buildings’ occupants and in the streets, laying where they had fallen, were the corpses of others. All of them people he had known, with whom he had dined and laughed. Those in the streets had clearly been shot as they had fled, those in the buildings …. Jens shuddered to think how they had met their fate but he prayed that they had been spared the agony of consuming fire.
Numb with shock, Jens dismounted from his horse and slowly made his way through the ash, debris and corpse littered streets, silently praying for the souls of these people he had called his own. As he neared the north end of town where the church stood, Jens looked up and felt his heart plunge inside his chest. Not even the Church, the most holy of houses, had been spared from the conflagration. Feeling tears welling up in his eyes, Jens slowly turned his gaze the residence beside the church.
“Agatha!” Jens cried upon seeing his wife kneeling in the lawn, her arms spread wide as if to welcome him. He broke into a run, calling out her name again. It was only as he neared his beloved that Jens realized a cruel joke had been perpetrated on him. Agatha was dead, that was evident. If he had the eyes to see – if he wanted to see – Jens would know that she had suffered a brutal death. But all Jens could see was that his beautiful Agatha was dead and that she had been crucified where she could see the entire town burn to the ground.
Jens fell to his knees and gently stroked his wife’s cheek. “I am so sorry, my lovely,” Jens sobbed, tears running freely down his cheek. “This is all my fault. If I had not gone. If I had only insisted you come with me …” He shook his head. “I am sorry. Forgive me, dear.”
One week later, having buried his wife and the towns people, Jens rode east out of Ipswich. He had a fair idea who had committed such an atrocity – Bandits. It had to be. But which crew would be so uncivilized as to burn down a church and crucify a pregnant woman? That Jens did not know. All he knew was that he would find them. And when he did, they would know the wrath of God. All of them.
“What d’ya say we start up our own crew?”
Jens looked back towards Brisbane. Of the crew with whom he had joined on his hunt for those who killed his people, there was only himself and Bert left. When Jens had joined the crew, a man going by the peculiar name of Black Jack had been in charge. Why he had called himself that, Jens hadn’t known at first. His name wasn’t Jack, John or Jackson – if Jens had heard rightly, his real name had been Terry. Nor was his complexion or hair dark. Rather, he had been of pale complexion with hair a shade or so darker that Jens Scandinavian Blonde. It wasn’t until after four full raids that Jens at least partly understood where the name had originated. That had been some six months ago. Since then, due to a series of failed raids, the numbers had dwindled until now there was just Jens and Bert. Bert had been a scout for Black Jack’s crew and had proven to be effective in choosing settlements and outlying towns for them to raid.
In contrast to Jens’ fair complexion and chiseled features, Bert was a surly, swarthy looking man whose language matched his appearance. But though he may have been surly, swarthy and uncouth, Bert definitely had something about him that indicated he could lead. A brutal charisma, one might say.
“We’d have to go elsewhere,” Jens replied, his voice toneless and dry. “It’s too risky around here.” He looked at Bert. “Where were you thinking? North?”
Bert shook his head. “Nah. South.”
“Melbourne?”
Bert turned his head to his left and spat. “**bleep** no,” he said. “Ain’t going nowhere near that **bleep** if I can help it.” Bert looked south, away from Brisbane. “Was thinking maybe somewhere further north of there but not as far north as Sydney.”
Jens puzzled over this for a moment. “There ain’t much in between those two,” he said. “A lot of forest and mountains.”
“That’s where yer wrong, ol’ mate,” Bert laughed, slapping Jens on the shoulder. “There’s heaps of outliers scattered all through there. We can make a livin’ down there and give people time to rebuild the places before we hit ‘em again.”
Next up I'll give the first chapter which is actually older than the prologue - go figure!!!
FIRE AND FLIGHT
1
As the morning sun rose over the eastern rim of the Brown Mountain Ridge, it found the town of Cooma already awake. Being the month January, men were already out in the fields, inspecting the crops and assessing their readiness for the first harvest of the summer season. Others were tending to their livestock – cattle, horse, sheep and swine – while the women were in the kitchens and cooking the first meal of the day. It was a normal day by any standards. Even though it was early January, the breath of both men and livestock smoked in the early morning air. The men paused occasionally to look at the mountains that surrounded their town, shaking their heads at the white that covered the mountain peaks. In the latter years, the snow had been slowly receding, but still … still shaking their heads, the men returned to their business.
Eight-year-old Amelia Saunders was already awake as the sun’s first beams peered over the ridges to the east. For all other children, it would have been considered unusual to be awake at such an early hour, but Amelia – or Amy as she was more commonly known – was not like other children. She had always been an early riser and this day was no different. That this was a day she had been looking forward to for some time made no difference.
After making sure her bodice was fitted securely, Amy went over and shook her sister’s shoulder. “Annie,” she said. “Wake up.” Annie muttered incoherently in response but continued to slumber. Amy shook her sister’s shoulder hard. “Annie, wake up,” Amy insisted. “We have to leave early, remember?”
Annabel Saunders opened her eyes and looked at her sister blearily. “What time is it?” She asked sleepily.
“It is dawn,” Amy answered, matter-of-factly. “Five of the morning.”
“Uh,” Annie grunted, closing her eyes again. “Wake me when it is a more Godlier time.”
Amy rolled her eyes. “You have to wake up now!” She insisted, shaking her sister with two hands. “We shall be leaving in an hour.”
“Okay, okay,” Annie cried as her sister began to pull the bed sheets away from her. “I am awake.” She swung her legs out of the bed and stood up. “I still do not understand why we have to leave so early,” Annie continued as she rubbed at her eyes and yawned widely. “Leaving an hour later would not hurt any.”
Amy shook her head and steered her sister toward the bathroom. “We leave early so that we have more time to set up camp,” she gave her sister and non-too-gentle push. “Now go. The bath has been run and mother is cooking a large breakfast.”
Once Annie was in the bathroom, Amy headed into the kitchen where she began to take out plates for breakfast. “You do not have to do that,” Rebecca Saunders noted as she turned the meat. “I could have done it.”
“I know mother,” Amy said. “But it is a full day.”
Rebecca smiled and gave her daughter a quick kiss on the forehead. “Thank you,” she said. “Is you sister awake?”
“Awake and in her morning mood,” Amy answered. “She is washing now.”
Rebecca shook her head and chuckled. “It is hard to believe you two are twins,” she said. “In many ways you are so un-alike.”
Amy nodded. That was so very true. She and Annabel were twins – identical twins – and both were possessed of the same rounded face, the same full mouth that was wide enough to be attractive, the same thick, dark hair, striking blue eyes and the same perfectly rounded nose. But that was as far as their similarities went. Where Amy was generally of a far more accommodating nature, Annie was reticent and often argumentative. It wasn’t just in temperament that the girls’ differed. Where Annie had the physique of a typical eight-year-old girl, Amy was more physically mature. Already, her breasts had begun to develop so that one could easily mistake her for a girl six years older and her hips had already begun to take on the more womanly curves that had made her mother the focus of much attention when she was younger.
It was this difference in physical development that had caused much envy between the two girls. Annie constantly looked at her sister, jealous of her development, while Amy desperately wished that she’d had not developed as she had. This was also the reason why her family was often late. Constantly, Annie had to be checking to see if she had begun to develop as her sister had. Amy herself did not see what the fuss was – she had found her early development a nuisance rather than a blessing. Since her breasts had grown beyond just small bumps on her chest, Amy had been unable to wear the kind of clothing that her sister and other girls their age wore. Rather, she had to wear clothing that did not draw attention to her womanly attributes – this often meant that her mother was acquiring woman’s clothing and then altering it so that it would fit comfortably.
Ten minutes later, Amy and Annie were sitting down at the table just as their father walked in. “Well, well. Miracles do happen,” Thomas Saunders joked as he kissed Rebecca affectionately. “I am surprised Amy managed to pull you out of bed so easily.”
Annie rolled her eyes. “Amy can be quite persuasive when she chooses.”
Thomas chuckled. “That is the Keating blood in her,” he said, kissing both of his daughters before sitting down. “Are you both ready for the camp out?” Both girls nodded and Annie even managed a smile. “Good,” Thomas nodded. “Daniel and Alexis are already awake. They should be here within the hour.”
“Why does Daniel have to come along?” Amy asked.
“We were hoping for a girls’ only week,” Annie chimed in, completing her sister’s thought.
“I do like Daniel,” Amy continued. The truth was that Amy and her cousin Daniel were close, close enough to have a bond that transcended their blood relationship. “But we were hoping for it to be just us girls.”
“We have been over this before,” Thomas sighed. “Even though Cooma is isolated, we do not wish to take any chances. Having a lad like Daniel along ensures your protection.”
“But father,” Amy protested. “Both Annie and I know how to use a gun. As does Lexi. Plus, we know enough to hide without being seen.”
“I know that,” Thomas said. “But we just feel more comfortable knowing that Daniel is with you.” He looked across the table, holding both his daughters in his gaze. “No more arguments. Understand?”
“Yes Father,” both girls chimed in unison.
“Better,” Thomas smiled. “Now eat your breakfast. The wagon is already packed and you will want to be leaving as soon as possible.”
Half an hour later, Amy was sitting on the wagon beside Daniel with Alexis sitting behind her and playing with the golden locks that set her apart from the rest of her family. Apart from said locks, it was easy to see how she was related to Amy and Annie – her facial features were so similar that an outsider could be forgiven for thinking she was their younger sister. Daniel – a full six months older than Amy and Annie – shared the same dark hair of his cousins, but that was far as the family resemblance went. His countenance – brown eyes, darker complexion and strong, brooding features – were more akin to his mother’s family than the Keating line. Where the rest of the family was lithe of build – Alexis was slim to the point of being thin – Daniel was stocky and muscular of build. Yet despite his features and build, Daniel was known widely as a gentle, caring boy who doted over his sister and would readily defend her, his cousins and friends at the drop of a hat.
“Annie!” Amy called out. “We have to go!”
“I know,” Annie said as she walked out of the house. “We are only camping out – it is not as though anyone is waiting for us.”
“That is not the point, Annabel,” Rebecca admonished her daughter. You know it is important to always be ready on time. Goodness knows how many times your father and I have had to tell you this.”
“I know,” Annie said, rolling her eyes. She hated when anyone called her Annabel – it often meant she was in trouble for one thing or another. “I shall be late for my own grave if I do not learn to be prepared on time.”
“Precisely,” Rebecca said, kissing her daughter on the cheek. “Now, off you go – get up there with your sister and cousins.”
“I do not know why you continue to check,” Amy whispered as Annie sat behind her. “You know what the doctor had said – it is better to allow nature to take its course.”
“That is easy for you to say,” Annie retorted, keeping her voice low. “You have a had a head start.”
Amy simply shrugged as their parents wished them luck and enjoyment and Daniel set the horses in motion. She wasn’t going to let anything ruin this trip, her first big one without her parents. She didn’t really understand why her parents had insisted on Daniel accompanying them, but in a way she was glad. They got a long in a way that was special to say the least. Though he was a boy, Daniel didn’t look at her like other boys did – a way that made her feel awkward and uneasy. In a way, Amy felt that she and Daniel were more like brother and sister than cousins.
2
Ten minutes later, as the four children passed outside Cooma’s boundaries and were headed west toward the snow-covered mountains, they passed a lone, bedraggled figure on foot who appeared to be heading into town.
“Folks,” the stranger said, dipping his head and raising a finger to a non-existent hat. “Nice day fer young’un’s to be out.”
“A nice day for a walk,” Daniel said, casting a quick look to the girls.
Amy noticed the way the man was looking at her, his hard eyes sweeping over her body, and immediately felt uncomfortable under his scrutinising gaze. She didn’t know, but Amy had a feeling the man intended ill for her, even though his gaze was such that a casual observer wouldn’t notice how much attention he was paying to her. She wished Daniel would just move on.
“Aye,” the man said. “That it is.” He gave them a quizzical look. “Enjoy yer trip.”
“We shall,” Daniel replied tersely, noticing the discreet way the man was looking at Amy. “Good day to you.”
As the wagon pulled passed the man, Alexis shuddered. “I do not like him,” she said quietly. “He looks scruffy.”
“He has likely walked some distance,” Amy said. Despite her uneasiness at the intensity of the man’s gaze on her, she felt the need to give him some credit regardless. “You cannot expect a man to present properly if he has walked some distance.”
“He is naught but a scoundrel,” Annie asserted. “Did you hear the uncouth way he spoke? Fer, aye, yer? And he called us young’uns. Proper people do not talk so uncouthly.”
“He is of no concern to us,” Daniel said firmly. “So we shall not worry over him. If he proves foul, the townsfolk will deal with him.”
3
“Little **bleep**-heads,” Bert said as his eyes followed the four brats. He spat on the ground. “Ye wouldn’t know fair or foul if it came along an’ pissed in yer eye.” He kept his eye on the wagon as it turned a bend and disappeared behind a stand of trees. He couldn’t get the three girls out of his mind. They were sisters – you’d have to be blind to not see the family resemblance. One in particular stayed in his mind. Unlike her twain, she had a more womanly countenance about her. And her mouth … Bert felt a familiar stirring in his loins as he thought about what he could do with that one. “Don’t ye worry though,” he muttered as he continued on into the town. “Ye’ll get yer own in due time. I can guarantee ye that.”
Bert chuckled as he walked on toward the town proper. The little straw-head was right. As was the flat-chested of the twain. They were right not to like him. Not that Bert gave a **bleep** whether they liked him or not. Few people liked bandits – unless, of course, they were bandits themselves. Nor was Bert too concerned about how the townsfolk would deal with him, though he suspected they’d be just like the other slack-jawed jack-a-ninnies in every other isolated town he’d come across in his twenty-year career. None of the others had known anything about the outside world and were idiotically unaware of duplicity. Bert suspected he’d be able to fool the townsfolk here as he’d done elsewhere. Fool them and lull them into a sense of false security, leaving them ripe for his crew to come and reap a harvest.
The four young’uns being out of town could possibly be a setback, however. If they thought to use whatever little brains brats like that had, there was a chance they’d head onto the next town and alert folks there. Mentally, Bert shrugged. That was something he’d have to deal with – later.
“How goes it, stranger.”
Bert looked up at the sound of the voice and smiled wearily. “Rough,” he answered. The man was just like his voice – open and stupid. Bert nodded over his shoulder. “I was travellin’ from up yonder north-a-ways on horseback when I got caught in a sudden squall. My horse took fright and snapped a fetlock in a ditch.” It was a version of a tale he’d used many a-time before and he was surprise at how readily these small-town folk fell for it. “That were ‘bout a week or so gone. I been walking on foot ever since, but I seemed to have wandered of the main road a bit.”
“I would say you have had some rather unfortunate luck,” the man said. “You are off the main road south. That lies some hundred miles east. Beyond the mountains and by the sea.”
“Like I said,” Bert shrugged. “I’ve been walkin’ for a while.”
The man nodded and rubbed at his chin. “I figure it would not be too much to put you up for a few days – allowing you to rest and get a good meal or two,” he mused. “I can spare a horse and it is coming to the summer harvest so there is no shortage of food.”
Bert dipped his head. “Thank you for yer hospitality.” He couldn’t help but smile inwardly. This was just too perfect. These folks were dumber than he originally expected.
4
“Why did we have to come so far into the mountains, Daniel?” Lexi whined as she looked around at the increasingly thickening scrub and forestland. “We are going to be lost.”
“Where are you going to find a place like this on the rises?” Daniel returned. “This is a good place to camp.”
The valley they were in was deep into the mountains west of Cooma and, for the most part, it was largely hidden. Annie looked around the valley apprehensively. Yes, there was a river running through it and the land was mostly flat, but still …
“Why do we have to be so far off track?” Amy asked, voicing her sister’s thoughts out loud. They had traversed terrain that would have been nigh-on impossible to cross had they been on foot. As it was, Amy was surprised the wagon hadn’t been broken on them or that the horses hadn’t been injured as they had made their way down the valley’s side over rises and sudden gullies.
“Safety,” Daniel said simply.
“Safety?” Annie scoffed. “Against what? We could have easily died coming into this valley.”
“Do you remember that man we passed?” Daniel asked. All the girls nodded and Amy felt her skin crawl as if the man’s eyes were still on her. “I did not like the look of him. I think he may have been one of those bandits our parents tell us about. A scout perhaps.”
“But … are they not just stories told to scare children?” Annie asked, though her tone and wide eyes suggested she felt otherwise.
Daniel shrugged. “That may be. But stories have to come from somewhere – they have to have some element of truth to them.”
“He continued to stare at us after we left him,” Lexi said, her blue eyes wide and frightened. “And I think he may have heard us talking.”
“That is my fear also,” Daniel nodded as he looked around the valley. “We should be safe here, though. I do not think anyone is aware of this valley.”
Alexis’ eyes brightened in realisation. “That is why you had me sweep the tracks!” She exclaimed. “So that no-one could follow us!”
Daniel nodded and gave his sister a kiss. “That is correct, Lexi.”
Amy nodded. She liked the look of the valley – it was wide enough to comfortably accommodate several different herds of animals. She could smell the distinctive aroma of cattle dung on the air and, down by the river, she saw a flock of wild sheep, their fleece sparse and thin. “Stories or not, I think this is a beautiful place,” she said, smiling. “Do you think there will be any fish in the river, Daniel?”
“Possibly,” Daniel answered. “I think we should camp by that overhang.” He indicated a place at the eastern end of the valley. “See how it juts out and there is dense scrub just to the west of it?”
“That cave you mean,” Lexi said with distinctive fear in her voice. If there was one thing she feared above all else, it was caves. She couldn’t explain why any more than an adult could – all she knew was that caves scared her.
Daniel understood his sister’s fear. “We can store the wagon in the cave and set up camp under the overhang,” he explained. “It all depends on how deep the cave is. We should not need to go into it.”
Lexi nodded reluctantly and Daniel steered the wagon toward the overhang. When they had arrived, Daniel was even more excited and pleased than when he had first spotted the feature and considered camping there. The dense scrub he had noticed had obscured a natural stone wall that jutted out from the mountain spur itself, while the mountain extended to provide a natural partial roof – effectively making the alcove a cave. The cave that Lexi had noticed proved to be nothing more than false lead, extending little more than five feet into the rock, yet there proved to be a much larger cave that led off behind the wall and into a large, deep cavern.
“This is just perfect,” Daniel said as he looked around the cavern entrance, a lit torch in his hand. “It is more than perfect – it is ideal.”
“But Daniel,” Lexi moaned. “It is a cave.”
“An empty cave, Lexi. There is nothing here,” Daniel reassured his sister. Her fear of caves had proven to be a nuisance at times but, as per his nature, Daniel was patient with his sister. “It has likely been this way for thousands of years. Maybe even millions of years. If it has not fallen now, it will not do so while we are here.”
“Are we going to camp in the cave itself?” Annie asked, looking around. Though she didn’t share her younger cousin’s fear of caves, Annie was still unsure as to the sensibility of staying in the cave. It would be too much like staying at home rather than camping.
Daniel nodded as led the girls back. “Not too far in though, I should think,” he said, his eyes constantly surveying the area. “I think we can safely pitch the tents no more than ten, maybe fifteen feet inside the cave. We can leave the wagon and horses just inside the wall and set the fire at the cave mouth.”
“But what if someone sees the fire?!”
“No one will see the fire, Lexi. The wall will block it out,” Amy said reassuringly. She looked at her older cousin pointedly. “Is that not correct, Daniel?”
“Lexi is correct,” Annie interjected, shaking her head. “Even if the fire is inside the alcove, someone could still see the light from outside.”
Lexi turned to her brother and smiled triumphantly. “See.”
“I have thought of that,” Daniel said with some measure of pride. “I noticed a number of dead trees and fallen branches along the forest line.” He indicated to where the alcove opened out to the valley. “We can use the greener ones to set up a false screen here,” Daniel explained. “The older ones we can use as kindle and fuel for the fire. We may even be able to set up a corral for the horses.”
Amy nodded. “Who will bring the wood?”
“I shall,” Daniel answered. “I will take the horses with along with a length of rope to haul the wood here. While I am doing that, you girls can set up the camp.”
“Why does it have to be us girls who set the camp?” Annie snapped, her eyes flaring in instant anger. “Why cannot one of us go and gather wood while you stay and help set up camp?”
“Do you know how to control a pair of horses hauling a good quarter-tonne of wood?” Daniel asked, his brow raised almost mockingly. “Because that is how much it will take to achieve the effect I am after.” Annie glared at her cousin for a moment before huffing and stomping away. Daniel shook his head as he turned to Amy. “Maybe you can convince Annie to dig holes for the corral posts while I am away,” he suggested.
Amy looked to where her twin sat with her back to everyone and shrugged. Though it rarely showed, Amy’s temper was a volatile as her sister’s, only she was able to keep it under control – unlike Annie. “I shall try,” she said at length. “But you know how she is.”
Daniel nodded and smiled wryly. “Stubborn as a nag and a real tomboy,” he said. “But really only since …” Daniel allowed his words to drift away deliberately. Yes, he and Amy were close, but there were just some things a boy never said to his female relatives.
Amy knew exactly what Daniel meant, however, and gave a resigned laugh. “Yes, ever since I began to grow into womanhood and she did not.” She shook her head. “Do not take too long. I feel the sun will set early in this valley.”
“Yes, Daniel said, looking about. “The western ridge is definitely higher than the eastern. Luck to you.”
“And to you.”
As Daniel walked off, Amy shook her head. “I hope you know what you are doing, Daniel,” she said softly. “All our lives may depend on it.”
5
Two hours later, Daniel returned to the cave, highly proud of himself. The source of his pride was the travois he had fashioned from smaller branches and lengths of thick ivy he had found just inside the forest as it rose up the slopes of the valley. With the travois, Daniel had been able to gather more wood than was necessary. However, Daniel saw that as a good thing – it was always better to have more of something than to have just enough. It was a lesson that been driven into everyone who had grown up in Cooma.
What pleased him even more was what he found when he returned to the camp. The girls had set up everything as he had envisioned it – even better, if he were truly honest. Not only had the tents been set up just inside the cave, but a fire pit had also been dug and the wagon had been emptied with all their supplies inside the cave and just beyond the tents. Daniel approved of this – it meant that everything was easily accessible and they would not have to go crawling over the wagon every time they needed something. He suspected that it was Amy who had seen to that – much like himself, his cousin had a knack for being highly organised. He also noted that holes had been dug for a corral. Whether it was Annie who had done that or someone else – Lexi – perhaps – Daniel, didn’t know.
“Daniel!” Lexi sang as she ran up to her brother and enveloped him in a crushing hug that belied her slim build. “I found water!” She beamed when she finally let him go. “And I did not have to leave the cave.”
Daniel raised his brow. “You found water?”
Lexi nodded and pointed deeper into the cave. “There is a tunnel that leads to a river. The water is cold but drinkable.”
Daniel listened carefully for a moment than shook his head. “I cannot hear water.”
“You should be proud of your sister,” Amy said as she walked up to her cousins. She had pulled her long, thick hair back in a pony tail that only accentuated the shape of her face and Daniel couldn’t help but think that Amy was perhaps the most beautiful girl on the planet. “She took a torch and went exploring on her own.”
Lexi nodded, her eyes still beaming. “The tunnel is just over there on the right,” she explained, unable to keep the joy out of her voice. “You have to go a-ways in, and it turns one way and then another – that is why you cannot hear the river. But I could smell it when I found the tunnel. I even marked off the tunnel so we can find it easily.” She smiled up at Daniel, her bright eyes questioning.
Daniel smiled back at his sister. “You did well, Lexi,” he said, ruffling his hand affectionately through her blonde locks. “Do you know if the river is part of the one that runs through the valley?”
Lexi furrowed her brow momentarily. “I think not,” she replied then shook her head. “No it is in a cave bigger than this one. When it comes into the cave, it comes from the north-east through a tunnel then turns south. After that it goes down a waterfall. I also found a place where we can wash and one where we can do our business.”
“Did you mark them also?”
Lexi nodded. “The place where we can do our business is over to the left. There are holes in the ground with water underneath them, but it is a long way down,” she said, pointing. “The wash place is further back to the right of that. There is a waterfall, a pool and another waterfall. I think the river runs under the business place,” Lexi added. “I laid out strings so we can find them easily.”
“You did really well, Lexi,” Daniel said, hugging his sister. Daniel was extremely happy now. This cave – actually a cave system based on what Lexi had described – provided everything they would need and would minimise the amount of time they would need to spend outside. Of course they would need to go outside occasionally, it would not be right to stay in the cave all the time. Plus, they would be able to catch all the fresh meat they would need. Only they would need to be careful at all times.
“I have further good news,” Daniel added. “The river is full of fish and we can hunt all the fresh meat we wish. I also saw plenty of wild herbs, fruit and vegetables about.”
“Vegetables?” Annie asked, poking her head out from behind the tents. Like her sister, she had pulled her hair back in a pony tail. “Which ones?”
Daniel began to list what he had seen. “Potatoes, onions, garlic, carrots. I also saw some tomato and pepper vines with produce on them. They are only a day or two from harvest. I could also smell apple and plum but they are on the other side of the river.”
“No peas or beans?” Lexi asked. They were her favourites.
Daniel shook his head. “Sorry. No greens.”
“When you say peppers,” Amy ambled. “Do you mean the small hot ones or the large sweet ones?”
“Both,” Daniel gleamed. Unlike most people, Daniel like the small hot peppers, often eating them uncooked – much to his mother’s chagrin.
“Bleurgh,” Amy said in disgust. “I hate the small ones.” She looked at Daniel and noticed the look in his eyes. “There is something else,” Amy noted. “Is there not?”
“We should be careful when we go outside,” Daniel answered. “Actually, we should limit how often we go outside. And even then, never go out alone or unarmed.”
“Why?” Annie asked, curious.
“I saw signs of predators,” Daniel replied. “Or it may just be the one. But it is big.”
Apologies for the language from the character Bert, but the use and form of language here are to differentiate and define the different characters.
Hey there, sorry what I meant was not getting rid of the expression and details altogether but how the AI over did it with the expression and details, the unnecessary over expression. It made it sound just way out there. It was too much. Thanks for sharing part of your story. I'm just starting to read it now.
Thats why I like writing simstories
no need to romantically describe every inch of Vlad I can just throw in screenshots for all the visual description one may need 😂
