Young Marge Gil Promo
Gil starts
Gil: Tis’ the season of blessings and also regrets, and oh boy does Ol’ Gil have regrets!
Gil: So many regrets that The Ghost of Christmas Past visits me every year, but this time around he made me a special deal.
Gil: He’ll stop visiting me, and in exchange I can offer you special deals on blast from the past characters!
Gil: And boy do I have the gal for you – Young Marge!
Offer accepted:
Gil: Thanks pal!
Gil: It’ll be a very merry Christmas for Ol’ Gil.
Offer declined:
Gil: If I could afford it I’d give you a stocking full of coal!
Gil: But if I had a stocking full of coal I’d be burning it for warmth.
Roller Girl Riot Pt. 1
Young Marge starts
Young Marge: I didn't know you liked roller skating, Artie.
Young Artie Ziff: Roller skating is dancing on skates, and dance is a language I speak fluently. Like the language of love!
Young Marge: Well, uh, sure. Just give me a second to remember how to do this...
Young Artie Ziff: Take all the time you need. Meanwhile, I will make sure every girl in here is jealous of you.
Young Artie Ziff: Because you are the lucky consort of Roller Ziff!
Task: Make Young Marge Nervously Try to Roller Skate
Time: 4h
Location: Roller Rink
If the user has Young Artie Ziff: Task: Make Young Artie Show Off Outrageously
Time: 4h
Location: Roller Rink
On job start:
Young Barney: Whoa, I think Artie Ziff is having a seizure. Maybe we should help him out.
Teenage Homer: Never mind him. Who's the babe he's with? She glides like a wobbly angel.
Young Barney: She's a dish, all right. Maybe I should say hello.
Teenage Homer: Ooh, bad idea Barn. Remember how I explained that women don't like you, for myriad valid reasons?
Young Barney: Oh, right. I forgot.
Teenage Homer: Whereas I am certified, primo babe-nip. I wish it were different, but that's just the way of things.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Roller Girl Riot Pt. 2
Young Marge starts
Young Marge: I think I'll take a little break, Artie. My ankles are sore.
Young Artie Ziff: You only get so many chances in life to skate with the Baryshnikov of the rink. Don't let one pass you by!
Young Marge: I really need to sit.
Young Artie Ziff: I won't let you miss out on me! *grabs Marge's hand*
Young Marge: I said no! Quit bossing me around! I don't need a man telling me what to do, I'm an independent woman!
Task: Make Young Marge Assert Her Independence
Time: 8h
Young Artie Ziff: My dear, by asserting your independence, you only prove how desperately you require the guiding hand of a strong male.
Young Marge: *pushes Artie away * Why don't you go take a lap to cool off!
Young Artie Ziff: *shrieks while sailing away* You're making a grievous error!
Young Barney: That girl's got real backbone.
Teenage Homer: She's amazing! Stand back, Barn, and watch me win her heart!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Roller Girl Riot Pt. 3
Auto starts
Teenage Homer: Okay, Barn. The way I'm gonna win her heart is, you go up to her and tell her all about how great I am.
Young Barney: Whoa. You are one smooooooth operator, Homer.
Teenage Homer: I truly have all the right moves, don't I?
Young Marge: I can't believe that Artie Ziff, who does he think he is?!
Young Barney: Excuse me pretty lady, but can I tell you about a special young man in my life? His name is--
Young Marge: I've had it up to here with special young men, thank you!
Task: Make Young Marge Ignore Young Barney
Time: 4h
Location: Roller Rink
If the user has Young Barney: Task: Make Young Barney Have Flashbacks to All His Rejections
Time: 4h
Location: Roller Rink
Young Marge: By the time I get through with Artie Ziff, he'll know the true meaning of an independent woman!
Teenage Homer: Barney, what happened? Did she sound interested when you talked me up?
Young Barney: I couldn't get a word in edgewise! I'm sorry, Homer. I'm just not the ladies' man you are.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Roller Girl Riot Pt. 4
Auto starts
Young Artie Ziff: Margery, if you're prepared to offer me an apology, then I most graciously accept. Lucky you!
Young Marge: Me apologize? You have no respect for women!
Young Artie Ziff: You know perfectly well that I call myself a feminist. And if a smart guy like me considers Artie Ziff a feminist, he must be one!
Young Artie Ziff: Clearly, society would crumble into the sea if women were allowed to operate free of men's oversight.
Young Marge: If you honestly think you're a feminist, you've got another thing coming.
Young Artie Ziff: “Think”. The expression is, “You've got another think coming.” Women.
Task: Make Young Marge Debate About Feminism
Time: 8h
Location: Roller Rink
If the user has Young Artie Ziff: Task: Make Young Artie Mansplain Feminism
Time: 8h
Location: Roller Rink
Young Artie Ziff: I guess we're just two ardent feminists who don't quite see eye-to-eye. Now take my hand and we'll skate a lap of sisterhood.
Young Marge: Not until you admit that I just debated you into the ground.
Young Artie Ziff: I have never lost a debate, and CERTAINLY never to a girl.
Young Marge: That's WOMAN to you! *pushes Artie as hard as she can around the rink*
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Roller Girl Riot Pt. 5
Young Marge starts
Young Marge: I'm not going to let that...that little boy ruin my night!
Young Marge: I'm a proud, independent woman, and the last thing I need is a man to show me how to skate!
Task: Make Young Marge Skate Her Heart Out
Time: 12h
Teenage Homer: She's just so beautiful, isn't she? With that hair, and those legs, and that furious scowl...
Young Marge: Coming through! *knocks Homer down*
Young Barney: Whoa! Homer, are you all right?
Teenage Homer: Barney, I was just clotheslined by an angel. I've never been better!
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Anchors Away Pt. 1
Don Brodka starts
Don Brodka: Well Don, this is the end of the line for you.
Don Brodka: I gave the Try-N-Save the best years of my life. Stopped a hundred shoplifters from committing heinous, grisly misdemeanors.
Don Brodka: All to wind up here. Taking the only job I could find -- night guard at an anchor store.
Don Brodka: Sure, it's the best anchor store in town. Hankerin' for Anchorin' and Anchor Notions just can't compete.
Don Brodka: Still, it somehow feels like a step down.
Task: Make Don Brodka Stare at Anchors
Time: 4h
Location: Anchor Management
Squeaky Voice Teen: Good morning, sir! How was the night shift?
Don Brodka: ‘Bout 3AM, a bird landed on the big anchor. I grabbed it for questioning, but it played dumb. I let it go with a warning.
Squeaky Voice Teen: Great Scott! The big anchor is missing! We've been robbed!
Don Brodka: What?! I've been staring at it all night!
Don Brodka: Who? Who could possibly make off with that massive anchor?!
Squeaky Voice Teen: I'll tell you who. The man, the myth, the legend - The Sea Captain!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Anchors Away Pt. 2
Don Brodka starts
Don Brodka: Sea Captain?! Why would HE want an anchor?
Squeaky Voice Teen: Uh, for his boat?
Don Brodka: Anchors are for boats? I guess I should have done some research before taking this gig.
Squeaky Voice Teen: They say the Sea Captain was raised by a kraken, and sails a ship made from the bones of lost sailors.
Squeaky Voice Teen: Others say he's a lonely former mailman who wears a captain's hat as a conversation starter. Either way... spooky stuff!
Don Brodka: Kid, you need to lay off the glue. Let's check out the surveillance tape.
Task: Make Don Brodka Check Surveillance Footage
Time: 8h
Don Brodka: One minute the anchor is there, the next it's gone! Impossible!
Squeaky Voice Teen: It's the magic of the sea.
Don Brodka: There's no such thing as sea magic. Only land magic. Magic stops at the shore, idiot.
Don Brodka: What do they teach you kids in school nowadays?
Don Brodka: Well, I am NOT getting fired twice in the same week. Let's talk to this sea captain!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Anchors Away Pt. 3
Don Brodka starts
Don Brodka: Kid, hang back while I shake down the old man. And watch out -- once he knows we're onto him, he may swallow the anchor to hide his crime.
Squeaky Voice Teen: It weighs twenty tons.
Don Brodka: I once cornered a shoplifter who swallowed three eyewitnesses before I could react.
Don Brodka: Your hardcore thieves are all first-rate swallowers.
Task: Make Don Brodka Perform an Interrogation
Time: 8h
Location: Anchor Management
If the user has Sea Captain: Task: Make Sea Captain be One Slippery Fish
Time: 8h
Location: Anchor Management
On job start:
Don Brodka: Sea Captain! Paid any visits to the anchor store lately?
Sea Captain: Yarrr. I, too, be interested in the disappearances there.
Sea Captain: Beware, Brodka. There's deviltry afoot. Anchor Management be a cursed and wretched place.
Don Brodka: Uh-huh. By the way, is it true you used to be a mailman?
Sea Captain: Aye. Forty-three years I cruised the neighborhood of Elmwood Heights. ‘Tis a cursed and wretched place, too.
Don Brodka: Any places NOT cursed and wretched, you figure?
Sea Captain: Portland's not TOO cursed and wretched. I been there one time. Good food, nice bookstores.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Anchors Away Pt. 4
Don Brodka starts
Don Brodka: That salty dog as good as admitted he's our man, but we need to catch him in the act.
Squeaky Voice Teen: You're dealing with powers you can't possibly understand, Mr. Brodka!
Don Brodka: The only thing that scares me is unsolved crimes. Spiders aren't great, and the dream where I'm skydiving but my parachute won't open is pretty bad, too.
Don Brodka: But mainly unsolved crimes.
Squeaky Voice Teen: *ack* He's back! Returned to the scene of the crime to curse us with his nautical necromancy!
Don Brodka: Oh no he doesn't.Tail him!
Task: Make Don Brodka Tail a Shoplifter
Time: 4h
Location: Anchor Management
Squeaky Voice Teen: Five more anchors are missing!
Don Brodka: Sea Captain! Tell me what you know! No more riddles!
Sea Captain: I bet it never occurred to you to lick one of the anchors you guard, did it?
Don Brodka: I must be slipping. Usually, licking the merchandise is the first step in any serious investigation.
Don Brodka: *licks anchor* Hmm... tastes sweet. Is this... spun sugar?
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Anchors Away Pt. 5
Don Brodka starts
Sea Captain: Anchor Management been cutting corners, making their anchors not from steel, but from sugar.
Don Brodka: And every morning, the sprinklers dissolve the sugar-anchors! Why didn't I think of that?!
Sea Captain: Probably because it's a pretty dumb idea.
Sea Captain: Thanks to this evil, the yachts and powerboats of a hundred retired doctors have been set adrift, dashed on the rocks.
Don Brodka: Humanity... what a joke.
Task: Make Don Brodka Struggle With the Weight of the World
Time: 12h
Don Brodka: I'm sorry I doubted you, Sea Captain.
Sea Captain: It's not yer fault, lad. I never would have believed humanity capable of such evil, if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes.
Sea Captain: I no longer understand the land world It's time to return to the sea, and my fish girlfriend.
Don Brodka: You mean... you're dating a mermaid?
Sea Captain: I meant exactly what I said.
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Igloo Mansion Pt. 1
Auto starts
Mr. Burns: Some people spend their fortunes building affordable housing for the needy.
Mr. Burns: I build wildly expensive housing for myself that will melt come spring and wash all the needy far away from me.
Smithers: Truly, sir, you have the soul of a poet.
Mr. Burns: I don't think he was a poet. He did something in insurance, I think.
Smithers: Excuse me?
Mr. Burns: You said I had a soul. And I do, in a phylactery over on the shelf, there. But it's former owner wasn't a poet.
Smithers: Oh. My mistake.
Mr. Burns: *ring ring* Hmm. What's that strange ringing sound?
Smithers: I believe it's the doorbell. Shall I answer it?
Mr. Burns: I'll get it. I want to let some air in. It's freezing in here.
Task: Reach Level 11 and Build the Control Building
Task: Make Mr. Burns Answer the Igloo Door
Time: 4h
Location: Igloo Mansion
On job start:
Mr. Burns: Yes, yes, what is it?
Ralph: Hey Mister, I have to go potty! Can I use your bathroom?
Mr. Burns: Hmmm. Let me think.
Mr. Burns: ...
Mr. Burns: I'm going to say “no.” If I let you use my bathroom, that would make you feel better, right?
Ralph: Yes, sir.
Mr. Burns: Then definitely not. I didn't crush generations of workers under my boot to just turn around and start being nice to people.
Mr. Burns: You have to be consistent in this life. That's my whole deal.
Smithers: Sir, I believe that the boy is seconds away from going to the bathroom on your front porch.
Mr. Burns: Oho, playing hardball, eh? Very well. Pleas for help do nothing for me. Ruthless negotiating tactics I can respect. The bathroom is yours.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Igloo Mansion Pt. 2
Auto starts
Mr. Burns: You should be honored to be invited in, small person. You're only the third person to set eyes on my marvelous creation.
Ralph: Your house is chilly. Don't you have money for heat?
Mr. Burns: *sputter* This is an igloo you buffoon, if I turn the heat on it will melt straight away.
Ralph: Then it's a dumb idea for a house.
Mr. Burns: No it isn't. It's smart.
Task: Make Mr. Burns Have a Childish Argument
Time: 4h
Location: Igloo Mansion
On job start:
Ralph: Dumb.
Mr. Burns: Smart.
Ralph: Dumb.
Mr. Burns: Smart.
Smithers: Would you like me to see our guest out, sir?
Mr. Burns: Not until I've won this argument. Smart.
Ralph: Dumb times infinity.
Mr. Burns: Drat!
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Boat House Pt. 1
Auto starts
Sea Captain: Yarrrr! Take cover, ye land lubbers, and pray to whatever gods ye hold! There be a nor'easter blowing in!
Homer: We're all gonna die!
Homer: ...he said, not knowing what a “nor'easter” is, but assuming the worst...
Marge: It means a big storm.
Sea Captain: A tempest that devours all, gorging on the souls of the damned! Sending ships and fish alike to watery graves!
Marge: In that case, we might want to stock up on extra batteries.
Sea Captain: Aye, and canned veggies, too! Plus, it's always sensible to have a gas-powered generator on hand! They be affordable!
Sea Captain: Not that it will do ye any good when the kraken fixes its gaze upon ye...
Task: Make Sea Captain Terrify With Tales of the Deep
Time: 4h
Location: Boat House
Sea Captain: I've seen the kraken tear mighty vessels asunder with its tentacles. ‘Twas in a movie whose name escapes me at the moment.
Sea Captain: But Keanu Reeves was miscast as the ship's captain. Of that I be sure!
Homer: Can the kraken get into our house? So long as we don't invite him in, he can't enter, right?
Marge: Homer, krakens are a myth. Besides, they live in the sea. We're on land.
Homer: What about when I take a bath? Can the kraken get me there?!
Sea Captain: Well, it didn't happen in the film, but sure, probably. I imagine the kraken would like nothing better than to pull you to the icy depths of the tub.
Marge: Stop scaring my husband!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Boat House Pt. 2
Auto starts
Sea Captain: The fools doubt that the kraken be real.
Sea Captain: But I keep vigil from the prow of my boat house, ready to raise the alarm when the creature rises.
Sea Captain: The threat of the sea is all too real when one lives on water that is almost five feet deep.
Task: Make Sea Captain Look Through His Spyglass
Time: 8h
Location: Boat House
Sea Captain: I saw it!
Homer: The kraken?!
Sea Captain: Yarrr. It beat the sea into a froth, commanding the wind and rain with primal sorcery.
Sea Captain: I stared calmly into its hundred eyes speaking incantations in a long-dead tongue, casting it back to the deeps.
Sea Captain: And that's why the nor-easter petered out and all we got was a light drizzle.
Marge: So I don't need all these batteries I bought, huh?
Sea Captain: Yarrr. You can never have enough batteries. Bit of old sea wisdom for ye.
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
