The Invasion Before Christmas: Premium Walkthrough
The Birth of a Notion Pt. 1
J. Rigellian Christ starts
J. Rigellian Christ: Behold, I have come, your tentacled messiah. Happy Morphistic Quiznox indeed!
Rigellian Queen: Welcome out of the egg sack, my son and lord! Let me lick the birth slime off you.
J. Rigellian Christ: Not now, Mother, I have to spread the good word…about conquering all other creatures in the universe.
J. Rigellian Christ: First, though, I'm hungry. I believe the newborn of our species usually devour the father?
Rigellian Queen: In that case, bad news…
Task: Make J. Rigellian Christ Go Hungry
Time: 4h
Location: Manger
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Birth of a Notion Pt. 2
J. Rigellian Christ starts
J. Rigellian Christ: Friends, I am only a humble squid-creature, but I bring a wonderful message of peace.
J. Rigellian Christ: Peace throughout the galaxy, after we conquer it and enslave all other races.
Kang: Lead us and we shall follow, since we have nothing better to do.
J. Rigellian Christ: Great. But first, can anybody spare some food? I'm already ten minutes old and I didn't get to devour my father.
J. Rigellian Christ: Anyone? No? *sighs* Fine, I'll work on my sermon.
Task: Make J. Rigellian Christ Prepare to Preach
Time: 1h
Location: Manger
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Birth of a Notion Pt. 3
J. Rigellian Christ starts
J. Rigellian Christ: People of Earth, I bring you good news.
J. Rigellian Christ: Your conquest is certain. Resistance is futile.
Homer: Why is that good news?
J. Rigellian Christ: It's going to save you a lot of wasted time and effort resisting.
J. Rigellian Christ: Hear the good word!
Task: Make J. Rigellian Christ Preach Love and Peace
Time: 4h
Location: Manger
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Birth of a Notion Pt. 4
J. Rigellian Christ starts
J. Rigellian Christ: Mother, I have preached to the humans my glad tidings: that resistance is futile. But they heed me not.
Rigellian Queen: Perhaps you would get wider attention if you broadcast over the human “Internet”, a primitive network they use to send naughty pictures.
J. Rigellian Christ: Ah yes, unlike our far more sophisticated Rigellian “dirty magazines”.
Rigellian Queen: But first, you'll have to set up Wi-Fi.
J. Rigellian Christ: Shouldn't be hard. After all, I am the Son of Cthulhu.
Task: Make J. Rigellian Christ Struggle to Set up Wi-Fi
Time: 4h
Location: Manger
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Birth of a Notion Pt. 5
J. Rigellian Christ starts
J. Rigellian Christ: Finally, I finished setting up the Wi-Fi. That's thirty hours of my life I won't get back. Luckily, I'm immortal.
Kang: What do people think of your MyTube channel?
J. Rigellian Christ: They left some pretty nasty comments! They're calling me a patriarchal oppressor.
Kang: Inaccurate! Our species is a matriarchy. The females inject their eggs into the males' abdomens, where they hatch and feed on the organs.
J. Rigellian Christ: I'll just calmly post a message explaining my point of view. I'm sure the internet will be tolerant of my opinion.
Task: Make J. Rigellian Christ Be Crucified by the Internet
Time: 8h
J. Rigellian Christ: Talking to those jerks literally killed me! I will return for the Last Judgment. And I'm going to be in a bad mood.
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Jesus Christ, Alien Superstar
Auto starts
J. Rigellian Christ: Aw, Mom. You got all dressed up for my birthday!
Rigellian Queen: Don't get too excited. Human Christmas happens to coincide with the Festival of the Morphistic Quiznox.
J. Rigellian Christ: What does that celebrate?
Rigellian Queen: No one is sure, but we celebrate it by choosing a sacrifice and tearing his tentacles off one by one.
Rigellian Queen: So, it must be something pretty wonderful.
Task: Tap on the Festive Rigellian Queen
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
To Thine Own Elf Be True Pt. 1
Bart starts
Elf Bart: Hey, Lis -- Sky Finger turned us into elves. Wow, I actually have long skinny toes that curl all the way back in my curly-toe boots.
Elf Bart: Now to sneak into the North Pole and see what Santa is bringing us for Christmas.
Elf Lisa: Bart, that's the ultimate naughtiness. I'm going to stay here and spin candy canes, or whatever it is elves do.
Elf Bart: Don't want to know if you're getting a pony this year?
Elf Lisa: Well…maybe I should find out…in case I need to come up with a name.
Task: Make Elf Bart Prep to Sneak Into Santa's House
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
Task: Make Elf Lisa Come up With Pony Names
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
To Thine Own Elf Be True Pt. 2
Bart starts
Elf Bart: We're in the North Pole, Lis! You scan the computers for a nice/naughty list, I'll check the warehouses for presents labeled us.
Elf Lisa: Roger. If you find any cookies, remember what kind they are. We want to bribe Santa with something he really loves.
Worker Elf 1: Hey! What are you two doing wandering the halls? It's almost Christmas, no goofing off!
Elf Lisa: Uh, we're hall monitors.
Worker Elf 1: I'M a hall monitor! The sash is a fleshy outgrowth of my skin. Now get back to work!
Task: Make Elf Bart Make Toys
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
Task: Make Elf Lisa Clock In
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
To Thine Own Elf Be True Pt. 3
Bart starts
Elf Bart: Man, being an elf is hard work. Making toys all day sucks!
Elf Lisa: Yeah. Although I do enjoy the breaks we get for dancing a happy jig.
Elf Bart: No kidding! Jig dancing is awesome. Jig jig jig! Jig jig jig!
Worker Elf 1: You two! The head elf wants to see you. Now!
Elf Bart: But it's two minutes to jig dancing!
Task: Make Elf Bart and Elf Lisa Report to the Head Elf
Time: 60m
Location: Simpson House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
To Thine Own Elf Be True Pt. 4
Bart starts
Worker Elf 2: You two are completely messing up our production schedule.
Elf Bart: What? I'm cranking out Sergeant Activity dolls like crazy.
Worker Elf 2: But with zero quality control. FYI, the head attaches to the neck, not the butt.
Worker Elf 2: And you, female elf. You've brought our assembly line to a halt with your agonizing over what color to make the pony manes.
Elf Lisa: But there's so many great glitter choices!
Worker Elf 2: I'm putting you two on super-low priority jobs. Boy elf, you'll be making toys for a stinker called “Bart Simpson”. And girl elf, you'll be making them for a fusspot called “Lisa”.
Task: Make Elf Bart Make Low-Quality Toys for Himself
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
Task: Make Elf Lisa Never Finish Toys for Herself
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
To Thine Own Elf Be True Pt. 5
Lisa starts
Elf Bart: Santa, we have something to admit. We're actually human kids who got transformed into elves, and snuck into the North Pole to check out the goodies, like any red-blooded American jerks.
Elf Lisa: Please, can we stop making terrible toys for ourselves?
Santa Claus: Ho, ho, ho. I knew about your plan from the start. And I decided to teach you a lesson.
Santa Claus: I will forgive you, but only if you do one thing: spread holiday cheer around Springfield.
Elf Bart: We don't know how to do that.
Santa Claus: Sure you do! Jig jig jig!
Task: Make Elf Bart and Elf Lisa Spread Holiday Cheer
Time: 1h
Location: Simpson House
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Let's Take a Pole: North or South?
Auto starts
Kodos: Kang, I have finally finished a North Pole for you to play Santa in. There are many sappy human movies that imply this place is a source of “magic”.
Santa Kang: And it is true! I can feel it in my bones! Well, not bones, more like our series of fluid-filled sacs, but you get the idea! Thank you, Kodos.
Kodos: Well, go ahead! Try it out!
Task: Make Kodos Enjoy the North Pole
Time: 4h
Location: Rigellian North Pole
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The War on Christmas
Auto starts
Santa Claus: Ah, this old sleigh. Takes me back to 1942, when Abe Simpson shot me down over the Pacific.
Grampa: We had to cobble this thing together so you could finish Christmas.
Santa Claus: Abe, how about joining me in a glass of eggnog for old times sake?
Grampa: No way. Last time I went drinking with you, I woke up naked and on my forehead someone had written “I lick elf bells”.
Task: Tap on Santa's Plane Sled
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Snakes on a Sleigh
Auto starts
Santa Claus: …Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen...All shackled up and ready to go. We just need Rudolph.
Worker Elf 1: Uh, Santa? Remember how Bart Simpson asked for a python for Christmas?
Worker Elf 2: And we said no, that's too dangerous, but you said, “Aw, let him have it, maybe we'll get lucky and it'll eat him”.
Worker Elf 1: The snake got hungry early.
Task: Tap on the Snake Eating Rudolph
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
A Rocky Relationship
Moe starts
Moe: An Alaskan version of Moe's Tavern? Who looks at my bar and thinks, “I should copy that”?
Moe: I mean, I love my bar, but only because I have to. You can divorce a wife, but you can't divorce a career.
Moe: Maybe I'll take a look in Eski-Moe's, see what's up with those Alaskaholics.
Task: Make Moe Try a Drink at Eski-Moe's
Time: 4h
Location: Eski-Moe's
Moe: Drinks with ice?! I can't afford that in the lower 48. If people ask me for booze on the rocks, what they get is rocks.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
That Was Zen, This Is Me-Ow Pt. 1
Lyla starts
Lyla: I, the former Zen priestess, have been reincarnated! But where?
Lyla: According to the laws of Karma, if I was good in my last life, I will be rewarded in this one.
Lyla: Apparently I came back to Springfield.
Lyla: Whatever I did in my past life must have been really bad.
Lyla: Oh, now I remember. I was making out with Montgomery Burns. So really, REALLY bad.
Task: Make Lyla Zen Out
Time: 8h
Task: Make Burns Search for His Lost Love
Time: 8h
Location: The Peak Inn
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
That Was Zen, This Is Me-Ow Pt. 2
Lyla starts
Lyla: Why have I been reincarnated as myself with all my memories in Springfield? I'm supposed to come back as something different. Like a cat.
Gautama Buddha: You have unfinished business. You died before you could experience the passions of love with…Montgomery Burns.
Lyla: Yuk.
Gautama Buddha: Only when you have sated your feminine fleshly desires can you escape the cycle of the time and achieve Nirvana.
Lyla: I'd still rather be a cat.
Task: Make Lyla Repress Inner Desires
Time: 4h
Task: Make Burns Sense Love Is Near
Time: 4h
Location: Burns Homes (Control Building, Classic Mansion, Burns' Summer Mansion or Dr. Lenny's Lab)
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
That Was Zen, This Is Me-Ow Pt. 3
Lyla starts
Lyla: Maybe I should listen to Buddha, abandon my priestly chastity, and surrender to the temptations of the flesh.
Lyla: After all, Buddha is Enlightened. That's sort of like having a Ph.D in Psychology.
Lyla: I'll have to ask the ladies for advice about achieving earthly pleasure, though.
Luann: Well don't ask me, ‘cause Kirk ain't delivering! Oh, snap!
Task: Make Lyla Explore Her French Sensuality
Time: 4h
Location: The Peak Inn
Task: Make Springfield Ladies Complain About Their Sex Lives
Time: 4h
Location: The Peak Inn
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
That Was Zen, This Is Me-Ow Pt. 4
Lyla starts
Lyla: Montgomery Burns, I have come for you!
Mr. Burns: You'll never take me alive! I'll blow the nuclear plant sky high and take everyone with me! Oh, it's you Lyla.
Lyla: You're not freaked out that I've returned from the afterlife?
Mr. Burns: Eh, coming back from death happens to me pretty much every week.
Lyla: Then let's achieve our own Earthly paradise. Kiss me with those blue lips, you wrinkled stickbag!
Task: Make Lyla Share a Night of Passion
Time: 8h
Location: The Peak Inn
Task: Make Burns Enjoy a Night of Passion
Time: 8h
Location: The Peak Inn
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
That Was Zen, This Is Me-Ow Pt. 5
Lyla starts
Mr. Burns: Oh, sweet Lyla, what a magical night of love. I've never been so satisfied.
Mr. Burns: And you, my precious. Did you discover the joys of fleshly passion?
Lyla: Kind of.
Mr. Burns: Shall we do it again tonight, honeysuckle?
Lyla: I'll get back to you.
Task: Make Lyla Try to Escape the Cycle of Time
Time: 4h
Location: The Peak Inn
Task: Make Burns Swoon
Time: 4h
Location: The Peak Inn
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
The Promised Land
Krusty starts
Rabbi Krustofsky: Ah, my boy! They finally finished building our holiday feasting place.
Krusty: Yeah, what would Jews do on Christmas if it weren't for Chinese restaurants? And what would Chinese restaurants do if it weren't for Jews?
Rabbi Krustofsky: Let the gentiles eat their holiday gooses. I'm gonna get tso deep into some General Tso's chicken!
Task: Make Krusty Enjoy a Meal
Time: 8h
Location: Chinese Restaurant
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
O Glitterbaum, O Glitterbaum Pt. 1
Ralph starts
Wiggum: Good news, Ralphie. You got the part of a Christmas tree in the school play.
Wiggum: I know you wanted to be the Sugar Plum Fairy, but for that you have to hold in your pee for fifteen minutes.
Christmas Tree Ralph: Yay! If I'm a tree, everyone will hang candy canes on me.
Wiggum: Hey, that's right! This is going to be great. Now, let's decorate your costume.
Christmas Tree Ralph: I want glitter. It tastes the best.
Task: Make Christmas Tree Ralph Glitter Bomb Himself
Time: 4h
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
O Glitterbaum, O Glitterbaum Pt. 2
Ralph starts
Christmas Tree Ralph: I have twinkles!
Wiggum: Ralphie! Come back here! I didn't finish putting all the sparkles on the costume.
Christmas Tree Ralph: Stars twinkle, too! I'm going into outer space! Whee-oo whee-oo!
Wiggum: Ralphie! You know stars don't wear boas! Come back here!
Task: Make Christmas Tree Ralph Rocket Into Space
Time: 4h
Location: Wiggum House
Task: Make Chief Wiggum Chase After Ralph
Time: 4h
Location: Wiggum House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
O Glitterbaum, O Glitterbaum Pt. 3
Ralph starts
Christmas Tree Ralph: I love my costume. When I grow up, I want to be a Christmas tree.
Sarah Wiggum: Ralph, honey, it's bedtime. Take it off.
Christmas Tree Ralph: No! I want to wear it in the bath, too!
Wiggum: Let him be, Sarah. It's the first time he shown a passion for anything but boogers.
Task: Make Christmas Tree Ralph Sleep in His Costume
Time: 4h
Location: Wiggum House
Task: Make Chief Wiggum Feel Proud
Time: 4h
Location: Wiggum House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
O Glitterbaum, O Glitterbaum Pt. 4
Bart starts
Christmas Tree Ralph: Hi, Lisa. I'm a cannonbaum.
Lisa: You look very festive. Ralph. Are those empty beer cans you have on your costume?
Christmas Tree Ralph: I'm gluing on shiny things. Do you have any glue? I ate mine.
Lisa: Um, I do, but I'm saving it in case I, uh, also get hungry.
Christmas Tree Ralph: O.K. Tree you later.
Task: Make Christmas Tree Ralph Decorate Himself
Time: 4h
Task: Make Lisa Not Believe She Once Dated Ralph
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
O Glitterbaum, O Glitterbaum Pt. 5
Ralph starts
Wiggum: Mr. Mayor, little Ralphie has a request.
Wiggum: He'd like to be the town Christmas tree.
Christmas Tree Ralph: I wouldn't move even if a dog tickled me with his tummy water.
Quimby: Very well. But I must warn you, it doesn't pay and in January we throw you on the tire fire.
Task: Make Christmas Tree Ralph Light Up the Town
Time: 4h
Location: Wiggum House
Task: Make Springfielders Enjoy Christmas Tree Ralph
Time: 4h
Location: Wiggum House
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
The Animal Within
Auto starts
Moe: I bought an exotic petting zoo? What was I drinking?
Moe: Nothing from my bar -- that booze is all water.
Quimby: You can count on me as a customer. When's the wet TV contest? And where do I stuff my dollar bills?
Moe: Wait, are you thinkin' this is exotic ladies? It's an exotic ANIMAL petting zoo.
Quimby: Sorry. When I hear "exotic" and "petting" my mind goes where any crummy mayor's would.
Task: Make Moe Prepare the Zoo
Time: 4h
Location: Exotic Petting Zoo
Quest reward: Fully upgraded Exotic Petting Zoo, $100 and 10 XP
Fixer Upper Fortress
Comic Book Guy starts
Comic Book Guy: Ah, the Fortress of Lonelitude. The perfect place to hide my superior brain and morbidly obese body from the world.
Comic Book Guy: From its dark depths, I shall launch tweet storm after tweet storm.
Kumiko: But you have leveled up from bachelorhood, husband.
Comic Book Guy: Great Scott, you're right! Now it's a Fortress of Lovelitude!
Kumiko: In which case, you need to do some redecorating.
Task: Make Comic Book Guy Update the Fortress
Time: 4h
Location: Fortress of Lonelitude
Quest reward: Fully upgraded Fortress of Lonelitude, $100 and 10 XP
Guess Who's Brahman to Dinner Pt. 1
Shiva starts
Shiva: I have come to Springfield to fight a mighty demon, hideous and hugely fat.
Bart: Yep, that's him there, cramming his face with pork chops.
Homer: Hey, dude, can you use one of those extra arms to pass the gravy?
Shiva: Wow. What a water buffalo. I've never seen anything like it, and I've been around for 4.3 million years.
Task: Make Shiva Admire Homer
Time: 6s
Location: Kwik-E-Mart
Task: Make Homer Gorge
Time: 6s
Location: Kwik-E-Mart
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Guess Who's Brahman to Dinner Pt. 2
Shiva starts
Shiva: Homer, you are such an impressive and noble demon, I want to grant you a gift -- anything you want.
Homer: I don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth -- I'd rather eat the gift horse -- but what's in it for you?
Shiva: I want to make a new friend. My wife's always saying I should get off the sofa and meet people.
Homer: Your wife and mine must've gone to the same college: Nag U.
Shiva: Very amusing, demon! Now, choose your gift!
Task: Make Homer Choose His Gift
Time: 4h
Location: Kwik-E-Mart
Task: Make Shiva Balance Consciousness
Time: 4h
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Guess Who's Brahman to Dinner Pt. 3
Shiva starts
Shiva: So, Homer, have you chosen the boon you wish to receive?
Homer: I want anyone I put my hand on to turn into food.
Shiva: Weird, but sure. Tathaastu! It is done.
Homer: Great. Now to try it out on a nice juicy overlord…
Shiva: Why are you looking at me like I'm a pork chop? I'm getting the Delhi out of here!
Task: Make Homer Seek Shiva Around the House
Time: 4h
Location: Kwik-E-Mart
Task: Make Shiva Hide in the Basement
Time: 4h
Location: Kwik-E-Mart
Homer: Stupid delicious Shiva, where are you?
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Guess Who's Brahman to Dinner Pt. 4
Shiva starts
Homer: Apu, have you seen Lord Shiva? I want to put my hand on his head and turn him into food.
Homer: Hope you're cool with that.
Apu: Well, He is one of the three primal Lords of the Cosmos, but on the other hand, you're a valued customer.
Apu: I shouldn't tell you this, but if you want to summon Shiva, all you have to do is this little dance.
Homer: Oh, not Bollywood!
Task: Make Apu Teach Homer a Dance
Time: 60m
Location: Kwik-E-Mart
Task: Make Homer Dance Like a Bollywood Star
Time: 1h
Location: Kwik-E-Mart
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Guess Who's Brahman to Dinner Pt. 5
Shiva starts
Homer: Come on, Apu, I've been doing this dance for hours and it still hasn't summoned Shiva. I'm starving.
Apu: Okay to finish the dance, spin around and put your hand on your head.
Homer: Great, just like this… D'oh!
Apu: Shiva, you can come out now. Homer has turned himself into food. Hot dogs, actually.
Shiva: Lesson learned: never grant a demon a boon.
Apu: You might have saved yourself some hassle if you'd read the “Story of Bhasmasura”.
Task: Make Shiva Run the World
Time: 8h
Task: Make Apu Work an 8hr Shift
Time: 8h
Location: Kwik-E-Mart
Task: Make Homer Try to Eat Himself
Time: 8h
Location: Kwik-E-Mart
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Shiva Boss Fight Dialogue
Auto starts
Kwanzaa Dr. Hibbert: I'm so glad to have you join us, Shiva! High five!
Shiva: High FIVES. This is going to take a while.
Rabbi Krustofsky Boss Fight Dialogue
Auto starts
Rabbi Krustofsky: Feh! These aliens don't have the chutzpah to mess with the Angel of Yahweh.
Krusty: It's time to take these pishers to the laundromat – father and clown style!
Jesus' Birthday Promo
Gil starts
Gil: Hey there, pal! How'd you like to help someone who's had some pretty rough times?
Gil: I'm talking about Jesus Christ, of course!
Gil: So, help me show him we still remember his birthday!
On offer accepted:
Gil: Oh, wow. That's what I inappropriately call a mitzvah.
Gil: Now I get to spend the holidays with the people I love… the blackjack dealers at Springfield Casino. I feel lucky, cha-cha-cha!
On offer declined:
Gil: No sale, huh? Boy, my boss is gonna be mad.
Gil: He told me if I didn't make a sale I'd have to answer to Pontius Pilate.
Gil: I don't know who that is, but I was kicked out of my last Pilates class for stealing the mats.
Joy to the Weird Pt. 1
Jesus Christ starts
Jesus Christ: Another birthday, and no one seems to remember.
Jesus Christ: It used to be a big deal. Carol singing, holiday sermons, solemn invocations…
Jesus Christ: Now it seems like it's just a chance to watch college football.
Jesus Christ: Which reminds me, I've had a lot a lot of prayers from USC fans.
Jesus Christ: Guess I'll give them, oh, a 15-yard punt return. More than they deserve.
Task: Make Jesus Feel Sad No One Remembers His Birthday
Time: 4h
Location: Heavenly Swing Set
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Joy to the Weird Pt. 2
Jesus Christ starts
Jesus Christ: Enough sulking! I'll disguise my holy essence and go among the people. I'll find out what they're doing instead of celebrating my birthday.
Jesus Christ: Hello, good tavern keeper. How are you spending the holiday?
Moe: I'm remembering all my failed relationships. Then as a treat I'll either hang myself in the basement or stick my head in the oven.
Jesus Christ: Whoa, don't do that! It's a mortal sin! Isn't there one family in this town who will take you in tonight?
Moe: Well, there's Homer Simpson. He's got a big enough bar tab I expect he'll agree to anything.
Task: Make Jesus Take Moe to the Simpsons
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
Requires: Moe
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Joy to the Weird Pt. 3
Jesus Christ starts
Jesus Christ: Hi, Simpsons. I'm a super-cool regular dude who doesn't look anything like Jesus to you.
Jesus Christ: Bart, how are you honoring the holidays?
Bart: I'm playing a freemium game on my phone.
Jesus Christ: That doesn't sound very religious.
Bart: You'd be surprised. There's some deep stuff in here.
Jesus Christ: That I doubt.
Task: Make Jesus Cast Judgement
Time: 8h
Location: Heavenly Swing Set
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Joy to the Weird Pt. 4
Jesus Christ starts
Jesus Christ: Lisa, what are you doing to celebrate Christmas? I ask as an apparently regular guy who doesn't look anything like Jesus to you.
Lisa: I'm praying for good will and peace among the people of the world.
Jesus Christ: Oh! That sounds wonderfully me-ish. I mean, Christian.
Lisa: I'm Buddhist.
Jesus Christ: Okay. But suppose Jesus appeared right here in front of you right now? That'd have to change your mind, right?
Lisa: I dunno. There's been an awful lot of holy visitations this December.
Task: Make Jesus Sulk
Time: 4h
Location: Heavenly Swing Set
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Joy to the Weird Pt. 5
Jesus Christ starts
Jesus Christ: Homer and Marge, how are you spending the holidays?
Marge: Well, if you were Jesus…
Homer: Which you aren't, because to us you don't look anything like him…
Marge: We'd say we're trying to remember You the best way we can in this noisy, selfish world…by watching an animated Christmas special.
Homer: But not a Simpsons Christmas episode. The people who do those are as cheaply cynical as they come.
Task: Make Jesus Forgive Everyone but the Simpsons Count: 1x
Time: 8h
Location: Heavenly Swing Set
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Unstable Stable
Ned starts
Ned: Oh, my stars! It's the Bethlehem stable that Jesus was born in! Boys, come over here and climb in the manger. I want to get a photo for Facelook.
Todd: But I'll get fleas!
Ned: Fleas that bit little Jesus.
Ned: Forget what I said about the Vatican, those are the REAL holy parasites.
Task: Tap on the Stable at the Inn
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Third-Eye Watchtower
Gautama Buddha starts
Gautama Buddha: Thank you, Jack Frost, for supplying the Belief System League with this wonderful Watchtower. Now we really can keep an eye on people!
Shiva: But how did you have the money for this thing? It's top-of-the-line tech!
Jack Frost: Got it cheap at an estate sale. Remember that dude Sauron? Well, he don't need no all-seeing eye no more.
Jack Frost: Actually, they're selling off everything in Mordor dirt-cheap.
Santa Claus: Really? Maybe I'll go grab some orcs. They couldn't complain any more than elves.
Task: Make a B.S. Leaguer Set up the Watchtower
Time: 8h
Location: Radiant B.S. Station
Characters: Shiva, Santa Claus, Gautama Buddha, Jack Frost, Jesus Christ, Kwanzaa Dr. Hibbert, Rabbi Krustofsky
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Chestnuts Roasting on a Tire Fire
Lisa starts
Lisa: It's nice that Mayor Quimby made the Springfield Tire Fire look festive, but isn't he just trying to distract us from the fact that he still hasn't put it out?
Homer: Oh, honey, I would never fall for such an obvious trick.
Quimby: Who wants s'mores? I'm handing out free marshmallows.
Homer: Ooh, ooh, me! Throw another couple tires on the fire!
Task: Make Homer Enjoy S'mores
Time: 4h
Location: Tire Fireplace
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Krusty's Kristmas Makes a Komeback
Krusty starts
Krusty: Now opening: a festive holiday show to put you in the Christmas spirit.
Krusty: No kid will be able to say no. So make sure you charge them double.
Sideshow Mel: Krusty, surely you are not Scrooging?! This arena should bring holiday cheer, not jeers!
Krusty: "Cheer" doesn't buy fresh tiger milk, and that's the only thing that soothes my shaving rash.
Krusty: Now, get on your skates. You're on in five!
Task: Make Krusty Prepare for a Show
Time: 8h
Location: Krusty's Kristmas on Ice
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
J. Rigellian Christ starts
J. Rigellian Christ: Behold, I have come, your tentacled messiah. Happy Morphistic Quiznox indeed!
Rigellian Queen: Welcome out of the egg sack, my son and lord! Let me lick the birth slime off you.
J. Rigellian Christ: Not now, Mother, I have to spread the good word…about conquering all other creatures in the universe.
J. Rigellian Christ: First, though, I'm hungry. I believe the newborn of our species usually devour the father?
Rigellian Queen: In that case, bad news…
Task: Make J. Rigellian Christ Go Hungry
Time: 4h
Location: Manger
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Birth of a Notion Pt. 2
J. Rigellian Christ starts
J. Rigellian Christ: Friends, I am only a humble squid-creature, but I bring a wonderful message of peace.
J. Rigellian Christ: Peace throughout the galaxy, after we conquer it and enslave all other races.
Kang: Lead us and we shall follow, since we have nothing better to do.
J. Rigellian Christ: Great. But first, can anybody spare some food? I'm already ten minutes old and I didn't get to devour my father.
J. Rigellian Christ: Anyone? No? *sighs* Fine, I'll work on my sermon.
Task: Make J. Rigellian Christ Prepare to Preach
Time: 1h
Location: Manger
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Birth of a Notion Pt. 3
J. Rigellian Christ starts
J. Rigellian Christ: People of Earth, I bring you good news.
J. Rigellian Christ: Your conquest is certain. Resistance is futile.
Homer: Why is that good news?
J. Rigellian Christ: It's going to save you a lot of wasted time and effort resisting.
J. Rigellian Christ: Hear the good word!
Task: Make J. Rigellian Christ Preach Love and Peace
Time: 4h
Location: Manger
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Birth of a Notion Pt. 4
J. Rigellian Christ starts
J. Rigellian Christ: Mother, I have preached to the humans my glad tidings: that resistance is futile. But they heed me not.
Rigellian Queen: Perhaps you would get wider attention if you broadcast over the human “Internet”, a primitive network they use to send naughty pictures.
J. Rigellian Christ: Ah yes, unlike our far more sophisticated Rigellian “dirty magazines”.
Rigellian Queen: But first, you'll have to set up Wi-Fi.
J. Rigellian Christ: Shouldn't be hard. After all, I am the Son of Cthulhu.
Task: Make J. Rigellian Christ Struggle to Set up Wi-Fi
Time: 4h
Location: Manger
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Birth of a Notion Pt. 5
J. Rigellian Christ starts
J. Rigellian Christ: Finally, I finished setting up the Wi-Fi. That's thirty hours of my life I won't get back. Luckily, I'm immortal.
Kang: What do people think of your MyTube channel?
J. Rigellian Christ: They left some pretty nasty comments! They're calling me a patriarchal oppressor.
Kang: Inaccurate! Our species is a matriarchy. The females inject their eggs into the males' abdomens, where they hatch and feed on the organs.
J. Rigellian Christ: I'll just calmly post a message explaining my point of view. I'm sure the internet will be tolerant of my opinion.
Task: Make J. Rigellian Christ Be Crucified by the Internet
Time: 8h
J. Rigellian Christ: Talking to those jerks literally killed me! I will return for the Last Judgment. And I'm going to be in a bad mood.
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Jesus Christ, Alien Superstar
Auto starts
J. Rigellian Christ: Aw, Mom. You got all dressed up for my birthday!
Rigellian Queen: Don't get too excited. Human Christmas happens to coincide with the Festival of the Morphistic Quiznox.
J. Rigellian Christ: What does that celebrate?
Rigellian Queen: No one is sure, but we celebrate it by choosing a sacrifice and tearing his tentacles off one by one.
Rigellian Queen: So, it must be something pretty wonderful.
Task: Tap on the Festive Rigellian Queen
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
To Thine Own Elf Be True Pt. 1
Bart starts
Elf Bart: Hey, Lis -- Sky Finger turned us into elves. Wow, I actually have long skinny toes that curl all the way back in my curly-toe boots.
Elf Bart: Now to sneak into the North Pole and see what Santa is bringing us for Christmas.
Elf Lisa: Bart, that's the ultimate naughtiness. I'm going to stay here and spin candy canes, or whatever it is elves do.
Elf Bart: Don't want to know if you're getting a pony this year?
Elf Lisa: Well…maybe I should find out…in case I need to come up with a name.
Task: Make Elf Bart Prep to Sneak Into Santa's House
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
Task: Make Elf Lisa Come up With Pony Names
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
To Thine Own Elf Be True Pt. 2
Bart starts
Elf Bart: We're in the North Pole, Lis! You scan the computers for a nice/naughty list, I'll check the warehouses for presents labeled us.
Elf Lisa: Roger. If you find any cookies, remember what kind they are. We want to bribe Santa with something he really loves.
Worker Elf 1: Hey! What are you two doing wandering the halls? It's almost Christmas, no goofing off!
Elf Lisa: Uh, we're hall monitors.
Worker Elf 1: I'M a hall monitor! The sash is a fleshy outgrowth of my skin. Now get back to work!
Task: Make Elf Bart Make Toys
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
Task: Make Elf Lisa Clock In
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
To Thine Own Elf Be True Pt. 3
Bart starts
Elf Bart: Man, being an elf is hard work. Making toys all day sucks!
Elf Lisa: Yeah. Although I do enjoy the breaks we get for dancing a happy jig.
Elf Bart: No kidding! Jig dancing is awesome. Jig jig jig! Jig jig jig!
Worker Elf 1: You two! The head elf wants to see you. Now!
Elf Bart: But it's two minutes to jig dancing!
Task: Make Elf Bart and Elf Lisa Report to the Head Elf
Time: 60m
Location: Simpson House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
To Thine Own Elf Be True Pt. 4
Bart starts
Worker Elf 2: You two are completely messing up our production schedule.
Elf Bart: What? I'm cranking out Sergeant Activity dolls like crazy.
Worker Elf 2: But with zero quality control. FYI, the head attaches to the neck, not the butt.
Worker Elf 2: And you, female elf. You've brought our assembly line to a halt with your agonizing over what color to make the pony manes.
Elf Lisa: But there's so many great glitter choices!
Worker Elf 2: I'm putting you two on super-low priority jobs. Boy elf, you'll be making toys for a stinker called “Bart Simpson”. And girl elf, you'll be making them for a fusspot called “Lisa”.
Task: Make Elf Bart Make Low-Quality Toys for Himself
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
Task: Make Elf Lisa Never Finish Toys for Herself
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
To Thine Own Elf Be True Pt. 5
Lisa starts
Elf Bart: Santa, we have something to admit. We're actually human kids who got transformed into elves, and snuck into the North Pole to check out the goodies, like any red-blooded American jerks.
Elf Lisa: Please, can we stop making terrible toys for ourselves?
Santa Claus: Ho, ho, ho. I knew about your plan from the start. And I decided to teach you a lesson.
Santa Claus: I will forgive you, but only if you do one thing: spread holiday cheer around Springfield.
Elf Bart: We don't know how to do that.
Santa Claus: Sure you do! Jig jig jig!
Task: Make Elf Bart and Elf Lisa Spread Holiday Cheer
Time: 1h
Location: Simpson House
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Let's Take a Pole: North or South?
Auto starts
Kodos: Kang, I have finally finished a North Pole for you to play Santa in. There are many sappy human movies that imply this place is a source of “magic”.
Santa Kang: And it is true! I can feel it in my bones! Well, not bones, more like our series of fluid-filled sacs, but you get the idea! Thank you, Kodos.
Kodos: Well, go ahead! Try it out!
Task: Make Kodos Enjoy the North Pole
Time: 4h
Location: Rigellian North Pole
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The War on Christmas
Auto starts
Santa Claus: Ah, this old sleigh. Takes me back to 1942, when Abe Simpson shot me down over the Pacific.
Grampa: We had to cobble this thing together so you could finish Christmas.
Santa Claus: Abe, how about joining me in a glass of eggnog for old times sake?
Grampa: No way. Last time I went drinking with you, I woke up naked and on my forehead someone had written “I lick elf bells”.
Task: Tap on Santa's Plane Sled
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Snakes on a Sleigh
Auto starts
Santa Claus: …Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen...All shackled up and ready to go. We just need Rudolph.
Worker Elf 1: Uh, Santa? Remember how Bart Simpson asked for a python for Christmas?
Worker Elf 2: And we said no, that's too dangerous, but you said, “Aw, let him have it, maybe we'll get lucky and it'll eat him”.
Worker Elf 1: The snake got hungry early.
Task: Tap on the Snake Eating Rudolph
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
A Rocky Relationship
Moe starts
Moe: An Alaskan version of Moe's Tavern? Who looks at my bar and thinks, “I should copy that”?
Moe: I mean, I love my bar, but only because I have to. You can divorce a wife, but you can't divorce a career.
Moe: Maybe I'll take a look in Eski-Moe's, see what's up with those Alaskaholics.
Task: Make Moe Try a Drink at Eski-Moe's
Time: 4h
Location: Eski-Moe's
Moe: Drinks with ice?! I can't afford that in the lower 48. If people ask me for booze on the rocks, what they get is rocks.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
That Was Zen, This Is Me-Ow Pt. 1
Lyla starts
Lyla: I, the former Zen priestess, have been reincarnated! But where?
Lyla: According to the laws of Karma, if I was good in my last life, I will be rewarded in this one.
Lyla: Apparently I came back to Springfield.
Lyla: Whatever I did in my past life must have been really bad.
Lyla: Oh, now I remember. I was making out with Montgomery Burns. So really, REALLY bad.
Task: Make Lyla Zen Out
Time: 8h
Task: Make Burns Search for His Lost Love
Time: 8h
Location: The Peak Inn
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
That Was Zen, This Is Me-Ow Pt. 2
Lyla starts
Lyla: Why have I been reincarnated as myself with all my memories in Springfield? I'm supposed to come back as something different. Like a cat.
Gautama Buddha: You have unfinished business. You died before you could experience the passions of love with…Montgomery Burns.
Lyla: Yuk.
Gautama Buddha: Only when you have sated your feminine fleshly desires can you escape the cycle of the time and achieve Nirvana.
Lyla: I'd still rather be a cat.
Task: Make Lyla Repress Inner Desires
Time: 4h
Task: Make Burns Sense Love Is Near
Time: 4h
Location: Burns Homes (Control Building, Classic Mansion, Burns' Summer Mansion or Dr. Lenny's Lab)
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
That Was Zen, This Is Me-Ow Pt. 3
Lyla starts
Lyla: Maybe I should listen to Buddha, abandon my priestly chastity, and surrender to the temptations of the flesh.
Lyla: After all, Buddha is Enlightened. That's sort of like having a Ph.D in Psychology.
Lyla: I'll have to ask the ladies for advice about achieving earthly pleasure, though.
Luann: Well don't ask me, ‘cause Kirk ain't delivering! Oh, snap!
Task: Make Lyla Explore Her French Sensuality
Time: 4h
Location: The Peak Inn
Task: Make Springfield Ladies Complain About Their Sex Lives
Time: 4h
Location: The Peak Inn
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
That Was Zen, This Is Me-Ow Pt. 4
Lyla starts
Lyla: Montgomery Burns, I have come for you!
Mr. Burns: You'll never take me alive! I'll blow the nuclear plant sky high and take everyone with me! Oh, it's you Lyla.
Lyla: You're not freaked out that I've returned from the afterlife?
Mr. Burns: Eh, coming back from death happens to me pretty much every week.
Lyla: Then let's achieve our own Earthly paradise. Kiss me with those blue lips, you wrinkled stickbag!
Task: Make Lyla Share a Night of Passion
Time: 8h
Location: The Peak Inn
Task: Make Burns Enjoy a Night of Passion
Time: 8h
Location: The Peak Inn
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
That Was Zen, This Is Me-Ow Pt. 5
Lyla starts
Mr. Burns: Oh, sweet Lyla, what a magical night of love. I've never been so satisfied.
Mr. Burns: And you, my precious. Did you discover the joys of fleshly passion?
Lyla: Kind of.
Mr. Burns: Shall we do it again tonight, honeysuckle?
Lyla: I'll get back to you.
Task: Make Lyla Try to Escape the Cycle of Time
Time: 4h
Location: The Peak Inn
Task: Make Burns Swoon
Time: 4h
Location: The Peak Inn
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
The Promised Land
Krusty starts
Rabbi Krustofsky: Ah, my boy! They finally finished building our holiday feasting place.
Krusty: Yeah, what would Jews do on Christmas if it weren't for Chinese restaurants? And what would Chinese restaurants do if it weren't for Jews?
Rabbi Krustofsky: Let the gentiles eat their holiday gooses. I'm gonna get tso deep into some General Tso's chicken!
Task: Make Krusty Enjoy a Meal
Time: 8h
Location: Chinese Restaurant
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
O Glitterbaum, O Glitterbaum Pt. 1
Ralph starts
Wiggum: Good news, Ralphie. You got the part of a Christmas tree in the school play.
Wiggum: I know you wanted to be the Sugar Plum Fairy, but for that you have to hold in your pee for fifteen minutes.
Christmas Tree Ralph: Yay! If I'm a tree, everyone will hang candy canes on me.
Wiggum: Hey, that's right! This is going to be great. Now, let's decorate your costume.
Christmas Tree Ralph: I want glitter. It tastes the best.
Task: Make Christmas Tree Ralph Glitter Bomb Himself
Time: 4h
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
O Glitterbaum, O Glitterbaum Pt. 2
Ralph starts
Christmas Tree Ralph: I have twinkles!
Wiggum: Ralphie! Come back here! I didn't finish putting all the sparkles on the costume.
Christmas Tree Ralph: Stars twinkle, too! I'm going into outer space! Whee-oo whee-oo!
Wiggum: Ralphie! You know stars don't wear boas! Come back here!
Task: Make Christmas Tree Ralph Rocket Into Space
Time: 4h
Location: Wiggum House
Task: Make Chief Wiggum Chase After Ralph
Time: 4h
Location: Wiggum House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
O Glitterbaum, O Glitterbaum Pt. 3
Ralph starts
Christmas Tree Ralph: I love my costume. When I grow up, I want to be a Christmas tree.
Sarah Wiggum: Ralph, honey, it's bedtime. Take it off.
Christmas Tree Ralph: No! I want to wear it in the bath, too!
Wiggum: Let him be, Sarah. It's the first time he shown a passion for anything but boogers.
Task: Make Christmas Tree Ralph Sleep in His Costume
Time: 4h
Location: Wiggum House
Task: Make Chief Wiggum Feel Proud
Time: 4h
Location: Wiggum House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
O Glitterbaum, O Glitterbaum Pt. 4
Bart starts
Christmas Tree Ralph: Hi, Lisa. I'm a cannonbaum.
Lisa: You look very festive. Ralph. Are those empty beer cans you have on your costume?
Christmas Tree Ralph: I'm gluing on shiny things. Do you have any glue? I ate mine.
Lisa: Um, I do, but I'm saving it in case I, uh, also get hungry.
Christmas Tree Ralph: O.K. Tree you later.
Task: Make Christmas Tree Ralph Decorate Himself
Time: 4h
Task: Make Lisa Not Believe She Once Dated Ralph
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
O Glitterbaum, O Glitterbaum Pt. 5
Ralph starts
Wiggum: Mr. Mayor, little Ralphie has a request.
Wiggum: He'd like to be the town Christmas tree.
Christmas Tree Ralph: I wouldn't move even if a dog tickled me with his tummy water.
Quimby: Very well. But I must warn you, it doesn't pay and in January we throw you on the tire fire.
Task: Make Christmas Tree Ralph Light Up the Town
Time: 4h
Location: Wiggum House
Task: Make Springfielders Enjoy Christmas Tree Ralph
Time: 4h
Location: Wiggum House
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
The Animal Within
Auto starts
Moe: I bought an exotic petting zoo? What was I drinking?
Moe: Nothing from my bar -- that booze is all water.
Quimby: You can count on me as a customer. When's the wet TV contest? And where do I stuff my dollar bills?
Moe: Wait, are you thinkin' this is exotic ladies? It's an exotic ANIMAL petting zoo.
Quimby: Sorry. When I hear "exotic" and "petting" my mind goes where any crummy mayor's would.
Task: Make Moe Prepare the Zoo
Time: 4h
Location: Exotic Petting Zoo
Quest reward: Fully upgraded Exotic Petting Zoo, $100 and 10 XP
Fixer Upper Fortress
Comic Book Guy starts
Comic Book Guy: Ah, the Fortress of Lonelitude. The perfect place to hide my superior brain and morbidly obese body from the world.
Comic Book Guy: From its dark depths, I shall launch tweet storm after tweet storm.
Kumiko: But you have leveled up from bachelorhood, husband.
Comic Book Guy: Great Scott, you're right! Now it's a Fortress of Lovelitude!
Kumiko: In which case, you need to do some redecorating.
Task: Make Comic Book Guy Update the Fortress
Time: 4h
Location: Fortress of Lonelitude
Quest reward: Fully upgraded Fortress of Lonelitude, $100 and 10 XP
Guess Who's Brahman to Dinner Pt. 1
Shiva starts
Shiva: I have come to Springfield to fight a mighty demon, hideous and hugely fat.
Bart: Yep, that's him there, cramming his face with pork chops.
Homer: Hey, dude, can you use one of those extra arms to pass the gravy?
Shiva: Wow. What a water buffalo. I've never seen anything like it, and I've been around for 4.3 million years.
Task: Make Shiva Admire Homer
Time: 6s
Location: Kwik-E-Mart
Task: Make Homer Gorge
Time: 6s
Location: Kwik-E-Mart
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Guess Who's Brahman to Dinner Pt. 2
Shiva starts
Shiva: Homer, you are such an impressive and noble demon, I want to grant you a gift -- anything you want.
Homer: I don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth -- I'd rather eat the gift horse -- but what's in it for you?
Shiva: I want to make a new friend. My wife's always saying I should get off the sofa and meet people.
Homer: Your wife and mine must've gone to the same college: Nag U.
Shiva: Very amusing, demon! Now, choose your gift!
Task: Make Homer Choose His Gift
Time: 4h
Location: Kwik-E-Mart
Task: Make Shiva Balance Consciousness
Time: 4h
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Guess Who's Brahman to Dinner Pt. 3
Shiva starts
Shiva: So, Homer, have you chosen the boon you wish to receive?
Homer: I want anyone I put my hand on to turn into food.
Shiva: Weird, but sure. Tathaastu! It is done.
Homer: Great. Now to try it out on a nice juicy overlord…
Shiva: Why are you looking at me like I'm a pork chop? I'm getting the Delhi out of here!
Task: Make Homer Seek Shiva Around the House
Time: 4h
Location: Kwik-E-Mart
Task: Make Shiva Hide in the Basement
Time: 4h
Location: Kwik-E-Mart
Homer: Stupid delicious Shiva, where are you?
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Guess Who's Brahman to Dinner Pt. 4
Shiva starts
Homer: Apu, have you seen Lord Shiva? I want to put my hand on his head and turn him into food.
Homer: Hope you're cool with that.
Apu: Well, He is one of the three primal Lords of the Cosmos, but on the other hand, you're a valued customer.
Apu: I shouldn't tell you this, but if you want to summon Shiva, all you have to do is this little dance.
Homer: Oh, not Bollywood!
Task: Make Apu Teach Homer a Dance
Time: 60m
Location: Kwik-E-Mart
Task: Make Homer Dance Like a Bollywood Star
Time: 1h
Location: Kwik-E-Mart
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Guess Who's Brahman to Dinner Pt. 5
Shiva starts
Homer: Come on, Apu, I've been doing this dance for hours and it still hasn't summoned Shiva. I'm starving.
Apu: Okay to finish the dance, spin around and put your hand on your head.
Homer: Great, just like this… D'oh!
Apu: Shiva, you can come out now. Homer has turned himself into food. Hot dogs, actually.
Shiva: Lesson learned: never grant a demon a boon.
Apu: You might have saved yourself some hassle if you'd read the “Story of Bhasmasura”.
Task: Make Shiva Run the World
Time: 8h
Task: Make Apu Work an 8hr Shift
Time: 8h
Location: Kwik-E-Mart
Task: Make Homer Try to Eat Himself
Time: 8h
Location: Kwik-E-Mart
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Shiva Boss Fight Dialogue
Auto starts
Kwanzaa Dr. Hibbert: I'm so glad to have you join us, Shiva! High five!
Shiva: High FIVES. This is going to take a while.
Rabbi Krustofsky Boss Fight Dialogue
Auto starts
Rabbi Krustofsky: Feh! These aliens don't have the chutzpah to mess with the Angel of Yahweh.
Krusty: It's time to take these pishers to the laundromat – father and clown style!
Jesus' Birthday Promo
Gil starts
Gil: Hey there, pal! How'd you like to help someone who's had some pretty rough times?
Gil: I'm talking about Jesus Christ, of course!
Gil: So, help me show him we still remember his birthday!
On offer accepted:
Gil: Oh, wow. That's what I inappropriately call a mitzvah.
Gil: Now I get to spend the holidays with the people I love… the blackjack dealers at Springfield Casino. I feel lucky, cha-cha-cha!
On offer declined:
Gil: No sale, huh? Boy, my boss is gonna be mad.
Gil: He told me if I didn't make a sale I'd have to answer to Pontius Pilate.
Gil: I don't know who that is, but I was kicked out of my last Pilates class for stealing the mats.
Joy to the Weird Pt. 1
Jesus Christ starts
Jesus Christ: Another birthday, and no one seems to remember.
Jesus Christ: It used to be a big deal. Carol singing, holiday sermons, solemn invocations…
Jesus Christ: Now it seems like it's just a chance to watch college football.
Jesus Christ: Which reminds me, I've had a lot a lot of prayers from USC fans.
Jesus Christ: Guess I'll give them, oh, a 15-yard punt return. More than they deserve.
Task: Make Jesus Feel Sad No One Remembers His Birthday
Time: 4h
Location: Heavenly Swing Set
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Joy to the Weird Pt. 2
Jesus Christ starts
Jesus Christ: Enough sulking! I'll disguise my holy essence and go among the people. I'll find out what they're doing instead of celebrating my birthday.
Jesus Christ: Hello, good tavern keeper. How are you spending the holiday?
Moe: I'm remembering all my failed relationships. Then as a treat I'll either hang myself in the basement or stick my head in the oven.
Jesus Christ: Whoa, don't do that! It's a mortal sin! Isn't there one family in this town who will take you in tonight?
Moe: Well, there's Homer Simpson. He's got a big enough bar tab I expect he'll agree to anything.
Task: Make Jesus Take Moe to the Simpsons
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
Requires: Moe
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Joy to the Weird Pt. 3
Jesus Christ starts
Jesus Christ: Hi, Simpsons. I'm a super-cool regular dude who doesn't look anything like Jesus to you.
Jesus Christ: Bart, how are you honoring the holidays?
Bart: I'm playing a freemium game on my phone.
Jesus Christ: That doesn't sound very religious.
Bart: You'd be surprised. There's some deep stuff in here.
Jesus Christ: That I doubt.
Task: Make Jesus Cast Judgement
Time: 8h
Location: Heavenly Swing Set
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Joy to the Weird Pt. 4
Jesus Christ starts
Jesus Christ: Lisa, what are you doing to celebrate Christmas? I ask as an apparently regular guy who doesn't look anything like Jesus to you.
Lisa: I'm praying for good will and peace among the people of the world.
Jesus Christ: Oh! That sounds wonderfully me-ish. I mean, Christian.
Lisa: I'm Buddhist.
Jesus Christ: Okay. But suppose Jesus appeared right here in front of you right now? That'd have to change your mind, right?
Lisa: I dunno. There's been an awful lot of holy visitations this December.
Task: Make Jesus Sulk
Time: 4h
Location: Heavenly Swing Set
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Joy to the Weird Pt. 5
Jesus Christ starts
Jesus Christ: Homer and Marge, how are you spending the holidays?
Marge: Well, if you were Jesus…
Homer: Which you aren't, because to us you don't look anything like him…
Marge: We'd say we're trying to remember You the best way we can in this noisy, selfish world…by watching an animated Christmas special.
Homer: But not a Simpsons Christmas episode. The people who do those are as cheaply cynical as they come.
Task: Make Jesus Forgive Everyone but the Simpsons Count: 1x
Time: 8h
Location: Heavenly Swing Set
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Unstable Stable
Ned starts
Ned: Oh, my stars! It's the Bethlehem stable that Jesus was born in! Boys, come over here and climb in the manger. I want to get a photo for Facelook.
Todd: But I'll get fleas!
Ned: Fleas that bit little Jesus.
Ned: Forget what I said about the Vatican, those are the REAL holy parasites.
Task: Tap on the Stable at the Inn
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Third-Eye Watchtower
Gautama Buddha starts
Gautama Buddha: Thank you, Jack Frost, for supplying the Belief System League with this wonderful Watchtower. Now we really can keep an eye on people!
Shiva: But how did you have the money for this thing? It's top-of-the-line tech!
Jack Frost: Got it cheap at an estate sale. Remember that dude Sauron? Well, he don't need no all-seeing eye no more.
Jack Frost: Actually, they're selling off everything in Mordor dirt-cheap.
Santa Claus: Really? Maybe I'll go grab some orcs. They couldn't complain any more than elves.
Task: Make a B.S. Leaguer Set up the Watchtower
Time: 8h
Location: Radiant B.S. Station
Characters: Shiva, Santa Claus, Gautama Buddha, Jack Frost, Jesus Christ, Kwanzaa Dr. Hibbert, Rabbi Krustofsky
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Chestnuts Roasting on a Tire Fire
Lisa starts
Lisa: It's nice that Mayor Quimby made the Springfield Tire Fire look festive, but isn't he just trying to distract us from the fact that he still hasn't put it out?
Homer: Oh, honey, I would never fall for such an obvious trick.
Quimby: Who wants s'mores? I'm handing out free marshmallows.
Homer: Ooh, ooh, me! Throw another couple tires on the fire!
Task: Make Homer Enjoy S'mores
Time: 4h
Location: Tire Fireplace
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Krusty's Kristmas Makes a Komeback
Krusty starts
Krusty: Now opening: a festive holiday show to put you in the Christmas spirit.
Krusty: No kid will be able to say no. So make sure you charge them double.
Sideshow Mel: Krusty, surely you are not Scrooging?! This arena should bring holiday cheer, not jeers!
Krusty: "Cheer" doesn't buy fresh tiger milk, and that's the only thing that soothes my shaving rash.
Krusty: Now, get on your skates. You're on in five!
Task: Make Krusty Prepare for a Show
Time: 8h
Location: Krusty's Kristmas on Ice
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
