The Van Houtens: Premium Walkthrough
Salting the Books Pt. 1
Kirkedemious Van Houten starts
Kirkedemious Van Houten: So this is the Springfield I've heard so much about.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Time to go check up on the cracker factory. I’m sure the Van Houten name is thriving thanks to our family’s legendary square and salty goodness.
Cracker Manager: This here is the room where we salt the crackers. If we had the budget for it. These days, each cracker sheet is just rubbed against this salt block for twenty seconds.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: That’s enough salt for the people? We’re still the number one cracker in the tri-county area, I trust?
Cracker Manager: Oh, good gracious, no. Southern Cracker has fallen to the number six spot, behind Allied Biscuit.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Allied Biscuit? Allied Biscuit?!! Oh, if Grandpappy Van Houten knew we’d be playing second fiddle—
Cracker Manager: More like sixth fiddle.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: —to Allied Biscuit, he’d be rolling over in his grave…
Kirkedemious Van Houten: …if he hadn’t been cremated and sprinkled over a batch of Special Reserve Saltinettes.
Task: Make Kirkedemious Go Over the Books
Time: 4h
Location: Cracker Factory or Van Houten Villa
Kirkedemious Van Houten: These numbers can’t be correct. Sixteen thousand dollars for a nuclear-powered dough kneader?
Cracker Manager: Ah, yes that was for our limited release S’S’mores. For when you’ve had some s’mores but you need S’S’more s’mores.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: And another sixteen thousand for a grammar expert?
Cracker Manager: Right. Also for the S’S’mores campaign. Corporate couldn’t decide how many apostrophes was correct.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Salting the Books Pt. 2
Kirkedemious Van Houten starts
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Luann.
Luann: Kirkedemious? I thought you were—
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Hiking the Andes with my mistress? I cut it short to check up on our factory. And I’m glad I did. Are you aware of the state of things?
Luann: Uh…Kirk did it!
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Tell me, Luann. What percentage of the local indigenous population is being exploited for labor in the factory?
Luann: Uh, well, I think zero.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Oh, that’s way too low. No wonder your profit margins are so thin.
Task: Make Kirkedemious Look for Indigenous Springfielders to Exploit
Time: 4h
Location: Cracker Factory or Van Houten Villa
If the user has Luann: Task: Make Luann Yell at Kirk for the Factory Woes
Time: 4h
Location: Cracker Factory, Van Houten Villa or Brown House
If the user has Kirk: Task: Make Kirk Threaten Divorce but Take it Back
Time: 4h
Location: Cracker Factory, Van Houten Villa or Brown House
Luann: This is all your fault! Kirkedemious wouldn’t even be here if you hadn’t taken over at the factory and driven it into the ground!
Kirk: Well I wouldn’t have had to take over at the factory if you’d been supportive of my competitive basket weaving. I could have gone pro!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Salting the Books Pt. 3
Kirkedemious Van Houten starts
Kirkedemious Van Houten: I take it you are the chief recruiter of the local labor hiring hall?
Fat Tony: Among other arrangements, yes.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Then I need you to gather an assortment of indigenous laborers and have them report to the Southern Cracker factory. Ask for, um…Mr., uh…Mr. Manager.
Fat Tony: That can be arranged.
Task: Make Kirkedemious Ask the Cracker Factory Manager’s Name
Time: 8h
Location: Cracker Factory or Van Houten Villa
Task: Make Fat Tony Round Up the Locals
Time: 8h
Location: Cracker Factory, Van Houten Villa or Brown House
Cletus: And so alls I gots to do is scrape all this dough off’a this machine here, and I can keep whatever I dun scraped?
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Incredible. They’ve barely learned language at all. And what is the name of his tribe?
Fat Tony: They go by the moniker of “Yokels”.
Ralph: I like to lick the salt block!
Kirkedemious Van Houten: And this one is a Yokel as well?
Fat Tony: After a fashion.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Salting the Books Pt. 4
Kirkedemious Van Houten starts
Wiggum: Excuse me. Are you…*reading*…Kirkedumbledore Von Hasselhoff?
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Yes. Are you another Yokel?
Wiggum: I’m asking the questions here. It seems that Channel 6 News did an exposé on numerous labor code violations at your factory.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Is that a question?
Wiggum: No. My question is…I didn’t see the exposé…did you?
Kirkedemious Van Houten: I did not. But speaking of free media exposure I believe you would be the perfect spokesperson for our new Southern Cracker ad campaign…
Wiggum: I would?
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Indeed. A rugged man among men, exploring the countryside, stopping here and there for the manliest of snacks — a cracker.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Unless, of course, you’re busy with this…exposé, was it?
Wiggum: What, that? No, no, tell me more about my rugged man-among-manliness.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Of course. But first, let me see you pose just like I am.
Wiggum: Sure thing. Let me get my Springfield Explorers outfit.
Task: Make Kirkedemious Pose
Time: 1h
If the user has Wiggum: Task: Make Wiggum Run Home to Get His Explorer’s Outfit
Time: 1h
Location: Cracker Factory, Van Houten Villa or Brown House
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Yes, that’s it. Perfection.
Wiggum: Should I raise my leg higher? No guarantees I’ll succeed, but I can try.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Salting the Books Pt. 5
Kirkedemious Van Houten starts
Kirkedemious Van Houten: The numbers have just come in. Our ad campaign is a huge success, all thanks to you, Chief Wiggum.
Wiggum: Ah, well, just doing my job. My second job, that is.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: With these cracker sales, we can afford to buy real salt. The Van Houten name will mean something again.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Other than “Made of Wood” of course.
Task: Make Kirkedemious Salt the Crackers
Time: 4h
If the user has Wiggum: Task: Make Wiggum Audition for Other Modeling Gigs
Time: 4h
Location: Cracker Factory, Van Houten Villa or Brown House
Kent Brockman: Following our exposé last week, several of the exploited workers have bravely chosen to come forward.
Ralph: We Yokels demand freedom!
Wiggum: Look at that. Ralphie is a spokesman, too. He’s a chip off the old block.
Ralph: Salt makes my tongue mad!
Wiggum: Block of salt, that is.
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Loove At First Sight Pt. 1
Milhoose starts
Bart: Hey, Milhoose. Welcome to Springfield. How was your trip?
Milhoose: Not great. The air conditioner broke and it got hotter than a Calgary brush fire. It caused quite a kerfuffle.
Bart: Riiight. So, what do you wanna do first while you’re here?
Milhoose: I’m pretty beat. Do you mind if we just head back to your hoose?
Bart: My what? Oh, you mean my “house”.
Milhoose: You’ve got a funny accent. So southern.
Task: Make Milhoose Head Over to Bart’s Hoose
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House or Brown House
If the user has Bart: Task: Make Bart Take Milhoose Back to His Hoose
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House or Brown House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Loove At First Sight Pt. 2
Milhoose starts
Milhoose: Sure it’s okay with your parents that I stay here?
Bart: Of course, they said they’d love to have you. Something about…expanding my culture or something. I honestly forgot though.
Homer: Bart, did a button from my pants fly through here?
Milhoose: Wow, your dad must spend a lot of time on the chesterfield, eh?
Homer: Milhouse, what happened to your head? It has a wool cap on it.
Bart: Dad! This isn’t Milhouse. It’s Milhoose. Remember, you said he could stay with us a couple of days?
Homer: That doesn’t sound like something I’d say…
Bart: You were drunk and you said, “As long as he pays the toll,” to which I said, “what’s the toll?” and you said—
Homer: *suddenly remembering* Fifty gallons of maple syrup!
Milhoose: *hands over fifty-gallon drum of maple syrup*
Homer: Woo-hoo! Marge! Can you make eight-hundred pancakes, please?!
Lisa: Hey Bart, who’s your new friend?
Milhoose: Bart, I need to use your washroom!
Task: Make Milhoose Dive Into the Washroom
Time: 12h
Location: Simpson House or Brown House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Loove At First Sight Pt. 3
Milhoose starts
Bart: Milhoose, you okay?
Milhoose: Just fixing my hair. Hey, where’d that cutie go?
Bart: You mean Lisa? I think she went to bed. You were in there for like twelve hours.
Milhoose: I’m going to level with you, Bart. I only came here so I could ask your sister oot.
Bart: Ugh, are you serious? Trust me man, you don’t wanna go there. I’ve lived with this girl for…sometimes it feels like thirty years.
Milhoose: It’s too late, Bart. I’ve got it bad. She’s the one, and all I can think about is turning her froon upside doon.
Task: Make Milhoose Turn on the Milhoose Charm
Time: 12h
Lisa: Is that — back bacon cologne?
Milhoose: Yes…cologne. But Lisa, this is nothing compared to your smile, which is sweeter than the finest beavertail.
Lisa: Oh, stop. So, you’re from Canada? That’s interesting, how do you like it there?
Milhoose: It’s colder than an Alberta summer when you’re not around.
Lisa: Aw, you’re sweet.
Milhoose: Lisa, would you be interested in going to a hockey game with me tonight? The Saskatoon Marmots are in town, and it’s sure to be a real gongshow.
Lisa: Hmm, I better not. Hockey tends to bring out the worst in me. Can we go hiking instead?
Milhoose: Hiking in Springfield? More like a slightly sloped walk, I’d say.
Milhoose: But with you, Lisa, I’d walk anywhere at any incline.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Loove At First Sight Pt. 4
Milhoose starts
Lisa: The peak of Mount Springfield!
Milhoose: Oh, she’s a real beaut. But not nearly so much a beaut as you, Lisa.
Lisa: Hehe, stop.
Lisa: But please go on!
Milhoose: Oh, you look cold. Take my tuque.
Lisa: What’s a tuque? Oh, you mean your hat. Thank you, but won’t you get cold?
Milhoose: It’s alright, I have another tuque here in my knapsack, along with some milk in a bag if you’re thirsty.
Lisa: Well, it’s getting late. We better start heading back.
Milhoose: Okay. I took the liberty of arranging our transportation prior to our departure.
Lisa: Is that a moose-drawn carriage?
Task: Make Milhoose Drive a Moose-drawn Carriage
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House or Brown House
Task: Make Lisa Take the Moose-drawn Carriage
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House or Brown House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Loove At First Sight Pt. 5
Milhoose starts
Lisa: A mountaintop moose carriage sure must have been expensive.
Milhoose: Well, they were running a discount for couples, so I told them you were my spoose. I hope you don’t mind.
Lisa: So…when do you have to head back to Canada?
Milhoose: Tonight, unfortunately. My dad just called and grounded me for charging the moose to his credit card.
Lisa: Oh, no. That’s terrible! Will I ever see you again?
Milhoose: I was hoping we could try a long-distance relationship, eh?
Lisa: I suppose we could try it.
Milhoose: Oh Lisa, you’ve made me happier than a hoser in a poutine factory.
Lisa: Is that very happy?
Milhoose: Extremely. Now please, take this parting gift. It’s vintage 2010.
Task: Make Milhoose Give Lisa a Bottle of Maple Syrup
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House or Brown House
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
A Squopping Good Time Pt. 1
Milford Van Houten starts
Milford Van Houten: What in tarnation — where am I?
Comic Book Guy: Oh, great. Another one-off character digitally immortalized. What’s worse than tertiary? Quaternary?
Milford Van Houten: What sort of bafflegab are you muttering, mountain boy?
Comic Book Guy: You are in Springfield. You’ve been summoned here by the Sky Finger.
Milford Van Houten: Sky Finger? Bah! More humbuggery.
Comic Book Guy: Worst catchphrase ever.
Milford Van Houten: And you are the proprietor of this here establishment? Which sells…sheets of confusing daguerreotypes?
Comic Book Guy: They’re comic books.
Milford Van Houten: I’ve seen enough. Before I go, Comic Book Man—
Comic Book Guy: Guy.
Milford Van Houten: —would you be so kind as to point me towards the nearest railroad?
Comic Book Guy: Oh, the monorail? That’s uh… *looking around* …I swear I’ve seen it somewhere.
Task: Make Milford Van Houten Look for the Nearest Railroad
Time: 4h
Location: Town Hall or Brown House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
A Squopping Good Time Pt. 2
Milford Van Houten starts
Milford Van Houten: Excuse me, miss, might I trouble you for some assistance?
Lisa: Milhouse? What’s with the old-timey getup?
Milford Van Houten: *gasp* Oh my stars and stripes, it’s an angel! This must be heaven!
Lisa: You need to work on your material, Milhouse. You’ve used the angel line before.
Milford Van Houten: And just what is a “Milhouse”?
Lisa: Wait, so you’re not Milhouse? If you’re going for the Milhouse look…you should really go for something else.
Lisa: By the way, I’m Lisa Simpson.
Task: Make Milford Van Houten Be Both Shocked and Disgusted
Time: 8h
Location: Town Hall or Brown House
Milford Van Houten: Simpson?! Of the Melbourne Simpsons?
Lisa: Well, I did have some ancestors from Australia, like Eliza Simpson. But they were kicked out of Australia...that country founded by kicked-out people.
Milford Van Houten: Well I’ll be. You’re related to Eliza Simpson?
Lisa: She was my great-great-great grandaunt. Did you know her?
Milford Van Houten: She was the most terrible person I ever knew. Also, she was my wife.
Lisa: Wife? Wait, are you Milford? Milford Van Houten?
Milford Van Houten: Indeed I am. But I shan’t be seen in this incarnation with the likes of another Simpson!
Lisa: I know how you must feel about Eliza, but please let me show you that not all Simpsons are like that!
Milford Van Houten: Well, considering the only two people I know here are you and that Comic Book Man, you may proceed.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
A Squopping Good Time Pt. 3
Milford Van Houten starts
Lisa: This is the Springfield soup kitchen, where I volunteer to feed the homeless every week.
Milford Van Houten: You take time out of your day to prepare a home-cooked meal for them?
Lisa: Well, someone else cooks it. I…put it on their plate for them.
Milford Van Houten: So basically, you’re just a glorified handler. Noble. Yes, very noble indeed.
Lisa: No, you don’t understand! I do a lot more than that!
Milford Van Houten: I believe I’ve seen all I need to see. It’s clear to me now that all Simpsons are just full of horsefeathers.
Milford Van Houten: Now if you’ll excuse me, I would like to spend eternity reading under that sarsaparilla tree.
Task: Make Milford Van Houten Read Under the Sarsaparilla Tree
Time: 8h
Location: Sarsaparilla Tree
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
A Squopping Good Time Pt. 4
Milford Van Houten starts
Lisa: Milford is out there thinking that I’m just as bad as Eliza. How can I convince him I’m a good person?
Lisa: Think, Lisa, think… Oh, I’ve got it!
Lisa: Hi, Milford. Whatcha reading?
Milford Van Houten: If you must know, it’s sheets of confusing daguerreotypes called “How To Stay Married To A Double Crossin’ Wench”.
Lisa: Well, seeing as how you enjoy books so much, I thought I might take you to the Springfield Library.
Milford Van Houten: I suppose I could get my affairs in order to secure a borrowing rights card. Do they take three-cent nickels?
Task: Make Milford Van Houten Go to the Springfield Library With Lisa
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Library or Brown House
Task: Make Lisa Take Milford to the Springfield Library
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Library or Brown House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
A Squopping Good Time Pt. 5
Milford Van Houten starts
Lisa: Here we are, the Springfield Library!
Milford Van Houten: Why is your face all over this establishment?
Lisa: Oh, those? That’s just because I’ve donated so many books.
Milford Van Houten: You donated books to the library? Well I do declare, that is indeed a most honorable act of generosity.
Miss Hoover: Lisa, are you donating again?! You’ve already maxed out your extra credit for this month.
Milford Van Houten: Extra credit?
Miss Hoover: Yes, every time Lisa donates a book to the library, she earns extra credit in school.
Milford Van Houten: I see. So, Lisa, donating these books wasn't about improving the library. It was only about improving your school evaluation.
Milford Van Houten: Every word out of your mouth is just plain applesauce.
Lisa: No, it was about both! It’s a win-win, don’t you see?
Milford Van Houten: I do believe we’re done here. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to play Tiddlywinks.
Task: Make Milford Van Houten Excuse Himself
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Library or Brown House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
A Squopping Good Time Pt. 6
Milford Van Houten starts
Lisa: Did you say Tiddlywinks? I love that game! We play it at home, although ours is called Tiddlywonks. My Dad bought a discount knock-off brand.
Milford Van Houten: You play Tiddlywinks?
Lisa: Well, Tiddlywonks. I’m not very good at it, but I still enjoy it, nonetheless.
Milford Van Houten: Well, mayhap we could play a round or two.
Task: Make Milford Van Houten Play Tiddlywinks
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Library or Brown House
Task: Make Lisa Play Tiddlywinks With Milford Van Houten
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Library or Brown House
Milford Van Houten: I must admit, you are quite talented at squopping!
Lisa: *giggles* Yes, I’m not very good at potting, so I have to play defensively.
Milford Van Houten: You know, I may have judged you a bit prematurely, Lisa. It appears you’re not just full of fiddle-faddle. Now, if you’ll excuse me…I’d like you to stay for a spell.
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Kirkedemious Van Houten starts
Kirkedemious Van Houten: So this is the Springfield I've heard so much about.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Time to go check up on the cracker factory. I’m sure the Van Houten name is thriving thanks to our family’s legendary square and salty goodness.
Cracker Manager: This here is the room where we salt the crackers. If we had the budget for it. These days, each cracker sheet is just rubbed against this salt block for twenty seconds.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: That’s enough salt for the people? We’re still the number one cracker in the tri-county area, I trust?
Cracker Manager: Oh, good gracious, no. Southern Cracker has fallen to the number six spot, behind Allied Biscuit.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Allied Biscuit? Allied Biscuit?!! Oh, if Grandpappy Van Houten knew we’d be playing second fiddle—
Cracker Manager: More like sixth fiddle.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: —to Allied Biscuit, he’d be rolling over in his grave…
Kirkedemious Van Houten: …if he hadn’t been cremated and sprinkled over a batch of Special Reserve Saltinettes.
Task: Make Kirkedemious Go Over the Books
Time: 4h
Location: Cracker Factory or Van Houten Villa
Kirkedemious Van Houten: These numbers can’t be correct. Sixteen thousand dollars for a nuclear-powered dough kneader?
Cracker Manager: Ah, yes that was for our limited release S’S’mores. For when you’ve had some s’mores but you need S’S’more s’mores.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: And another sixteen thousand for a grammar expert?
Cracker Manager: Right. Also for the S’S’mores campaign. Corporate couldn’t decide how many apostrophes was correct.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Salting the Books Pt. 2
Kirkedemious Van Houten starts
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Luann.
Luann: Kirkedemious? I thought you were—
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Hiking the Andes with my mistress? I cut it short to check up on our factory. And I’m glad I did. Are you aware of the state of things?
Luann: Uh…Kirk did it!
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Tell me, Luann. What percentage of the local indigenous population is being exploited for labor in the factory?
Luann: Uh, well, I think zero.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Oh, that’s way too low. No wonder your profit margins are so thin.
Task: Make Kirkedemious Look for Indigenous Springfielders to Exploit
Time: 4h
Location: Cracker Factory or Van Houten Villa
If the user has Luann: Task: Make Luann Yell at Kirk for the Factory Woes
Time: 4h
Location: Cracker Factory, Van Houten Villa or Brown House
If the user has Kirk: Task: Make Kirk Threaten Divorce but Take it Back
Time: 4h
Location: Cracker Factory, Van Houten Villa or Brown House
Luann: This is all your fault! Kirkedemious wouldn’t even be here if you hadn’t taken over at the factory and driven it into the ground!
Kirk: Well I wouldn’t have had to take over at the factory if you’d been supportive of my competitive basket weaving. I could have gone pro!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Salting the Books Pt. 3
Kirkedemious Van Houten starts
Kirkedemious Van Houten: I take it you are the chief recruiter of the local labor hiring hall?
Fat Tony: Among other arrangements, yes.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Then I need you to gather an assortment of indigenous laborers and have them report to the Southern Cracker factory. Ask for, um…Mr., uh…Mr. Manager.
Fat Tony: That can be arranged.
Task: Make Kirkedemious Ask the Cracker Factory Manager’s Name
Time: 8h
Location: Cracker Factory or Van Houten Villa
Task: Make Fat Tony Round Up the Locals
Time: 8h
Location: Cracker Factory, Van Houten Villa or Brown House
Cletus: And so alls I gots to do is scrape all this dough off’a this machine here, and I can keep whatever I dun scraped?
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Incredible. They’ve barely learned language at all. And what is the name of his tribe?
Fat Tony: They go by the moniker of “Yokels”.
Ralph: I like to lick the salt block!
Kirkedemious Van Houten: And this one is a Yokel as well?
Fat Tony: After a fashion.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Salting the Books Pt. 4
Kirkedemious Van Houten starts
Wiggum: Excuse me. Are you…*reading*…Kirkedumbledore Von Hasselhoff?
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Yes. Are you another Yokel?
Wiggum: I’m asking the questions here. It seems that Channel 6 News did an exposé on numerous labor code violations at your factory.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Is that a question?
Wiggum: No. My question is…I didn’t see the exposé…did you?
Kirkedemious Van Houten: I did not. But speaking of free media exposure I believe you would be the perfect spokesperson for our new Southern Cracker ad campaign…
Wiggum: I would?
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Indeed. A rugged man among men, exploring the countryside, stopping here and there for the manliest of snacks — a cracker.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Unless, of course, you’re busy with this…exposé, was it?
Wiggum: What, that? No, no, tell me more about my rugged man-among-manliness.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Of course. But first, let me see you pose just like I am.
Wiggum: Sure thing. Let me get my Springfield Explorers outfit.
Task: Make Kirkedemious Pose
Time: 1h
If the user has Wiggum: Task: Make Wiggum Run Home to Get His Explorer’s Outfit
Time: 1h
Location: Cracker Factory, Van Houten Villa or Brown House
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Yes, that’s it. Perfection.
Wiggum: Should I raise my leg higher? No guarantees I’ll succeed, but I can try.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Salting the Books Pt. 5
Kirkedemious Van Houten starts
Kirkedemious Van Houten: The numbers have just come in. Our ad campaign is a huge success, all thanks to you, Chief Wiggum.
Wiggum: Ah, well, just doing my job. My second job, that is.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: With these cracker sales, we can afford to buy real salt. The Van Houten name will mean something again.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Other than “Made of Wood” of course.
Task: Make Kirkedemious Salt the Crackers
Time: 4h
If the user has Wiggum: Task: Make Wiggum Audition for Other Modeling Gigs
Time: 4h
Location: Cracker Factory, Van Houten Villa or Brown House
Kent Brockman: Following our exposé last week, several of the exploited workers have bravely chosen to come forward.
Ralph: We Yokels demand freedom!
Wiggum: Look at that. Ralphie is a spokesman, too. He’s a chip off the old block.
Ralph: Salt makes my tongue mad!
Wiggum: Block of salt, that is.
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Loove At First Sight Pt. 1
Milhoose starts
Bart: Hey, Milhoose. Welcome to Springfield. How was your trip?
Milhoose: Not great. The air conditioner broke and it got hotter than a Calgary brush fire. It caused quite a kerfuffle.
Bart: Riiight. So, what do you wanna do first while you’re here?
Milhoose: I’m pretty beat. Do you mind if we just head back to your hoose?
Bart: My what? Oh, you mean my “house”.
Milhoose: You’ve got a funny accent. So southern.
Task: Make Milhoose Head Over to Bart’s Hoose
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House or Brown House
If the user has Bart: Task: Make Bart Take Milhoose Back to His Hoose
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House or Brown House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Loove At First Sight Pt. 2
Milhoose starts
Milhoose: Sure it’s okay with your parents that I stay here?
Bart: Of course, they said they’d love to have you. Something about…expanding my culture or something. I honestly forgot though.
Homer: Bart, did a button from my pants fly through here?
Milhoose: Wow, your dad must spend a lot of time on the chesterfield, eh?
Homer: Milhouse, what happened to your head? It has a wool cap on it.
Bart: Dad! This isn’t Milhouse. It’s Milhoose. Remember, you said he could stay with us a couple of days?
Homer: That doesn’t sound like something I’d say…
Bart: You were drunk and you said, “As long as he pays the toll,” to which I said, “what’s the toll?” and you said—
Homer: *suddenly remembering* Fifty gallons of maple syrup!
Milhoose: *hands over fifty-gallon drum of maple syrup*
Homer: Woo-hoo! Marge! Can you make eight-hundred pancakes, please?!
Lisa: Hey Bart, who’s your new friend?
Milhoose: Bart, I need to use your washroom!
Task: Make Milhoose Dive Into the Washroom
Time: 12h
Location: Simpson House or Brown House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Loove At First Sight Pt. 3
Milhoose starts
Bart: Milhoose, you okay?
Milhoose: Just fixing my hair. Hey, where’d that cutie go?
Bart: You mean Lisa? I think she went to bed. You were in there for like twelve hours.
Milhoose: I’m going to level with you, Bart. I only came here so I could ask your sister oot.
Bart: Ugh, are you serious? Trust me man, you don’t wanna go there. I’ve lived with this girl for…sometimes it feels like thirty years.
Milhoose: It’s too late, Bart. I’ve got it bad. She’s the one, and all I can think about is turning her froon upside doon.
Task: Make Milhoose Turn on the Milhoose Charm
Time: 12h
Lisa: Is that — back bacon cologne?
Milhoose: Yes…cologne. But Lisa, this is nothing compared to your smile, which is sweeter than the finest beavertail.
Lisa: Oh, stop. So, you’re from Canada? That’s interesting, how do you like it there?
Milhoose: It’s colder than an Alberta summer when you’re not around.
Lisa: Aw, you’re sweet.
Milhoose: Lisa, would you be interested in going to a hockey game with me tonight? The Saskatoon Marmots are in town, and it’s sure to be a real gongshow.
Lisa: Hmm, I better not. Hockey tends to bring out the worst in me. Can we go hiking instead?
Milhoose: Hiking in Springfield? More like a slightly sloped walk, I’d say.
Milhoose: But with you, Lisa, I’d walk anywhere at any incline.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Loove At First Sight Pt. 4
Milhoose starts
Lisa: The peak of Mount Springfield!
Milhoose: Oh, she’s a real beaut. But not nearly so much a beaut as you, Lisa.
Lisa: Hehe, stop.
Lisa: But please go on!
Milhoose: Oh, you look cold. Take my tuque.
Lisa: What’s a tuque? Oh, you mean your hat. Thank you, but won’t you get cold?
Milhoose: It’s alright, I have another tuque here in my knapsack, along with some milk in a bag if you’re thirsty.
Lisa: Well, it’s getting late. We better start heading back.
Milhoose: Okay. I took the liberty of arranging our transportation prior to our departure.
Lisa: Is that a moose-drawn carriage?
Task: Make Milhoose Drive a Moose-drawn Carriage
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House or Brown House
Task: Make Lisa Take the Moose-drawn Carriage
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House or Brown House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Loove At First Sight Pt. 5
Milhoose starts
Lisa: A mountaintop moose carriage sure must have been expensive.
Milhoose: Well, they were running a discount for couples, so I told them you were my spoose. I hope you don’t mind.
Lisa: So…when do you have to head back to Canada?
Milhoose: Tonight, unfortunately. My dad just called and grounded me for charging the moose to his credit card.
Lisa: Oh, no. That’s terrible! Will I ever see you again?
Milhoose: I was hoping we could try a long-distance relationship, eh?
Lisa: I suppose we could try it.
Milhoose: Oh Lisa, you’ve made me happier than a hoser in a poutine factory.
Lisa: Is that very happy?
Milhoose: Extremely. Now please, take this parting gift. It’s vintage 2010.
Task: Make Milhoose Give Lisa a Bottle of Maple Syrup
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House or Brown House
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
A Squopping Good Time Pt. 1
Milford Van Houten starts
Milford Van Houten: What in tarnation — where am I?
Comic Book Guy: Oh, great. Another one-off character digitally immortalized. What’s worse than tertiary? Quaternary?
Milford Van Houten: What sort of bafflegab are you muttering, mountain boy?
Comic Book Guy: You are in Springfield. You’ve been summoned here by the Sky Finger.
Milford Van Houten: Sky Finger? Bah! More humbuggery.
Comic Book Guy: Worst catchphrase ever.
Milford Van Houten: And you are the proprietor of this here establishment? Which sells…sheets of confusing daguerreotypes?
Comic Book Guy: They’re comic books.
Milford Van Houten: I’ve seen enough. Before I go, Comic Book Man—
Comic Book Guy: Guy.
Milford Van Houten: —would you be so kind as to point me towards the nearest railroad?
Comic Book Guy: Oh, the monorail? That’s uh… *looking around* …I swear I’ve seen it somewhere.
Task: Make Milford Van Houten Look for the Nearest Railroad
Time: 4h
Location: Town Hall or Brown House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
A Squopping Good Time Pt. 2
Milford Van Houten starts
Milford Van Houten: Excuse me, miss, might I trouble you for some assistance?
Lisa: Milhouse? What’s with the old-timey getup?
Milford Van Houten: *gasp* Oh my stars and stripes, it’s an angel! This must be heaven!
Lisa: You need to work on your material, Milhouse. You’ve used the angel line before.
Milford Van Houten: And just what is a “Milhouse”?
Lisa: Wait, so you’re not Milhouse? If you’re going for the Milhouse look…you should really go for something else.
Lisa: By the way, I’m Lisa Simpson.
Task: Make Milford Van Houten Be Both Shocked and Disgusted
Time: 8h
Location: Town Hall or Brown House
Milford Van Houten: Simpson?! Of the Melbourne Simpsons?
Lisa: Well, I did have some ancestors from Australia, like Eliza Simpson. But they were kicked out of Australia...that country founded by kicked-out people.
Milford Van Houten: Well I’ll be. You’re related to Eliza Simpson?
Lisa: She was my great-great-great grandaunt. Did you know her?
Milford Van Houten: She was the most terrible person I ever knew. Also, she was my wife.
Lisa: Wife? Wait, are you Milford? Milford Van Houten?
Milford Van Houten: Indeed I am. But I shan’t be seen in this incarnation with the likes of another Simpson!
Lisa: I know how you must feel about Eliza, but please let me show you that not all Simpsons are like that!
Milford Van Houten: Well, considering the only two people I know here are you and that Comic Book Man, you may proceed.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
A Squopping Good Time Pt. 3
Milford Van Houten starts
Lisa: This is the Springfield soup kitchen, where I volunteer to feed the homeless every week.
Milford Van Houten: You take time out of your day to prepare a home-cooked meal for them?
Lisa: Well, someone else cooks it. I…put it on their plate for them.
Milford Van Houten: So basically, you’re just a glorified handler. Noble. Yes, very noble indeed.
Lisa: No, you don’t understand! I do a lot more than that!
Milford Van Houten: I believe I’ve seen all I need to see. It’s clear to me now that all Simpsons are just full of horsefeathers.
Milford Van Houten: Now if you’ll excuse me, I would like to spend eternity reading under that sarsaparilla tree.
Task: Make Milford Van Houten Read Under the Sarsaparilla Tree
Time: 8h
Location: Sarsaparilla Tree
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
A Squopping Good Time Pt. 4
Milford Van Houten starts
Lisa: Milford is out there thinking that I’m just as bad as Eliza. How can I convince him I’m a good person?
Lisa: Think, Lisa, think… Oh, I’ve got it!
Lisa: Hi, Milford. Whatcha reading?
Milford Van Houten: If you must know, it’s sheets of confusing daguerreotypes called “How To Stay Married To A Double Crossin’ Wench”.
Lisa: Well, seeing as how you enjoy books so much, I thought I might take you to the Springfield Library.
Milford Van Houten: I suppose I could get my affairs in order to secure a borrowing rights card. Do they take three-cent nickels?
Task: Make Milford Van Houten Go to the Springfield Library With Lisa
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Library or Brown House
Task: Make Lisa Take Milford to the Springfield Library
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Library or Brown House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
A Squopping Good Time Pt. 5
Milford Van Houten starts
Lisa: Here we are, the Springfield Library!
Milford Van Houten: Why is your face all over this establishment?
Lisa: Oh, those? That’s just because I’ve donated so many books.
Milford Van Houten: You donated books to the library? Well I do declare, that is indeed a most honorable act of generosity.
Miss Hoover: Lisa, are you donating again?! You’ve already maxed out your extra credit for this month.
Milford Van Houten: Extra credit?
Miss Hoover: Yes, every time Lisa donates a book to the library, she earns extra credit in school.
Milford Van Houten: I see. So, Lisa, donating these books wasn't about improving the library. It was only about improving your school evaluation.
Milford Van Houten: Every word out of your mouth is just plain applesauce.
Lisa: No, it was about both! It’s a win-win, don’t you see?
Milford Van Houten: I do believe we’re done here. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to play Tiddlywinks.
Task: Make Milford Van Houten Excuse Himself
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Library or Brown House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
A Squopping Good Time Pt. 6
Milford Van Houten starts
Lisa: Did you say Tiddlywinks? I love that game! We play it at home, although ours is called Tiddlywonks. My Dad bought a discount knock-off brand.
Milford Van Houten: You play Tiddlywinks?
Lisa: Well, Tiddlywonks. I’m not very good at it, but I still enjoy it, nonetheless.
Milford Van Houten: Well, mayhap we could play a round or two.
Task: Make Milford Van Houten Play Tiddlywinks
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Library or Brown House
Task: Make Lisa Play Tiddlywinks With Milford Van Houten
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Library or Brown House
Milford Van Houten: I must admit, you are quite talented at squopping!
Lisa: *giggles* Yes, I’m not very good at potting, so I have to play defensively.
Milford Van Houten: You know, I may have judged you a bit prematurely, Lisa. It appears you’re not just full of fiddle-faddle. Now, if you’ll excuse me…I’d like you to stay for a spell.
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
