Captain Kang Pt. 1Kang starts
Pirate Kang: Look at my costume! I am a fearsome pirate!
Kodos: Who would be afraid of that? You are hobbled with wooded pegs for legs.
Pirate Kang: I can still run after you!
Kodos: Can you see with that eye-patch?
Pirate Kang: No, not even a little bit.
Task: Make Pirate Kang Walk on Peg Tentacles
Time: 4h
Kodos: I was standing still and you have yet to get close to me.
Captain Kang Pt. 2Kang starts
Kodos: What else does a pirate do beside clatter about on pegs?
Pirate Kang: I don't know. They seem fond of parrots, perhaps they raise birds.
Kodos: Your pirate disguise will not be convincing if you do not do your research! This is Halloween! You do not want to blow your cover!
Task: Reach Level 12 and Build the Springfield Library
Task: Make Pirate Kang Research Pirates
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Library
Kodos: What did you learn of pirates?
Pirate Kang: Pirates are fantastic. They rob, pillage and terrorize innocent humans.
Kodos: They are like a non-drooly us!
Captain Kang Pt. 3Kang starts
Pirate Kang: Earth-girl, prepare to be pirated! Swash-buckle, swash-buckle!
Lisa: That is not how pirates talk.
Pirate Kang: Really, you've met an actual pirate?
Lisa: No, but I've seen my share of seafood commercials.
Pirate Kang: Teach me!
Task: Make Pirate Kang Talk Like a Pirate
Time: 8h
Lisa: Just say, “Y'arrrgh” at the start of every sentence. “Yarrgh, it's a nice day” or “Yarrgh, I'll have a half-caff latte.”
Pirate Kang: Urrgh!
Lisa: No.
Pirate Kang: Yarrrk?
Lisa: No.
Pirate Kang: Yeeergh?
Lisa: Why don’t you just go as a hobo?
Captain Kang Pt. 4Kang starts
Pirate Kang: Forget trying to talk like a pirate. I want to pirate like a pirate.
Pirate Kang: Let us board a ship and take it over!
Kodos: This sounds like my kind of fun!
Task: Reach level 15 and Place Squidport Entrance
Task: Make Pirate Kang Pirate a Ship
Time: 4h
Location: Squidport Entrance
Kodos: Okay we've got a ship. Do you know how to get it started?
Pirate Kang: I think it is started. I think this is all it does.
Kodos: It just floats around? Where is the hyperspace button.
Pirate Kang: Being a pirate is terrible. But I do like the hat.
The One that Got AwayAuto starts
If the user has Cecil:
Cecil: I've done it! My hybrid between human and pastry is alive!
Homer: She's the most beautiful woman slash donut I've ever seen.
Model Donut: Stop drooling over me! All you men see is that I'm a donut with shapely legs.
Model Donut: What about what's inside? My intelligence and spirit and Bavarian Cream?
Model Donut: I'll find someone who can appreciate all that I am!
Homer: She ran away. I hate when my breakfast does that.
Cecil: When I decided to create sentient food my critics kept saying, “Consider the ethics!” – At the time, I didn't understand what they meant.
Cecil: I still don't. Do you know what an “Ethic” is?
Homer: All I know is that I'm dipping empty fingers in my coffee.
Homer: Ow.
If the user doesn't have Cecil:
Professor Frink: I've done it! My hybrid between human and pastry is alive!
Homer: She's the most beautiful woman slash donut I've ever seen.
Model Donut: Stop drooling over me! All you men see is that I'm a donut with shapely legs.
Model Donut: What about what's inside? My intelligence and spirit and Bavarian Cream?
Model Donut: I'll find someone who can appreciate all that I am!
Homer: She ran away. I hate when my breakfast does that.
Professor Frink: When I decided to create sentient food my critics kept saying, “Consider the ethics!” – At the time, I didn't understand what they meant.
Professor Frink: I still don't. Do you know what an “Ethic” is?
Homer: All I know is that I'm dipping empty fingers in my coffee.
Homer: Ow.
Task: Make Homer Lament the One That Got Away
Time: 8h
Location: Simpson House
Gate to NowhereAuto starts
Task: Place Gate to Nowhere
The Ultra-Prankster Pt. 1Auto starts
Marge: Bart! You're going to be late for school!
Clockwork Bart: Just putting lashes on me blinky-see-er.
Marge: Ugh, not this again.
Clockwork Bart: Can't handle me ultra-pranking? Me ding-dong dashies and what-what?
Marge: Well, that's bad too, but mainly it's that freakin' slangy accent. Soooo tiresome.
Clockwork Bart: Well, I'm off for a bit of whoopity-cushions, rubber-dog-dooey and—
Marge: Just go!
Task: Make Clockwork Bart Go Ultra-Pranking
Time: 4h
The Ultra-Prankster Pt. 2Bart starts
Clockwork Bart: It's been a long morning of joy-buzzering.
Clockwork Bart: A spot o' moloko-plus ought to perk me back up!
Task: Make Clockwork Bart Drink Milk Plus
Time: 4h
Location: Kwik-E-Mart
Apu: Hey! You are not allowed to drink the little plastic cups of creamer unless you buy coffee.
Clockwork Bart: Oh ho! You've been ultra-pranked.
Apu: Prank? That is stealing. Get out before I have you arrested.
The Ultra-Prankster Pt. 3Bart starts
Clockwork Bart: Hmmm, Old Man Skinny could use a bit of “Kick Me” signage…
Task: Make Clockwork Bart Ultra-Prank Skinner
Time: 1h
Location: Springfield Elementary
Clockwork Bart: Heh-heh, everyone played “Kick Skinny's Can” and the Principato was none the wiser.
Skinner: Correction. I am SOME the wiser.
Skinner: Witnesses said the perp wore a white jumpsuit with a jock strap and derby.
Clockwork Bart: Blast! Me comrades got descriptivo on me!
The Ultra-Prankster Pt. 4Bart starts
Clockwork Bart: So you caught me. Wot game are we playin', Skinny? Chalky boards? Apres-school Detentios?
Skinner: Actually, I'm handing your discipline over to Willie.
Clockwork Bart: Wait, what?
Willie: ‘Tis the only time they let me touch the projector!
Willie: An' I plan to make the most of it!
Task: Make Willie Rehabilitate Bart
Time: 4h
Location: Willie's Shack
Requires: Bart
Clockwork Bart: Oh. God. Sawdust and puke! Unwrapped gum, sticking to a trashcan!
Clockwork Bart: A hamster cooked into a radiator grill!
Skinner: Good Lord, Willie! Where did you get this disturbing footage?
Willie: I Go-Pro'ed me typical day. This was jes' this mornin'.
Willie: That's right boy. This is how I live because as a lad, I was a grotty little prank monkey!
Clockwork Bart: No! No! Look at what he eats for breakfast!! Nooooo!
The Ultra-Prankster Pt. 5Bart starts
Milhouse: Hey Bart, I still have those fireworks you asked me to hide. When are we going to set them off?
Clockwork Bart: Never! They're loud and dangerous and did you know that Willie has to sleep standing up?!
Milhouse: What?! But you're the one who got me into fireworks. You can't stop now! I'm addicted to boom!
Task: Make Milhouse convince Bart to go Ultra Pranking
Time: 4h
Requires: Bart
Milhouse: C'mon, my eyebrows haven't been singed off in weeks.
Clockwork Bart: They are looking a little full… But no.
The Ultra-Prankster Pt. 6Bart starts
Milhouse: What's wrong with you?
Clockwork Bart: Willie was a prankster. Mustn't turn out like Willie.
Milhouse: Oh, I see. So you're going to be like Skinner as a child. So you'll turn out like him.
Clockwork Bart: Holy schnikey, that's ten times worse!
Task: Make Clockwork Bart Ultra-Prank Skinner
Task: Make Milhouse provide Bart Moral Support
Time: 1h
Location: Springfield Elementary
Skinner: Simpson! Stop putting potatoes in my my tail-pipes!
Clockwork Bart: Gor-blikey! Got'a'bit o' Spuddy-mufflers, eh?
Marge: Bart! Talk normal!
Clockwork Bart: Okay.
Festiween Pt. 1Homer starts
Holiday Homer: When I was looking for Halloween decorations, I found a bunch of other decorations in the attic.
Holiday Homer: Look at my bunny tail! Let's have Easter right now! Why should we be slaves to the calendar?!
Task: Make Holiday Homer Hop Around Town
Time: 3h
Bart: Dad, you're giving out eggs? It's Halloween. It's supposed to be scary.
Holiday Homer: The hard-boiled eggs sat in the sun for hours!
Holiday Homer: HOURS!
Festiween Pt. 2Homer starts
Holiday Homer: Look at me, Marge, I'm old S_t. Trick!
Holiday Homer: I come down the chimney and fill kids' pillowcases with candy.
Marge: Homer, remember the Judge said it's still breaking and entering even if you're wearing a Santa costume!
Task: Make Holiday Homer Deliver Candy to Youngsters
Time: 2h
Location: Homes
Holiday Homer: Hey kids, I can't break or enter so I'm just dropping your candy down the chimney.
Holiday Homer: There you go! You can fish it out of the ashes.
Milhouse: My candy's on fire!
Festiween Pt. 3Lisa starts
Lisa: Ow, Dad! Why did you pinch me?
Holiday Homer: I'm Saint Bat-rick. If you aren't eating green Halloween candy, you get a pinch.
Lisa: Mom.
Marge: I'll shoo him out the door. Let me get my broom.
Task: Make Holiday Homer Pinch Springfielders
Time: 4h
Location: Homes
Lisa: Aren't you going to stop Dad?
Marge: If I stop him, he'll just do something else. He's not really hurting anyone.
Flanders: Owww! Dang it, Homer! That pinch broke skin!!
Festiween Pt. 4Lisa starts
Lisa: Mom, I really think you need to rein Dad in.
Marge: What holiday is he doing now?
Lisa: Valentine's Day.
Marge: Aww, so romantic!
Lisa: I'm taking cover.
Task: Make Holiday Homer Shoot People with Cupid Arrows
Time: 1h
Ralph: Someone shooted me with a arrow! And made the sound get quiet… and the lights… go… out…
Wiggum: Eddie, Lou! Find the giant, diapered baby that shot my son!
Marge: I hate holidays.
Holiday Homer: Look at me! I'm CincoDeFestiGras!
Lobotomy of Love Pt. 1Wiggum starts
Wiggum: Okay boys, Flanders claims to have a new treatment to rehabilitate criminals.
Wiggum: We need to round up some perps.
Wiggum: We're not allowed to racially profile, but we need a lotta guys so we're gonna have to do some kind of profiling…
Wiggum: People with bad haircuts, people with the number seven in their license.
Lou: Why don't we just look for people committing crimes?
Wiggum: How are we gonna do that? With our special eagle-eyes? Get real.
Wiggum: Just pull over all the purple cars, Lou.
Task: Make Wiggum Set Up Mandatory Checkpoints
Time: 1h
Location: Re-Neducation Center
Bumblebee Man: Ay, yi, yi! I'm being arrested for being a bee!
Sea Captain: You can't put someone in the brink for having tartar sauce on his jacket!
Moe: What? You're pulling me over ‘cause I'm ugly?
Moe: You know, that actually makes sense. I get that.
Lobotomy of Love Pt. 2Ned starts
Ned: Welcome Crim-diddley-iminal! How'd ya like some milk and cookies?
Snake: Whoa, that's totally kind of you.
Ned: Well, I believe that a warm cookie is like a hug for your insides.
Ned: And I believe this milk has a powerful sedative so you won't be awake during the procedure!
Snake: Oh. That makes total senz-z-z-z-z
Task: Reach Level 19 and Build Springfield Penitentiary
Task: Make Snake Enjoy Milk and Cookies
Time: 2h
Location: Re-Neducation Center
Task: Make Flanders Operate the Smile Machine
Time: 4h
Location: Re-Neducation Center
Snake: Can't stop smiling!!
Snake: Incredibly painful!
Ned: You might be hurting on the inside, but on the outside you're a ray of sunshine! The procedure was a complete success!
Lobotomy of Love Pt. 3Ned starts
Wiggum: Wow, these ex-criminals seem like completely different people.
Wiggum: Cheerful, happy… though they do fall to the ground a lot, clutching their heads in pain.
Ned: But their frowns are permanently upside-down!
Task: Send Criminals to Get Re-Neducated
Time: 2h
Location: Re-Neducation Center
Wiggum: Uh, we've just noticed the smiling criminals are still committing crimes.
Wiggum: In fact, they have become even more violent than before…
Ned: I think we should use this on children next.
Wiggum: Flanders, did someone use this procedure on you?
Ned: If they did, I'd be ding-dong-diddley glad they did!
