OMG, how hilarious, you think you're clever. The attempt is admirable, and if you keep trying you might eventually succeed, or at least not fail quite so pathetically.
If you are going to make condescending comments about reading comprehension, you should learn what "if" means. I know it is a bit long and complicated for someone of your capacity, but it would help you avoid making a **bleep** of yourself.
Likewise, suggesting that others are less than bright when you clearly can't get from one end of a sentence to the other just makes you look like a chump.
I'd wish you luck, but your ineptitude provides comic relief, so I will instead encourage you to return to your village, they're probably worried that you might have hurt yourself.