Between2Worlds [Story] 06/04

General:
1. Did you enjoy the story?
Yes. You have managed to surprise me many times with interesting twists and tackled subjects I would have never expected. And I also enjoyed all characters you have. They each have their own personality, and you stick to it.

2. What was your favourite part, and which was your least favourite part?
It's a while ago, but the first that comes to my mind is the chapter with the school scenes. I really loved them. They reminded me of old high school manga, and I really enjoyed how lighthearted and easy it was, despite having their own drama. That Athena became friends with the girls that originally disliked her is also something I really enjoyed. I am sick of all those petty school rivalries :D
As for what were my least favourite parts, I think the whole part after that long Interlude in CH15.5, with a few exceptions (the masakiri story was awesome & broke my heart). I felt a lot of it there was rushed, and plot points that promised to make more impact on the story, like Athena's memory loss, ended up being just a triviality.

3. How do you feel about the ending?
See above.

4. Do you feel like the story was different from what you expected when you started?
yes, you have surprised me over and over again while I was reading xD
I had expected to see much more magic, but it was rather unimportant.

5. What do you think of the darkness from chapter 6 until the end? Was the darkness too much, not much, present but not bad, present but bad? etc
I like that you never trivialized anything evil that happened. It didn't feel like a cheap device to cause drama, but on the contrary very real. I like how realistic is the reaction of your characters to the dark stuff that happens, Athena's teenage naivety and inability to grasp the whole reality and danger of it (again, that part where she saves Leona just to see her beat up and kill (?) the attacker and is so dumbfounded made me giggle) and also Curtis' numbness to the abuse of all the girls, the death of the drug victims, and his whole world, it is awesome character depiction.

6. What are your predictions for S2? Feel free to answer everything else before attempting this. :lol:
Honestly, I have no idea xD Except I am afraid that that kiss scene on TV will cause Curtis to make a scene again. I'd be disappointed.

Well, when I saw "Mage in training" or whatever it is on the last banner, I expected a little more chapters than what I saw about the magic side of things. I'm not trying to sound critical, but I'm just expressing my honesty here.

Ah you’re absolutely right. When I created that banner I was wondering if it was the right phrase to describe her. I forgot about it and now that I have a good think about it, it really wasn’t. I didn’t quite know how I would balance the aspects of Magic and Crime together and by the time I had a good gripe on it I forgot about the banner and simply left it there. I’m definitely not going to do that for S2, I’ve realised I’m no good at writing small blurbs or taglines so I'll forgo them altogether next season hehe.

To be honest, I think Athena might have had a crush on Curtis after he defended her from the gang in that alley in the first few chapters. It seemed a bit like a "rescue romance" thing, but I don't really have a problem with that. There's just something about the damsel in distress trope that I enjoyed, even if it can be a little overused.

You’re definitely on to something there. She caught herself thinking of Curtis cordially, during the the park scene. So yeah, she definitely has a crush on him at that point. Ah I’m glad you like the trope used. It definitely started out that way, thankfully Athena adopted the mindset to improve herself so she doesn’t stay stagnant throughout the story.

When I think about it, it seems that she's trying not to get into as much danger, but is drawn to it for a mysterious reason. I had thought that she might have been cursed in some sort of way. As to her strengths and weaknesses, she seemed a little heady sometimes when she could have at least listened to Grim's warnings. But she was a teenager, so yeah. I couldn't say much about that one dark chapter, but it was pretty awful what she had gone through. No woman should go through that.

I still remember you were the earliest person in the comments to point out Athena’s unluckiness. I was really impressed and I’m like “Oooh boy, I’m only revealling it in ch 13 I hope you won’t feel too frustrated to be kept hanging.” Ah so true that she’s a hard-headed person.

At the end of the story, she seemed to have developed a bit of an edge, and I think it's a result of her getting older and learning a bit more magic. As for the upcoming season, I predict her to be more powerful and experienced if there's indeed a time skip.

I’m not too sure what an edge means but I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised. Hopefully? xD

Thank you for your feedback. It was great hearing from you. I appreciate your sharing of insights and that was really fun! :)

Oh, that’s hard, I liked so many! I really liked Merchant of Time Part 2 (Is that weird? It was arguably the darkest part of the story, but really well written, and filled so many missing pieces, and I loved learning more about Masato and Kirino’s past.). I loved the lighthouse chapters, obviously Curtis and Athena finally kissing for the first time was something that was built up, and then the dramatic confrontation in the graveyard afterwards was really captivating. Also really enjoyed Curtis and Athena’s non-date. Oh, and the first introduction of Curtis and Kian was pretty awesome, they made such an impression.

Ahh I don’t think it’s weird. I kinda like that part. It wraps up on itself like a little side story.  I'm so glad! This story has so little sweet moments that when those moments come they have to deliver themselves  !

Least favourite part was probably the finale, but I’ll get into that later. Other than that, the parts with Athena finding her footing in the new school were not something that hugely spoke to me, but I understand how and why it was an important part of her journey and had to be shown (it’s likely because I’ve been out of high school for a very long time, and because when I was in high school, I was not very popular at all haha).

I’m definitely on the sidelines in highschool, but my sisters were in the popular clique and gosh the drama. I drew from their experiences. I will answer that bit about the ending more descriptively later!

I actually didn’t have any expectations when I started reading at all. I remember thinking that you did a really good job at introducing the reader to an established family (this is so hard to do if you weren’t intending on writing a story about said characters in the first place, and a lot of people don’t pull it off, so they are in an uphill struggle to try to get their readers get as invested in their characters as they are), and you immediately established a connection with Athena through her journal entries. Well and after that, it got even better

Oof Thank you! I’m glad it was effective. I rewrote the beginning because her diary chapter was actually a pretty confrontational chapter. I wrote down the entire scene of Clarissa and friends. 

I thought you did this really well. Yes things got progressively darker, but It felt gradual and not shoehorned in, a natural progression of the established storylines and settings. You also did a great job with foreshadowing a lot of it, so I was mentally prepared for the events of Mercy. I actually really admired how you handled the dark aspects of the story.

Thank you this is so good to know! I am trying to lighten/balance things up in S2 (as you know) but if I can’t at least I know I didn’t do too shabbily for S1 so I have a good fallback (So far I'm at the mindset of I probably can't light this up but I'm sure I 'll find a way.) 

I have no predictions, but things I would like seeing explored would be the aftermath of Masato’s plans coming to fruition, and whether that brought him any satisfaction (my guess is no lol), Athena’s pursuit of untamed magic – I’m guessing she will to some degree become “power-hungry,” and might need to do some soul searching about who she truly is. Heck, I can see her becoming the villain and Curtis the “good guy” trying to save the world (wasn’t that kind of thing always his motivation anyway? On a smaller, more personal scale, trying to avenge those he’s seen harmed). Oh, and I want Kian to be very happy and unharmed, k thanx 

Ahh I love your predictions. I can't respond to it but I really like listening to them. I’m glad you shared them and you def will see some of those happening. I especially like that flip you did with AC haha! so creative! But I don't think what I have fits that model, you’ll just have to find out. As for Kian  you’ll find out too.


Story

Curtis’s part was pretty clear, as was his struggle of his conscience to deal with the consequences of what he contributed to. I did not fully understand Fisheye's operation but got the general feeling. Some of the multispeech bubbles were hard for me to follow, but I don’t typically read comics, so that’s to be expected. Oh, and on the first read I did not realise there were multiple pages to that part, my bad haha.

I really, really appreciate your feedback here and in wp. I’ve identified a few areas I can turn into action, change panelling layout, speech bubbles and definitely, definitely the part about wp page buttons hidden below related posts. So silly of wordpress to have its layout like that.

For me it all flowed really well until the final chapter. The instant attraction, the intrigue building up, them getting to know each other and falling for each other – likely accelerated due to the shared trauma was very believable, it was hard not to root for them and was built up really well. I also really liked that them finally getting together and sleeping together for the first time was ultimately hollow and unfulfilling for both of them (ok, really liked is probably a weird way of putting it  I have an appreciation for things that are sad in a beautiful way, I guess).

So I bought into their rise, and into their fall, a hundred percent. I think my issue with the final chapter was that you did such a great job convincing me to root for them, and then such a great job at convincing me that they (well, mainly Athena) changed too much for it to work, that I struggled to buy into them saying ah well, it’s fine, we care about each other anyway so let’s give this a shot.

Maybe it’s a pacing issue. Because the end part sped over several months of them dating, we didn’t really get to see the parts of the relationship of the “new” Athena with Curtis, so it was hard to see why they would want to keep going. Them wanting to stay together didn’t feel earned.

Ahh that is true, thank you so much for your honesty. You’re right about it all. I could’ve fleshed out their dating scenes to make it more believable but I didn’t so the ending was incredibly unbelievable, or believable depending on how you look at it.

So what I intended for the end was for it to be an idealised make-up from both parties. In the final chapter, we have Curtis who despite whatever Athena tells him, absolves her of all blame and is adamant on staying with her. Then we have Athena who sincerely confesses to him of her deception, but then flips around and says okay lets stay together. From a third party perspective, it IS unbelievable. I think you pointed in your comments that you smelled rat (along with almost everyone haha). I totally agree actually. It’s unbelievable as a third party watching the scene play out, but believable I think, when we look from their perspectives, Grim has just grilled Curtis for Athena’s benefit and used his guilt against him while Athena still harbors a fear of being alone. (I just had a sudden thought that this whole scene could be described as unreliable narration, not me though the characters are doing it. Ok fine me too)  What do you think? I could be trying to bluff my way out of here haha! I wonder if there's a better way to deliver this part. It might not be character motivations that make this part unbelievable, maybe I could have structured it differently.

I guess if you and/or your SO lost your memories, would you fall in love again. Maybe, maybe not – boils down to whether we fall in love because of your personality or because of your shared experiences. I think both play a role, as does timing. But I could probably go really deep into that rabbit hole and there’s still a million more questions!

I will say this though, contrary to the many many things I have said – and this may surprise you -I do still root for them in the long haul. I would like them to fail the sprint in order to get to the marathon. Because no marathon can be ran if you break your leg in the first mile because you grossly underestimated what you can do. Actually, that’s probably a bad analogy. I want them to break that leg, but meet at the finish line. Something to that effect. I hope you know what I’m trying to convey (poorly)

OOh that is such food for thought. Personality or shared experience? I’m going to sit on that. Yeah I already have a dozen questions just from that can of worms you opened. (What about how the person makes you feel!? Ahh voice shadup)

Naww totally see what you’re getting at! Sometimes we have to stop what we’re doing to get a full picture. In Athena and Curtis’s case they’re so hellbent on continuing they’ll just face the same problem over and over again. They need that thinking space if they ever want their relationship to work.
Stubborn  From Athena’s side, especially, basically throughout.

I think initially their relationship formed because they both desperately needed something, someone to give things meaning, to make life bearable. Because of that and the fact they were both attractive and misunderstood. Then as they opened each other, it got more substance.

For Curtis, their relationship was what kept him alive (and that’s disregarding the fact this was literally why grim did not reap his soul) – he said himself he didn’t have much of a reason to live other than vengeance. Anyway, I’m dwelling on this.

Rofl stubborn is a great descriptor hahaha. And man I can’t change anything of what you wrote. Here's a cookie instead :cookie: <3

It was the most effective way to show it, through the eyes of someone not desensitized to it all. Just seeing it as Curtis for the first time would not have really delivered to the same effect. And yes, definitely felt incredibly tense and dangerous throughout.

Thank you. :smile:

It was handled very well, and yes I saw it coming – but not in a “so predictable” kind of way, more so like “ok, I can mentally prepare for this” kind of way. I don’t think there was a better way you could have handled it. It is something I have personal experience with (not exactly the same situation, but similar enough), but I felt warned and it was not triggering. I can’t say that I expected it at the start of the story, but the way you got to it was well executed.

Thank you very much! When I wrote this part I wanted to make sure I was being responsible with its handling. And this makes me feel better about it. Mercy is personal to me and is a real problem that needs to be addressed. Yimi made a compelling argument of how this issue is handled irresponsibly in literature and I was very worried I'd fall in the same category because my intention was never that at all. So thank you. I really value your feedback.

LOL yeah I did think about that sociopath bit. I’m surprised it didn’t get censored. I had a good read about sociopaths when I crafted this scene and Scorcher because I wanted to make sure Curtis doesn't become a Sociopath lol so I was reading a paper about child abuse and trauma. I’m glad you found that they worked because sometimes even when research is done, what I have in my head doesn't flow properly on paper.  I guess thats why most of my questions are focused on whether the plot made sense.

I’m trying to remember how much we knew about how Avery left the magic realm at that point. The trade-off made sense and provided a good setup for Athena’s own, without that stepping stone the revelation of Athena losing her memories wouldn’t have the same impact.
I do think it was believable, because Athena’s relationship with her mother was really not the closest to begin with. Athena completely bought into Avery’s front, which is what alienated them – perhaps if Athena were older, she’d understand better, but Athena was always very focused on her own motivations and narrative.

Do you mean Avery’s front by her cheerful disposition? Or do you mean Avery’s front by her pretending they had no connection with the Magic Realm anymore? And you’re too nice on Athena. You can call her self-centered if you want. She does have a lot of flaws. 

It was very tasteful, and the poem was really well written. The chapter was heart-breaking and I loved it.

Ahh I’m glad it was okay. Those were one of my YOLO chapters that were based on a whim. I never realised how whimsical I am until I started writing B2W.

- Curtis’s complete out of character aggression, manipulation and exploitation of Athena at Trevor’s house – oh definitely, he was desperate, and desperation brings out the worst in people. He had just killed the scorcher, his soul motivation for existing, with that gone, how could he allow Athena to just walk away in that moment? I wouldn’t say it was exploitation, exactly, though, I mean, is it exploitation when it’s mutual? It was exactly what she was looking for that night, after all.

- Athena’s complete out of character aggression, loosened and unhinged behavior at Trevor’s house – yes, she just lost a big part of herself and had a huge confrontation with her mother. Teenagers act up over much less existential things.

Thank you so much for explaining deeper. Sometimes when I craft the characters’ actions, I’d think to myself that it makes sense to me that they’ll choose to act a certain way, but I don’t understand why. So it does take someone else to point out how they’re feeling in that moment/prioritised aspect that makes me go ‘OOOOOHH’. Yeah I rely on intuition sometimes I guess. Don’t quote me on that I do think deeply of my character’s actions  . This explains my whims. OOkey.

Were there any themes that stood out for you in this story? How do you think I handled them?
I think for me the main overarching theme was about losing innocence, which happens to all of us as we grow up, but to a lesser degree than our mains here. You could see that progression in everyone, Athena and Curtis obviously being the obvious choices, but to a degree this was also shown for Kirino and Masato, even the Scorcher. Which, now that I think about it, does not bode well for Kian’s next arc :D

What do you think of my balancing action/non-action scenes, thrill/non-thrill? Were you able to wind down before the next one, or is the story's arrangement fine with you? Some have told me they needed to take a break from the story because it was so uh full on(?). How was it for you?
Haha I think I may have said that, there were points in your story where I deliberately took a break, yes, but it’s nothing to do with too much action and/or thrill. I obviously had the luxury of getting to binge the story, but I didn’t want to burn through it too quickly, so I had to actively stop myself sometimes to avoid blasting through it too fast and missing things. Oh, and I specifically stopped after the lighthouse chapter because I had a feeling everything was going to go terribly wrong :D

Some of the chapters were just really impactful (in a good way) or had mind-boggling revelations, so I wanted to take some time to digest them, but that’s really not a bad thing at all – just think of it as gorging on rich chocolate cake, you have to wait a while till you can have cake again afterwards, but that doesn’t matter you don’t like cake, on the contrary!

There’s a shift in my writing style/length between chapter 1-5 and the rest of the story. I also experimented with different mediums. What do you think of:

• The comic strip? Was its organisation easy to follow? Were the Speech bubbles clear who’s talking and who’s next? I think I’ve already answered this one for you elsewhere.
  
• Picture Sequences: Did you prefer the speech text organised around the subject in the picture? Or placed at the bottom and color coded? Colour-coded at the bottom is the easiest to follow for me, hands down. It’s very clear to make sense of that way.
  
• Do you like this randomness of switching mediums? Yes! I like it when writers experiment! I’m not gonna lie, I would probably be sad if you said that the entirety of season 2 will be a comic, because I would miss seeing what’s going on in their heads, but I do enjoy different styles being sprinkled in. Always fun to see what you come up with (and admirable how many different storytelling platforms you manage to pull off!)
  
• At some point I tried to add more descriptions/elaboration of the setting and ambience than moving the story along. (Chapter 14.2 and 14.21) What do you think of the writing in these chapters compared to the rest of my writing? Do you have a preference? (If there’s no difference you can say that too. ) I can’t say that I noticed they had more descriptions at the time of reading them, but 14.21 did stand out to me, it was a treat to get a peak into Masato’s perspective, it really helped me understand the way he thinks, and this was also where we got to see a glimpse of the true Kirino for the first time. So I don’t know if the reason I enjoyed these chapters was the different writing style or the subjects. Either way, occasional introspective chapters are good since they help with fleshing out your characters, but of course it’s all about balance.
  

I overly rely on pictures to describe the setting than write it out. Does this style work for you?
Yes, although I’m biased because I tend to do that too. To me, the images are an essential part of simlit, so I don’t think it’s necessary to overly describe something you can clearly get from the image itself. Sure, some people could have the perspective that the writing alone should still flow in a standalone cohesive way if you were to remove the images, but I disagree – if you could tell the story just as effectively without the images, then why bother putting them there in the first place?

Not to mention that your screenshotting is one of the highlights of the story, the emotions you capture in your images are phenomenal.

Romance is hard to write and personal. There are some scenes and pictures that were too much for me in the story, but I’m a conservative person. How were they for you? Were any of them cringey? If yes, which one? so I can work on those. And do you have suggestions?
If you mean some of the more explicit scenes, no, I wouldn’t say it was too much or cringey. I do recall that when Curtis and Athena first kissed, you described how her body responded quite in-depth, which surprised me, but didn’t bother me – though I also recall that I was hoping that you weren’t going to go to that level of detail on the descriptions as their relationship progresses lol!

And then 16.5 I thought was very tastefully done, it’s not like we saw hanging bits or you launched into a full-blown description there (which for me would be cringey, yes), it was focusing much more on the feeling. So no issues there.

The only part I thought was on the cringey side was their conversation in the final chapter, but I wouldn’t call that romance, I would call that denial :P

1. What are Athena's strengths and weaknesses? What do you think of Athena’s Character progression/development? How would you describe her?
Athena is very determined when she wants something, which is both her biggest strength and weakness. She does not back down, often like a child that insists they need a particular toy – but that’s understandable, given her age, and it’s obviously helped her get through tough times.

I don’t think she particularly considers other people’s perspectives and motivations; she is very focused on her own view of the world. I wouldn’t go as far as to say self-centred, per say, but I feel like she has to actively try to empathise with others. But again, that’s to be expected, given that up until the events of B2W she lived a very sheltered life.

She will do anything for the people she cares about though. Too much, even, at her own detriment. I wonder if that will change now, given everything she’s been through, now that she’s realised she’s not invincible. Then again, maybe now that she has the tome, she thinks she is!

Is her character realistic? Is she adequately fleshed out for reader understanding?
Yes, I would say so, like I said above I can justify why she is the way she is.

Any bits of her that you find confusing?
Nothing comes to mind. I’ve disagreed with her plenty, but I don’t feel like I was confused about where she’s coming from.

What kind of person do you think she has become at the end of this story? What kind of person do you predict her to be in B2W?
I don’t think there’s a single answer to this one. I almost see her at a crossroads right now, with several directions you could nudge her in, with one tiny gentle push. She is in a place where she can change for the better, or for the worse, and either would be believable. I’m pretty sure the untamed magic stuff will have an effect on her though, so I personally foresee the latter, but hey maybe she’ll surprise me!

She insists that Curtis is relatable and her soulmate at the lighthouse scene. Did you find her insistence of them being made for each other believable? Do you have a theory why she thinks so? (I’ve never elaborated on this)
Honestly, that moment for me was just a reminder of “oh yeah, she’s 16” (or was she 15 at that point? I know she turns 16 at some point in the story but can’t remember if it was before or after this chapter). So it was believable, but it goes back to what I said about her childish stubbornness. It felt like a realistic reminder of her age. I mean, he’s her first love, and she’s just been through some traumatising stuff she can’t bear to face alone in this chapter. Of course she’ll believe that.

2. What are Curtis's strength and weaknesses? What do you think of Curtis’s Character progression/development? How would you describe him?
This one is much more difficult for me to answer because I’m aware of my personal bias, so I know it’s much harder for me to objective here – so take what I say with a grain of salt.

I think he’s not as numb to the world as he’d like to be, he puts on this careful front he’s cultivated but his emotions ultimately rule him. He’s obviously grown quite desensitised to his environment as he’s had to, and when he’s confronted with what he contributes to, it doesn’t sit right with him, because he’d like to tell himself he’s the good guy, just on a quest for revenge, so when he actually gets a look in the mirror (whether that be circumstances, like the aftermath of 6.4, or Athena calling him out on what he fears to be in 10.5), he doesn’t like what he sees.

He definitely likes to lie to himself, I wonder where he’s learned that? ? I can definitely see the impact Masato bringing him up has had on him, because he has adopted some of Masato’s traits, but is obviously a lot more sensitive. So far. Lol. I guess we’ll have to see if he ends up like his mentor.

I do think it’s a miracle that he’s still has so many emotions and a moral compass given his sad life story, and like I said I do attribute a lot of it to Kian.

Is he realistic and adequately fleshed out for reader understanding?
Fleshed out, yes. Realistic in the sense that I understand his motivations, yes. Realistic in the sense of if somebody went through what he did, they would still keep it together and not become completely deranged… probably not. But that’s why I love him.

Did you find it strange that he cared for Athena with his background staring at violence every day?
Not really, I mean he was subconsciously looking for something to ground him, someone to tell him he’s not completely lost to the world in spite of it all, something to give him a reason to go on once the Scorcher hunt was done, should he survive. Escapism is a natural response to high pressure situations. That, and Athena didn’t exactly give him a choice :D And he’s a teenage boy, a pretty girl that’s clearly into him and not a part of his world would obviously be very appealing.

I know I did a lot of explaining of Masato and Kirino’s character in the comments. But without the comments and purely relying on story:

Is Masato a believable character?Does his character/personality, his motivations, and actions make sense to you? Is his love for Kirino surprising? Does his metaphoric speech make sense to you? Did the final reveal provide ample explanation of all the schemey scenes he was portrayed in throughout the story? Did everything make sense?
I didn’t really understand his motivations until later on in the story when we got to see things from his point of view, but that was obviously deliberate. I like how complex he is, and hope to see more of him in season 2.

His love of Kirino is not surprising, they had so much history and were of course forever bonded by the loss of their son. I did find his arch sufficiently explained, but I find him and Kirino fascinating so I wouldn’t mind a pre-quel/spinoff, and I definitely hope that this is not the last of what we’ve seen of him.

It will be interesting which way he will go now that he has to go on without Kirino – will he become completely merciless and dead inside, because the one person he cared so deeply for is gone, or will he try to keep his promise to her and actually try to look out for Curtis?

4.Is Kirino a believable character? Does her character, desires and actions (including final action) make sense to you?
Yes. I initially didn’t know what to make of her, but I really fell in love with her when we saw what was underneath her mask. She was one of my favourites, and it breaks my heart she’s gone, but her actions were not unexpected.

Did her scene at the end come as a complete surprise? Were there enough clues given throughout the story for you to find her condition at the end believable/acceptable?
I guess I answered that, and I already covered that in my WP comments. All very believable, unfortunately, and foreshadowed.

Was her ‘flashback’ chapter believable?
Yes. My favourite chapter in the whole story.

Do you think she loves Masato (at the end)?
Oh, that’s a loaded question. Hmm… I’m not sure if she had much room for anything other than pain in her heart at the end. In a way, she did probably did still love him to some degree, though I’d imagine she didn’t want to.

Were Masato and Kirino’s complicated relationship believable?
Yes. I wish we got more of them, but just the little snippets we did painted a very rich picture.

Is Scorcher a believable character? Does his character, desires and actions make sense to you? (I think I gave him a monologue and two lines of dialogue explaining his perspective on life lol)
Hmm I don’t know if we know enough about him to dissect him as a character. We obviously know he’s suffered a personal tragedy that’s made him snap and take pleasure in the pain of others to avoid his own, but I can’t say I can analyse what makes him tick :D That being said I don’t feel like that a higher level of deeper understanding was needed for him.

What do you think about Kian? Then Carly?
I love Kian! He brought much needed light to the story, which I guess was his primary function. I adore that he says it how it is and sassy sense of humour. No wonder he was popular with the ladies at school ?

Carly I wasn’t too keen on, though to my surprise I didn’t mind her with Kian in the finale, they seemed well suited. That being said I won’t be mad if someone better comes along for him. Though I feel like where he’s going it will be a lot less dating and a lot more danger.

8. What do you think/feel about Dew?
I actually really liked Dew ever since she was introduced – by that I don’t mean the chapter where her drink got spiked, but the chapter where she actually got dialogue - 10.5, I think? She obviously holds no illusions of the world in spite of her young age, and doesn’t mince her words, but there’s a lot of truth behind what she says. I hope she’s back for season 2!

9. What do you think about Grim?
Grim was hilarious, in spite of his story being sad, and I loved the genuine bond he developed with Athena, even though that was ultimately his undoing (I see what you did there!). He was a fantastic vehicle to explain the lore of the magic realm, and the revelation about his true identity was a cherry on top, I did not see that coming!

1. What are Athena's strengths and weaknesses? What do you think of Athena’s Character progression/development? How would you describe her?
- Is her character realistic? Is she adequately fleshed out for reader understanding?
- Any bits of her that you find confusing?
- What kind of person do you think she has become at the end of this story? What kind of person do you predict her to be in B2W?
- She insists that Curtis is relatable and her soulmate at the lighthouse scene. Did you find her insistence of them being made for each other believable? Do you have a theory why she thinks so? (I’ve never elaborated on this)

First of all I have to admit I couldn't help but compare Athena to one of my characters constantly as I was reading. She's a red head too after all. And of course whenever I found something about Athena's behavior and its believability I asked myself at the same time if I don't do the same when I write Kellie. If I found similarities I'd slap my hand not to criticize. :D
Is Athena's character realistic? How can one answer that? She has magical powers so that itself makes her unrealistic from the start. There's one problem with characters who have superpowers - the writer can always use the superpower/magic as a crutch, an easy explanation of any behavior or event. There needs to be balance for this to work. There must be rules, laws of the magic if you will that ensure this balance. I hesitate to make any judgements here as I'm super sensitive when it comes to characters that can do things a normal person shouldn't be capable of. Then again I myself walk a thin line with one of my own, so it's terribly difficult to give an objective opinion.
I could call Athenna reckless and then you could argue that she had confidence that she'd be able to defend herself with her magic. So what she is like when we take away the magic? Clearly someone who has uncontrollable desire to help and fix things and people. In that regard she is believable. Still a naive teenager, who believes she can fix anything by sheer force of her will and persistence. We saw her do some self-reflection at the end of the season and I think she should do more. She should look back and ask herself if all the pain was worth pursuing the man who is torn between two worlds and after all that happened isn't any closer to making a decision in which of those two worlds he wants to belong 100% I'm hoping she will make a serious attempt to extricate herself from that relationship. But given her bad luck she'll most likely end up in another unhealthy relationship. I didn't think about why she thinks she and Curtis were made for each other. Isn't it something people always think when they fall in love for the first time? That this is the perfect love that must surely last forever no matter what everyone else says?


2. What are Curtis's strength and weaknesses? What do you think of Curtis’s Character progression/development? How would you describe him?
- Is he realistic and adequately fleshed out for reader understanding?
- Did you find it strange that he cared for Athena with his background staring at violence every day?
With Curtis I have the same problem as with Athena. She has magic and Curtis is portrayed as a prodigy. Whenever you question something he does, you need to take this into account. His weakness is definitely the fact that he's not able to face the truth about himself. He keeps deluding himself he can quit anytime he wants and live anormal life, be a better man. Scratch that. He believes he is better man than the rest he's working with. Even after he killed a man he still believes it. What he doesn't realize is that even the worst criminals often think themselves good people. Someone needs to hold the mirror up to him. I kind of wish Kian does it at some point.


I know I did a lot of explaining of Masato and Kirino’s character in the comments. But without the comments and purely relying on story:
3.Is Masato a believable character? Does his character/personality, his motivations, and actions make sense to you? Is his love for Kirino surprising? Does his metaphoric speech make sense to you? Did the final reveal provide ample explanation of all the schemey scenes he was portrayed in throughout the story? Did everything make sense?
I think Masato is pretty believable. His love for Kirino was a nice surprise. It made his character more complex. And even if he's a rather despicable character because of his actions this made him more human. Perfectly in accordance with the rule that an antagonist should have at least one redeeming quality. ;)

4.Is Kirino a believable character? Does her character, desires and actions (including final action :( ) make sense to you?
- Did her scene at the end come as a complete surprise? Were there enough clues given throughout the story for you to find her condition at the end believable/acceptable?
- Was her ‘flashback’ chapter believable?
- Do you think she loves Masato (at the end)?
Kirino's character made perfect sense to me. I love it how there's something sad about her appearance. She played her part in what has become of Curtis but I suppose her final act made us all forgive her. I wouldn't mind more and earlier hints on her condition. I'm not sure if she was capable of loving Masato in the end. I wanted to believe she did, but she hurt too much. Is there even any space for love if one hasn't recovered from the loss of a child even after many years?

5.Were Masato and Kirino’s complicated relationship believable?
Yes. It was tragic and beautiful. Definitely one of the highlights of this story.

6.Is Scorcher a believable character? Does his character, desires and actions make sense to you? (I think I gave him a monologue and two lines of dialogue explaining his perspective on life lol)
I have mixed feelings about him. I can (and can't at the same time) understand why he took his anger on the son of the man who betrayed them. But why did he hurt others? The woman who Curtis lived with for instance. (Apologies for not remembering the names of all side characters) Did he lose his mind? Why didn't he hurt Masato too then? I may have forgot or missed some key hints about his characters, I admit.

7. What do you think about Kian? Then Carly?
I like Kian and his warm and friendly character. Curtis has a better friend in him than he deserves in my opinion. I'm afraid I don't care much for Carly yet. I wondered why you paired them up. Again, maybe I'm missing something, but I simply didn't feel any chemistry between those two characters. To me it felt like one moment they weren't a couple and next they were. In my opinion Kian had more chemistry with Athena than with Carly. It was as though he started dating Carly because he couldn't have Athena. IDK.

8. What do you think/feel about Dew?
Remind me who is Dew? Is she the girl who confessed her feelings to Curtis? Sorry again for forgetting names.
We know too little of her yet for me to form a complex opinion on her.

9. What do you think about Grim?
What can I say? I'm glad I wasn't wrong and that he is who he is. I only wish he stopped playing a match maker. That doesn't suit him. I don't want him to be a friendly grandpa, if you know what I mean. Now that you revealed that he was manipulative, I'd like to see his character become something more powerful and sinister. Wishful thinking, yeah.

"Maladi777;c-17578567" wrote:
In my opinion Kian had more chemistry with Athena than with Carly. It was as though he started dating Carly because he couldn't have Athena. IDK.

Ooh, that's an interesting way to look at it. I did also think that Kian and Athena had chemistry, but I put a lid on that straight away because I knew it would be completely out of character for him to pursue her. So what you're saying about him getting together with Carly makes perfect sense.

1. Did you enjoy the story?
Yes, I enjoyed this story a lot. The concept is very original to simlit. I love the criminal underground background; I love the darker themes you explore. Your poses are outstanding, and your pictures capture the story so well.

2. What was your favourite part, and which was your least favourite part?
I like the crime organization scenes, and the Masato and Kirino chapters. I think the criminal organization could be its own standalone story. I also really enjoyed Grim as a character, so anytime he showed up, I was happy.

3. How do you feel about the ending?
To me, it was more like a transition into the next story. There were a lot of loose ends (not to say that is bad, some loose ends can be okay, and I think that real-life situations don't always get neatly resolved). I think I would have liked Athena and Curtis to break up instead of just be left in this relationship limbo (maybe I just like solid conclusions for romance stories). I thought the Grim story arc, came to a good conclusion, and I enjoyed that. I was curious about Athena's mom and brother, and what happened there.

4. Do you feel like the story was different from what you expected when you started?
I didn't expect it to get so dark (not that was a bad thing, and I like reading dark or difficult topics). I knew that romance would be a major part of the story, but I also enjoyed the darker themes of the story. I liked the way you transitioned into darker themes, and I felt like I knew where the story was going, or if it would touch on a darker topic. I thought you did a good job of providing content warnings to readers, so if someone wanted to skip, they could.

5. What do you think of the darkness from chapter 6 until the end? Was the darkness too much, not much, present but not bad, present but bad? etc
I don't mind darker topics and have a pretty high tolerance for dark subject matter, so it wasn't too much for me as a reader. I thought you did a great job of touching on difficult themes and I think that it was tastefully done.

6. What are your predictions for S2? Feel free to answer everything else before attempting this
I'm not completely sure, but I'll just throw something out there. I think Athena and Curtis will go through a rocky time in their relationship. Maybe they'll break up? I'm not sure. At first, I was rooting for them as a couple, but as time goes on, I think I would like to see them not in a relationship and see how they grow individually, and maybe a reunion in the end, if they are still compatible.

I kind of hope that Kian goes on his own little self-discovery journey, maybe in looking for his father? Kian is growing on me as a favorite character. Grim currently holds the position as my favorite and Kian is coming in at second. Masato and Kirino are probably tied at third for me. I don't see Kian and Carly lasting. I've never been a big fan of Carly, but maybe it's because I just haven't connected with her character or don't know her character well enough.