Between2Worlds [Story] 06/04

Would you call a child arrogant? Athena has closer to a child. Ah-ah-ah! She is a child who is getting into adults' business. Thus, not a child anymore. She doesn't have that excuse anymore.

What can I say. While Curtis didn't grip me as character, I have to give him credit. He's brave. To try and make a deal with Masato like that.

I don't for one second believe that Masato wanted Athena around simply to school Curtis. If that is the case, I will be rather disappointed.

Not surprised that there is a mystery regarding Curtis and another Curtis. That kind of cover would be convenient, if flimsy.

I have this sneaking suspicion that the school is a way to keep children of rich and influential people in one place. Everyone there are son or daughter of someone important. How convenient it would be if Masato would want a leverage. I'm also pretty certain that not all students there are actually students.

Ah, there is a dose of reality Athena needed! Finally! Wisdom from the gutter! Well done, Dew! Well done!

I'm replying by paragraph.

1. This is great feedback. Do you mean to say the writer did not flesh out Curtis's character enough to make an impression? Or is it that his character design doesn't appeal to you? I'd appreciate it if you could explain why too.

2. Ah unfortunately I will have to disappoint you there. Masato's intention of involving Athena is simply to manipulate Curtis into becoming his 'willing tool' for the rest of Curtis's life. Masato's design is one who doesn't force someone to adopt his principles, rather plants ideas that make his targets (Curtis) believe they had a choice in their path, to which he never did the whole time, and that they will in the end choose the path Masato wants them to take. (I hope this makes sense!)

3. I've had Curtis's backstory since Ch 1. And I have like you, thought my presentation of his background to be unoriginal, but I didn't know how to present it any other way. :sweat_smile: Thank you for your feedback, it confirms my suspicion. If I encounter a similar writing situation like this again, I'll keep this in mind.

4. Your foresight is spot on. ;) I'll just add students and staff there for you.

5. I didn't want to say this in your earlier analyses because I didn't want it to be a spoiler, but yes you were right about the direction of her character, Athena desperately needed a reality check and Dew is there to provide it. This is a 'serving of humble pie' for Athena. I say this with as much endearment as possible because in the end I made her. Her flaws are my undoing <3 :smile:

1. On ho. I can clearly see why people would find him appealing. Curtis is not a bad character, he's just not that interesting to me personally. I suppose I've figured him out by chapter 5. Curtis is an okay character, just not that appealing to me.

2. It is what it is. At least it shows that Masato is not all-knowing. This actually fits well with the idea of 2 worlds.

3. Not unoriginal or boring, don't misunderstand. Just expected. It would be just weird if there was none.

4. I will correct us both then. Staff. On Masato's payroll of course.

5. If Athena was not flawed, than I wouldn't even bother analyzing her. I would've simply said that she is THE worst character in the story. Athena has something going on for her. You've done her a service by making her flawed. If anything, she has too much given to her.

Lighthouse moment is an excellent way to show Curtis' and Athena's much needed heart-to-heart. The pain that the situation is causing them is almost palpable, believable Overall, it is a good way to demonstrate reason vs heart battle that never ends well.

It also demonstrates that Athena is still a child despite everything she has seen. She listens to her heart and tries to cling to high morals. While commendable, it is something that belongs in tales for kids. In reality, things sometimes just have to be done. Curtis understands this. And while I perfectly understand that he is still a human being who yearns for pleasures of life, I thing he should've pushed Athena away. Too bad that Athena doesn't listen. I'd say that a heartbreak would actually be good for her. While I know what it's like and how much it hurts, it would help her grow and mature.

The comic part has one crippling design flaw - while text over bright sky. Some words are invisible.

The pursuit section really evokes the feeling of dread and urgency. With that said, It got resolved in a somewhat cheap way. Magic the problem away. Yes, I know that I'm over exaggerating, but it feels a bit underwhelming. But there is definitely something that cheapens the experience - the fact that Athena didn't really hurt anybody. THAT would be actually good. I mean, really - she casts spells left right and center. She is no virtuoso. Somebody was bound to get hurt or killed. That would actually be VERY interesting,

Overall, a very solid chapter.

That's really high praise. Thank you very much :blush:

You're right on the dot. Athena has always been naive, when she spoke against the Grim for Curtis, when she thinks she can help Curtis abandon his crime life, when she made that deal with Masato. :smile:

Ah you're right. I never thought about the comic that way but I see now. Thank you for being direct and honest.

:lol: I'm not surprised if others think the way you do! I find myself wondering as I watch action movies directed at teen/YA (Avengers for example) why nobody dies. It's armageddon, there's massive armies clashing together and our heroes have superpowers yes, but they are in the end, handicapped at one to 100,000 (or more). I understand that feeling.

The magic system I've designed for B2W's universe is that lethal spells are located in the Untamed branch (which is forbidden and untaught). Hence, Athena's magic is raw and directly from her reserves with no elemental properties. I attribute such magic to blunt trauma or force that is not enough to kill, only to incapacitate. I can see what you mean by even if it were blunt force trauma, she should be able to knock off a kidney or two, but Athena by her own character doesn't want to kill people, and I admit I must be subconsciously trying to stick to less gory/violent themes (and failing elsewhere. :lol:)

Thank you very much for your insights :blush:

Chapter 13.

I've really enjoyed the whole graveyard sequence. The tension was real and the events transpired that mad me worry. A shame about Kian's wound.
Also, i have to give Athena credit for actually trying to go all in and solve the mess.

I also enjoyed the sequences 3 and 4. Very believable mood and emotions there. Nice pose work, by the way. Especially Kirino and Blaze :-)

Speaking of - Kirino and Blaze are crucial for the story's progression. Both times they intervene on heroes' behalf, both time they save them from death.

Sequence 2. The whole part about Curtis is really good. I liked the emotion, the behavior, everything. It dies feel like something that Curtis would act like in this situation. But the Athena's part is just ridiculous. She died..."NOPE, GOTCHA! She didn't! Shame on you! Even Grim can't reap her properly! Athena is perfect!". I mean, I understand that you're attached to her and want to have a good ending but this was just ridiculous. Perhaps it would be better if you didn't pretty much state that she died. Maybe it would be better if it was clear that she was actually alive and Curtis was not thinking straight. But hey - who am I to argue. I mean, Magic.

On the contrast, chapter 14 is pretty much the best chapter in the whole work. I liked literally everything about it. The flow of the story was great, the plot was interesting, the image work was spot on. Have nothing negative to say.

Chapter 15 is...complicated. I understand that there was a desperate need to wrap up the magical plot, but on the whole the chapter is a bit weak and goes to fast. This is actually in line with relative underdevelopment of magic plot.

With that said, I praise your decision to have Athena claim the tome for herself and reject Grim. So much talk about fate and here she is, taking her fate in her own hands. This had to be done.

Chapter 16. Confrontation between Scorcher and Curtis is very good. I especially like Scorcher's monologue. The funny thing is it also applies to Athena. She has great power in her hand and she is very hurt person.I don't for one second believe that she will not use that book for her own gains. Not necessarily to become a villain, but to become anti-hero? Yes, please.

This is also pretty much the only chapter where I genuinely liked Athena. She has grown a spine. Yes, she has become very unpleasant but what else would happen after her experience. Hardship build character. There it is. Athena is different now. I like the change and find it very believable.

With that said - why does she accept Curtis? Like, why? This is so forced, so out of nowhere. There was a recipe for PERFECT ending to their romance. Star-crossed lovers, everything is against them and "everything" wins. Sure, they are past their hardships, but they have changed. Both Athena and Curtis are just different people now. If Curtis didn't expect that, then he is a fool.

Now, personal opinions.

Would I recommend this story? I think yes. It definitely is not perfect, butt it has good moments and some viewers will definitely find it appealing on a whole.

Did I enjoy the story? No. It's definitely not my cup of tea. I had good time analyzing it and there ARE a few FANTASTIC chapters and moments, but in general it is not interesting to me personally.

My most and least favorite characters. Grim takes the cake as the best character.Nothing more to say about him.The other one would be Masato + Kirino. Very interesting characters that definitely could use more love.

The most "meh" character is Curtis. He is well constructed and written, but he is very predictable.

The worst bar none character is Athena. She comes across as annoying, ungrateful, lacking common seance brat who wants adventure, yet is CLEARLY not ready to actually deal with it and suffers for it. Athena in last chapters is basically a different character.

The plot. What do I have to say about plot... The "Shadows" half is without any doubt the best. It has better characters, interesting events, dramatic moments and is in general well constructed. The "meh" part is romance.I think it just is forced. The circumstances are too dire for it to be there. Magic part of the plot is just bad. Bad bad bad! Not because it is a bad idea or because author has no skill, oh no! It's just underdeveloped. It needed more. A lot more.

What would I change about the work? Remove the magical plot, but leave the grim reaper. It would work much better if Athena had a gift to sense death. Replace magic with guns and parkour. On the character side, maybe it would be better if Athena would be more openly unlikable and then her experiences would humble her.

These are my a lot of bits. As always, this is just an opinion of one man who has llamas droppings for brains. Thank you for listening.

.The other one would be Masato + Kirino. Very interesting characters that definitely could use more love.

I'll let you know when I post ch 17.21 if you're interested. That's in the next cycle actually.

With that said - why does she accept Curtis? Like, why? This is so forced, so out of nowhere. There was a recipe for PERFECT ending to their romance. Star-crossed lovers, everything is against them and "everything" wins. Sure, they are past their hardships, but they have changed. Both Athena and Curtis are just different people now. If Curtis didn't expect that, then he is a fool.

Yes! I'm glad you feel that way about their relationship at this point. I wanted readers to feel uncomfortable here and I got what I want. They ARE very different people now and will be addressed in the epilogue. :smile:

Magic part of the plot is just bad. Bad bad bad! Not because it is a bad idea or because author has no skill, oh no! It's just underdeveloped. It needed more. A lot more

I never intended to develop it beyond what is shown in 17.1. Everything else is reserved for season 2. :smile:


I think I've answered everything else.