Black History: Premium Walkthrough
Be Original, Dummy! Pt. 1
Dr. Hibbert starts
Dr. Hibbert: Hey, Dad. I came to visit you. How’s the Retirement Castle treating you?
Hibbert's Father: How do you think, you big dummy? I hate it. It’s depressing, the food is bad, and I don’t know if you know this, but old people smell weird.
Dr. Hibbert: Oh, you don’t say. I never noticed.
Hibbert's Father: Of course you don’t. Cuz you’re a dang fool. You were born a fool, and you’re gonna die a fool. And you’re just gonna fool it up all the days in between.
Task: Make Dr. Hibbert Clench His Teeth And Be Nice to His Dad
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Retirement Castle
Dr. Hibbert: Dad, I’m a well-respected doctor. The best one in town.
Hibbert's Father: The town of Springfield. That’s like being the smartest guy at an ATV dealership. You still a dummy!
Dr. Hibbert: Alright I’ve had enough! You need to drop this whole “dummy” thing!
Hibbert's Father: What “dummy” thing, dummy?
Dr. Hibbert: You saw one episode of Sanford and Son forty years ago, and you’ve been doing this angry old man bit ever since. You’re a total rip off of Redd Foxx!
Hibbert's Father: Redd who?
Dr. Hibbert: Redd Foxx! One of the biggest Black comedians of all time!
Hibbert's Father: Never heard of him.
Dr. Hibbert: If you don’t think that you’re ripping him off, then you’re the dummy. Goodbye, Dad!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Be Original, Dummy! Pt. 2
If the user has Lucius Sweet: Lucius Sweet starts
If the user doesn't have Lucius Sweet: Auto starts
Lucius Sweet: Mr. Hibbert Sr. What brings you to the gym, old friend?
Hibbert's Father: Hey, Lucius. I just wanted to ask you a question. Do you think I’m a derivative rip-off of Redd Foxx?
Lucius Sweet: What? Heavens, no! That’s an absurdity of the grandest scale! You’re as original a character as myself, or Drederick, here.
Drederick Tatum: Yes. Super original.
Hibbert's Father: Hmmm.
Task: Make Hibbert’s Father Realize Something He Never Noticed Before
Time: 4h
Location: Lugash's Gym, All Night Gym or Brown House
Hibbert's Father: Wait a minute. You two are rip-off’s also. Just like me!
Drederick Tatum: I am completely unsure to what you are referring to.
Lucius Sweet: Your baseless accusation is as big and crazy as my very original hair style.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Be Original, Dummy! Pt. 3
Hibbert's Father starts
Hibbert's Father: I can’t believe… Could it be? Have I been the… the big dummy… this whole time?
Professor Frink: Excuse me, sir. Are you okay? You seem to be having a senior moment of some sort, talking incoherently, with the hoyvik and the glayvin, and the surplus of ellipseeees.
Hibbert's Father: I’m sorry. I’m just coming to terms with the idea that I’m not an original character. And my friends weren’t either.
Professor Frink: Good glayviiiiiinnn, what a startling realization. With the dawning, and the reckoning, and the eyes going wiiiiide.
Hibbert's Father: *Eyes go wide with dawning recognition*
Task: Make Hibbert’s Father Remember Who Frink Reminds Him Of
Time: 4h
Location: Brown House
Hibbert's Father: Oh God. You’re one of them too! Your whole look and vocal ticks! It’s just a total rip-off of that nerd in the old movie. What was it called? The Legume-like Professor? The Nutty Adjunct?
Professor Frink: Please! Stop guessing! I can’t afford to get sued.
Hibbert's Father: Unoriginal characters! They’re all over this town! Wolfcastle is the Exterminator! Mayor Quimby is a Kennedy! Homer Simpson used to sound like Walter Matthau!
Professor Frink: What are you talking about?
Hibbert's Father: Take off those glasses and talk different, you! C’mere!
Professor Frink: Police! Police!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Be Original, Dummy! Pt. 4
If the user has Professor Frink: Professor Frink starts
If the user doesn't have Professor Frink: Auto starts
Professor Frink: Oh thank Glayvin you’ve arrived, officers. This man is accosting me. Accusing me of being some sort of imposter.
Hibbert's Father: He is! The whole town’s full of them. They’re just lazy rip-offs!
Wiggum: Rip-off’s, eh? Sounds like this fella’s off his rocker, see.
Hibbert's Father: You’re supposed to be Edward G. Robinson! The gangster from the movies.
Wiggum: But I’m not a gangster, pal. I’m a copper. N’yeaahh!
Hibbert's Father: Ahhhhhhh!!!!
Task: Make Wiggum Help the Cops Calm Down Hibbert's Father
Time: 4h
Location: Brown House
Hibbert's Father: Whew. Thank you for calming me down, officer. I don’t know what went through me. That dang fool son of mine put a crazy idea in my head. The big dummy!
Wiggum: Happy to help, sir. Now, while you’re calming down, I’m going to finish my crossword puzzle. Hey Lou, I need two more words. Cellist BLANK-Yo Ma, and Entourage star BLANK Grenier.
Lou: Uh, Yo, and Adrian.
Wiggum: Can you say that again, Lou? I couldn’t hear you!
Lou: YO ADRIAN!
Hibbert's Father: AHHHHH!!! The black cop talks like Sylvester Stallone for some reason! I’m losing my mind, ahahahahaha!!!!
Lou: He knows too much.
Wiggum: Get the stun gun, Lou.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Be Original, Dummy! Pt. 5
Dr. Hibbert starts
Dr. Hibbert: Thank you so much for bringing my father home, officers. I’ll take good care of him.
Wiggum: Make sure you do. We can’t have him running up and down the street accusing people of being unoriginal. He’s not a licensed TV critic, after all.
Dr. Hibbert: You’re right. Come on in, Dad. Let’s make you some hot cocoa and go to bed.
Task: Make A Shaken Hibbert's Father Come In
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Retirement Castle
Dr. Hibbert: I’m sorry, I was so mad about you calling me a big dummy, that I lashed out and got you all confused. You’re no rip-off. You’re my dad and I love you.
Hibbert's Father: I love you too, son. Y’know, I may not be sure if I’m some rip-off or not, but one thing's clear. You’re a one-of-a-kind original.
Dr. Hibbert: Uh, yes. One hundred percent. I’m not based on anyone disturbing at all. *chuckles*
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Play Musty For Me Pt. 1
Moe starts
Moe: Uh, bad news, Stogie. My latest attempt at upscalin’ this jernt has failed. I guess puttin’ monocles on the rats was a misguided attempt at class. I’m gonna have to let ya go.
Stogie: That’s a shame, Moe. You paid a lot for those tiny monocles. And got so many rat bites for your troubles.
Moe: Yeah, you live and you learn I guess.
Stogie: Guess I’ve gotta go out and hustle up a new gig.
Moe: Before you go, play me that favorite song o’ mine.
Stogie: You got it, Moe-sephine Baker.
Task: Make Stogie Play Moonglow
Time: 12h
Stogie: *singing*…and now when there’s moonglow way up in the blue, look down at your hands, those rats are biting you…
Moe: Ah. I love that song. Was that last lyric always there?
Stogie: No, I’m telling you the rats are back! Look down!
Moe: Oh God!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Play Musty For Me Pt. 2
Stogie starts
Stogie: Mr. Flanders, I need a regular gig and I was wondering if the church’s weekly Bingo game could use a little zazz-a-matazz.
Ned: Well, I don’t know what that is, but it could be nice to hear some solemn, depressing hymns during the game.
Stogie: Oh, I don’t really know any hymns, church cat. I’ll just groove to the vibe of the place and do my own thang.
Ned: Um, okely dokely?
Task: Make Stogie MC Bingo Night
Time: 4h
Location: First Church of Springfield
Stogie: *sings* …although they say they don’t like sin / they’ll still cheat to get a win…
Stogie: Mrs. Skinner hates to lose / She’s got a flask that’s full of booze.
Agnes: How dare you! That’s medicinal gin!
Rev. Lovejoy: You know, Ned, I’m thinking we don’t need a piano player for Bingo Night after all.
Ned: Amen!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Play Musty For Me Pt. 3
Krusty starts
Krusty: A jazzy piano player like you could really class up the Krusty Burger! Maybe bring in some richer, more discerning fatsos.
Stogie: Right on. But I need to get a feel for this place so I can bring it to my work, man. My art is always a reflection of my surroundings.
Krusty: I dig it. You’ve got artistic integrity. I used to have that. Now I’m obscenely rich instead! Hahaha! *blows cigar smoke at Stogie*
Task: Make Stogie Kroon at the Krusty Burger
Time: 4h
Location: Krusty Burger
Stogie: *sings* Though the food, it may be fast / Health Inspection, it won’t pass.
Stogie: There’s a monkey working fries / and he’s scratching his behind…
Mr. Teeny: *screech screech*
Carl: This silver-tongued crooner is right! Let’s get outta here!
Krusty: Alright, Snitch Corea, get your enormous piano and scram!
Stogie: Hey, that’s a pretty good reference. Did you write that joke?
Krusty: No, I had Mel write me some jazz puns while you were playing.
Sideshow Mel: These should count as billable hours!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Play Musty For Me Pt. 4
Comic Book Guy starts
Comic Book Guy: I am not sure I need a piano player in my comic book shop. It would be like the Dark Knight doing a crossover with Huckleberry Hound.
Stogie: Come on, man. This place needs a little sophistication. We both know the future of sequential art is manga and original graphic novels for the youth market.
Comic Book Guy: Hm. You make a fair point. But if you want to play my “scene”, you’ll need to absorb this vast quanta of source material.
Stogie: I'm on it.
Task: Make Stogie Read Piles of Comic Books
Time: 8h
Location: Android's Dungeon
Stogie: *sings* …plenty of power fantasies for boys / but when women and people of color share the toys…
Stogie: …the fanboys get all steamed with rage / acting well below their age…
Comic Book Guy: Though the melody is jaunty, I will not have such apt criticisms voiced in my store. Begone!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Play Musty For Me Pt. 5
Mr. Burns starts
Mr. Burns: I’d prefer a daring harpsichordist, but I suppose a pianiste would add a certain air of dignity to this filthy atom factory.
Stogie: Say no more. But before I begin to play, I need to connect with the soul of your operation so I can express it in song.
Mr. Burns: Connect away, my good man. I once had Anton LaVey come in to do the same thing.
Task: Make Mr Burns Hide Nuclear Waste In Stogie's Piano
Time: 4h
Location: Control Building
Stogie: *sings* …He’s a misanthropic mummy, all he cares about is money…
Stogie: …he’ll burn the Earth down to an ash, just to make a little cash…
Smithers: Shall I release the hounds on him, sir?
Mr. Burns: What for? Never has my essence been so grandly expressed through the sultry medium of smooth jazz.
Stogie: …and he’s as ugly as he’s rich/ Let’s toss him into a ditch/ And cover it with wet cement…
Mr. Burns: On second thought, get the hounds ready. But wait til the end. It is a catchy tune.
Smithers: Yes, sir.
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Mega Church Gil Deal
Gil starts
Gil: Ever since I became a church-goer, things are looking up.
The Patriarch: You can't just come to the breakfasts after service. You have to come to the part where you give money to us as well!
Gil: Help Ol' Gil pay his tithes and get in good with the deacons. Whaddya say?
On offer accepted:
Gil: That's right! Cast your bread upon the water, and it will return to you threefold.
Gil: And it will help the Patriarch buy that helicopter that he's had his eye on.
On offer declined:
Gil: I guess Ol' Gil's prayers won't be answered this time. *sigh* Amen.
Keepin' the Faith Pt. 1
The Patriarch starts
The Patriarch: Tim, your parishioner numbers are down again, and your flock just isn’t as fulsome as we’re looking for.
Rev. Lovejoy: There’s a lot of competition these days, Patriarch, what with all the new streaming services.
Rev. Lovejoy: I haven’t even started the new season of "Marvelous Mrs. Manson". It’s not easy to motivate the masses.
The Patriarch: Not so, Tim. You just need to bring your A Game – watch and learn!
Task: Make the Patriarch Give Powerful Sermon
Time: 12h
Location: Mega Church
The Patriarch: And that’s how it’s done! *mic drop*
Rev. Lovejoy: Careful! I’m still making payments on that thing!
The Patriarch: You just have to fire ‘em up with the word of God. And toss a couple of lit firecrackers to wake em up.
Rev. Lovejoy: It’s easy to come in and do a rousing guest spot, but I’m a recurring character in these people’s lives.
The Patriarch: You know, Tim, maybe it’s time I found a Springfielder who can really inspire the supplicants of this suburb.
Rev. Lovejoy: Ha! Good luck with that! There’s no one in this town as committed to the word of the Lord, who also fits my vestments.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Keepin' the Faith Pt. 2
The Patriarch starts
The Patriarch: Marge Simpson, I hear you’re a pious woman who likes to plant it in the pew every Sunday. Would you be interested in answering a higher calling?
Marge: Selling medicinal marijuana? I’m doing that late in season 31.
The Patriarch: No, I mean taking over as Pastor.
Marge: Hm. Let me consider that while I bake some cookies.
The Patriarch: Let me give you a hand with that while we chat…
Task: Make the Patriarch Bake Religious Martyr Cookies
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
Task: Make Marge Bake Delicious Non-Religious Cookies
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
Marge: Those are some…interesting cookies, Patriarch.
Bart: This Saint Bartholomew cookie is awesome! Is the pink frosting supposed to be his flayed skin?
The Patriarch: Heh heh! Yes it is, young man! Good eye! So Marge, have you considered my offer?
Marge: Are there any perks to joining the ministry?
The Patriarch: You get to hear a lot of juicy deathbed confessions. Did you know Bleeding Gums Murphy killed a hobo in a hit and run?
Marge: Yikes. Um… I think I’ll pass.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Keepin' the Faith Pt. 3
The Patriarch starts
The Patriarch: I see that you are popular with the youth of Springfield. We could use that in the Church. Have you ever considered becoming a minister?
Comic Book Guy: Hmm…I have always felt that I was destined for a larger emporium. My counter has been feeling a little tight lately. Literally.
The Patriarch: There’s lots of room behind a podium. And in a nice purple robe.
Comic Book Guy: I do like the idea of not wearing pants to work.
The Patriarch: You already deal in books about magical powers. Just come do it for our team.
Comic Book Guy: Hmm. Tell me about your main characters, their special powers, and their one weakness.
Task: Make The Patriarch Struggle to Draw Similarities Between Superheroes and the Bible
Time: 4h
Location: Android's Dungeon
If the user has Comic Book Guy: Task: Make Comic Book Guy Skeptically Read the Bible
Time: 4h
Location: Android's Dungeon
The Patriarch: Well, what do you think of all that, young man?
Comic Book Guy: Fairly ridiculous. What kind of a father doesn’t avenge his own son’s death. John Wick, he is not.
Comic Book Guy: And while your “Satan” has some potential as a villain, he lacks the nuance and pathos of a Dr. Crab.
The Patriarch: Well, if you ever change your mind, come by the church.
Comic Book Guy: I will continue to worship at the altar of Fat Thor, thank you very much.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Keepin' the Faith Pt. 4
Herman starts
Herman: Hey Padre, I hear you’ve been nosin’ around town quite a bit lately. Something is up, isn’t it? Biblical plague coming? Frogs? Locusts?
The Patriarch: No, nothing like that. I’m seeking a newly energized evangelical to help elevate Springfield’s righteousness in these troubled times.
Herman: Say no more -- I’m your man! I’ve been preparing for this day for a long time.
The Patriarch: Um, really? Why, that’s good news for the Good News! Let’s head over to the church.
Herman: Sure thing, boss. But first, I need your help with a couple things…
Task: Make the Patriarch Bless Doomsday Supplies
Time: 4h
Location: Mega Church
The Patriarch: You know, Herman, I feel like maybe we’re not on the same page here.
Herman: Sure we are. We’re both itching for the end of the world. Except you’re expecting a savior, and I’m expecting a fortune. People are gonna need guns and canned beans aplenty. And toilet paper.
The Patriarch: *leaves*
Herman: Where you goin’? I have a whole room full of MRB’s!
The Patriarch: MRB’s?
Herman: Meals Ready to Bless.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Keepin' the Faith Pt. 5
Sideshow Bob starts
Sideshow Bob: Hello, my good man! I hear you’re in the market for a motivated maven to move this town’s citizenry into a more moral state.
The Patriarch: Hmmm. No offense, Mr. Sideshow, but I’m not sure you’re the type of Pastor we’re looking for.
Sideshow Bob: Ah, but who better than one who has fallen low and risen again.
The Patriarch: Hm. Perhaps you’re right. Who better to lead a congregation than a prodigal son.
Sideshow Bob: Like the mighty rake that whacks me, no one has fallen and risen more than I!
Task: Make the Patriarch Watch Crazy Christian Cavalcades
Time: 4h
Location: Mega Church
If the user has Sideshow Bob: Task: Make Sideshow Bob Step on Seventeen Rakes
Time: 4h
Location: Mega Church
Sideshow Bob: So, your Patriarch-ness, how soon would I be able to reach out to troubled families to offer one-on-one counseling.
The Patriarch: Well…
Sideshow Bob: One family in particular, the Simpson family, could benefit from a visit. I hear they have a wayward son that needs to be… DEALT with.
The Patriarch: Why are you sharpening those enormous knives? Where did they even come from?
Sideshow Bob: An ankle holster. My brother got it for me for the holidays and I can’t live without it.
The Patriarch: The HOLIDAYS? No pastor of mine is going to refer to Christmas as the holidays. Don’t you know there’s a war going on, according to one dubious cable news channel? Get lost, pal.
Rev. Lovejoy: How goes the quest to find my replacement, sir?
The Patriarch: Looks like you’re still in business…for now.
Rev. Lovejoy: I told you I’m not easily replaceable. This town has got more nuts than a squirrel’s digestive tract.
The Patriarch: I agree, Reverend. I agree.
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Dinner for Two Pt. 1
Mabel Simpson starts
Mabel Simpson: Virgil, let's make a wager.
Virgil Simpson: Alright, whatcha got?
Mabel Simpson: If you can beat me at games of my choosing then I'll cook dinner, but if I win you make us some of your famous wheel cakes.
Virgil Simpson: I like those odds. You're on.
Mabel Simpson: Don't be so confident. The first game is helping Abraham with his schooling.
Virgil Simpson: How is that a game?
Task: Make Mabel Simpson Home School Abraham
Time: 8h
Location: Brown House
If the user has Virgil Simpson: Task: Make Virgil Simpson Fail at Teaching Math
Time: 8h
Location: Brown House
Mabel Simpson: *laughing* Looks like I win.
Virgil Simpson: He only knew the answers because you bribed him with my wheel cakes! I'll win the next one.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Dinner for Two Pt. 2
Mabel Simpson starts
Mabel Simpson: The second game is hide and seek.
Virgil Simpson: That'll be easy for us both. We both stand out like a jackrabbit in a gopher field.
Mabel Simpson: *putting on a stove pipe hat* Speak for yourself. You're it!
Task: Make Mabel Simpson Hide in Plain Sight
Time: 24h
If the user has Virgil Simpson: Task: Make Virgil Simpson Hide in Wagon
Time: 8h
Location: Mabel's Wagon
Virgil Simpson: Ha! I found you. You almost fooled me for a second. I thought you were Abraham Lincoln.
Mabel Simpson: *groans* Women love to be compared to him.
Virgil Simpson: Hey, you’re the one who put the hat on!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Dinner for Two Pt. 3
Virgil Simpson starts
Virgil Simpson: Looks like we're even.
Mabel Simpson: Seems that way. But we won't be after the logrolling contest!
Virgil Simpson: I hope you're in the mood for a swim, there's no way I'm losing.
Task: Make Mabel Simpson Have Logrolling Contest
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Lake
If the user has Virgil Simpson: Task: Make Virgil Simpson Have Logrolling Contest
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Lake
Mabel Simpson: *climbing out of the river* Ew some water got in my mouth.
Virgil Simpson: *laughing* I did warn you, I'm a professional at this.
Mabel Simpson: Okay, Mr. Professional. Let's see how you like the taste of river water.
Mabel Simpson: *pulls Virgil into river*
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Dinner for Two Pt. 4
Virgil Simpson starts
Virgil Simpson: That was fun, we should do stuff like that more often.
Mabel Simpson: It's not over yet. We have two more games to play.
Virgil Simpson: *sigh* Don't be a sore loser. It's over.
Mabel Simpson: We have to go hunting for food either way. May as well keep the contest going.
Virgil Simpson: Fine.
Task: Make Mabel Go Hunting
Time: 12h
If the user has Virgil Simpson: Task: Make Virgil Simpson Go Hunting
Time: 12h
Mabel Simpson: Since your basket is empty do you think you can carry two of mine?
Virgil Simpson: *laughing* Anything for you. I guess hunting isn't my calling.
Mabel Simpson: Probably not, but you're still the logrolling king.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Dinner for Two Pt. 5
Mabel Simpson starts
Mabel Simpson: We need a challenge that is the ultimate tie breaker.
Virgil Simpson: I have an idea, how about something easy...
Mabel Simpson: I got it! We'll race to the border and back. Loser cooks up the dinner I hunted.
Virgil Simpson: Mabel, wait. I need to ask you something.
Mabel Simpson: *grabbing coat* Ask me after I beat you!
Virgil Simpson: Mabel, will you marry me? *gets on one knee*
Mabel Simpson: Oh, Virgil. I'm so happy.
Virgil Simpson: Happy that you won our little contest, or that we're getting married?
Mabel Simpson: What do you think? *kisses Virgil*
Task: Make Mabel Simpson Race to Canadian Border
Time: 1h
Location: Canadian Border
Task: Make Virgil Simpson Propose
Time: 24h
Location: Canadian Border
Requires: Mabel Simpson
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Dr. Hibbert starts
Dr. Hibbert: Hey, Dad. I came to visit you. How’s the Retirement Castle treating you?
Hibbert's Father: How do you think, you big dummy? I hate it. It’s depressing, the food is bad, and I don’t know if you know this, but old people smell weird.
Dr. Hibbert: Oh, you don’t say. I never noticed.
Hibbert's Father: Of course you don’t. Cuz you’re a dang fool. You were born a fool, and you’re gonna die a fool. And you’re just gonna fool it up all the days in between.
Task: Make Dr. Hibbert Clench His Teeth And Be Nice to His Dad
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Retirement Castle
Dr. Hibbert: Dad, I’m a well-respected doctor. The best one in town.
Hibbert's Father: The town of Springfield. That’s like being the smartest guy at an ATV dealership. You still a dummy!
Dr. Hibbert: Alright I’ve had enough! You need to drop this whole “dummy” thing!
Hibbert's Father: What “dummy” thing, dummy?
Dr. Hibbert: You saw one episode of Sanford and Son forty years ago, and you’ve been doing this angry old man bit ever since. You’re a total rip off of Redd Foxx!
Hibbert's Father: Redd who?
Dr. Hibbert: Redd Foxx! One of the biggest Black comedians of all time!
Hibbert's Father: Never heard of him.
Dr. Hibbert: If you don’t think that you’re ripping him off, then you’re the dummy. Goodbye, Dad!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Be Original, Dummy! Pt. 2
If the user has Lucius Sweet: Lucius Sweet starts
If the user doesn't have Lucius Sweet: Auto starts
Lucius Sweet: Mr. Hibbert Sr. What brings you to the gym, old friend?
Hibbert's Father: Hey, Lucius. I just wanted to ask you a question. Do you think I’m a derivative rip-off of Redd Foxx?
Lucius Sweet: What? Heavens, no! That’s an absurdity of the grandest scale! You’re as original a character as myself, or Drederick, here.
Drederick Tatum: Yes. Super original.
Hibbert's Father: Hmmm.
Task: Make Hibbert’s Father Realize Something He Never Noticed Before
Time: 4h
Location: Lugash's Gym, All Night Gym or Brown House
Hibbert's Father: Wait a minute. You two are rip-off’s also. Just like me!
Drederick Tatum: I am completely unsure to what you are referring to.
Lucius Sweet: Your baseless accusation is as big and crazy as my very original hair style.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Be Original, Dummy! Pt. 3
Hibbert's Father starts
Hibbert's Father: I can’t believe… Could it be? Have I been the… the big dummy… this whole time?
Professor Frink: Excuse me, sir. Are you okay? You seem to be having a senior moment of some sort, talking incoherently, with the hoyvik and the glayvin, and the surplus of ellipseeees.
Hibbert's Father: I’m sorry. I’m just coming to terms with the idea that I’m not an original character. And my friends weren’t either.
Professor Frink: Good glayviiiiiinnn, what a startling realization. With the dawning, and the reckoning, and the eyes going wiiiiide.
Hibbert's Father: *Eyes go wide with dawning recognition*
Task: Make Hibbert’s Father Remember Who Frink Reminds Him Of
Time: 4h
Location: Brown House
Hibbert's Father: Oh God. You’re one of them too! Your whole look and vocal ticks! It’s just a total rip-off of that nerd in the old movie. What was it called? The Legume-like Professor? The Nutty Adjunct?
Professor Frink: Please! Stop guessing! I can’t afford to get sued.
Hibbert's Father: Unoriginal characters! They’re all over this town! Wolfcastle is the Exterminator! Mayor Quimby is a Kennedy! Homer Simpson used to sound like Walter Matthau!
Professor Frink: What are you talking about?
Hibbert's Father: Take off those glasses and talk different, you! C’mere!
Professor Frink: Police! Police!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Be Original, Dummy! Pt. 4
If the user has Professor Frink: Professor Frink starts
If the user doesn't have Professor Frink: Auto starts
Professor Frink: Oh thank Glayvin you’ve arrived, officers. This man is accosting me. Accusing me of being some sort of imposter.
Hibbert's Father: He is! The whole town’s full of them. They’re just lazy rip-offs!
Wiggum: Rip-off’s, eh? Sounds like this fella’s off his rocker, see.
Hibbert's Father: You’re supposed to be Edward G. Robinson! The gangster from the movies.
Wiggum: But I’m not a gangster, pal. I’m a copper. N’yeaahh!
Hibbert's Father: Ahhhhhhh!!!!
Task: Make Wiggum Help the Cops Calm Down Hibbert's Father
Time: 4h
Location: Brown House
Hibbert's Father: Whew. Thank you for calming me down, officer. I don’t know what went through me. That dang fool son of mine put a crazy idea in my head. The big dummy!
Wiggum: Happy to help, sir. Now, while you’re calming down, I’m going to finish my crossword puzzle. Hey Lou, I need two more words. Cellist BLANK-Yo Ma, and Entourage star BLANK Grenier.
Lou: Uh, Yo, and Adrian.
Wiggum: Can you say that again, Lou? I couldn’t hear you!
Lou: YO ADRIAN!
Hibbert's Father: AHHHHH!!! The black cop talks like Sylvester Stallone for some reason! I’m losing my mind, ahahahahaha!!!!
Lou: He knows too much.
Wiggum: Get the stun gun, Lou.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Be Original, Dummy! Pt. 5
Dr. Hibbert starts
Dr. Hibbert: Thank you so much for bringing my father home, officers. I’ll take good care of him.
Wiggum: Make sure you do. We can’t have him running up and down the street accusing people of being unoriginal. He’s not a licensed TV critic, after all.
Dr. Hibbert: You’re right. Come on in, Dad. Let’s make you some hot cocoa and go to bed.
Task: Make A Shaken Hibbert's Father Come In
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Retirement Castle
Dr. Hibbert: I’m sorry, I was so mad about you calling me a big dummy, that I lashed out and got you all confused. You’re no rip-off. You’re my dad and I love you.
Hibbert's Father: I love you too, son. Y’know, I may not be sure if I’m some rip-off or not, but one thing's clear. You’re a one-of-a-kind original.
Dr. Hibbert: Uh, yes. One hundred percent. I’m not based on anyone disturbing at all. *chuckles*
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Play Musty For Me Pt. 1
Moe starts
Moe: Uh, bad news, Stogie. My latest attempt at upscalin’ this jernt has failed. I guess puttin’ monocles on the rats was a misguided attempt at class. I’m gonna have to let ya go.
Stogie: That’s a shame, Moe. You paid a lot for those tiny monocles. And got so many rat bites for your troubles.
Moe: Yeah, you live and you learn I guess.
Stogie: Guess I’ve gotta go out and hustle up a new gig.
Moe: Before you go, play me that favorite song o’ mine.
Stogie: You got it, Moe-sephine Baker.
Task: Make Stogie Play Moonglow
Time: 12h
Stogie: *singing*…and now when there’s moonglow way up in the blue, look down at your hands, those rats are biting you…
Moe: Ah. I love that song. Was that last lyric always there?
Stogie: No, I’m telling you the rats are back! Look down!
Moe: Oh God!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Play Musty For Me Pt. 2
Stogie starts
Stogie: Mr. Flanders, I need a regular gig and I was wondering if the church’s weekly Bingo game could use a little zazz-a-matazz.
Ned: Well, I don’t know what that is, but it could be nice to hear some solemn, depressing hymns during the game.
Stogie: Oh, I don’t really know any hymns, church cat. I’ll just groove to the vibe of the place and do my own thang.
Ned: Um, okely dokely?
Task: Make Stogie MC Bingo Night
Time: 4h
Location: First Church of Springfield
Stogie: *sings* …although they say they don’t like sin / they’ll still cheat to get a win…
Stogie: Mrs. Skinner hates to lose / She’s got a flask that’s full of booze.
Agnes: How dare you! That’s medicinal gin!
Rev. Lovejoy: You know, Ned, I’m thinking we don’t need a piano player for Bingo Night after all.
Ned: Amen!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Play Musty For Me Pt. 3
Krusty starts
Krusty: A jazzy piano player like you could really class up the Krusty Burger! Maybe bring in some richer, more discerning fatsos.
Stogie: Right on. But I need to get a feel for this place so I can bring it to my work, man. My art is always a reflection of my surroundings.
Krusty: I dig it. You’ve got artistic integrity. I used to have that. Now I’m obscenely rich instead! Hahaha! *blows cigar smoke at Stogie*
Task: Make Stogie Kroon at the Krusty Burger
Time: 4h
Location: Krusty Burger
Stogie: *sings* Though the food, it may be fast / Health Inspection, it won’t pass.
Stogie: There’s a monkey working fries / and he’s scratching his behind…
Mr. Teeny: *screech screech*
Carl: This silver-tongued crooner is right! Let’s get outta here!
Krusty: Alright, Snitch Corea, get your enormous piano and scram!
Stogie: Hey, that’s a pretty good reference. Did you write that joke?
Krusty: No, I had Mel write me some jazz puns while you were playing.
Sideshow Mel: These should count as billable hours!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Play Musty For Me Pt. 4
Comic Book Guy starts
Comic Book Guy: I am not sure I need a piano player in my comic book shop. It would be like the Dark Knight doing a crossover with Huckleberry Hound.
Stogie: Come on, man. This place needs a little sophistication. We both know the future of sequential art is manga and original graphic novels for the youth market.
Comic Book Guy: Hm. You make a fair point. But if you want to play my “scene”, you’ll need to absorb this vast quanta of source material.
Stogie: I'm on it.
Task: Make Stogie Read Piles of Comic Books
Time: 8h
Location: Android's Dungeon
Stogie: *sings* …plenty of power fantasies for boys / but when women and people of color share the toys…
Stogie: …the fanboys get all steamed with rage / acting well below their age…
Comic Book Guy: Though the melody is jaunty, I will not have such apt criticisms voiced in my store. Begone!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Play Musty For Me Pt. 5
Mr. Burns starts
Mr. Burns: I’d prefer a daring harpsichordist, but I suppose a pianiste would add a certain air of dignity to this filthy atom factory.
Stogie: Say no more. But before I begin to play, I need to connect with the soul of your operation so I can express it in song.
Mr. Burns: Connect away, my good man. I once had Anton LaVey come in to do the same thing.
Task: Make Mr Burns Hide Nuclear Waste In Stogie's Piano
Time: 4h
Location: Control Building
Stogie: *sings* …He’s a misanthropic mummy, all he cares about is money…
Stogie: …he’ll burn the Earth down to an ash, just to make a little cash…
Smithers: Shall I release the hounds on him, sir?
Mr. Burns: What for? Never has my essence been so grandly expressed through the sultry medium of smooth jazz.
Stogie: …and he’s as ugly as he’s rich/ Let’s toss him into a ditch/ And cover it with wet cement…
Mr. Burns: On second thought, get the hounds ready. But wait til the end. It is a catchy tune.
Smithers: Yes, sir.
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Mega Church Gil Deal
Gil starts
Gil: Ever since I became a church-goer, things are looking up.
The Patriarch: You can't just come to the breakfasts after service. You have to come to the part where you give money to us as well!
Gil: Help Ol' Gil pay his tithes and get in good with the deacons. Whaddya say?
On offer accepted:
Gil: That's right! Cast your bread upon the water, and it will return to you threefold.
Gil: And it will help the Patriarch buy that helicopter that he's had his eye on.
On offer declined:
Gil: I guess Ol' Gil's prayers won't be answered this time. *sigh* Amen.
Keepin' the Faith Pt. 1
The Patriarch starts
The Patriarch: Tim, your parishioner numbers are down again, and your flock just isn’t as fulsome as we’re looking for.
Rev. Lovejoy: There’s a lot of competition these days, Patriarch, what with all the new streaming services.
Rev. Lovejoy: I haven’t even started the new season of "Marvelous Mrs. Manson". It’s not easy to motivate the masses.
The Patriarch: Not so, Tim. You just need to bring your A Game – watch and learn!
Task: Make the Patriarch Give Powerful Sermon
Time: 12h
Location: Mega Church
The Patriarch: And that’s how it’s done! *mic drop*
Rev. Lovejoy: Careful! I’m still making payments on that thing!
The Patriarch: You just have to fire ‘em up with the word of God. And toss a couple of lit firecrackers to wake em up.
Rev. Lovejoy: It’s easy to come in and do a rousing guest spot, but I’m a recurring character in these people’s lives.
The Patriarch: You know, Tim, maybe it’s time I found a Springfielder who can really inspire the supplicants of this suburb.
Rev. Lovejoy: Ha! Good luck with that! There’s no one in this town as committed to the word of the Lord, who also fits my vestments.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Keepin' the Faith Pt. 2
The Patriarch starts
The Patriarch: Marge Simpson, I hear you’re a pious woman who likes to plant it in the pew every Sunday. Would you be interested in answering a higher calling?
Marge: Selling medicinal marijuana? I’m doing that late in season 31.
The Patriarch: No, I mean taking over as Pastor.
Marge: Hm. Let me consider that while I bake some cookies.
The Patriarch: Let me give you a hand with that while we chat…
Task: Make the Patriarch Bake Religious Martyr Cookies
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
Task: Make Marge Bake Delicious Non-Religious Cookies
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
Marge: Those are some…interesting cookies, Patriarch.
Bart: This Saint Bartholomew cookie is awesome! Is the pink frosting supposed to be his flayed skin?
The Patriarch: Heh heh! Yes it is, young man! Good eye! So Marge, have you considered my offer?
Marge: Are there any perks to joining the ministry?
The Patriarch: You get to hear a lot of juicy deathbed confessions. Did you know Bleeding Gums Murphy killed a hobo in a hit and run?
Marge: Yikes. Um… I think I’ll pass.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Keepin' the Faith Pt. 3
The Patriarch starts
The Patriarch: I see that you are popular with the youth of Springfield. We could use that in the Church. Have you ever considered becoming a minister?
Comic Book Guy: Hmm…I have always felt that I was destined for a larger emporium. My counter has been feeling a little tight lately. Literally.
The Patriarch: There’s lots of room behind a podium. And in a nice purple robe.
Comic Book Guy: I do like the idea of not wearing pants to work.
The Patriarch: You already deal in books about magical powers. Just come do it for our team.
Comic Book Guy: Hmm. Tell me about your main characters, their special powers, and their one weakness.
Task: Make The Patriarch Struggle to Draw Similarities Between Superheroes and the Bible
Time: 4h
Location: Android's Dungeon
If the user has Comic Book Guy: Task: Make Comic Book Guy Skeptically Read the Bible
Time: 4h
Location: Android's Dungeon
The Patriarch: Well, what do you think of all that, young man?
Comic Book Guy: Fairly ridiculous. What kind of a father doesn’t avenge his own son’s death. John Wick, he is not.
Comic Book Guy: And while your “Satan” has some potential as a villain, he lacks the nuance and pathos of a Dr. Crab.
The Patriarch: Well, if you ever change your mind, come by the church.
Comic Book Guy: I will continue to worship at the altar of Fat Thor, thank you very much.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Keepin' the Faith Pt. 4
Herman starts
Herman: Hey Padre, I hear you’ve been nosin’ around town quite a bit lately. Something is up, isn’t it? Biblical plague coming? Frogs? Locusts?
The Patriarch: No, nothing like that. I’m seeking a newly energized evangelical to help elevate Springfield’s righteousness in these troubled times.
Herman: Say no more -- I’m your man! I’ve been preparing for this day for a long time.
The Patriarch: Um, really? Why, that’s good news for the Good News! Let’s head over to the church.
Herman: Sure thing, boss. But first, I need your help with a couple things…
Task: Make the Patriarch Bless Doomsday Supplies
Time: 4h
Location: Mega Church
The Patriarch: You know, Herman, I feel like maybe we’re not on the same page here.
Herman: Sure we are. We’re both itching for the end of the world. Except you’re expecting a savior, and I’m expecting a fortune. People are gonna need guns and canned beans aplenty. And toilet paper.
The Patriarch: *leaves*
Herman: Where you goin’? I have a whole room full of MRB’s!
The Patriarch: MRB’s?
Herman: Meals Ready to Bless.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Keepin' the Faith Pt. 5
Sideshow Bob starts
Sideshow Bob: Hello, my good man! I hear you’re in the market for a motivated maven to move this town’s citizenry into a more moral state.
The Patriarch: Hmmm. No offense, Mr. Sideshow, but I’m not sure you’re the type of Pastor we’re looking for.
Sideshow Bob: Ah, but who better than one who has fallen low and risen again.
The Patriarch: Hm. Perhaps you’re right. Who better to lead a congregation than a prodigal son.
Sideshow Bob: Like the mighty rake that whacks me, no one has fallen and risen more than I!
Task: Make the Patriarch Watch Crazy Christian Cavalcades
Time: 4h
Location: Mega Church
If the user has Sideshow Bob: Task: Make Sideshow Bob Step on Seventeen Rakes
Time: 4h
Location: Mega Church
Sideshow Bob: So, your Patriarch-ness, how soon would I be able to reach out to troubled families to offer one-on-one counseling.
The Patriarch: Well…
Sideshow Bob: One family in particular, the Simpson family, could benefit from a visit. I hear they have a wayward son that needs to be… DEALT with.
The Patriarch: Why are you sharpening those enormous knives? Where did they even come from?
Sideshow Bob: An ankle holster. My brother got it for me for the holidays and I can’t live without it.
The Patriarch: The HOLIDAYS? No pastor of mine is going to refer to Christmas as the holidays. Don’t you know there’s a war going on, according to one dubious cable news channel? Get lost, pal.
Rev. Lovejoy: How goes the quest to find my replacement, sir?
The Patriarch: Looks like you’re still in business…for now.
Rev. Lovejoy: I told you I’m not easily replaceable. This town has got more nuts than a squirrel’s digestive tract.
The Patriarch: I agree, Reverend. I agree.
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Dinner for Two Pt. 1
Mabel Simpson starts
Mabel Simpson: Virgil, let's make a wager.
Virgil Simpson: Alright, whatcha got?
Mabel Simpson: If you can beat me at games of my choosing then I'll cook dinner, but if I win you make us some of your famous wheel cakes.
Virgil Simpson: I like those odds. You're on.
Mabel Simpson: Don't be so confident. The first game is helping Abraham with his schooling.
Virgil Simpson: How is that a game?
Task: Make Mabel Simpson Home School Abraham
Time: 8h
Location: Brown House
If the user has Virgil Simpson: Task: Make Virgil Simpson Fail at Teaching Math
Time: 8h
Location: Brown House
Mabel Simpson: *laughing* Looks like I win.
Virgil Simpson: He only knew the answers because you bribed him with my wheel cakes! I'll win the next one.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Dinner for Two Pt. 2
Mabel Simpson starts
Mabel Simpson: The second game is hide and seek.
Virgil Simpson: That'll be easy for us both. We both stand out like a jackrabbit in a gopher field.
Mabel Simpson: *putting on a stove pipe hat* Speak for yourself. You're it!
Task: Make Mabel Simpson Hide in Plain Sight
Time: 24h
If the user has Virgil Simpson: Task: Make Virgil Simpson Hide in Wagon
Time: 8h
Location: Mabel's Wagon
Virgil Simpson: Ha! I found you. You almost fooled me for a second. I thought you were Abraham Lincoln.
Mabel Simpson: *groans* Women love to be compared to him.
Virgil Simpson: Hey, you’re the one who put the hat on!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Dinner for Two Pt. 3
Virgil Simpson starts
Virgil Simpson: Looks like we're even.
Mabel Simpson: Seems that way. But we won't be after the logrolling contest!
Virgil Simpson: I hope you're in the mood for a swim, there's no way I'm losing.
Task: Make Mabel Simpson Have Logrolling Contest
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Lake
If the user has Virgil Simpson: Task: Make Virgil Simpson Have Logrolling Contest
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Lake
Mabel Simpson: *climbing out of the river* Ew some water got in my mouth.
Virgil Simpson: *laughing* I did warn you, I'm a professional at this.
Mabel Simpson: Okay, Mr. Professional. Let's see how you like the taste of river water.
Mabel Simpson: *pulls Virgil into river*
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Dinner for Two Pt. 4
Virgil Simpson starts
Virgil Simpson: That was fun, we should do stuff like that more often.
Mabel Simpson: It's not over yet. We have two more games to play.
Virgil Simpson: *sigh* Don't be a sore loser. It's over.
Mabel Simpson: We have to go hunting for food either way. May as well keep the contest going.
Virgil Simpson: Fine.
Task: Make Mabel Go Hunting
Time: 12h
If the user has Virgil Simpson: Task: Make Virgil Simpson Go Hunting
Time: 12h
Mabel Simpson: Since your basket is empty do you think you can carry two of mine?
Virgil Simpson: *laughing* Anything for you. I guess hunting isn't my calling.
Mabel Simpson: Probably not, but you're still the logrolling king.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Dinner for Two Pt. 5
Mabel Simpson starts
Mabel Simpson: We need a challenge that is the ultimate tie breaker.
Virgil Simpson: I have an idea, how about something easy...
Mabel Simpson: I got it! We'll race to the border and back. Loser cooks up the dinner I hunted.
Virgil Simpson: Mabel, wait. I need to ask you something.
Mabel Simpson: *grabbing coat* Ask me after I beat you!
Virgil Simpson: Mabel, will you marry me? *gets on one knee*
Mabel Simpson: Oh, Virgil. I'm so happy.
Virgil Simpson: Happy that you won our little contest, or that we're getting married?
Mabel Simpson: What do you think? *kisses Virgil*
Task: Make Mabel Simpson Race to Canadian Border
Time: 1h
Location: Canadian Border
Task: Make Virgil Simpson Propose
Time: 24h
Location: Canadian Border
Requires: Mabel Simpson
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
