Secret Agents: Premium Walkthrough
Act 1
https://tstotopix.files.wordpress.com/2017/03/unlock_homer_camerahat.png?w=68
Hat in Hand Pt. 1
Homer starts
Homer: Woo hoo! My spy camera hat is super secret and super handsome!
Marge: Homer, that thing is enormous! I thought I told you to stop ordering useless junk off the internet.
Camera Hat Homer: You did!
Camera Hat Homer: I went foot shopping for this!
Task: Make Camera Hat Homer Collect Footage of His Life
Time: 1h
Hat in Hand Pt. 2
Lisa starts
Lisa: Bart, get out of my room!
Bart: It's not your room anymore! I annexed it after you squealed to mom about my cherry bomb collection!
Lisa: MOM!!
Camera Hat Homer: I got this, Marge!
Marge: Well, look at that. Homie's actually helping out around the house.
Camera Hat Homer: Kid fight-Kid-fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! One is wrong and one is right!
Task: Make Camera Hat Homer Record a Child Fight
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson Home
Hat in Hand Pt. 3
Ned starts
Ned: Um, Homer, I wanted to talk to you about that hat.
Camera Hat Homer: You can't have it! And you can't have the footage I shot of you praying on the potty either!
Ned: Homer! You can't just go around shooting footage of whoever you want without their permission!
Camera Hat Homer: Whaddayou know, Flanders. I'll prove my point at the Kwik-E-Mart. Photo op in aisle three!
Camera Hat Homer: As long as I buy something, Apu has no choice but to tolerate my undercover shenanigans!
Task: Make Camera Hat Homer Videotape Apu at Work
Time: 8h
Location: Kwik-E-Mart
Hat in Hand Pt. 4
Moe starts
Moe: You can't film in here no more, Homer! If the feds get wind of that I make booze outta government cheese, I'm sunk!
Krusty: Yeah! I can't let people know I put my house arrest ankle bracelet on Mr. Teeny!
Camera Hat Homer: Sorry, but this is all part of my artistic vision.
Rev. Lovejoy: Gouge out his vision! Get him!
Camera Hat Homer: AAAHH!!!
Task: Make Camera Hat Homer Seek Safety
Time: 24h
Location: Simpson Home
Hat in Hand Pt. 5
Homer starts
Camera Hat Homer: The nerve of those guys, trying to break my hat and my legs!
Camera Hat Homer: I have everything they've done on tape!
Lisa: Doesn't that also mean you've also got everything you've done since you got that hat?
Camera Hat Homer: Oh... yeah, right... Are disorderly conduct and vandalism felonies?
Lisa: Yes.
Camera Hat Homer: How 'bout in Missouri, Arkansas and Indiana?
Task: Make Camera Hat Homer Delete His Footage
Time: 12h
Location: Simpson Home
https://tstotopix.files.wordpress.com/2016/10/unlock_hankscorpio.png?w=84
The Helium-Neon Gas Laser Is Always Greener Pt. 1
Hank Scorpio starts
Hank Scorpio: Sometimes I wonder if the life of an international crime lord is paying off.
Hank Scorpio: How different would it have been if I'd become a teacher? Or a mailman?
Hank Scorpio: Or is it mailperson now? Does it count if it isn't a male person that's the mailperson?
Hank Scorpio: Another mystery to ponder and now's as good a time as any.
Hank Scorpio: It'll be weeks before the contractors fix the climate control in our arctic base and we can get back to work.
Hank Scorpio: Another dilemma -- Fahrenheit or Celsius? Been a Fahrenheit man all my life. Is it too late to change?
Task: Make Hank Scorpio Start a New Business
Time: 8h
Location: Volcano Lair
The Helium-Neon Gas Laser Is Always Greener Pt. 2
Hank Scorpio starts
Hank Scorpio: Starting a legitimate business is more complicated than I thought.
Hank Scorpio: All these regulations, taxes, and hidden surcharges... they scramble my brain. And not the good scramble like how 5th Street Café is actually on 3rd. I don't get it, but I don't need to.
Hank Scorpio: Maybe in the dynamic world of convenient fast food I should start at the bottom and work my way up.
Hank Scorpio: I wonder who I have to assassinate to get a management position?
Task: Make Hank Scorpio Look for Work
Time: 1h
Location: Kwik-E-Mart
The Helium-Neon Gas Laser Is Always Greener Pt. 3
Apu starts
Apu: Welcome to your first day at the Kwik-E-Mart, Mister Scorpio.
Hank Scorpio: It's great to be part of the Kwik-E-Mart family.
Apu: And like family you will work from eight to midnight, be responsible for cleanup, stocking, pricing, security, cleanup again, and Squishee syrup mixing. Bring your own mixing paddle.
Apu: You get one half day off every two weeks, free medical from the First-Aid kit in the back, and a full compliment of benefits.
Apu: Benefits are not complimentary. All of your salary goes to pay for them.
Task: Make Hank Scorpio Train at the Kwik-E-Mart
Time: 12h
Location: Kwik-E-Mart
The Helium-Neon Gas Laser Is Always Greener Pt. 4
Hank Scorpio starts
Hank Scorpio: There are so many health and safety violations here...
Hank Scorpio: I've taken Jailbird's gunfire trying to protect spicy meat snacks. They're good but not bullet in the shoulder good.
Hank Scorpio: I can't let it get me down. What I need is a job in a professional field.
Hank Scorpio: Something that puts me in touch with real people, with real hopes and dreams!
Task: Make Hank Scorpio Become a Wall Street Robber Baron
Time: 4h
Location: Volcano Lair
The Helium-Neon Gas Laser Is Always Greener Pt. 5
Hank Scorpio starts
Hank Scorpio: What have I done?! Wall Street is more horrifying than I could have imagined!
Hank Scorpio: Such ruthlessness. Such heartless, selfish cruelty.
Hank Scorpio: And that's just trying to get to the microwave in the lunch room.
Hank Scorpio: I think it's time to get back to honest, productive work where I can make a real difference in the world.
Task: Make Hank Scorpio Deliver Ultimatum to G8 Nations
Time: 6h
Location: Town Hall
https://tstotopix.files.wordpress.com/2017/03/mastermind_bundle_1.png
Death by a Thousand Paper Cuts Pt. 1
Hank Scorpio starts
Hank Scorpio: Hmn, someone sent me a package. Careful, Hank. It's most likely a deadly explosive device... Uggh, I can't wait. I just love getting things! I'm tearing it open!
Hank Scorpio: "Congratulations Mr. Scorpio, you have been selected as the most dynamic evil villain of the year!"
Hank Scorpio: "We would like to welcome you to the Advanced Council Representative of Nefarious Yearly Machinations!"
Hank Scorpio: This is so exciting! I've never been part of an organized group of supervillains before! Okay, Boy Scouts. But that was more about the bandanas.
Task: Make Mastermind Hank Scorpio Conference With A.C.R.O.N.Y.M.
Time: 1h
Location: Volcano Lair
Death by a Thousand Paper Cuts Pt. 2
Hank Scorpio starts
Mastermind Hank Scorpio: What's first on the evil agenda? Manipulate a national economy? Establish supremacy from space? Leak someone's emails to the public?
Mastermind Hank Scorpio: Hmn... I've got a meeting, "Discuss Q2 operational goals and planning"...
Mastermind Hank Scorpio: Maybe they save evil for the afternoons.
Mastermind Hank Scorpio: Wait... MORE meetings?
Task: Make Mastermind Hank Scorpio Attend Back-to-Back Meetings
Time: 8h
Location: Volcano Lair
Death by a Thousand Paper Cuts Pt. 3
Hank Scorpio starts
Mastermind Hank Scorpio: Oh, an email from the Council Advisory Board! I can finally get my newest, nefarious plan off the ground!
Mastermind Hank Scorpio: "Council Member 00-08, your proposal entitled "Controlled Moon Orbit Destabilization" has been greenlit for production". Yes!...
Mastermind Hank Scorpio: "Please prepare a detailed cost and manpower assessment and be sure to include a potential operations timeline".
Mastermind Hank Scorpio: "Assuming all required paperwork is in order, your operation will begin as early as... 2025"?
Task: Make Mastermind Hank Scorpio Drown in Paperwork
Time: 4h
Location: Volcano Lair
Death by a Thousand Paper Cuts Pt. 4
Hank Scorpio starts
Mastermind Hank Scorpio: All this red tape puts a stranglehold on my moving forward!
Mastermind Hank Scorpio: Writing reports, presenting scheme prospectuses, analyzing data... When do masterminds get to launch actual operations?!
Number 1: I understand your frustration, Hank, but the process works.
Number 1: My organizations numbers have been up for the last three quarters in a row!
Number 1: Although, they're still denying my requests for a Squishee machine in the break room.
Task: Make Mastermind Hank Scorpio Crunch the Numbers
Time: 1h
Location: Volcano Lair
Death by a Thousand Paper Cuts Pt. 5
Hank Scorpio starts
Mastermind Hank Scorpio: Ladies and gentlemen of A.C.R.O.N.Y.M., by focusing on datamining and analysis, I have discovered the most effective plan to propel Globex to the forefront of the world stage!
Mastermind Hank Scorpio: By the time you leave this meeting, each of your organizations will have been infiltrated and overthrown by my best operatives!
Mastermind Hank Scorpio: It's been wonderful working with you all. If any of you survive the purge, I'd absolutely love to overthrow you all over again!
Task: Make Mastermind Hank Scorpio Overthrow A.C.R.O.N.Y.M.
Time: 12h
Gil Deal
Gil starts
Gil: Hey, can I interest you in three computer nerds who are faster than fiber optic, more powerful than China's Tianhe-2 supercomputer, and able to leap firewalls in a single click?
https://tstotopix.files.wordpress.com/2017/03/gil-deal.png?w=300
Offer accepted:
Gil: Woo-hoo! I'm a bonafide broker!
Gil: I make the deal and those nerds do the work! And after signing bonuses and service fees I take home a sweet-
Gil: Hoo-boy... I owe THEM thirty-six dollars.
Gil: Never let computer geeks draw up the contract.
Offer declined:
Gil: No deal? You'll regret that when your gas and electric bill goes to your spam folder...
Gil: ...you don't pay it on time and they cut off your heat and you're taking sink baths at the public library. How did this become about me?
https://tstotopix.files.wordpress.com/2017/03/unlock_gary.png?w=83
Hack to the Future Pt. 1
Doug starts
Doug: My stupid calculus professor gave me an "A", which would have been an "A+" if he bothered to calculate Pi to more than thirty-two places.
Benjamin: Your GPA just dropped to a 3.9999. Not sure we can hang together anymore.
Doug: The Professor won't change the grade, so that leaves us with only one recourse.
Doug: Gentlemen, we're going rogue!
Gary: Okay, but let's not go too late. I have an orthodontist appointment this afternoon.
Task: Make Benjamin Hack University Test Scores
Time: 4h
Requires: Doug and Gary
Hack to the Future Pt. 2
Gary starts
Gary: We did it! Calculus grade successfully hacked!
Benjamin: I feel peptides activating my body's opiate receptors!
Doug: An endorphin rush! I had one too! I want to feel it again!
Gary: But our test scores are all 100% already.
Benjamin: But our social lives are all zeroes!
Doug: We can hack those too!
Task: Make Benjamin Hack the Ashley Madden Site
Time: 4h
Requires: Doug and Gary
Benjamin: I don't think hacking that dating site was a good idea.
Gary: Because of the ethical quandary?
Benjamin: No, because now we know that 96% of the women on the internet aren't real!
Doug: We have to post our data. It's up to us to save other nerds from falling prey to faux females!
Hack to the Future Pt. 3
Benjami starts
Benjamin: Wow, guys look at these comments! The internet is blowing up!
Doug: They love what we're doing – the first human love I've felt in a long time.
Gary: And they want us to hack more stuff -- news outlets, the government, the Powerball Lottery.
Benjamin: We truly are heroes of the internet community. We owe it to them to fight their battles... always behind the cloak of our online anonymity!
Benjamin: But first, we have a much more important target to take down.
Task: Make Benjamin Hack a Movie Studio Over Nerd Stereotypes
Time: 4h
Requires: Doug and Gary
Hack to the Future Pt. 4
Doug starts
Doug: Um, guys? We've got another 200 friend requests over on Springface...
Benjamin: And more followers on Instaspring and Viewtube than our automated acceptance scripts can handle!
Gary: Half of them want us to undo what the other half is demanding! They're unreasonable... insatiable!
Doug: Our hacking requests have vastly outgrown capacity! What can we do?!
Benjamin: I... I... I'm getting a stress nosebleed!
Doug: That's it! Human maladies engage!
Task: Make Benjamin Get a Random Nosebleed
Time: 1h
Task: Make Doug Use an Asthma Puffer
Time: 1h
Task: Make Gary Use Ear Drops
Time: 1h
Hack to the Future Pt. 5
Gary starts
Gary: I've deleted all our social media accounts and scrubbed the hard drives.
Doug: I've erased all of our internet histories.
Benjamin: From this point forth, Gary, Doug, and Benjamin do not exist...
Benjamin: So choose a superhero avatar and let's get back online!
Task: Make Benjamin Roleplay Online
Time: 12h
Location: Java Server
Task: Make Doug Roleplay Online
Time: 12h
Location: Java Server
Task: Make Gary Roleplay Online
Time: 12h
Location: Java Server
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Another Brick in the Firewall Pt. 1
Russ Cargill starts
Russ Cargill: What's with all these ideological groups cropping up all over the place?
Russ Cargill: Most of these jokers get ahead by stomping all over the environment. Well, it's time the E.P.A. stomped back!
Russ Cargill: Ethics be damned! We're going to protect the environment so hard, the Koch brothers will go solar!
Task: Make Russ Cargill Make Back Door Deals
Time: 1h
Location: Springfield Library
Another Brick in the Firewall Pt. 2
Russ Cargill starts
Russ Cargill: Contacts made, money played, my plot engaged... and not one person will have a clue to what's going on.
Bart: I do. And so does everyone sitting near you at the public library.
Russ Cargill: What?!
Bart: You left yourself signed in on the computer, man. There's only forty-six people left on the whole internet who don't know about your secret plans.
Task: Make Russ Cargill Read Up on Basic Internet Security
Time: 1h
Location: Springfield Library
Another Brick in the Firewall Pt. 3
Russ Cargill starts
Russ Cargill: This is a security nightmare!
Russ Cargill: Springface, Viewtube, Instaspring, the E.P.A.'s plans are available to anyone with a functioning clicker finger!
Bart: Villains never learn to keep things to themselves. Today's typical over-sharer posts a thousand things while they're still sitting on the toilet.
Russ Cargill: You again?! How did you get in here?
Bart: Just a heads up, your physical security is as bad as your cyber security.
Task: Make Russ Cargill Lose His Mind
Time: 1h
Another Brick in the Firewall Pt. 4
Russ Cargill starts
Bart: Stop stalking me, man. You know it's not cool for adults to follow kids around, right?
Russ Cargill: But I need your help! I've exposed myself to all kinds of Snap-Chatters and Tweeters who insult me with short misspelled quips!
Russ Cargill: And what the hell is a meme? And how do I stop myself from becoming one?!
Bart: All right, dude, I'll help you out.
Bart: But beware I'm introducing you to everything from pop-up ads, to Viewtube comments, to the darkest, dankest trolls in the business.
Task: Make Russ Cargill Learn the Horrors of Social Media
Time: 1h
Location: Simpson Home
Another Brick in the Firewall Pt. 5
Russ Cargill starts
Russ Cargill: Social media is inspiring... and horrifying... and inspiring!
Russ Cargill: People will believe everything they read... even if it contradicts the thing they just read!
Russ Cargill: I just have to pump out enough fake news to completely obscure the truth.
Russ Cargill: The E.P.A. plans will be so secret, even I won't know the truth from the lies!
Task: Make Russ Cargill Launch "News Entertainment" Websites
Time: 1h
Location: Springfield Library
https://tstotopix.files.wordpress.com/2017/03/unlock_homer_camerahat.png?w=68
Hat in Hand Pt. 1
Homer starts
Homer: Woo hoo! My spy camera hat is super secret and super handsome!
Marge: Homer, that thing is enormous! I thought I told you to stop ordering useless junk off the internet.
Camera Hat Homer: You did!
Camera Hat Homer: I went foot shopping for this!
Task: Make Camera Hat Homer Collect Footage of His Life
Time: 1h
Hat in Hand Pt. 2
Lisa starts
Lisa: Bart, get out of my room!
Bart: It's not your room anymore! I annexed it after you squealed to mom about my cherry bomb collection!
Lisa: MOM!!
Camera Hat Homer: I got this, Marge!
Marge: Well, look at that. Homie's actually helping out around the house.
Camera Hat Homer: Kid fight-Kid-fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! One is wrong and one is right!
Task: Make Camera Hat Homer Record a Child Fight
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson Home
Hat in Hand Pt. 3
Ned starts
Ned: Um, Homer, I wanted to talk to you about that hat.
Camera Hat Homer: You can't have it! And you can't have the footage I shot of you praying on the potty either!
Ned: Homer! You can't just go around shooting footage of whoever you want without their permission!
Camera Hat Homer: Whaddayou know, Flanders. I'll prove my point at the Kwik-E-Mart. Photo op in aisle three!
Camera Hat Homer: As long as I buy something, Apu has no choice but to tolerate my undercover shenanigans!
Task: Make Camera Hat Homer Videotape Apu at Work
Time: 8h
Location: Kwik-E-Mart
Hat in Hand Pt. 4
Moe starts
Moe: You can't film in here no more, Homer! If the feds get wind of that I make booze outta government cheese, I'm sunk!
Krusty: Yeah! I can't let people know I put my house arrest ankle bracelet on Mr. Teeny!
Camera Hat Homer: Sorry, but this is all part of my artistic vision.
Rev. Lovejoy: Gouge out his vision! Get him!
Camera Hat Homer: AAAHH!!!
Task: Make Camera Hat Homer Seek Safety
Time: 24h
Location: Simpson Home
Hat in Hand Pt. 5
Homer starts
Camera Hat Homer: The nerve of those guys, trying to break my hat and my legs!
Camera Hat Homer: I have everything they've done on tape!
Lisa: Doesn't that also mean you've also got everything you've done since you got that hat?
Camera Hat Homer: Oh... yeah, right... Are disorderly conduct and vandalism felonies?
Lisa: Yes.
Camera Hat Homer: How 'bout in Missouri, Arkansas and Indiana?
Task: Make Camera Hat Homer Delete His Footage
Time: 12h
Location: Simpson Home
https://tstotopix.files.wordpress.com/2016/10/unlock_hankscorpio.png?w=84
The Helium-Neon Gas Laser Is Always Greener Pt. 1
Hank Scorpio starts
Hank Scorpio: Sometimes I wonder if the life of an international crime lord is paying off.
Hank Scorpio: How different would it have been if I'd become a teacher? Or a mailman?
Hank Scorpio: Or is it mailperson now? Does it count if it isn't a male person that's the mailperson?
Hank Scorpio: Another mystery to ponder and now's as good a time as any.
Hank Scorpio: It'll be weeks before the contractors fix the climate control in our arctic base and we can get back to work.
Hank Scorpio: Another dilemma -- Fahrenheit or Celsius? Been a Fahrenheit man all my life. Is it too late to change?
Task: Make Hank Scorpio Start a New Business
Time: 8h
Location: Volcano Lair
The Helium-Neon Gas Laser Is Always Greener Pt. 2
Hank Scorpio starts
Hank Scorpio: Starting a legitimate business is more complicated than I thought.
Hank Scorpio: All these regulations, taxes, and hidden surcharges... they scramble my brain. And not the good scramble like how 5th Street Café is actually on 3rd. I don't get it, but I don't need to.
Hank Scorpio: Maybe in the dynamic world of convenient fast food I should start at the bottom and work my way up.
Hank Scorpio: I wonder who I have to assassinate to get a management position?
Task: Make Hank Scorpio Look for Work
Time: 1h
Location: Kwik-E-Mart
The Helium-Neon Gas Laser Is Always Greener Pt. 3
Apu starts
Apu: Welcome to your first day at the Kwik-E-Mart, Mister Scorpio.
Hank Scorpio: It's great to be part of the Kwik-E-Mart family.
Apu: And like family you will work from eight to midnight, be responsible for cleanup, stocking, pricing, security, cleanup again, and Squishee syrup mixing. Bring your own mixing paddle.
Apu: You get one half day off every two weeks, free medical from the First-Aid kit in the back, and a full compliment of benefits.
Apu: Benefits are not complimentary. All of your salary goes to pay for them.
Task: Make Hank Scorpio Train at the Kwik-E-Mart
Time: 12h
Location: Kwik-E-Mart
The Helium-Neon Gas Laser Is Always Greener Pt. 4
Hank Scorpio starts
Hank Scorpio: There are so many health and safety violations here...
Hank Scorpio: I've taken Jailbird's gunfire trying to protect spicy meat snacks. They're good but not bullet in the shoulder good.
Hank Scorpio: I can't let it get me down. What I need is a job in a professional field.
Hank Scorpio: Something that puts me in touch with real people, with real hopes and dreams!
Task: Make Hank Scorpio Become a Wall Street Robber Baron
Time: 4h
Location: Volcano Lair
The Helium-Neon Gas Laser Is Always Greener Pt. 5
Hank Scorpio starts
Hank Scorpio: What have I done?! Wall Street is more horrifying than I could have imagined!
Hank Scorpio: Such ruthlessness. Such heartless, selfish cruelty.
Hank Scorpio: And that's just trying to get to the microwave in the lunch room.
Hank Scorpio: I think it's time to get back to honest, productive work where I can make a real difference in the world.
Task: Make Hank Scorpio Deliver Ultimatum to G8 Nations
Time: 6h
Location: Town Hall
https://tstotopix.files.wordpress.com/2017/03/mastermind_bundle_1.png
Death by a Thousand Paper Cuts Pt. 1
Hank Scorpio starts
Hank Scorpio: Hmn, someone sent me a package. Careful, Hank. It's most likely a deadly explosive device... Uggh, I can't wait. I just love getting things! I'm tearing it open!
Hank Scorpio: "Congratulations Mr. Scorpio, you have been selected as the most dynamic evil villain of the year!"
Hank Scorpio: "We would like to welcome you to the Advanced Council Representative of Nefarious Yearly Machinations!"
Hank Scorpio: This is so exciting! I've never been part of an organized group of supervillains before! Okay, Boy Scouts. But that was more about the bandanas.
Task: Make Mastermind Hank Scorpio Conference With A.C.R.O.N.Y.M.
Time: 1h
Location: Volcano Lair
Death by a Thousand Paper Cuts Pt. 2
Hank Scorpio starts
Mastermind Hank Scorpio: What's first on the evil agenda? Manipulate a national economy? Establish supremacy from space? Leak someone's emails to the public?
Mastermind Hank Scorpio: Hmn... I've got a meeting, "Discuss Q2 operational goals and planning"...
Mastermind Hank Scorpio: Maybe they save evil for the afternoons.
Mastermind Hank Scorpio: Wait... MORE meetings?
Task: Make Mastermind Hank Scorpio Attend Back-to-Back Meetings
Time: 8h
Location: Volcano Lair
Death by a Thousand Paper Cuts Pt. 3
Hank Scorpio starts
Mastermind Hank Scorpio: Oh, an email from the Council Advisory Board! I can finally get my newest, nefarious plan off the ground!
Mastermind Hank Scorpio: "Council Member 00-08, your proposal entitled "Controlled Moon Orbit Destabilization" has been greenlit for production". Yes!...
Mastermind Hank Scorpio: "Please prepare a detailed cost and manpower assessment and be sure to include a potential operations timeline".
Mastermind Hank Scorpio: "Assuming all required paperwork is in order, your operation will begin as early as... 2025"?
Task: Make Mastermind Hank Scorpio Drown in Paperwork
Time: 4h
Location: Volcano Lair
Death by a Thousand Paper Cuts Pt. 4
Hank Scorpio starts
Mastermind Hank Scorpio: All this red tape puts a stranglehold on my moving forward!
Mastermind Hank Scorpio: Writing reports, presenting scheme prospectuses, analyzing data... When do masterminds get to launch actual operations?!
Number 1: I understand your frustration, Hank, but the process works.
Number 1: My organizations numbers have been up for the last three quarters in a row!
Number 1: Although, they're still denying my requests for a Squishee machine in the break room.
Task: Make Mastermind Hank Scorpio Crunch the Numbers
Time: 1h
Location: Volcano Lair
Death by a Thousand Paper Cuts Pt. 5
Hank Scorpio starts
Mastermind Hank Scorpio: Ladies and gentlemen of A.C.R.O.N.Y.M., by focusing on datamining and analysis, I have discovered the most effective plan to propel Globex to the forefront of the world stage!
Mastermind Hank Scorpio: By the time you leave this meeting, each of your organizations will have been infiltrated and overthrown by my best operatives!
Mastermind Hank Scorpio: It's been wonderful working with you all. If any of you survive the purge, I'd absolutely love to overthrow you all over again!
Task: Make Mastermind Hank Scorpio Overthrow A.C.R.O.N.Y.M.
Time: 12h
Gil Deal
Gil starts
Gil: Hey, can I interest you in three computer nerds who are faster than fiber optic, more powerful than China's Tianhe-2 supercomputer, and able to leap firewalls in a single click?
https://tstotopix.files.wordpress.com/2017/03/gil-deal.png?w=300
Offer accepted:
Gil: Woo-hoo! I'm a bonafide broker!
Gil: I make the deal and those nerds do the work! And after signing bonuses and service fees I take home a sweet-
Gil: Hoo-boy... I owe THEM thirty-six dollars.
Gil: Never let computer geeks draw up the contract.
Offer declined:
Gil: No deal? You'll regret that when your gas and electric bill goes to your spam folder...
Gil: ...you don't pay it on time and they cut off your heat and you're taking sink baths at the public library. How did this become about me?
https://tstotopix.files.wordpress.com/2017/03/unlock_gary.png?w=83Hack to the Future Pt. 1
Doug starts
Doug: My stupid calculus professor gave me an "A", which would have been an "A+" if he bothered to calculate Pi to more than thirty-two places.
Benjamin: Your GPA just dropped to a 3.9999. Not sure we can hang together anymore.
Doug: The Professor won't change the grade, so that leaves us with only one recourse.
Doug: Gentlemen, we're going rogue!
Gary: Okay, but let's not go too late. I have an orthodontist appointment this afternoon.
Task: Make Benjamin Hack University Test Scores
Time: 4h
Requires: Doug and Gary
Hack to the Future Pt. 2
Gary starts
Gary: We did it! Calculus grade successfully hacked!
Benjamin: I feel peptides activating my body's opiate receptors!
Doug: An endorphin rush! I had one too! I want to feel it again!
Gary: But our test scores are all 100% already.
Benjamin: But our social lives are all zeroes!
Doug: We can hack those too!
Task: Make Benjamin Hack the Ashley Madden Site
Time: 4h
Requires: Doug and Gary
Benjamin: I don't think hacking that dating site was a good idea.
Gary: Because of the ethical quandary?
Benjamin: No, because now we know that 96% of the women on the internet aren't real!
Doug: We have to post our data. It's up to us to save other nerds from falling prey to faux females!
Hack to the Future Pt. 3
Benjami starts
Benjamin: Wow, guys look at these comments! The internet is blowing up!
Doug: They love what we're doing – the first human love I've felt in a long time.
Gary: And they want us to hack more stuff -- news outlets, the government, the Powerball Lottery.
Benjamin: We truly are heroes of the internet community. We owe it to them to fight their battles... always behind the cloak of our online anonymity!
Benjamin: But first, we have a much more important target to take down.
Task: Make Benjamin Hack a Movie Studio Over Nerd Stereotypes
Time: 4h
Requires: Doug and Gary
Hack to the Future Pt. 4
Doug starts
Doug: Um, guys? We've got another 200 friend requests over on Springface...
Benjamin: And more followers on Instaspring and Viewtube than our automated acceptance scripts can handle!
Gary: Half of them want us to undo what the other half is demanding! They're unreasonable... insatiable!
Doug: Our hacking requests have vastly outgrown capacity! What can we do?!
Benjamin: I... I... I'm getting a stress nosebleed!
Doug: That's it! Human maladies engage!
Task: Make Benjamin Get a Random Nosebleed
Time: 1h
Task: Make Doug Use an Asthma Puffer
Time: 1h
Task: Make Gary Use Ear Drops
Time: 1h
Hack to the Future Pt. 5
Gary starts
Gary: I've deleted all our social media accounts and scrubbed the hard drives.
Doug: I've erased all of our internet histories.
Benjamin: From this point forth, Gary, Doug, and Benjamin do not exist...
Benjamin: So choose a superhero avatar and let's get back online!
Task: Make Benjamin Roleplay Online
Time: 12h
Location: Java Server
Task: Make Doug Roleplay Online
Time: 12h
Location: Java Server
Task: Make Gary Roleplay Online
Time: 12h
Location: Java Server
https://tstotopix.files.wordpress.com/2017/03/unlock_russcargill.png?w=69
Another Brick in the Firewall Pt. 1
Russ Cargill starts
Russ Cargill: What's with all these ideological groups cropping up all over the place?
Russ Cargill: Most of these jokers get ahead by stomping all over the environment. Well, it's time the E.P.A. stomped back!
Russ Cargill: Ethics be damned! We're going to protect the environment so hard, the Koch brothers will go solar!
Task: Make Russ Cargill Make Back Door Deals
Time: 1h
Location: Springfield Library
Another Brick in the Firewall Pt. 2
Russ Cargill starts
Russ Cargill: Contacts made, money played, my plot engaged... and not one person will have a clue to what's going on.
Bart: I do. And so does everyone sitting near you at the public library.
Russ Cargill: What?!
Bart: You left yourself signed in on the computer, man. There's only forty-six people left on the whole internet who don't know about your secret plans.
Task: Make Russ Cargill Read Up on Basic Internet Security
Time: 1h
Location: Springfield Library
Another Brick in the Firewall Pt. 3
Russ Cargill starts
Russ Cargill: This is a security nightmare!
Russ Cargill: Springface, Viewtube, Instaspring, the E.P.A.'s plans are available to anyone with a functioning clicker finger!
Bart: Villains never learn to keep things to themselves. Today's typical over-sharer posts a thousand things while they're still sitting on the toilet.
Russ Cargill: You again?! How did you get in here?
Bart: Just a heads up, your physical security is as bad as your cyber security.
Task: Make Russ Cargill Lose His Mind
Time: 1h
Another Brick in the Firewall Pt. 4
Russ Cargill starts
Bart: Stop stalking me, man. You know it's not cool for adults to follow kids around, right?
Russ Cargill: But I need your help! I've exposed myself to all kinds of Snap-Chatters and Tweeters who insult me with short misspelled quips!
Russ Cargill: And what the hell is a meme? And how do I stop myself from becoming one?!
Bart: All right, dude, I'll help you out.
Bart: But beware I'm introducing you to everything from pop-up ads, to Viewtube comments, to the darkest, dankest trolls in the business.
Task: Make Russ Cargill Learn the Horrors of Social Media
Time: 1h
Location: Simpson Home
Another Brick in the Firewall Pt. 5
Russ Cargill starts
Russ Cargill: Social media is inspiring... and horrifying... and inspiring!
Russ Cargill: People will believe everything they read... even if it contradicts the thing they just read!
Russ Cargill: I just have to pump out enough fake news to completely obscure the truth.
Russ Cargill: The E.P.A. plans will be so secret, even I won't know the truth from the lies!
Task: Make Russ Cargill Launch "News Entertainment" Websites
Time: 1h
Location: Springfield Library
