Pin Pal Apu Quests
NahasapeemaPinPal Pt. 1Apu starts
Apu: Mr. Homer, I am enjoying your ridiculous new game, but I feel like something is missing.
Homer: Maybe we need new players? Seeing as many players retire early with inexplicable head injuries.
Apu: Perhaps it is the inclusion of bowling balls in the field of play.
Apu: And the awarding of points for the bouncing of said bowling balls off the heads of your opponents.
Homer: There is absolutely no link between bowling ball head shots and brain injury! A doctor we paid a lot of money to said so!
Homer: He also said that mothers should encourage their young children to take more bowling balls to the head.
Homer: It's why we've started the “BRAIN 60” program, which encourages kids to get hit in the head by bowling balls for 60 minutes every day.
Homer: It's another way we're doing great things for the community.
Apu: Alright, alright, it’s safe enough. Still, I feel like something is missing.
Task: Make Pin Pal Apu Practice
Time: 4h
Location: Stadium Entrance
NahasapeemaPinPal Pt. 2Apu starts
Pin Pal Apu: Oh no! My lucky bowling ball is missing!
Barney: Well, if you're in the market for a new ball, the Bowlerama has plenty!
Pin Pal Apu: I suppose I could use another ball for now…
Pin Pal Apu: But that ball was a gift from my sweet, loving Manjula! Who will happily wring the life out of me if she discovers it is missing!
Pin Pal Apu: Perhaps I left it with my other most-prized possessions.
Barney: Your children?
Pin Pal Apu: No, the collection of highly-toxic chemicals from which I mix my special blue Squishees.
Task: Make Pin Pal Apu Search His Squishy Lab
Time: 12h
Location: Kwik-E-Mart
Pin Pal Apu: Let me see now... Erioglaucine disodium, phenylacetone, bowling ballium.
Pin Pal Apu: No bowling ball! Oh, I am unmanned!
NahasapeemaPinPal Pt. 3Apu starts
Pin Pal Apu: A bowler without a ball is like Varaha, the third avatar of Vishnu, without his trademark discus and conch.
Homer: That's exactly what I was thinking.
Pin Pal Apu: Without my lucky ball, I fear I will hinder the team, rather than help them.
Homer: We could always use an equipment manager. It's just like being on the team, but without the fun and respect.
Pin Pal Apu: Uh... I will not debase myself with that.
Homer: Tell you what, Apu. Why not join the Simpsons for dinner, and we'll come up with some way for you to help the team.
Task: Make Pin Pal Apu Visit The Simpson House
Time: 8h
Location: Simpson Home
NahasapeemaPinPal Pt. 4Apu starts
Pin Pal Apu: Thank you for a lovely dinner, Marge. It is far more than a worm like me deserves.
Marge: Apu, is it really so bad, losing a bowling ball?
Marge: It's not like you're Varaha, the third avatar of Vishnu, and you lost your trademark discus and conch.
Pin Pal Apu: But it is. It is exactly like that.
Homer: Yeah, Marge. That's pretty much EXACTLY what it's like. Sheesh.
Task: Make Pin Pal Apu Stare Wistfully Out The Window
Time: 24h
Location: Simpson Home
Pin Pal Apu: Homer, do you see that bowling ball outside your home, planted with flowers in the finger holes?
Homer: The one that says “Apu's Bowling Ball” on it? Why yes, I do see it.
Pin Pal Apu: Homer! Idiot! That is my ball!
Homer: Uh... great. So you’ll be on top form for our next match.
Pin Pal Apu: Yeah, sure. Let's do this thing.
Prizes Quests
A League of His Own Pt. 1Jasper starts
Softball Jasper: Zzzz...
Grampa: Jasper you fool! Why are you wearing an old-time woman's baseball uniform? And why is the name on the back “Jasperien?”
Softball Jasper: It's not what you think!
Softball Jasper: See, in the 1940s and early 50s, I posed as a woman to play in the All-American Girls Professional Baseball League. This was my uniform.
Grampa: I know! I was on your team you idjit!
Softball Jasper: But, see, I had a very good REASON to join the ladies' league. And it's not what you think. I did it... to avoid the draft.
Grampa: I know! I joined for the same reason, and you ratted me out!
Softball Jasper: Did I? Oh. Well, you’ll never figure out why I put on the old uniform again.
Softball Jasper: Why I would risk having my subterfuge come to light after all these years...
Grampa: Because you're losing your skull marbles, and you thought it was 1953.
Softball Jasper: Right. Good guess.
Softball Jasper: Speaking of it being 1953 -- there's a fly ball! I got it! Jasperien's got it!
Task: Make Baseball Jasper Catch an Imaginary Fly Ball
Time: 4h
A League of His Own Pt. 2Jasper starts
Softball Jasper: It's sure been fun thinking it's 1953. But I should probably change outta this skirt.
Grampa: Jasper! The War Board is comin' for ya! They know you've been posing as a girl to dodge the draft.
Grampa: They're gonna execute you, then send you to fight in the Pacific!
Softball Jasper: I gotta hide!
Grampa: Heh-heh. It sure is fun being a little less senile than your friends.
Task: Make Baseball Jasper Hide
Time: 4h
Location: Kwik-E-Mart
A League of His Own Pt. 3Grampa starts
Grampa: Jasper, FDR himself just rode into town! He's got a pair of six shooters, and he's hoppin' mad you've been dodging the draft!
Grampa: And he thinks you're the worst baseball player he's ever seen -- boy or girl.
Grampa: He's gonna charge you with high treason because you can't drive the ball to the opposite field! You'll get the firing squad for sure!
Softball Jasper: Then I've got mere moments to improve my swing!
Task: Make Baseball Jasper Swing Bat
Time: 24h
A League of His Own Pt. 4Grampa starts
Grampa: Good news, Jasperien! You caught a lucky break. FDR just got off the phone with Emperor Hirohito.
Grampa: Turns out the Emperor is a huge fan of yours!
Grampa: FDR says that if you'll sign a few baseball cards for Japan's leader, this whole world war can be over by dinnertime.
Softball Jasper: Anything to get that gun-totin' New Deal-slingin' maniac off my back. To the Android's Dungeon & Baseball Card Shop!
Comic Book Guy: I sell baseball cards? That's odd. I never really noticed it was in the name of the store.
Task: Make Baseball Jasper Sign Autographs
Time: 1h
Location: Android's Dungeon
A League of His Own Pt. 5Jasper starts
Softball Jasper: Abe, you're a true friend. If it weren't for you, FDR would have used my finger bones for cigarette holders.
Softball Jasper: They'd be held between his teeth at a jaunty angle even as we speak!
Grampa: You old fool! I was just pulling your leg. FDR doesn't know you're a secret lady ballplayer.
Softball Jasper: You mean... I'm safe?
Grampa: Far from it! Not so long as J. Edgar Hoover is crusading to root out cross-dressing from our major professional sports.
Grampa: They got G-men at every base, frisking anyone who scores a run!
Softball Jasper: I gotta get out of this uniform!
Task: Make Baseball Jasper Get Changed
Time: 1h
Location: Community Center
The Mighty Bucks Pt. 1Mr. Burns starts
Smithers: Excuse me, sir. Do you remember that traffic ticket we received for running a red light?
Mr. Burns: Pah! Red lights only apply to the poor, the middle class, the rich, and the ultra-rich. I'm super-ultra-class-double-five-star-stupid rich!
Mr. Burns: Or does that title no longer hold any meaning in our society? We need to contest this ticket all the way to the United States Supreme Court!
Smithers: We did. We lost 5-4.
Mr. Burns: I thought when we got shadow arch-conservative Sonia Sotomayor appointed to the Court, they'd finally look out for us wealthy folk.
Mr. Burns: I suppose we'll just have to content ourselves with owning the Executive and Legislative branches of government.
Smithers: There's more, sir. As punishment for wasting millions of dollars of taxpayer money, they've sentenced you to community service.
Smithers: You have to do 100 hours coaching a local youth softball team.
Mr. Burns: Oh. Could be worse. Lovely game, softball. Played with a hoop, a tin can and a Winchester rifle, if memory serves?
Task: Make Softball Burns Learn What Softball Is
Time: 4h
Location: Control Building
The Mighty Bucks Pt. 2Mr. Burns starts
Softball Mr Burns: Listen up, you disgusting, malformed half-adults! This softball team does not tolerate losing!
Softball Mr Burns: To that end, you ignorant pre-humans, you will follow my instructions at all times!
Softball Mr Burns: When I dust my left sleeve, that means steal a base.
Softball Mr Burns: When I touch my cap, cheat. I don't care how. I just want to see rules being broken.
Milhouse: I thought sports were about doing your best and playing fair?
Softball Mr Burns: When I tug at my ear, it means everybody slap the do-gooder and teach him a lesson!
Softball Mr Burns: I'm tugging my ear right now, people...
Task: Make Softball Mr. Burns Signal Plays
Time: 8h
Task: Make Kids Play Softball
Time: 12h
Location: Control Building
The Mighty Bucks Pt. 3Mr. Burns starts
Milhouse: I just wanted to thank you for devoting your valuable time to better the lives of us kids.
Softball Mr Burns: Am I bettering them? That was not my intent.
Softball Mr Burns: I'm here to win. But, if I can permanently scar some young minds in the process, well, that's all to the good.
Milhouse: We're going to play our hardest for you, Coach.
Softball Mr Burns: How very kind. Please, call me Generalissimo.
Task: Make Softball Mr Burns Yell at Children
Task: Make Milhouse Look Up to a New Father Figure
Time: 12h
Location: Control Building
The Mighty Bucks Pt. 4Mr. Burns starts
Softball Mr Burns: Why are you following me around like one of those small, non-lethal mini-hounds?
Milhouse: You mean a puppy?
Softball Mr Burns: Yes, those things.
Milhouse: I thought maybe if I observed a successful man in action, it might help me.
Softball Mr Burns: There's nothing that would upset me more than to help a fellow human.
Softball Mr Burns: Life is about fighting and clawing and nuisance-suing for what you want.
Milhouse: That's wonderful advice. You're very good at this.
Softball Mr Burns: I do not wish to be, you annoying nitwit. I very sincerely don't.
Milhouse: I was thinking maybe we could have a game of catch? You could dispense life lessons while we do it.
Softball Mr Burns: Smithers could be made to throw and catch in my stead. There's a good lesson for you: lackeys make everything easier. Get one.
Milhouse: Wow. Thanks, Coach.
Task: Make Softball Mr Burns Bond with Milhouse
Time: 8h
Location: Burns' Manor
Requires: Milhouse
The Mighty Bucks Pt. 5Mr. Burns starts
Softball Mr Burns: It's the day of the big game. Milhouse, my protégé, what are Burns' Rules of Sport?
Milhouse: Play unfair, don't have fun, always be taunting, and keep your eye on your wallet.
Softball Mr Burns: Excellent. Now go out there and make me proud. Or at least less disgusted with you than I currently am.
Softball Mr Burns: Above all, be wary. Especially those who would call themselves your “teammates.” They'll be the first to stab you in the back.
Task: Make Softball Mr Burns Watch the Game
Task: Make Kids Play Softball
Task: Make Milhouse Compete with His Own Team
Time: 12h
Location: Control Building
Softball Mr Burns: It's the final inning. The Van Houten boy is coming up to bat.
Softball Mr Burns: I feel like a proud tyrant, Smithers.
Smithers: Sir, look at the time. Your 100 hours of community service just ended.
Softball Mr Burns: Oh, good! Start the car.
Milhouse: Coach Burns! You can't leave us now!
Softball Mr Burns: Can and shall! It's called “Lane Kiffin's Law,” and it goes like this:
Softball Mr Burns: “Preach loyalty to your players, but abandon them the moment a better offer comes along.” Ah, the beauty of sport!
Million Donut Baby Pt. 1Homer starts
Boxing Drederick Tatum: *sniff, sniff*
Homer: Former heavyweight boxing champ Drederick Tatum, are you crying?
Boxing Drederick Tatum: Please excuse my tears, fat person. I find myself consumed by melancholia.
Homer: You've permanently disfigured countless young men! What do you have to be sad about?
Boxing Drederick Tatum: The life of a pugilist was so simple. They would put a brain in front of me, and I would concuss it posthaste. It was quite enjoyable.
Boxing Drederick Tatum: God gave me fists that can pound living tissue to a bloody pulp, and I have spurned that holy gift.
Boxing Drederick Tatum: Even my menagerie of rare birds and high-end giraffes can no longer fill the hole in my brain.
Homer: You mean the hole in your heart...
Boxing Drederick Tatum: That too.
Homer: Well, there's only one thing to do! We've got to get you back in the ring!
Task: Make Boxer Tatum Get Back Into Shape
Time: 24h
Million Donut Baby Pt. 2Drederick Tatum starts
Boxing Drederick Tatum: It's not working, Coach Homer. I've lost the drive that made me a peerless psychopath. I've barely killed any sparring partners.
Homer: We'll figure something out. Here, drink this glass full of raw eggs.
Boxing Drederick Tatum: Can we cook the eggs first? I so enjoy a perfectly shirred egg. Don't you concur?
Homer: SHIRRED EGGS? A killing machine doesn't eat shirred eggs!
Homer: That does it! From now on, we're doing this right! Raw eggs at every meal!
Homer: You'll wear those boxing gloves day and night, until you remember how to use them!
Homer: And you'll spend every night sleeping next to your pet tiger, relearning what it means to be a killer!
Boxing Drederick Tatum: Cohabitating with a tiger would seem to be a dangerous notion.
Homer: Yeah, well a boxer is nothing without “the eye of the tiger.” Or would you question the wisdom of Frank Stallone?
Task: Make Boxer Tatum Fumble Around with his Gloves On
Time: 8h
Task: Make Boxer Tatum Bond with his Pet Tiger
Time: 24h
Location: Springfield Coliseum
Task: Make Homer Perfect his Raw Egg Recipe
Time: 32h
Location: Simpson Home
Million Donut Baby Pt. 3Homer starts
Homer: Drederick, I've been a fool. Obviously, I'm a world-class boxing trainer. No one doubts that.
Homer: But if the “Rocky” movies taught us anything, it's that no boxer can win without a Burgess Meredith-type in his corner.
Homer: We've got to find a cantankerous, gravel-voiced, wrinkly weirdo to complete your entourage.
Moe: HELLO!
Homer: Moe! You're perfect!
Boxing Drederick Tatum: I remain sceptical of this gentleman's credentials.
Moe: Listen here, you lily-livered, sorry excuse for a boxer. I've been in the fight game since your Daddy was gettin' beat up by the milkmaid!
Homer: Whoa. Moe, is that true?
Moe: Nah, not really. Just caught up in the--
Boxing Drederick Tatum: Coach Homer, the words of this man are making me quite upset. May I hit him, please?
Moe: Now wait a second--
Homer: That's the Drederick Tatum I've been waiting to see! Finally, SOMETHING that makes you angry.
Homer: Let's get you and Moe in the ring right away!
Moe: Hold on, hold on. Moe's not fightin' nobody...
Task: Make Moe and Boxer Tatum Have a Boxing Match
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Coliseum
Requires: Moe
Million Donut Baby Pt. 4Homer starts
Homer: You're back on top again Drederick!
Homer: I hope to see you playing Tap Ball, we could use your skills on the court-field-greens-pitch.
Boxing Drederick Tatum: Do the rules of Tap Ball allow for the pummelling of your fellow man's stupid face?
Homer: I'm sorry, but the rules are very clear: you can only punch people who aren't me.
Homer: Oh, and Lisa. No hitting my daughter.
Boxing Drederick Tatum: Not to worry. I am the one and only boxer on the face of the earth who restricts his violence to men.
Task: Make Boxer Tatum Shadowbox
Time: 4h
Alley's Well that Ends WellAuto starts
Moe: Hey, look! There's a new store in town. And it sells... bowling supplies.
Moe: Because there's a lot of bowling-supplies-only stores in the real world, right?
Moe: Are we completely abandoning the idea that Springfield is IN ANY WAY based on real life? Is that what we're doing?
Homer: Well, Alley McBalls' name IS a lame pun on a briefly-popular, late-1990s TV dramedy. That's pretty realistic, right?
Moe: I give up. Just tell us what mission we're supposed to do at “Alley McBalls,” and we'll do it.
Moe: Unless, of course, we pass out from laughing at that HILARIOUS NAME.
Homer: Well, it says we're supposed to make ten bowlers “Fight for Free Stuff.” But Moe, if you don't want to--
Moe: No, I'm sick of caring! Let's just do this!
Moe: Then afterwards, maybe I'll head over to “Boston Eagle” to buy some eagle food to feed my pet eagle.
Moe: That's all they sell there. It's also very realistic.
Moe: THEN... it's over to “Touched by an Angel Food Cake.” Guess what they sell?
Homer: Moe, don't do this...
Moe: ANGEL FOOD CAKE MIX AND NOTHING ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Task: Make Bowlers Fight for Free Stuff
Time: 16h
Location: Alley McBalls
Metal Mascot MeetingAuto starts
Homer: *singing* IT'S SPRINGY THE SPRINGFIELD SPRING!
Homer: *singing* IF SPRINGY SPRINGS ARE YOUR THING
Homer: *singing* YOU'LL SPRING AT THE CHANCE TO SING
Homer: *singing* OF SPRINGY THE KING OF SPRINGS!
Homer: *singing* WHEN SPRINGTIME IS IN FULL SWING
Homer: *singing* HE COMES HERE FROM OLD BEIJING!
Homer: *singing* TO BATHE IN SPRINGFIELD HOT SPRINGS
Homer: *singing* AND DO LOTS OF TERRIBLE THINGS!
Homer: *singing* HIS INSULTS CAN REALLY STING!
Homer: *singing* HIS POLITICS ARE FAR RIGHT WING!
Homer: *singing* HE LIKES TO STEAL WEDDING RINGS!
Homer: *singing* HE ALSO SETS FIRE TO THINGS!
Homer: *singing* SPRINGY THE SPRINGFIELD SPRING!
Homer: *singing* IT'S A REALLY UNFORTUNATE THING
Homer: *singing* THAT SPRINGFIELD MUST HOST THIS SPRING!
Homer: *singing* THIS ANIMATE, EVIL SPRING!
System Message: Tap Springy to see a fun animation!
Task: Tap Springy
Marge Point Pt. 1Marge starts
Marge: How come I'm never included in all these fun things that happen in Springfield?
Lisa: Well, you were the last family member to appear in the game.
Lisa: We have to structure quests so that new players don't see you before they've unlocked you.
Marge: So I'm being hamstrung by creative decisions we made years ago, when we didn’t think this game would even last a month?
Lisa: Uh...
Lisa: You know what might pick you up, Mom? If you found a sports-y thing to do of your own.
Marge: On it!
Task: Make Tennis Marge Search the Basement for a Hobby
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson Home
Marge: Oooh! A tennis racket! Maybe that can be my thing.
Tennis Marge: Probably for the best, since I'm already in a tennis outfit.
Marge Point Pt. 2Marge starts
Tennis Marge: If I'm going to play great tennis, I need to work on my movement.
Tennis Marge: Ideally, via a fun animation that will encourage people to use poor, underserved Marge more often...
Task: Make Tennis Marge Crabwalk
Time: 24h
Marge Point Pt. 3Marge starts
Tennis Marge: Now to convince one of these busy “major” Tapped Out characters to play tennis with me!
Task: Make Tennis Marge Ask Lisa to Play Tennis
Time: 2h
Location: Simpson Home
Task: Make Tennis Marge Ask Apu to Play Tennis
Time: 2h
Location: Kwik-E-Mart
Task: Make Tennis Marge Ask Homer to Play Tennis
Time: 2h
Location: Simpson Home
On "Ask Lisa to Play Tennis" job start:
Tennis Marge: Lisa, any time to play some Tennis with your mother?
Lisa: Can't. Super busy delivering exposition for all the other quests around here.
On "Ask Apu to Play Tennis" job start:
Tennis Marge: Hey, Apu! Care for a game of tennis?
Apu: I would love to, but I am saddled with back-to-back-to-back 24-hour shifts at the Kwik-E-Mart.
Apu: My time is simply not my own.
Apu: And how I thank the "funny" people behind this game for introducing that 168-hour shift mission. Great stuff, guys!!
On "Ask Homer to Play Tennis" job start:
Tennis Marge: Homie, you think you can set aside some time for tennis with your beloved?
Homer: I'd love to, sweetie. But as usual I've got like a thousand missions to set up.
Homer: See, I started this new thing called "Tap Ball". And whenever anyone new gets involved, I have to be part of their story.
Tennis Marge: Oh. Okay, well maybe Lisa has some spare time to play Tennis.
Homer: *sigh* You just don't understand how it works around here, do you?
On all jobs complete:
Tennis Marge: Everyone is so busy in this town, how are two people supposed to do something together?
Marge Point Pt. 4Marge starts
Tennis Marge: Well, I guess I'm stuck doing a solo mission. I suppose I could practice tennis for 4 hours.
Tennis Marge: What am I saying?! No one plays tennis for 4 hours. You're trying to kill me, EA, aren't you?
Tennis Marge: You're trying to kill America's most beloved TV mom. Shame on you!
Task: Make Tennis Marge Practice Serving
Time: 4h
Four Fingers of Death Pt. 1Comic Book Guy starts
Bart: Hey, look, everybody! It's the Kung Fu Panda!
Comic Book Guy: Judge me by my girth, do you? You are a foolish child, unwise in the ways of gongfu.
Comic Book Guy: I have devoted years to studying the eldritch secrets of the East, learning from the greatest masters:
Comic Book Guy: Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, Keanu Reeves in “The Matrix,” Chris Farley in “Beverly Hills Ninja...”
Comic Book Guy: ...and, yes, the aforementioned Kung Fu Panda. Seriously, I know he's a cartoon, but the dude knows his stuff.
Comic Book Guy: I can teach you much, if you would but listen.
Task: Make Kung Fu Comic Book Guy Teach Kung Fu
Time: 8h
Location: Community Center or Android's Dungeon
Task: Make Bart Attend Kung Fu Class
Time: 1h
Location: Community Center or Android's Dungeon
Comic Book Guy: A true Master can erect an impenetrable defense. I shall demonstrate. Please, young Bart, attack me however you like.
Comic Book Guy: Oof!
Comic Book Guy: Gah! Let go of the pony tail!
Comic Book Guy: Yowza! Right in the chi!
Four Fingers of Death Pt. 2Comic Book Guy starts
Comic Book Guy: Defeated by a child! I have brought shame upon my dojo and upon my family, two entities that were none-too-crazy about me to begin with.
Comic Book Guy: Clearly, I need further training.
Comic Book Guy: To the couch!
Task: Make Kung Fu Comic Book Guy Binge Watch Kung Fu Movies
Time: 24h
Location: Android's Dungeon
Comic Book Guy: At last, the movies have revealed the weakness in my gongfu!
Comic Book Guy: Was I defeated because I can't do a sit-up without the aid of a gantry crane? No! I merely lack a strong revenge motive!
Comic Book Guy: Kumiko! I swear I will avenge your death at the hands of Bart Simpson!
Kumiko: I'm not dead, my gigantic love.
Comic Book Guy: Obviously! I'm only FANTASIZING that my wife is dead. It's something all great husbands do.
Kumiko: I was not aware of this, my strange, obese soul mate. Carry on.
Comic Book Guy: Oh, why have I been cursed with a wonderful, living wife?!
Four Fingers of Death Pt. 3Comic Book Guy starts
Comic Book Guy: My otherwise regal body is not, I admit, ideally suited to the exertions of hand-to-hand combat.
Comic Book Guy: Being struck by my fat-wrapped fists is like snuggling into a mountain of the softest eider down.
Comic Book Guy: Being kicked by my legs is like... well, I can't raise them more than six inches, so it's irrelevant.
Comic Book Guy: But I DO have something far more important -- the cunning reflexes of a jungle cat.
Comic Book Guy: Therefore, I shall dedicate myself to mastering that most ancient of weapons...
Bart: Nice nunchucks, you wad!
Comic Book Guy: They are properly called “nunchaku!” A-doy!
Bart: You just tied two Wii controllers end-to-end by the straps.
Comic Book Guy: THEY STILL COUNT!
Bart: No they don't. Plastic nunchucks are no nunchucks at all, you dope.
Comic Book Guy: It's “nunchaku!” A-doy! A thousand times a-doy!
Task: Make Kung Fu Comic Book Guy Use Nunchaku
Time: 12h
Four Fingers of Death Pt. 4Comic Book Guy starts
Comic Book Guy: Soon I will face Bart Simpson in a fateful and deadly clash of martial arts grand masters.
Comic Book Guy: A little more practice, followed by a lengthy fast food crawl through Springfield's Trans Fat District, and my body will be prepared.
Task: Make Kung Fu Comic Book Guy Practice Moves
Time: 4h
Four Fingers of Death Pt. 5Comic Book Guy starts
Comic Book Guy: Bart Simpson, I challenge you!
Comic Book Guy: Stand and face me, if you be man enough, in the ultimate gongfu arena:
Comic Book Guy: A head-to-head battle in “Martial Arts Eviscerators 7: Entrails of Fury Edition!”
Bart: Wait. You want to challenge me to a kung fu VIDEO GAME?
Comic Book Guy: Not my original plan. Let's just say Krustyburger's new “Bacon-wrapped Fish Taco Pizzaburger with Ranch Drizzles” is not easy on the digestive system.
Comic Book Guy: I'm in no shape to fight.
Comic Book Guy: But enough talk. Choose your controller.
Task: Make Kung Fu Comic Book Guy Challenge His Rival
Time: 16h
Location: Android's Dungeon
Comic Book Guy: Yes! You are defeated, Bart Simpson! I have proven myself the master!
Bart: The “X” button on this controller doesn't work. And you were in “God Mode” the whole time.
Comic Book Guy: A true master makes full use of cheat codes. Let this be your first lesson, my pupil.
Bart: Not for nothing, “master,” but you really need to move around more. Your flab is growing into the couch.
Comic Book Guy: Yes, I know.
I Lava Good Fight SceneRequires Volcano Lair
Comic Book Guy starts
Comic Book Guy: *gasp* How have I never noticed this enormous volcano on the edge of town?
Comic Book Guy: What a perfect location for an underground lair.
Hank Scorpio: Already taken, friend! Sorry about that. I know how rarely active volcanoes with an open floor plan come on the underground lair market.
Comic Book Guy: Perhaps I could leave you my card? In case you ever want to sell.
Hank Scorpio: You know, that's a great idea? Operation Vertumnus is entering Phase 3 any day now.
Hank Scorpio: In a month or two, I'll be pulling up stakes for the lifeless remains of San Francisco. If I can ever get the Desiccation Ray working!
Hank Scorpio: You don't happen to know anyone who has a metric ton of Carbon-12 Negative-Matrix Nightmare Crystals to unload, do you?
Comic Book Guy: Sadly, no.
Hank Scorpio: Yeah, they're hard to find. Messing up my whole supply chain. But no one said holding the planet for ransom has to be easy!
Hank Scorpio: Anyway, if all that pans out, I'd sure like to pass the volcano lair to someone who'll give it the love it deserves.
Hank Scorpio: Now, I couldn't help but notice you're wearing a karate gi. What do you know about the martial arts, friend?
Comic Book Guy: Everything.
Hank Scorpio: Dandy! How'd you like to train my fighting force? They don't need to be any good, you understand.
Hank Scorpio: I just need them to run at the good guys and get mowed down while I escape in my Invisible Atomic Rocket Sled.
Task: Make Kung Fu Comic Book Guy Battle B-Movie Style
Time: 16h
Location: Volcano Lair
Rage in a CageAuto starts
Nelson: Testoster-Zone is open! It's a bully's paradise -- nerds with money as far as the eye can see!
Jimbo: I can't wait to play the new “Bully Rush 3” machine -- it's so realistic, it's like you ARE the bully.
Dolph: What are we waiting for? Let's intimidate some kids into giving us their money, then find out what it's like to be a bully!
Task: Make Bullies Steal Money from Nerds
Time: 4h
Location: Testosterzone
Characters: Nelson, Jimbo, Dolph, Kearney
Spin Up to the Streets Pt. 1Wiggum starts
Wiggum: Bad news, Ralphie. Your mother signed you up for dance classes. I know that's something no little boy wants to hear.
Ralph: Dancers wear tights just like superheroes.
Wiggum: I suppose that's true. Anyway, just get through a few lessons, then we'll convince your ma to sign you up for a sport instead. Okay?
Ralph: Dancing is when you just can't stop. Shake it. Shake that thing.
Wiggum: I don't like where this is headed...
Task: Make Ballet Ralph Go to Dance Class
Time: 1h
Location: Springfield Elementary
Spin Up to the Streets Pt. 2Wiggum starts
Wiggum: I hope your first day of dance class wasn't too embarrassing, Ralphie.
Ballet Ralph: I expressed my laughings and my cryings through movement!
Wiggum: Uh... that's great. Good for you.
Ballet Ralph: When I point my toe in any direction, there's a funny french name for it. I love dance-y class.
Wiggum: Oh, boy.
Task: Make Ballet Ralph Go to Dance Class
Time: 1h
Location: Springfield Elementary
Spin Up to the Streets Pt. 3Ralph starts
Ballet Ralph: Teacher says I'm the best rock in the dance where some of us are rocks.
Wiggum: Great, son. Just remember, pretty soon we can quit awful, awful dance class and get you playing sports.
Ballet Ralph: What's sports?
Wiggum: Oh, God! The words that mean I've failed as a father! This isn't happening!
Wiggum: I gotta get you out of that dance class.
Ballet Ralph: Teacher says dance is the only legimitate art form.
Wiggum: Now you're dissing other art forms -- INCLUDING slam poetry AND glass blowing -- and I'm getting mad. I need to talk to this teacher of yours...
Ballet Ralph: While daddy is shooting teacher, everyone enjoy my sumbersaults.
Task: Make Ballet Ralph Do a Somersault
Time: 4h
Spin Up to the Streets Pt. 4Ralph starts
Wiggum: Son, I talked to this dance teacher of yours, and... he says you're really talented.
Wiggum: He says he's never seen ANYBODY who felt less shame to be wearing tights in front of others.
Wiggum: That's mostly what being a good dancer is, apparently. Lack of shame.
Ballet Ralph: Daddy is proud of me. But not too proud.
Wiggum: I'm sorry, son. I AM proud. I've just got these old-fashioned prejudices against boys and dance.
Ballet Ralph: Dance with me, daddy.
Wiggum: I can't, son. I just can't.
Ballet Ralph: You don't need to be ma-shamed.
Wiggum: No, I mean I physically can't. Daddy has a 150% blockage in every artery in his body. Doctor says it's statistically impossible I'm still alive.
Wiggum: But I can still go to your recital. Recitals are just sitting. And Daddy is great at sitting!
Task: Make Ballet Ralph Dance in the Recital
Task: Make Wiggum Attend Dance Recital
Time: 12h
Location: Springfield Elementary
Spin Up to the Streets Pt. 5Wiggum starts
Wiggum: Ralphy, you're an amazing dancer! Your Dad is real, real proud of you.
Wiggum: Imagine how these new movement skills of yours will translate to football, or basketball, or any sport at all! Now that dance class is over, I mean.
Ballet Ralph: Tap class. Tap class now!
Wiggum: Oh. You want to go to tap dancing class, now? Yeah, I guess I saw that coming...
Task: Make Ballet Ralph Tap Dance
Time: 8h
Team with a Capital "I" Pt. 1After completing Meet My Trophy Life Pt. 12 and unlocking The Gridiron
Lisa starts
Lisa: We did it, gang! We worked together to accomplish an astounding goal! This is a testament to teamwork and community!
Lenny: I didn't do anything. I just watched.
Carl: Yeah. I was going to help you tap, but then my index finger felt like seeing a movie.
Lisa: Well, okay. But everybody else pitched in!
Wiggum: I took a nap in my cruiser. Was that helpful?
Sea Captain: I actually did everything in my power to sabotage your efforts. Don't rightly know why. I just did. Yar.
Lisa: I can't believe this! A few of us worked our tails off to earn prizes, and now we just have to share them with all the freeloaders.
Task: Make Lisa Sulk
Time: 12h
Location: Simpson Home
Task: Make Non-Tap Ball Players Admire Tap Ball Prizes
Time: 12h
Location: Stadium Entrance
Team with a Capital "I" Pt. 2Homer starts
Homer: What's wrong, Lisa?
Lisa: I just can't believe some people. They get all the benefits of Tap Ball fun, without contributing anything to its success!
Homer: Think of it this way. Millions of people can play it and have fun for free, just because 1% of the players spend a lot of money.
Homer: We refer to these people as “whales.” And they're perfect angels.
Homer: Not like all those lousy non-whales! How I hate them!!!!!!!!!
Lisa: It's just... it's just that whenever someone doesn't drop cash on our game, I feel so sad inside.
Homer: Oh, honey. Non-whales don't care that their “rational spending behaviour” makes a little girl cry.
Homer: Because they have no hearts. And no souls. And they probably like to hurt others.
Homer: Now let's focus on the people who DO have souls. Let's thank the whales!
Task: Make Springfielders Thank the Whales
Time: 24h
Location: Simpson Home
