Preface: Yes, I have a therapist.
I place in Silver and Gold regularly. The matches I win are because two other people are clearly on their way to climbing. I average about 130 damage a match when I am with those kinds of players, and less when I am not.
I have been solo queued for the last six hours. Of those matches, I placed top three once, and have otherwise (at best) placed 16th. Usually I place 19th or 20th. Of those matches, I have asked people several times to report me so I can be banned from this game, as I understand very well how much of a detriment I am to my team, and to the experience of the game as a whole.
For this season, I have averaged 318 damage. The highest I have done is 1,632 (somehow). My KDR is .7 I have played 437 games and have been carried to 23 total wins.
I'll be completely transparent:
I wish I could derank from gold, to silver, to bronze.
But the fact of the matter is, I can't. The system doesn't allow for that.I am consistently among people who are far better than me, and it shows. I've placed 130 hours in Kovaaks, 82 hours in Aimlabs, and on Steam I have 250 hours in Apex and 430 hours on Origin.
But despite all of this, I continue to be absolute trash.
So what is the point of playing this game? What is the point of playing any game if you're not going to win? What, to have fun? I don't have fun in Apex. I come in here because I get served losses on a cold platter because that's what I know I deserve. I don't deserve wins, or badges. I deserve to be cannon fodder for other people to feel better about themselves in Apex. I am what gives other people endorphins. I am that which gives something which I will never have: a good time in Apex.
And, yet I come back. I think to myself, "Somehow, with all of that time I've invested in trying to get better at this game, I'll start making improvements. I'll start learning how to do it right." But I never do. I go purchase a better setup so I can look at replays of my failures, of which there have been many. My tactical placement of self on the battlefield leaves much to be desired because I become too focused on trying to just land some damage before I get absolutely beamed by other players who are far better than me. My purpose is to carry loot for either my teammates or my enemies to pick from like some thread shop in the desert because I almost never put my items to use.
So I get frustrated. I tell myself how stupid I am for my efforts, how droll my attempts to aim are, and how easy I always make it for other players. I am an NPC in a 60 player game that is there for other people to drill down with whatever weapon they have in their arsenal, because I guarantee that I won't be able to. And then if my team loses, it's easy to blame me. I tell them to report me-- to help make sure that I never make it back. I don't deserve to make it back into Apex, unless the game truly understands via the MMR system that I am there to be the fodder for other people.
Wins? Maybe once this week, where my teammates quadrupled or quintupled my damage, each. Where they try to offer words of encouragement to me, I understand that they can be humble about the skills they possess, wherein I do not. They know that after this win, where they've carried me, they'll go on to better matches and find challenges that are rewarding and worthwhile, against opponents who will test their mettle and make themselves better competitors after each match. I am the warmup, the burden, the one who must be slain because he fails to understand that his skills are not made for games like Apex. They're made for games like Mario Teaches Typing.
If you come across me in game, you can tell me to fling myself off a cliff in King's Canyon. I'll do it, because I know it'll be better for you. Despite my stubborn nature telling me that perhaps this time will be different, you know now that it won't. It'll make it easier for you to win if I don't compromise your position, or lend burden on your kindness in trying to help me.
I don't deserve it in Apex.
What I deserve is to lose.
Ouch! This made me feel sad to read : (
I hope things turn around for you at some point. I want to say "don't give up" - But I feel it's too late for those words.
Good luck in the future.
@reconzero wrote:
@NullEffective9Wrong, wrong, wrong, and wrong again. You are not trash. You do not deserve to lose. Let's unpack this a little:
First, remember that while ranks may be a useful tool for some players, for others such as myself, and I think you, they're evil. They're a head game Respawn plays with you trying to get you to think... I don't even know what. So play no more ranked matches. Pubs only. That's one.
Two. We'll get to skill in a minute, but for now just remember that a 95% loss rate in Apex is not a terrible performance. Whoever thought we'd all sign up for a game where you're statistically likely to win 5% of your matches? Madness. The takeaway here: the game isn't all about winning. Find other reasons to play. Just try to learn something new every match. Smell the roses, as it were.
Three. Skill. SKILL. What a loaded word. Most people who play shooters use the word skill when what they really mean is "gun skill." No, the two are not one in the same. Like you, I can't hit the broad side of a barn in this game. But in every way that I can get smarter about what I'm doing, I do get smarter about what I'm going. And until the SBMM changes of season 12 I had a pretty respectable 10% win rate in pubs. Not a "95% accuracy" win rate. A "smarter than the other guy" win rate.
Misconception number one: I remember Raynday saying, "Just get in there and try. You'll die a lot the first few thousand matches, but you have to die millions of time in order to get better." This is what good players say to lure people like you and me to our deaths. Don't buy it.
Solution: Forget about your squadmates. They're actively trying to get you killed. They're usually worse than your enemies. Drop solo and do your own thing until the circle pushes you back to your squadmates. Assuming they live that long. You, on the other hand, will stay alive - not by killing full squads, but by doing what should be the most instinctive thing in this game: avoiding trouble until trouble becomes unavoidable.
Don't drop early. Don't drop on the line. Get as far off the line as you can, and do it as late in the drop as you can. Do not go to any named point of interest, even if you can see no one else is landing there. Work the edges of the circle and don't move inside the edge ever unless you see or hear something driving you away from where you are. You'll learn over time how to judge when and where to move. Sometimes you'll get caught and killed. But over time it will happen less and less until you just know from experience where enemies are likely to be, and where you need to be in order to avoid them. Don't worry: I'm not saying "hide then die," as an alternative to "shoot then die." You just have to remember that dead people can't win, and the best way to keep them from killing you is to avoid them until you have no other choice. Over time this kind of thinking will make you much harder to kill. When you finally decide it's time to get more aggressive, your trouble-avoidance skills will serve you well.
Always have a marksman weapon in your loadout. Always. For people like you and I who can't aim, it's absolutely critical to have a gun you can use from a distance where it's very hard for most enemies to shoot back. It's a confidence builder. I recommend the tripletake or charge rifle as they have amost no recoil or projectile drop. But use them sparingly. The hardest thing to know isn't when to shoot at someone, it's when not to. Mostly, don't do it. You're just giving away your position. Unless it's late game and you're getting close to your squadmates again. That's when you open up.
Chose a mobility legend. Valk or Octane or Pathfinder. Pick one and stick with it. Always. The more you stick to one legend the more your actions become instinct and you can stop focusing on how to execute movement, and just move instinctively while focusing on how to shoot.
You already know you can't win by outshooting at close range. That's for people with aimbots and Xims and Ritilan. I have none of those things and neither do you. So try not to run up and shoot a guy who's running at you. Try to get up high (on a wall, cliff, roof top) where you have a view, and where you can drop down behind an unsuspecting player. In the final three, be near, but not with your teammates. When enemies go after them they'll be too focused on their target to notice you at the edge of the play. That's a good time to strike. Anything you can do to see what's happening without being seen, or to create confusion for the enemy, gives you a leg up. Grenades, air strikes, a fake zipline, a bait black market. It all helps. Distract and conquer.
Above all, use a mic, even if teammates don't. Don't be mean to anyone, and mute them immediately if they're mean to you. Don't tolerate that crap. Especially from the ones who gripe at you for doing everything wrong - when the truth is they're making one bad decision after another and just expecting you to go along on their little suicide mission. Do your own thing with confidence, and if you can, explain to them as you go what you're doing and why. They may have a good argument and try to help you do something different. Good communication can overcome an aimbot. Something to think about.
Relax. Take a deep breath. Stop worrying about letting your teammates down, and start letting them worry about how to stay alive without your help. I call that tough love. In that situation, if you can all make it to the final five, you'll start winning more. Probably a lot more.
Sorry for the long read. Best of luck.
... Are you me from another timeline? This is pretty much how I play.
I don't treat this as a battle royal. I play it like a survival horror.
