The Freezer Bunny Club - A Reading Circle

Thanks. I like your personal anecdotes. They help me get to know you and I'm glad you're resonating with the story.

Yes, Ayesha is on the banner. She is the third from the right, next to Kass. I just realized she "shows up" in story before visually making an appearance.

It's funny because @Duvelina doesn't like Gage that much. I knew his character and Kass' wouldn't necessarily resonate with everyone, but I have a Simming friend who adores Gage. It's good to know he has some love!

"Duvelina;c-17569826" wrote:

First of all, I loved the introduction to EXCES. I thought it was so interesting how you managed to introduce us to this fictional disease you thought of. It sounds terrifying, honestly. And I can imagine this wasn't a fun surprise for Kass.

I'm not a fan of her father and how he decided to come back into her life. I'm also confused on how he told her all of that, invited her on a roadtrip and then decided to keep himself out of the picture again. I presume to give Kass her space, but I don't think he tried to contact the other girls yet either? They'll need some time to get used to him too and they'll feel weird if Kass does decide to go on a roadtrip with him, because they had no time to process it yet. I'm also confused on why he would want just Kass on the roadtrip and none of the other girls. Well, maybe he does but a little heads-up would have been nice, just like he did with Kass (although maybe in a different way).

EXCES was kinda accidentally developed last time I wrote the story. Like I thought about cancer first, but then I realized I'm on a fictional planet and it makes sense to have a fictional disease. There's a lot more with aliens/supernaturals and EXCES in the future, but for now, you've at least got the basics.

As for Howard and his invite, he plans to extend the invite to his other daughters. There's a reason he told Kass first, and a reason he is hoping to bond with his eldest daughter. Also the fact that he talked to her and then gave her space is kind-of the author's fault. :# There's so much going on in this story. Sometimes it's hard to get back around to certain characters and things.

"Duvelina;c-17569826" wrote:


I was so excited for her! I didn't realise how curious and nosey she was until she got this job offer and the mysteries kept piling up. I feel like this job fits her like a glove. I do hope we get to see more of her actually on the job soon.

Yeah there are a lot of mysteries (probably too many -- I got carried away :# ). Kass' job will play a definite role in the story.

"Duvelina;c-17569826" wrote:

It's the first time we really got to see a huge chunk of them interacting. I like the casual friendship they have. They tease each other a lot and it feels like the fun, lighthearted kind of friendship. I don't always like Ayesha or Kass, but most of the time, I feel like they balance each other out nicely. In this arc and with these interactions, I came to like their friendship.

The girls do balance each other out some. It's a fun relationship. I know you've had opinions about Kass. She's not the most likable character and she's pretty flawed. Ayesha isn't perfect either. But I do enjoy writing their friendship dynamic.

"Duvelina;c-17569826" wrote:


Ayesha left them alone rather fast, so it'd be interesting to see more interaction between Ayesha and Davis later on. I love Davis and the more I read about him, the more I start to like him. I'm so excited about a relationship between Kass and Davis. Every step of the way I'm hoping nothing will get between them. I'm always looking forward to more moments between them. Especially because I'm at a part right now where he isn't in the picture all that much.

I'm glad Davis is getting so much love. I like his character too, a lot more this time around. He's getting a lot more "screen time" in the rewrite.

"Duvelina;c-17569826" wrote:

One of my favourite scenes. Kass was so bold! We hadn't seen that side of her yet and I loved it. It feels like that might be Ayesha's influence on her over the years, so I like that she is more loose sometimes. You managed to make it exciting with Clark walking past and not being sure whether they were going to get caught or not.

Oh you'll see a lot more of this side of Kass as time goes on. That's not all Ayesha. She is bold and clever... dangerously so sometimes. But for whom? You'll see. :lol:

1. All my Sims stories take place in the future (with an alternative history on Earth) on another planet (Simterra). What do you think of the worldbuilding? Does everything make sense? What additional questions do you have about the world building?
It was a little confusing at first, but your author’s notes have helped tremendously. I like how in-depth you’ve gone on the history of your world, as well as all the different regions, accents and even the names of different sim-heritages. I’ve never seen something like that before in the sims, so colour me impressed!

2. I put little Author's Notes at the bottom of every chapter. Are they useful? Do you like them? Do they help clarify things from the chapter?
Absolutely. If not for the author’s notes, I don’t think I would have been able to understand the first few chapters. Especially the parts where Kass describes certain events or history, or references her family’s heritage.

I did notice that, sometimes, your author’s notes describe the thought process and logic behind the actions that Kass or her friends take. Sometimes in greater detail, sometimes in lesser. This is just a personal preference, but I like theorizing about what’s going on in a character’s head and why they are taking the actions that they are taking. By describing it in the notes, you’re presenting your reader with the answer right away. Depending on the type of reader, this could be a good thing or a bad thing.

3. The chapters are broken into arcs. Is this helpful? Do you find the breaks natural? (sometimes I use cliffhangers) >:)
It is, though I’ve had some confusion regarding the number of the arc vs the number of the chapter. For example, arc 1 is the prologue, arc 2 is 1.0 to 1.1, and arc 3 is 1.2 to 2. 5. Is there a reason why you’ve decided to label them like that, instead of making the number correspond to the number of the arc?
Also, cliffhangers are mean and I 100% approve of them. XD

4. What is your initial impression of Kass, my main character/the protagonist?
I like her. She’s very relatable, and you’ve portrayed her in a way that makes her believably flawed. Some of your early chapters have hit pretty close to home for me, so now I’m super invested in how this girl deals with her family, and what challenges she’ll face in her future.

5. The first part of the story is most definitely slice-of-life with some elements of supernatural/fantasy and mystery thrown in. Do you like it? How is it similar or different to other slice-of-life stories you've read?
I’ve noticed that your story is very realistic for a slice-of-life, odd as that sounds. My general experience with household drama is just that, drama. Emotions running wild, people cheating, people running away at the aisle, things like that. But what’s happening with Kass and her family is so believable because it’s something that happens with so many families in real life. It’s relatable, and that’s what drew me in from the beginning.

6. Any thoughts on my writing style? The length of chapters? The pacing?
I like your pacing a lot! You put a lot of detail into your writing, f.e. when Kass is observing the people around her down to the smallest detail. It draws you in, like you’re really looking at what she’s looking at.

Arc 1: What do you think of the Prologue (the first five chapters)? Do you feel like it gives you a good introduction to Kass, her family, and backstory? Do you have additional questions about her family/past?
I do. The lore and history in the prologue was a little confusing at first, but as I mentioned before your author’s notes helped clear that up very well, and the further you read, the more invested you get in the people she’s mentioning. Especially when you get to the part about her mother and father. When you reach Kass, you’re fully drawn into the story.

Arc 2:
What do you think of the introduction of Kass' relationship with her mom and sisters? Does it feel realistic? What about the introduction of her friends, Ayesha and Gage?
I adore the relationship between Kass and her sisters, and her mother using her as emotional support and mediator in the family is quite relatable (although bad parenting in my mind). You portray them all as flawed, but well-meaning (or teenagers being teenagers, haha).

Arc 3:
a) What are your thoughts about Clark? Thoughts about VJ?
Clark: If he really is just a dorky janitor, I feel bad for how Kass’s mother is dragging him in front of her children. The guy clearly likes her, but his awkward introduction and his cluelessness on how to approach them is making all three of them dislike him. If he’s more than that (and he appears to be), I can’t help but wonder what on earth he wants with that family, and Kass’s mother in particular. If she was a super-rich divorcee or widow, I’d totally get it, but… she’s not. Hmm hmm hmm.
VJ: We haven’t seen much of him yet at this point, but how he talked to Andi gained him a lot of brownie points with me. He really seems worried for her wellbeing, and the type of guy to care about their girlfriends. If he’d just wanted to get in her pants, that conversation would have been very different. I like how you portrayed him!
b) Andi and Kass discuss faith. What are your thoughts about my take on the Jacoban/Peteran faith from Sims Medieval?
Well, I have the Jacobans in my own story, and they’re total raving lunatics, so your Peteran side seems much nicer so far. Can I foist Agravaine onto you? XD
c) Andi and Kass also discuss dating and Kass proceeds to think about her love life. Did it feel realistic?
It did, as it was a natural consequence to them talking about romance. When she thinks about her past crushes, I think I would have liked to see a screenshot accompanying it. Just for extra visuals. But I know you’re not re-taking pictures, so feel free ignore that last part. =)
d) Also, this arc introduces one of the many mysteries in this story. How do you think I handled its introduction?
It’s intriguing! You’ve done a very good job worldbuilding so far, and I have a ton of questions that I hope will be answered in the future. Probably by piling more questions on top of the ones I already have, haha.

Arc 4: What are your thoughts about Davis? Did you like his interlude?
He’s tall, blonde, toned and handsome. What’s not to like? =P Plus, he seems like a genuinely nice person, and interested in Kass beyond physical attraction. Him letting her stay in the shop and even cooking her breakfast was adorable. Kass needs to learn a thing or two about how entering uninvited can still be considered trespassing XD
a) Howard drops a bit of a shock on Kass. How do you feel about this father/daughter reunion? What about the introduction of EXCES?
I’ve already mentioned this in my individual comments, but Howard coming back because of that actually makes me furious. Especially because of his terrible timing, and the fact that he’s still thinking of himself instead of his daughter. Again, this is something that frequently happens in real life, and its relatability is what is making me so angry. Very well written. The EXCES was very interesting. I love how you introduced an illness in the game via Alien experimentation. It immediately made me want to know more about how it came into existence, and the history sims have with aliens. Well done! I think the chapters with Howard were my favourite so far, angry as they made me.
b) Amy struggles with depression. Did that show in the chapters?
It’s subtle, but it’s there. Amy seems to have a lot of deeply rooted issues, that no doubt were amplified by her husband leaving her and moving on with a new woman. I’m suspecting that she also has self-esteem issues, and that her new beau has her so infatuated that she’s got blinders on in terms of family relations.

1. Kass is intended to be a flawed character. She isn't perfect, but I feel this makes her more realistic. Do her flaws annoy you or deepen her character? Or something else entirely? What do you see as her strengths/gifts?
Perfect characters are anathema to good stories. Or robots. Take your pick – point is, when someone is flawed, their struggles and hardships become infinitely more interesting. I’m still in the beginning of the story, but so far her strengths and weaknesses are very believable. I’d like to see her overcome some of her anxiety in the future, or learn to cope with it better. She’s still young, of course, so there’s plenty of time. =) I like how deeply she cares for family, and how she’s willing to lend an ear to her sisters and wants to avoid conflict (except with Gage, haha). That is also her flaw, of course – she’s avoiding conflict to the point of letting people walk over her, especially her mother. I’d like to see her develop into a person that’s more capable of placing boundaries, instead of being roped into playing mediator.

2. Do you have a favorite character so far? Do you have a least favorite character? Who do you want to know more about?
My favourite so far is Kass, I think. I relate to her situation and I want to see her succeed. On the other end, that puts both her mother and father in a competitive race for least-favourite, though currently Howard wins out by a mile. xD Not because they’re badly written, but because I genuinely empathise with the situation. I want to know more about Davis… but something tells me he’ll show up more in the coming chapters, anyway. =)

3. Do you have a favorite scene/chapter thus far?
The talk with Howard, and his reveal to Kass. I love how you wrote that scene, as well as the alien disease that you introduced in the chapter. It also makes me want to angrily poke Howard with a pitchfork, so you definitely did something right! xD

4. Any future predictions based on where you are in the story?
Nope! Anything can happen. I’m going to sit back and enjoy the ride… and probably angrily rant about Howard being a terrible dad at some point again. So far, I’m really enjoying your story. ^^

5. What questions do you have for me? Any other thoughts you'd like to share?
Why did you choose to go into such detail about your sim-world and its history? It’s very unique, and I was wondering what gave you the idea. =)

Lol, for some reason I expected Ayesha to be the tiny left girl in the banner xD See, I'm bad at this kind of stuff, but I'm glad I know now.

Ahhh really? I'm a fan of him! Pass him that message :p

1.All my Sims stories take place in the future (with an alternative history on Earth) on another planet (Simterra). What do you think of the worldbuilding? Does everything make sense? What additional questions do you have about the world building?

I enjoy your worldbuilding. I find it admirable that you go these extra lengths to create a fictional world for your characters to live in. It’s very wholesome. I like that if I get confused about something, the explanation is there in the A/N.

2. I put little Author's Notes at the bottom of every chapter. Are they useful? Do you like them? Do they help clarify things from the chapter?

I love the author’s notes because they elaborate on the world. It’s very informative and explains a lot of the world and lore you’ve built. One thing I noticed is that it overwhelms me quite quickly. By the third chapter though, I found it immersion breaking and started feeling fatigued, so I created a system that works for me in that I would read the story first, Then after the end of each Arc, I’d read the Author notes. It means I’ll double back but it works for me whose thoughts scatter easily. It’s easier for me to process/focus on one thing at a time. Hence I was so impressed that you can create and continue multiple stories while I can only do one. :smile: I did think that if you were to create a page and consolidated the whole lore, world building astrological charts etc, and in your author’s notes provided a link to those information, it could work too. Though I also think this potentially makes the information likely to be glossed over, but it’s nice to know there is a page where everything is consolidated and easily referenced than going back a few chapters.

3. The chapters are broken into arcs. Is this helpful? Do you find the breaks natural? (sometimes I use cliffhangers)

I always had a different impression of Arcs. I assumed they meant a subplot of sorts, thus I think of your arcs as chapters instead. They are very helpful and the breaks are natural. I use cliffhangers too much so the frequency of yours is refreshing. :sweat_smile:

4. What is your initial impression of Kass, my main character/the protagonist?

Kass is dependable, responsible, caring, loving, patient and accomodating. (I am itching to add ‘over-’ to the word accomodating). She is also suspicious, cautious, and stressed. Because of her good qualities, everyone placed expectations upon her and she being the person she is, strives to meet those expectations. Personally however, she isn’t given much room for self-expression. The only person she’s truly herself around is Ayesha which doesn’t happen enough in the chapters I’ve read.

5. The first part of the story is most definitely slice-of-life with some elements of supernatural/fantasy and mystery thrown in. Do you like it? How is it similar or different to other slice-of-life stories you've read?

I’m not sure where the supernatural/fantasy comes in. Definitely mystery. Hmm, I’ve not read much slice of life to be honest, my story and the stories I’ve read are action and thriller based. The only slice of life I’ve read is yours, Duvelina and redemon’s. Reddemon’s from a guy’s pov and features a life of reform, Duv’s focused on quite a few characters each growing/struggling at their own pace while yours is mostly on Kass’s pov. I’d say because your story focuses on one person’s pov, the advantage is being able to dive deep into the character’s head and fleshing out her motives, needs and desires. It allows me to connect with Kass at a very deep level and want her to succeed in her endeavors.

6. Any thoughts on my writing style? The length of chapters? The pacing?

Ah I’m said and gushed so many times on all your stories. I love your writing style. For Kass’s story, I find the length just right between narration and dialogue. The pacing flows naturally and the length of chapters are easy to digest. I like that I do not need to look at pictures as your writing clearly describes the scene.

The prologue is very detailed. I like you give us insights to their personalities and traits from your description of their actions. It’s interesting to find out what kind of person her family members are and how they shaped her. The last two posts in Arc 1 are really sad. And I could feel her emotions flow through her writing that her father’s abandonment is something she hasn’t let go nor forgiven.

I must counter argue against myself, because I can see how well it’ll work were I to read each post as they were published. I will no doubt appreciate and will have no problems reading the Author’s notes straight away. But I don’t mind what I’m doing now. It’s very rewarding and I get to reread the parts I like.

I grew up in a very different household culture compared to Kass’ family. If you were to cast Ayesha as the main protagonist, I’d probably relate more to her and can give a more confident answer as to whether it was realistic to me or not. All I can say is Kass’s relationship with her mother and sisters reminds me of sitcoms on TV. Fun, entertaining, full of internal strife and sibling light-heartedness.

Ayesha speaks out to me the most because I can relate to her better. I’m surprised at how lightly she spoke about going against her family’s wishes. (I’d expect either more guilt, resentment or apathy but eh, people respond differently to everything.) Gabe’s perspective makes me like him a lot. He’s very understanding and patient with Kass and with all the problems he’s faced, he speaks to me a mature soul stuck in a young body. Well he did bite her head off there but he’s to me a big teddy bear kinda guy. All bark and no bite and even those barks, he’d prefer not to do so.

A)I’m too suspicious of Clark to formulate much about him. He handled the sibling’s rudeness and outbursts very well, he has two accents (ah okay, I have two too so I guess I can’t hold that against him, but I don’t do shady meet ups in parks) Then his serenading seems like an outlandish way to prove his sincerity. I like that he’s treating Amy nice. I can’t see what benefits he has to latch himself to the Fullbright family if he were a crook, unless he need them for an alibi which is far-fetched.

I like VJ. He speaks to me as a guy who’s been through a lot and whose own father doesn’t believe in him, yet manages to hold himself together and look on the bright side. I’ve seen people in that situation struggle well into their 30s. Thankfully he has Andi and is surrounded by good people. He’s very mature (not sure how old), but I do think Andi is too young.

B)I’m not sure. I’ve never played sims medieval nor am I Christian. I know they do youth groups as I’ve attended some.But I’m not the right person to give my take on this.

C) I find their sibling chat very realistic. The way Andi opens herself more and more as Kass slowly warms up to VJ as a person, how she felt confident to introduce to Kass because Kass is accepting of their relationship. With how Carina reacted to her mom’s boyfriend, if Andi were there she’d probably introduce VJ to Carina only after she had everyone else.

One thing I found hard to believe is Andi’s maturity. I believe she can wait until after marriage, and believe her relationship with VJ. It’s the reasoning and word choices, knowing how to deliver her points and emphasise at the right moment, thinking, reasoning and explaining with such clarity that makes me feel like she should be much older. I’m attributing it to all the support she has around her, but maybe its because I’ve never met a 14 year old like that in my circle that I’m finding it hard to believe. Even so, I really enjoy the maturity of their relationship. It’s refreshing and something I don’t read very often in stories depicting that age group.

D) I think you give enough for me to raise my suspicions and alarm bells. I did think at first that Kass was being a little too cautious. Since we’re reading from her point of view things naturally are skewed in her favour. Clark may be a normal guy but she could’ve painted him in a different color for us. But I prefer to go with the flow and suspect him with her together. I was also wondering maybe he could be involved with something dodgy but is sincere about Amy. Then wondering if the accept he displayed at the park was something he adopted in a professional setting, but let down and displayed his true self with Amy. I think that would be rather sweet.

Davis’s interlude is so endearing. I actually liked the entire Arc 5 very much. I think Davis is quite the charmer and he knows it. He’s respectful of Kass’s privacy and I was a little concerned that he might be full of himself as most guys who knows that they’re good looking are, but turns out he’s rather sweet and is a nice bloke. And guys who are good to their grandparents always get a tick on my checkbox. They’ve hit off and I can’t wait to see sparks fly.

A)I would like to know more of Howard’s point of view, but as is most cases when an adult talks to someone who’s younger, they don’t reveal completely or be as honest. So my opinion is completely one sided without the full picture. I’ll be the devil here and say that I always thought as I read / watch scenes like this that it feels like emotional blackmail wherein one person’s feelings become less important / unresolved because of the issue of mortality. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve been in Kass’s situation, it’s just how I’ve felt. I think you’ve captured it all very authentically. Kass’s longing, resentment, at times unable to cope with her overwhelming feelings thus reacting spitefully than responding, not wanting to back down or give her father any leeway, they are all portrayed so well. Her dad diffusing the situation, responding out of desperation, desire to connect is so true too. I love that you deliver slice of life with such detail and authencity. It’s always something I’ve admired of your writing.

B)I can’t say I realised Amy’s depression at all. Now that I reflect upon it you’ve given lots of signs to it, but I wasn’t as invested in Amy’s character so I didn’t dwell on it, neither am I the most sensitive towards people’s feelings. I tend to leave misunderstandings in my wake so I think I’m not too suited to answer this question.

C)With the amount of stress she’s put under, I didn’t get the idea that she has anxiety. She has the feelings of anxiousness, but if you mean the illness where it becomes criplling and hinders her daily life, not exactly. Maybe it’ll get featured later and as you say, they are currently signs. It’s plausible at this stage that it will head in that direction if she doesn’t get enough support.

D)I think it’s perfect to move the story along. I’d like to know what Clark has planned for the Fullbrights and it opens a lot of opportunities should Kass decide to investigate other people on the side. Although it would be better if she straight up asked and got to know them. Still, it’s a fun option to have.

1.Kass is a realistic character. I can see her in my older siblings, as a friend, as a person scarred by her past and as a woman still finding herself. Her strengths are also her weakness.

2.I like all your characters equally, except Howard and Clark because they are the ones whose motives are shrouded in mystery. I could say the same for Davis too, but so far, he’s been nothing but understanding and respectful of Kass so I have less reservations about him. I’d want to know more about these three.

3.My favourite scenes are the entire Arc 4, Kass’s meltdown with Gage, Andi talking about her relationship with VJ, Kass and Gage’s verbal spar where Gage follows her with his car.

4.Just that her siblings and Amy might chew Kass out for being cordial with dad. Gage finding out about Davis and realising what he’s missing, or that he needs to take action if he does feel something for Kass. Davis and Kass having something. I also think we’ll see more VJ scenes. But that’s based on nothing.

5.
- You have many stories. Why do you have a stronger connection to KCLKF compared to your other stories?
- Your story has a life of their own and draws readers into the characters’ world. Did you always have such an innate gift for writing? When did you start writing?
- How do you feel about your own writing?
- What advice would you give newbie writers, apart from reading as much as possible?

How do you feel about Gage's confession? Do you think Kass could've reacted/responded differently? Did you like Gage's interlude?

I didn't expect it to happen anymore, actually. I thought they would forever tiptoe around it, or at least until much later in the story. I'm glad Gage got to speak his truth. I think it's healthy and I admire his bravery for doing so. I think I'd be much too scared in his place to possibly ruin such a close friendship. I don't think Kass could have responded differently with the place she is in right now, but I would have been more upfront about it. Saying you need to think about it is never a good sign, in my opinion. And I would have picked up on that already, if I were Gage. I'd be way less patient about it too. You either want to be with me or you don't and Kass is clearly too afraid to tell Gage she doesn't want to be with him. I hope Kass gets to a place where she can tell him before it's too late and Gage takes matters into his own hands or he figures out the connection between her and Davis.

I liked the confession more after I read Gage's interlude because I felt there was more dialogue in it. Some parts were not in Kass' chapter, I believe. It brought much more clarity to the situation and I thought it was a sweet confession, overall. Although I do think Gage should have dialed back the enthusiasm and wait out Kass' reaction a little more.

a) How do you think Kass' relationship with her family and friends are developing? What about with Davis?

Slowly, but surely. It's very much a slice of life and I enjoy that about it. I don't see much progression in Kass' relationships so far, except for with Davis but I think it'd be weird if we did because only three weeks have passed by now. It can go a lot faster with someone you've just started dating. I like how things are going with Davis and I'm excited to see them on more dates and Kass becoming more comfortable around him. I'm a little afraid of his baseball obsession coming around again and annoying Kass so I hope that's reserved for a time when they're closer and it's less of a turnoff. I'm waiting for that romantic first kiss (it better be)!

b) Any thoughts on the developing politics?

I'm guessing you don't just mean Kass' grandparents but also the mafia references and the encounters with Nick and Vita Alto? I like it. I like that so many different aspects play a role in your story. It gives you a lot to work with. I don't have very many thoughts otherwise. I think Kass' grandpa's opinions are pretty extreme but I think you made him interesting by giving him this sweet, caring personality in his personal life.

c) Thoughts on the unfolding mysteries?

Gah! So many unanswered questions. I love it though. I need all the Madison tea to spill already. And the Bella Goth mystery! Probably my favourite one right now. I love that Kass is looking for her favourite actress.

1) Several of you mentioned being a little confused with the worldbuilding. I have thought about including things like history and timeline on a page on the blog, and then perhaps a page with cultural references, and then probably a list of the aliens/supernaturals. I've been working on a map of the world and it's massive and complicated, but I could come up with a general list of major countries/places. Would that be useful? What kinds of worldbuilding pieces would you like to see?

2) A few of you mentioned liking/disliking Author Notes. I wondered if it would make sense to reference where to find the worldbuilding pieces elsewhere on the blog, and leave some of my commentary out (i.e. why a character reacts a certain way). I honestly hadn't thought I did that too much, but it might be nice to leave more to the imagination of the readers. I know sometimes it's because I'm referencing my own history/connections to KCLKF. Any feedback?

3) I think I have gathered from everyone that the "Arcs" are confusing. :# Honestly, they're meant to help break up the chapters into manageable reading bites. I am thinking with the second story (the one following this one in the series), I'll make some definite changes based on your comments. My initial plan was Chapters labeled 1 point something are in Story 1. Chapters in the next story would be labeled 2 point something, and so on, but I can see how, without that context, this current numbering doesn't quite make sense.

Would "Parts" make more sense with corresponding numbers like a Prologue would be 1.0, Chapter 1 in Part 1 would be 1.1, and Chapter 1 in Part 2 would be 2.1, and so on? Or would it be better to leave the numbers as is and not include "Parts" or "Arcs?"

4) I know the timing/pacing thing has come up. I plan to jump ahead with story 2. I'm currently debating about how far ahead. My original plan was as follows: each story is meant to take place within a season so obviously KCLKF is in the summer. I thought about story 2 taking place in the immediate fall, but I'm wondering about jumping ahead to the following summer/fall so we get a bit of a time jump, story progression, and maturity. Would you like a larger time jump with story filled in as backstory within that story? Or would you prefer to see/witness everything as it happens?

"_sims_Yimi;c-17570627" wrote:
It was a little confusing at first, but your author’s notes have helped tremendously. I like how in-depth you’ve gone on the history of your world, as well as all the different regions, accents and even the names of different sim-heritages. I’ve never seen something like that before in the sims, so colour me impressed!

Thank you! :blush:

"_sims_Yimi;c-17570627" wrote:
I did notice that, sometimes, your author’s notes describe the thought process and logic behind the actions that Kass or her friends take. Sometimes in greater detail, sometimes in lesser. This is just a personal preference, but I like theorizing about what’s going on in a character’s head and why they are taking the actions that they are taking. By describing it in the notes, you’re presenting your reader with the answer right away. Depending on the type of reader, this could be a good thing or a bad thing.

I addressed that above in my #2 question. Thanks for your input. I appreciate it.

"_sims_Yimi;c-17570627" wrote:


It is, though I’ve had some confusion regarding the number of the arc vs the number of the chapter. For example, arc 1 is the prologue, arc 2 is 1.0 to 1.1, and arc 3 is 1.2 to 2. 5. Is there a reason why you’ve decided to label them like that, instead of making the number correspond to the number of the arc?
Also, cliffhangers are mean and I 100% approve of them. XD

I added the arcs later. I discussed in a former post with another reader - they really are "parts" but they're designed to help break up the chapters into manageable reading chunks. Again, I answered some of this above.

"_sims_Yimi;c-17570627" wrote:

I like her. She’s very relatable, and you’ve portrayed her in a way that makes her believably flawed. Some of your early chapters have hit pretty close to home for me, so now I’m super invested in how this girl deals with her family, and what challenges she’ll face in her future.

Aww... I'm so glad you like her and are invested in the story and the characters.

"_sims_Yimi;c-17570627" wrote:

I’ve noticed that your story is very realistic for a slice-of-life, odd as that sounds. My general experience with household drama is just that, drama. Emotions running wild, people cheating, people running away at the aisle, things like that. But what’s happening with Kass and her family is so believable because it’s something that happens with so many families in real life. It’s relatable, and that’s what drew me in from the beginning.

I never really thought of it that way, but I guess you're right. There is some drama later, but yes, I do try to make the story relatable.

"_sims_Yimi;c-17570627" wrote:

I like your pacing a lot! You put a lot of detail into your writing, f.e. when Kass is observing the people around her down to the smallest detail. It draws you in, like you’re really looking at what she’s looking at.

I'm glad you like the pacing. I'm always worried that people won't enjoy it because it's too long. I don't mind length and honestly, I write until it feels right for me, but not everyone thinks the same way. I'm glad you're drawn in.

"_sims_Yimi;c-17570627" wrote:

I adore the relationship between Kass and her sisters, and her mother using her as emotional support and mediator in the family is quite relatable (although bad parenting in my mind). You portray them all as flawed, but well-meaning (or teenagers being teenagers, haha).

Yay! Yes, it is bad parenting in my opinion too.

"_sims_Yimi;c-17570627" wrote:

Clark: If he really is just a dorky janitor, I feel bad for how Kass’s mother is dragging him in front of her children. The guy clearly likes her, but his awkward introduction and his cluelessness on how to approach them is making all three of them dislike him. If he’s more than that (and he appears to be), I can’t help but wonder what on earth he wants with that family, and Kass’s mother in particular. If she was a super-rich divorcee or widow, I’d totally get it, but… she’s not. Hmm hmm hmm.

Interesting observations. The Clark story (his character and rationale) will be revealed in time.

"_sims_Yimi;c-17570627" wrote:

VJ: We haven’t seen much of him yet at this point, but how he talked to Andi gained him a lot of brownie points with me. He really seems worried for her wellbeing, and the type of guy to care about their girlfriends. If he’d just wanted to get in her pants, that conversation would have been very different. I like how you portrayed him!

Now I want brownies. :lol: He does care.

"_sims_Yimi;c-17570627" wrote:

Well, I have the Jacobans in my own story, and they’re total raving lunatics, so your Peteran side seems much nicer so far.

There are Jacobans in my story too. Kass' grandparents actually identify as Jacoban, as does Gage's foster family.

"_sims_Yimi;c-17570627" wrote:
Can I foist Agravaine onto you? XD

I was reading this earlier at work on my lunch break. I literally LOL'd. :lol: Well, would he like to time travel? :naughty: :tongue:

"_sims_Yimi;c-17570627" wrote:

It did, as it was a natural consequence to them talking about romance. When she thinks about her past crushes, I think I would have liked to see a screenshot accompanying it. Just for extra visuals. But I know you’re not re-taking pictures, so feel free ignore that last part. =)

It was a stylistic choice on my part. I also have so many issues with TS3 running so slow on my computer so it's part laziness too. I made a decision based on a conversation I had with my friend @CathyTea and ran with it. There are times I regret it and times when I'm totally cool with it. Going forward with Story 2 coming... I plan to screenshot everything to the best of my ability.

"_sims_Yimi;c-17570627" wrote:
He’s tall, blonde, toned and handsome. What’s not to like? =P Plus, he seems like a genuinely nice person, and interested in Kass beyond physical attraction. Him letting her stay in the shop and even cooking her breakfast was adorable. Kass needs to learn a thing or two about how entering uninvited can still be considered trespassing XD

Haha... I like that... Tall. Blonde. Handsome. And yes, toned. :smiley: Yep, she could have gotten into serious trouble with trespassing. Whoops!

"_sims_Yimi;c-17570627" wrote:

I’ve already mentioned this in my individual comments, but Howard coming back because of that actually makes me furious. Especially because of his terrible timing, and the fact that he’s still thinking of himself instead of his daughter. Again, this is something that frequently happens in real life, and its relatability is what is making me so angry. Very well written. The EXCES was very interesting. I love how you introduced an illness in the game via Alien experimentation. It immediately made me want to know more about how it came into existence, and the history sims have with aliens. Well done! I think the chapters with Howard were my favourite so far, angry as they made me.

The chapters are definitely meant to evoke emotion. I'm glad you're the kind of reader who can be angry about things, but still enjoy it. I feel that way about certain shows/stories I read. From a writing perspective, I can appreciate it. As the reader, I am ticked off at the characters.

"_sims_Yimi;c-17570627" wrote:

It’s subtle, but it’s there. Amy seems to have a lot of deeply rooted issues, that no doubt were amplified by her husband leaving her and moving on with a new woman. I’m suspecting that she also has self-esteem issues, and that her new beau has her so infatuated that she’s got blinders on in terms of family relations.

It's more obvious later, but I tried to drop hints early on. And yes, you described Amy very well.

"_sims_Yimi;c-17570627" wrote:

Perfect characters are anathema to good stories. Or robots. Take your pick – point is, when someone is flawed, their struggles and hardships become infinitely more interesting.

I couldn't have said it better myself. I love that you used the word 'anathema.' My husband uses it all the time and I laugh every time, not because it's funny, but because I love that he's using a big vocabulary word! :smile:

"_sims_Yimi;c-17570627" wrote:

I’m still in the beginning of the story, but so far her strengths and weaknesses are very believable. I’d like to see her overcome some of her anxiety in the future, or learn to cope with it better. She’s still young, of course, so there’s plenty of time. =) I like how deeply she cares for family, and how she’s willing to lend an ear to her sisters and wants to avoid conflict (except with Gage, haha). That is also her flaw, of course – she’s avoiding conflict to the point of letting people walk over her, especially her mother. I’d like to see her develop into a person that’s more capable of placing boundaries, instead of being roped into playing mediator.

Kass will slowly make progress on herself and mature. It's not quite there yet, but it's coming. I promise. I do think her conflict aversion is both a strength and weakness.

"_sims_Yimi;c-17570627" wrote:
My favourite so far is Kass, I think. I relate to her situation and I want to see her succeed. On the other end, that puts both her mother and father in a competitive race for least-favourite, though currently Howard wins out by a mile. xD Not because they’re badly written, but because I genuinely empathise with the situation. I want to know more about Davis… but something tells me he’ll show up more in the coming chapters, anyway. =)

I'm so glad you like Kass. Not everyone does and I get it. I also understand why you're not thrilled with Howard. Davis will have more screentime/story space soon.

"_sims_Yimi;c-17570627" wrote:
The talk with Howard, and his reveal to Kass. I love how you wrote that scene, as well as the alien disease that you introduced in the chapter. It also makes me want to angrily poke Howard with a pitchfork, so you definitely did something right! xD

I'll sit on the side of the corn field and sip my tea while you chase Howard with the pitchfork. :lol:

"_sims_Yimi;c-17570627" wrote:
Why did you choose to go into such detail about your sim-world and its history? It’s very unique, and I was wondering what gave you the idea. =)

I've always loved worldbuilding. It's my favorite part of writing. Sometimes I spend too much time and detail on it. :grimace: Like I have a whole worldbuilding blog just devoted to Simterra and its star system. It started out as a fun ever-once-in-awhile hobby and became a pretty massive side project. I do try to tie it naturally into the story itself so that it's not all wasted. I'm not sure how much people would nerd out or get excited about all my facts and level of detail, but at the very least it's something fun for me.

Recently, I realized/debated about whether I should've put Simterra on its own continent instead of its own world and faraway star system. I'm not turning back now. It may have made more sense in terms of pioneers and how people ended up there, but... it's water under the bridge. I am continuing to enjoy this never-ending constantly evolving world.

"mercuryfoam;c-17570701" wrote:
I enjoy your worldbuilding. I find it admirable that you go these extra lengths to create a fictional world for your characters to live in. It’s very wholesome. I like that if I get confused about something, the explanation is there in the A/N.

I'm glad you like it. :)

"mercuryfoam;c-17570701" wrote:

I love the author’s notes because they elaborate on the world. It’s very informative and explains a lot of the world and lore you’ve built. One thing I noticed is that it overwhelms me quite quickly. By the third chapter though, I found it immersion breaking and started feeling fatigued, so I created a system that works for me in that I would read the story first, Then after the end of each Arc, I’d read the Author notes. It means I’ll double back but it works for me whose thoughts scatter easily. It’s easier for me to process/focus on one thing at a time. Hence I was so impressed that you can create and continue multiple stories while I can only do one. :smile: I did think that if you were to create a page and consolidated the whole lore, world building astrological charts etc, and in your author’s notes provided a link to those information, it could work too. Though I also think this potentially makes the information likely to be glossed over, but it’s nice to know there is a page where everything is consolidated and easily referenced than going back a few chapters.

Since you take it back... sort of later... I'll answer both, I guess. Yeah, I was a little worried about breaking immersion as I feel maybe I'm saying too much. I made a comment/suggestions and thoughts about moving forward and what I'll do in the next story in my post above.

"mercuryfoam;c-17570701" wrote:
I always had a different impression of Arcs. I assumed they meant a subplot of sorts, thus I think of your arcs as chapters instead. They are very helpful and the breaks are natural. I use cliffhangers too much so the frequency of yours is refreshing. :sweat_smile:

Good to know that the breaks feel natural and the cliffhangers are nice.

"mercuryfoam;c-17570701" wrote:
Kass is dependable, responsible, caring, loving, patient and accomodating. (I am itching to add ‘over-’ to the word accomodating). She is also suspicious, cautious, and stressed. Because of her good qualities, everyone placed expectations upon her and she being the person she is, strives to meet those expectations. Personally however, she isn’t given much room for self-expression. The only person she’s truly herself around is Ayesha which doesn’t happen enough in the chapters I’ve read.

I love this description of Kass. It's absolutely accurate and what I would say too, but it's always good that my characters come across in the way I intend. I would definitely say over-accommodating to her detriment. I like how you enjoy her friendship with Ayesha. I agree with you that she really is herself with Ayesha.

"mercuryfoam;c-17570701" wrote:
I’m not sure where the supernatural/fantasy comes in. Definitely mystery. Hmm, I’ve not read much slice of life to be honest, my story and the stories I’ve read are action and thriller based. The only slice of life I’ve read is yours, Duvelina and redemon’s. Reddemon’s from a guy’s pov and features a life of reform, Duv’s focused on quite a few characters each growing/struggling at their own pace while yours is mostly on Kass’s pov. I’d say because your story focuses on one person’s pov, the advantage is being able to dive deep into the character’s head and fleshing out her motives, needs and desires. It allows me to connect with Kass at a very deep level and want her to succeed in her endeavors.

Supernatural/fantasy happen a bit later. There are elements present throughout, mostly in the background. I plan to follow Kass for quite some time, but I do occasionally write from others' perspectives.

"mercuryfoam;c-17570701" wrote:
Ah I’m said and gushed so many times on all your stories. I love your writing style. For Kass’s story, I find the length just right between narration and dialogue. The pacing flows naturally and the length of chapters are easy to digest. I like that I do not need to look at pictures as your writing clearly describes the scene.

Thank you. :heart:

"mercuryfoam;c-17570701" wrote:
The prologue is very detailed. I like you give us insights to their personalities and traits from your description of their actions. It’s interesting to find out what kind of person her family members are and how they shaped her. The last two posts in Arc 1 are really sad. And I could feel her emotions flow through her writing that her father’s abandonment is something she hasn’t let go nor forgiven.

I must counter argue against myself, because I can see how well it’ll work were I to read each post as they were published. I will no doubt appreciate and will have no problems reading the Author’s notes straight away. But I don’t mind what I’m doing now. It’s very rewarding and I get to reread the parts I like.

Thanks. I already replied to the counterargument you made above. ^^ I'm glad you liked the prologue.

"mercuryfoam;c-17570701" wrote:
I grew up in a very different household culture compared to Kass’ family. If you were to cast Ayesha as the main protagonist, I’d probably relate more to her and can give a more confident answer as to whether it was realistic to me or not. All I can say is Kass’s relationship with her mother and sisters reminds me of sitcoms on TV. Fun, entertaining, full of internal strife and sibling light-heartedness.

Ayesha speaks out to me the most because I can relate to her better. I’m surprised at how lightly she spoke about going against her family’s wishes. (I’d expect either more guilt, resentment or apathy but eh, people respond differently to everything.) Gabe’s perspective makes me like him a lot. He’s very understanding and patient with Kass and with all the problems he’s faced, he speaks to me a mature soul stuck in a young body. Well he did bite her head off there but he’s to me a big teddy bear kinda guy. All bark and no bite and even those barks, he’d prefer not to do so.

Interesting to hear you say that you relate to Ayesha. I'm glad that you like her character. I really enjoy writing her character. I based Ayesha off three different friends I've had over the course of my lifetime, but she is a premade in game too. Ayesha is very carefree about her attitude toward her parents' wishes and plan for her life. I think in many ways she puts up a front and tries to laugh it off, but she does care. I didn't spend a lot of time going into that in story 1, but I will in the future.

I'm also glad you like Gage. He's a challenging character, and it has been interesting to write him. Yes, he can be a teddy bear. :)

"mercuryfoam;c-17570701" wrote:

A)I’m too suspicious of Clark to formulate much about him. He handled the sibling’s rudeness and outbursts very well, he has two accents (ah okay, I have two too so I guess I can’t hold that against him, but I don’t do shady meet ups in parks) Then his serenading seems like an outlandish way to prove his sincerity. I like that he’s treating Amy nice. I can’t see what benefits he has to latch himself to the Fullbright family if he were a crook, unless he need them for an alibi which is far-fetched.

You'll see what happens with Clark. I did laugh at your comment about not doing shady meet ups in the park. :lol:

"mercuryfoam;c-17570701" wrote:

I like VJ. He speaks to me as a guy who’s been through a lot and whose own father doesn’t believe in him, yet manages to hold himself together and look on the bright side. I’ve seen people in that situation struggle well into their 30s. Thankfully he has Andi and is surrounded by good people. He’s very mature (not sure how old), but I do think Andi is too young.

Andi is mature, but you're absolutely right. She's really young. I'm honestly trying to remember what I said about his dad. :sweat_smile:

"mercuryfoam;c-17570701" wrote:
One thing I found hard to believe is Andi’s maturity. I believe she can wait until after marriage, and believe her relationship with VJ. It’s the reasoning and word choices, knowing how to deliver her points and emphasise at the right moment, thinking, reasoning and explaining with such clarity that makes me feel like she should be much older. I’m attributing it to all the support she has around her, but maybe its because I’ve never met a 14 year old like that in my circle that I’m finding it hard to believe. Even so, I really enjoy the maturity of their relationship. It’s refreshing and something I don’t read very often in stories depicting that age group.

I based Andi off my own younger sister. She always had a mature way of speaking that always surprised people when she would tell them her age. Perhaps you're right though and she does seem a little unrealistic. Andi has the genius trait in game, which I always interpreted as more than just logic, but as understanding and smarts beyond one's years. Maybe that's not how the game interprets it, but it's how I have. Genius can manifest in different ways in reality and in Andi's case, it's her amazing ability to reason and think and defend her decisions/beliefs.

"mercuryfoam;c-17570701" wrote:
I think you give enough for me to raise my suspicions and alarm bells. I did think at first that Kass was being a little too cautious. Since we’re reading from her point of view things naturally are skewed in her favour. Clark may be a normal guy but she could’ve painted him in a different color for us. But I prefer to go with the flow and suspect him with her together. I was also wondering maybe he could be involved with something dodgy but is sincere about Amy. Then wondering if the accept he displayed at the park was something he adopted in a professional setting, but let down and displayed his true self with Amy. I think that would be rather sweet.

We aren't getting the whole picture. That's for sure. But you'll eventually find out what's going on.

"mercuryfoam;c-17570701" wrote:
Davis’s interlude is so endearing. I actually liked the entire Arc 5 very much. I think Davis is quite the charmer and he knows it. He’s respectful of Kass’s privacy and I was a little concerned that he might be full of himself as most guys who knows that they’re good looking are, but turns out he’s rather sweet and is a nice bloke. And guys who are good to their grandparents always get a tick on my checkbox. They’ve hit off and I can’t wait to see sparks fly.

I really like writing his character.

"mercuryfoam;c-17570701" wrote:
A)I would like to know more of Howard’s point of view, but as is most cases when an adult talks to someone who’s younger, they don’t reveal completely or be as honest. So my opinion is completely one sided without the full picture. I’ll be the devil here and say that I always thought as I read / watch scenes like this that it feels like emotional blackmail wherein one person’s feelings become less important / unresolved because of the issue of mortality. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve been in Kass’s situation, it’s just how I’ve felt. I think you’ve captured it all very authentically. Kass’s longing, resentment, at times unable to cope with her overwhelming feelings thus reacting spitefully than responding, not wanting to back down or give her father any leeway, they are all portrayed so well. Her dad diffusing the situation, responding out of desperation, desire to connect is so true too. I love that you deliver slice of life with such detail and authencity. It’s always something I’ve admired of your writing.

Thank you so much for your kind comments. Howard will make more of an appearance later. I had a lot going on in this first story so he is present in certain places, but I do plan to focus more on Howard in the future.

"mercuryfoam;c-17570701" wrote:
I can’t say I realised Amy’s depression at all. Now that I reflect upon it you’ve given lots of signs to it, but I wasn’t as invested in Amy’s character so I didn’t dwell on it, neither am I the most sensitive towards people’s feelings. I tend to leave misunderstandings in my wake so I think I’m not too suited to answer this question.

No worries.

"mercuryfoam;c-17570701" wrote:
With the amount of stress she’s put under, I didn’t get the idea that she has anxiety. She has the feelings of anxiousness, but if you mean the illness where it becomes criplling and hinders her daily life, not exactly. Maybe it’ll get featured later and as you say, they are currently signs. It’s plausible at this stage that it will head in that direction if she doesn’t get enough support.

Nope it's not debilitating. It's present, but not in a consuming way.

"mercuryfoam;c-17570701" wrote:
I think it’s perfect to move the story along. I’d like to know what Clark has planned for the Fullbrights and it opens a lot of opportunities should Kass decide to investigate other people on the side. Although it would be better if she straight up asked and got to know them. Still, it’s a fun option to have.

I tend to plod through... eek! I know not everyone likes that and would prefer things to move more swiftly. Haha. But I do have fun with those mysteries. Wish I devoted more time to it. May have quickened the pace. Well, for next time.

"mercuryfoam;c-17570701" wrote:
Kass is a realistic character. I can see her in my older siblings, as a friend, as a person scarred by her past and as a woman still finding herself. Her strengths are also her weakness.

I feel like I'm this way too - my strengths are also my weaknesses. :grimace: Life is a learning process, right?

"mercuryfoam;c-17570701" wrote:
I like all your characters equally, except Howard and Clark because they are the ones whose motives are shrouded in mystery. I could say the same for Davis too, but so far, he’s been nothing but understanding and respectful of Kass so I have less reservations about him. I’d want to know more about these three.

I can understand how Howard and Clark are frustrating. Their motives will be revealed. As will the relationship with Davis. You'll learn more about all three over the course of the story.

"mercuryfoam;c-17570701" wrote:
My favourite scenes are the entire Arc 4, Kass’s meltdown with Gage, Andi talking about her relationship with VJ, Kass and Gage’s verbal spar where Gage follows her with his car.

I :heart: Arc 4 too. I think Kass' meltdown with Gage is actually really natural, and when he follows her with his car. Like not every relationship can be perfect. And I adore Andi so naturally I enjoy any scene with her.

"mercuryfoam;c-17570701" wrote:
Just that her siblings and Amy might chew Kass out for being cordial with dad. Gage finding out about Davis and realising what he’s missing, or that he needs to take action if he does feel something for Kass. Davis and Kass having something. I also think we’ll see more VJ scenes. But that’s based on nothing.

Interesting predictions. No promises. :wink:

"mercuryfoam;c-17570701" wrote:
- You have many stories. Why do you have a stronger connection to KCLKF compared to your other stories?
- Your story has a life of their own and draws readers into the characters’ world. Did you always have such an innate gift for writing? When did you start writing?
- How do you feel about your own writing?
- What advice would you give newbie writers, apart from reading as much as possible?

1 - KCLKF is the first story I wrote in Sims 3 with the intent of writing a long, non-legacy story. I also have a strong connection because Kass' life in some ways mirrors my own. I view Kass as a much younger, less mature version of myself and she struggles with many of the things I did at that age. I definitely started writing mostly for myself and had no idea there was a whole community of writers of SimLit. I really started writing during a dark period in my life where I was rediscovering myself and trying to figure out next steps in life and Kass was my lifeline. She helped me work through a lot of things I dealt with at a younger age. By coming to terms with many of those things through writing her character, I was able to let go of bad habits and negative thoughts about myself, forgive others in my life, and learn to love myself again and prioritize "me" time. Like Kass, I'm a giver and I accommodate others way too much so it has helped to see how detrimental that is through the eyes of another character. Writing Kass has truly been therapeutic and that's why I'm so strongly connected to this story.

2 & 3 - I'm going to answer these two together. The story really did take on a life of its own. I allow gameplay to influence how I write my characters and develop the plot, hence why there are so many rabbit trails for better or worse. :lol: I started writing when I was a child. I was five years old when I got my first journal. I also wrote letters back and forth to my parents to practice my writing. I have always been a storyteller and I am pretty proud of that, not to be too boastful. I've gained confidence in my writing as I grew up, but then let creative writing fall on the wayside in college and post-college in favor of analytical writing (which I love too, but it's a different beast). Then I realized when I started to play Sims how much I missed writing and what a natural storytelling platform the game is. That's whn I rediscovered a love for writing and pieces of myself I thought I had lost.

4 - Advice? Good question. We commonly hear write for your audience and know your audience. However, there's an element of needing to write for yourself. If you cave too much to what others want, I think you lose your natural writing voice in the process. While it's great to want to impress readers and make things easier for them, sometimes you have to just let things flow. It's okay if not everyone loves your stories as long as you do. I'd rather have a few loyal readers than a whole host of readers who are only reading my stuff because it's super hip. I've never been one with the "in crowd" :lol: and I'm okay with that. So perhaps this is unpopular advice, but I really do think it's important to know yourself, know your strengths, and write the story you want to tell.