6 years ago
A Simpsons Christmas Special: Premium Walkthrough
Show Me the Dough Pt. 1
Auto starts
Laird Ladd: Boy howdy! I bet you're excited to lay eyes on a celebrity of my caliber, Mr. Donut Lover.
Homer: Who? What? Are you going to tell me a sob story then ask for a lot of money to take a bus?
Laird Ladd: No, I'm Laird Ladd, namesake and facesake, and when I was in better shape, bodysake of Lard Lad Donuts.
Homer: I heard that place is changing its name to just Lard Lad, getting rid of the "Donuts". They're going to make it more of a coffee place.
Laird Ladd: Getting rid of donuts?! The only reason we sold coffee is to give you something to dunk your donuts in. And to give you energy to eat the donuts. And to give you energy to start your day.
Laird Ladd: We need to get that corporation back into the donut game, and the only way to do that is by buying donuts!
Homer: I already buy a dozen each morning. And each evening. But maybe I could buy more if they were cheaper... or I had some coffee.
Laird Ladd: No coffee! But I'll see what I can do about making them cheaper.
System Message: For a limited time, get Donuts at a discount from the store!
Show Me the Dough Pt. 2
Auto starts
Laird Ladd: Hello again, friends! I'm back with more donuts!
Homer: Who are you? Oh, don't bother with the story. Here's sixty dollars for the bus.
Laird Ladd: No, it's me Laird Ladd of Lard Lad Donuts fame! And you'll be happy to know I convinced them to keep the word "Donuts" in the name!
Homer: How about eighty dollars? Is that enough for you to leave me alone.
Laird Ladd: What? No, I don't need your money. I just came to tell you the good news. And to celebrate, they're once again reducing the price of donuts!
Homer: Reduced price donuts?! Woo hoo! Can I borrow a hundred bucks? It's... uh... for bus fare.
System Message: Another donut sale is happening in the store. Get them now, because this Laird Ladd story has run out steam!
Knit Fits Pt. 1
Kathy from Personnel starts
Smithers: Hello, I'm here for the Introductory knitting class?
Kathy from Personnel: Please come in. I'll be your instructor. My name is---
Smithers: Kathy from Personnel!
Kathy from Personnel: Waylon Smithers. This here yarn store isn't big enough for the two of us.
Smithers: You don't scare me, yarnslinger. I came here for one reason -- to make ugly scarves no one wants as slowly as possible. And I reckon to.
Kathy from Personnel: You'll be begging for mercy before the first purl stitch.
Smithers: We'll just see about that. Icy silence, then?
Kathy from Personnel: Icy silence it is.
Task: Make Kathy Politely Ignore Smithers
Time: 4h
Location: Yarn Barn
If the user has Smithers: Task: Make Smithers Glare at Kathy
Time: 4h
Location: Yarn Barn
Krusty: Hey, hey! Let's knit, ladies!
Helen Lovejoy: Krusty the Clown?! You're a needle jockey?
Krusty: Nah. I heard the hipsters were into knitting, so I figured: there's my next desperate attempt to stay relevant.
Krusty: Hey, what's with the weird tension in the room?
Helen Lovejoy: Those two hate each other. It happens whenever a brash young thread-man saunters into town. There's bound to be a knit-down.
Krusty: You just can't avoid crazy in this town, can you?
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Knit Fits Pt. 2
Kathy from Personnel starts
Kathy from Personnel: And knit, and purl, and knit, and purl. Very good, Krusty!
Krusty: What are you seeing that I'm not, lady? I just sewed my arm to a tea cozy.
Kathy from Personnel: Now, now. You're making progress. Which is more than I can say for poor Waylon.
Smithers: I'm... not... giving up! Knit! Purl! Aaaugh!
Kathy from Personnel: Is that a warp, or a weft? I honestly can't tell!
Smithers: Those are parallel wales and courses, and you know it, you old bag!
Kathy from Personnel: My, my, Krusty. It appears Mr. Smithers is losing his patience, doesn't it?
Kathy from Personnel: Any time you want to turn tail, Waylon, there's the door.
Krusty: I am INSANELY attracted to you right now. That says something awful about my mental health, doesn't it?
Task: Make Kathy Demonstrate Knitting Technique
Time: 4h
Location: Yarn Barn
If the user has Krusty: Task: Make Krusty Tie His Yarn in Knots
Time: 4h
Location: Yarn Barn
Kathy from Personnel: Very good, students. With the exception of Mr. Smithers, I see a room full of budding mittenists and sweateristos.
Smithers: Really, old timer? Because I just smocked a slip-stitch and half-clustered an entire row of Fair-Isle.
Kathy from Personnel: *biggest gasp ever*
Helen Lovejoy: That's... that's impossible! I've never seen such raw talent!
Krusty: I don't understand a word, yet I can't tear my eyes off you glorious freaks!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Knit Fits Pt. 3
Kathy from Personnel starts
Kathy from Personnel: Mr. Smithers! This lesson is for beginners only. I know a seasoned garter-stitcher when I see one.
Smithers: Sorry to disappoint you, but I've never clacked needles before today. It looks like human resources isn't the only field in which you're second-rate.
Helen Lovejoy: Oh, the enmity! It's manna from heaven for my damaged soul!
Krusty: Hey crazies -- stop turning me on this instant! You're all so bats, I don't know who to fall in love with first!
Kathy from Personnel: I'm going to step outside for a tea break. When I come back, Waylon, we will settle this the old-fashioned way. Cable knit sweaters at twenty paces.
Task: Make Kathy Take a Tea Break
Time: 8h
Kathy from Personnel: I challenge you to a duel, Mr. Smithers!
Smithers: Challenge accepted. Choose... your... pattern.
Kathy from Personnel: Cable-knit crew necks. Size: extra-large.
Helen Lovejoy: Extra-large?! That's too much! They can't possibly survive!
Smithers: Very well. What color?
Kathy from Personnel: Gray.
Helen Lovejoy: No! There's not enough contrast! They'll die for sure! Heavens! *faints*
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Knit Fits Pt. 4
Kathy from Personnel starts
Kathy from Personnel: Having trouble attaching your sleeves, Waylon? Looks like you cast off a little early? Or did you drop a half-slip on your basketweave cast on?
Smithers: Are you blind? I'm pulling left into a quarter-cluster on a mock-smocking stockinette Bainsley tiedown re-cross.
Kathy from Personnel: But... that's impossible!
Krusty: Anyone have the slightest clue who's winning?
Helen Lovejoy: They're knitting at a level I've only seen in the movies!
Kathy from Personnel: I will not lose to this man! Eat my Farnsworth Reverse Studsley purl hitch-pull weekender moss-loop!
Krusty: SHE IS A GOLDEN GOD!!!!
Task: Make Kathy Pitch a Knit Fit
Time: 24h
Helen Lovejoy: I... I don't believe it. Two perfect sweaters, in under five minutes.
Krusty: I think they're dead. They gave their lives for clothing no one will ever wear. Because they're homemade. And who wants that?
Helen Lovejoy: Wait... I'm getting a pulse. Somehow, they're both alive!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Knit Fits Pt. 5
Kathy from Personnel starts
Kathy from Personnel: We could have died, Waylon. Is our rivalry really worth that?
Smithers: Logically, no. But a body needs a workplace enemy. For better or for worse, you're mine.
Kathy from Personnel: My god, you're right. If I didn't have you to loathe, I wouldn't be so close with all my other coworkers. I suppose I should thank you.
Smithers: And I you.
Kathy from Personnel: *stares meaningfully into his eyes*
Smithers: *returns her gaze with manly directness*
Task: Make Kathy Passionately Embrace Smithers
Time: 8h
Location: Yarn Barn
If the user has Smithers: Task: Make Smithers Be Swept Away in the Moment
Time: 8h
Location: Yarn Barn
Smithers: What the hell just happened?
Kathy from Personnel: I... don't know. I have to tell you, I'm gay.
Smithers: Me too. And proud of it.
Kathy from Personnel: I guess when two people really, truly despise one another, the attraction is irresistible.
Smithers: That makes zero sense. Dumbest thing I ever heard.
Kathy from Personnel: Go to hell, Smithers.
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Big Top Je Ne Sais Quoi Pt. 1
Circus Acrobat starts
Sideshow Bob: Jean-Pierre, the circus is dying. I need your very best at tonight's performance if we're to turn things around.
Circus Acrobat: But I have lost the will to tumble and cavort. Without zese, the acrobat is meaningless.
Sideshow Bob: Granted, sure, but wouldn't it be lovely to see this circus returned to its former glory?
Circus Acrobat: Glory is meaningless.
Sideshow Bob: A valid point. But I really, REALLY want to pack the audience full of Springfielders. So get out there and sell some tickets!
Circus Acrobat: I cannot do this. ‘Twould be humiliating to one such as I.
Sideshow Bob: Ah but one could argue, perhaps, that your pride is meaningless?
Circus Acrobat: Your logic, she is airtight. And very French. I will sell for you.
Task: Make Circus Acrobat Wheel and Deal Around Town
Time: 4h
Sideshow Bob: Well done, Jean-Pierre! You've sold five tickets.
Circus Acrobat: I found ze humiliation very instructive. I am made greater by my suffering.
Sideshow Bob: Of course. Say, I know a local family that numbers five. You didn't sell those tickets to... the Simpsons, perchance?
Circus Acrobat: Why? Is zere something special about ze Simpsons?
Sideshow Bob: Oh, no no no no no. I have no special plans for the Simpsons. Or their spirited son... Bart.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Big Top Je Ne Sais Quoi Pt. 2
Circus Acrobat starts
Sideshow Bob: Jean-Pierre! What's happened to your act?! You can't just sit in a chair and smoke clove cigarettes!
Circus Acrobat: I am not ze dancing bear, to perform for money.
Sideshow Bob: That's EXACTLY what you are! Just... just swing on the trapeze a little!
Circus Acrobat: The trapeze is in ill repair. I could plummet to my death.
Sideshow Bob: So?! I thought you said life was meaningless?!
Circus Acrobat: You are wonderful at turning my intellectual posing against me. Very well. I trapeze.
Task: Make Circus Acrobat Fail at the Trapeze
Time: 4h
Location: Cirque De Puree
Circus Acrobat: How am I still alive? The rope, she break. And I fall. Only to discover ze net is made of zilly ztring and does nothing.
Sideshow Bob: An unfortunate trained seal broke your fall. At any rate, the crowd loved it!
Sideshow Bob: Word of your exploits is certain to reach the Simpsons, and they will bring Bart to me.
Circus Acrobat: You realize when you say the name “Bart Simpson”, your eyes, zey, how you say, “bug out” a bit.
Sideshow Bob: Yes, well, never mind that. Perfectly sane of me. Let's focus on putting you in even more peril tomorrow night!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Big Top Je Ne Sais Quoi Pt. 3
Circus Acrobat starts
Circus Acrobat: I am not qualified to tame ze lions!
Sideshow Bob: Nonsense, nothing to it. You and the lions will get along famously, provided you show not an ounce of fear.
Circus Acrobat: Zere-in lies the problem. Zhough I long for ze oblivion of death, I am, at the same time, a humongous coward.
Sideshow Bob: *gives a big push* In you go!
Task: Make Circus Acrobat Run From Lions
Time: 8h
Location: Cirque De Puree
Circus Acrobat: It is true what zhey say about being mauled by lions: “ouch”.
Sideshow Bob: It was lucky I had these band aids for you, or that might have been serious.
Circus Acrobat: Tell me something: why is it so important to you to lure Bart Simpson to ze circus?
Sideshow Bob: So that I can kill him, of course!
Circus Acrobat: You wish to kill a child?
Sideshow Bob: Bart is HARDLY a child. He's ten. Well within legal killing age.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Big Top Je Ne Sais Quoi Pt. 4
Circus Acrobat starts
Circus Acrobat: What did zhis Bart Simpson ever do to you?
Sideshow Bob: Plenty. For starters, he never lets me kill him. VERY frustrating...
Circus Acrobat: Okaaaayyy.... But what did he do to deserve death in ze first place?
Sideshow Bob: Well, he... uh, that is... funny, I can't really remember...
Sideshow Bob: I'm sure it will come to me. Keep working on your act. Time is short, and our cause is a noble one!
Task: Make Circus Acrobat Practice Death Defying Feats
Time: 12h
Circus Acrobat: I have decided -- I will not use my circus skills to aid in Bart Simpson's murder.
Sideshow Bob: Perhaps you will agree to use them if I point this gun at you?
Circus Acrobat: Sir, if you are asking me to choose my life over zhat of an innocent child, the answer is an enthusiastic yes!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Big Top Je Ne Sais Quoi Pt. 5
Circus Acrobat starts
Sideshow Bob: He's here! Bart Simpson is in the audience! At last, my fingers will close ‘round his neck and choke the very life from--
Circus Acrobat: Murder, she will not bring you ze happiness, friend.
Sideshow Bob: “Friend”? If you don't mind, I'd prefer to keep our relationship on a purely homicidal maniac/helpless pawn footing.
Circus Acrobat: I would have hoped for more, but under ze circumstances, I will take what I can get.
Sideshow Bob: I thank you. Truly. Have a great show.
Circus Acrobat: Have a great murder.
Task: Make Circus Acrobat Perform at the Circus
Time: 24h
Location: Cirque De Puree
Sideshow Bob: Bart Simpson is gone! Just as I was to reach up from beneath his bleacher seat, the entire family left!
Circus Acrobat: Oui, monsieur. You forgot ze first rule of the circus: ze circus is dull, and anyone with half a brain walks out right quick.
Circus Acrobat: I think zhey had some alternate quests to complete, anyway. It is a busy month around here.
Sideshow Bob: When?! When will I have my revenge!
Circus Acrobat: As soon as TV audiences consider it a funny story for a grown man to kill a little boy, zhen you will have your revenge.
Sideshow Bob: Oh. So any day now!
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Circus of Values Pt. 1
Auto starts
Marge: Just a minute, Lisa. I need to stop at the Kwik-E-Mart for milk.
Lisa: Mom, the Kwik-E-Mart is all the way across town. And there's a store right here.
Marge: Huh. You'd think I'd know every store in Springfield by now, but I don't recognize this one.
Lisa: Yeah, well, buildings drop out of the sky pretty fast around here. In case you hadn't noticed.
Marge: Come on, let's check it out.
Task: Make Marge Hunt for Deals
Time: 4h
Location: Circus of Values
On job start:
Marge: Oh my goodness, did you see the price of this milk? Three cents less than at the Kwik-E-Mart!
Lisa: Uh, Mom? You do realize that convenience stores like the Kwik-E-Mart are the worst, most expensive place to shop for groceries.
Marge: And the paper towels! So many different brands to choose from!
Lisa: I've been meaning to discuss this with you for a long time. Over the years, we've probably wasted thousands of dollars buying groceries from Apu.
Lisa: It's not like we're rich. But we almost never seem to go to an actual supermarket. What's the deal with that?
Marge: Sponges are on sale, too. Hurry Lisa!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Circus of Values Pt. 2
Auto starts
Lisa: Mom, I've never seen anyone so excited over mustard.
Marge: I... I just never knew there were multiple kinds. Apu only carries the one brand.
Lisa: YOU'RE THIRTY-EIGHT YEARS OLD. HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT?
Marge: Oooh, look! They have buns made specially for hot dogs! You don't just have to squish up hamburger buns!
Marge: Did you know that was a thing?!
Lisa: YES. EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT.
Task: Make Marge Go Shopping
Time: 4h
Location: Circus of Values
Marge: Sorry about that, sweetie. Okay, I'm done shopping. Let's go.
Lisa: ...Wait, where are your bags?
Marge: Oh, I didn't buy anything. I could never betray Apu by shopping somewhere else.
Lisa: What? Why not?! You can see that the prices are much better than at Kwik-E-Mart. Don't you want to save money?
Marge: Honey, Apu is our friend.
Lisa: A friend who gouges you on a vastly inferior range of products.
Marge: Adult friendships are complicated, okay?
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
The Screens Pt. 1
Auto starts
Marge: Everybody ready to leave for the movies? It's been ages since I've seen a good love story.
Patty: Probably ages since you've lived one, too.
Selma: *laughs* Did you get that, Marge? It was a dig at your husband. Homer.
Homer: Hey! At least have the respect to hold your tongues until you're out of my house.
Patty: Why? You wouldn't hear us then.
Marge: You know, these jokes are actually getting old, ladies.
Homer: Not as old as the ladies themselves!
Task: Make Marge Try to Keep the Peace
Time: 4h
Location: The Screens
Marge: I've had it with all the wisenheimery, you three. It ends now!
Patty: *sniff*
Selma: *tch*
Homer: What the ugly crones said!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Screens Pt. 2
Auto starts
Marge: If the people I love can't get along, what am I supposed to do?
Patty: Have you ever considered replacing Homer with an obese bulldog? The kids would never know the difference.
Selma: You could give it a really stupid name. Like “Homer”.
Homer: Homer is not a stupid name! It's the name of a boring old poet who wrote a story so good they turned it into a Brad Pitt movie!
Marge: That does it! I'm not wasting a babysitter and my going-out-dress on this nonsense. I'm going to the movies alone!
Task: Make Marge Take Herself On a Date
Time: 8h
Location: The Screens
Marge: Have you all finally worked out your disagreements, or should I go back for a double feature?
Selma: Hey, if you want to look at Homer's chin, you could just stay here.
Patty: “Double feature”. Good one.
Marge: It is NOT a good one! It's a slight variation on the same joke you've been boring me with for years.
Homer: Patty is a slight variation on the Selma that's been boring me for years.
Homer: ...
Homer: Admittedly, not my best effort. But that doesn't mean it's not true!
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Auto starts
Laird Ladd: Boy howdy! I bet you're excited to lay eyes on a celebrity of my caliber, Mr. Donut Lover.
Homer: Who? What? Are you going to tell me a sob story then ask for a lot of money to take a bus?
Laird Ladd: No, I'm Laird Ladd, namesake and facesake, and when I was in better shape, bodysake of Lard Lad Donuts.
Homer: I heard that place is changing its name to just Lard Lad, getting rid of the "Donuts". They're going to make it more of a coffee place.
Laird Ladd: Getting rid of donuts?! The only reason we sold coffee is to give you something to dunk your donuts in. And to give you energy to eat the donuts. And to give you energy to start your day.
Laird Ladd: We need to get that corporation back into the donut game, and the only way to do that is by buying donuts!
Homer: I already buy a dozen each morning. And each evening. But maybe I could buy more if they were cheaper... or I had some coffee.
Laird Ladd: No coffee! But I'll see what I can do about making them cheaper.
System Message: For a limited time, get Donuts at a discount from the store!
Show Me the Dough Pt. 2
Auto starts
Laird Ladd: Hello again, friends! I'm back with more donuts!
Homer: Who are you? Oh, don't bother with the story. Here's sixty dollars for the bus.
Laird Ladd: No, it's me Laird Ladd of Lard Lad Donuts fame! And you'll be happy to know I convinced them to keep the word "Donuts" in the name!
Homer: How about eighty dollars? Is that enough for you to leave me alone.
Laird Ladd: What? No, I don't need your money. I just came to tell you the good news. And to celebrate, they're once again reducing the price of donuts!
Homer: Reduced price donuts?! Woo hoo! Can I borrow a hundred bucks? It's... uh... for bus fare.
System Message: Another donut sale is happening in the store. Get them now, because this Laird Ladd story has run out steam!
Knit Fits Pt. 1
Kathy from Personnel starts
Smithers: Hello, I'm here for the Introductory knitting class?
Kathy from Personnel: Please come in. I'll be your instructor. My name is---
Smithers: Kathy from Personnel!
Kathy from Personnel: Waylon Smithers. This here yarn store isn't big enough for the two of us.
Smithers: You don't scare me, yarnslinger. I came here for one reason -- to make ugly scarves no one wants as slowly as possible. And I reckon to.
Kathy from Personnel: You'll be begging for mercy before the first purl stitch.
Smithers: We'll just see about that. Icy silence, then?
Kathy from Personnel: Icy silence it is.
Task: Make Kathy Politely Ignore Smithers
Time: 4h
Location: Yarn Barn
If the user has Smithers: Task: Make Smithers Glare at Kathy
Time: 4h
Location: Yarn Barn
Krusty: Hey, hey! Let's knit, ladies!
Helen Lovejoy: Krusty the Clown?! You're a needle jockey?
Krusty: Nah. I heard the hipsters were into knitting, so I figured: there's my next desperate attempt to stay relevant.
Krusty: Hey, what's with the weird tension in the room?
Helen Lovejoy: Those two hate each other. It happens whenever a brash young thread-man saunters into town. There's bound to be a knit-down.
Krusty: You just can't avoid crazy in this town, can you?
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Knit Fits Pt. 2
Kathy from Personnel starts
Kathy from Personnel: And knit, and purl, and knit, and purl. Very good, Krusty!
Krusty: What are you seeing that I'm not, lady? I just sewed my arm to a tea cozy.
Kathy from Personnel: Now, now. You're making progress. Which is more than I can say for poor Waylon.
Smithers: I'm... not... giving up! Knit! Purl! Aaaugh!
Kathy from Personnel: Is that a warp, or a weft? I honestly can't tell!
Smithers: Those are parallel wales and courses, and you know it, you old bag!
Kathy from Personnel: My, my, Krusty. It appears Mr. Smithers is losing his patience, doesn't it?
Kathy from Personnel: Any time you want to turn tail, Waylon, there's the door.
Krusty: I am INSANELY attracted to you right now. That says something awful about my mental health, doesn't it?
Task: Make Kathy Demonstrate Knitting Technique
Time: 4h
Location: Yarn Barn
If the user has Krusty: Task: Make Krusty Tie His Yarn in Knots
Time: 4h
Location: Yarn Barn
Kathy from Personnel: Very good, students. With the exception of Mr. Smithers, I see a room full of budding mittenists and sweateristos.
Smithers: Really, old timer? Because I just smocked a slip-stitch and half-clustered an entire row of Fair-Isle.
Kathy from Personnel: *biggest gasp ever*
Helen Lovejoy: That's... that's impossible! I've never seen such raw talent!
Krusty: I don't understand a word, yet I can't tear my eyes off you glorious freaks!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Knit Fits Pt. 3
Kathy from Personnel starts
Kathy from Personnel: Mr. Smithers! This lesson is for beginners only. I know a seasoned garter-stitcher when I see one.
Smithers: Sorry to disappoint you, but I've never clacked needles before today. It looks like human resources isn't the only field in which you're second-rate.
Helen Lovejoy: Oh, the enmity! It's manna from heaven for my damaged soul!
Krusty: Hey crazies -- stop turning me on this instant! You're all so bats, I don't know who to fall in love with first!
Kathy from Personnel: I'm going to step outside for a tea break. When I come back, Waylon, we will settle this the old-fashioned way. Cable knit sweaters at twenty paces.
Task: Make Kathy Take a Tea Break
Time: 8h
Kathy from Personnel: I challenge you to a duel, Mr. Smithers!
Smithers: Challenge accepted. Choose... your... pattern.
Kathy from Personnel: Cable-knit crew necks. Size: extra-large.
Helen Lovejoy: Extra-large?! That's too much! They can't possibly survive!
Smithers: Very well. What color?
Kathy from Personnel: Gray.
Helen Lovejoy: No! There's not enough contrast! They'll die for sure! Heavens! *faints*
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Knit Fits Pt. 4
Kathy from Personnel starts
Kathy from Personnel: Having trouble attaching your sleeves, Waylon? Looks like you cast off a little early? Or did you drop a half-slip on your basketweave cast on?
Smithers: Are you blind? I'm pulling left into a quarter-cluster on a mock-smocking stockinette Bainsley tiedown re-cross.
Kathy from Personnel: But... that's impossible!
Krusty: Anyone have the slightest clue who's winning?
Helen Lovejoy: They're knitting at a level I've only seen in the movies!
Kathy from Personnel: I will not lose to this man! Eat my Farnsworth Reverse Studsley purl hitch-pull weekender moss-loop!
Krusty: SHE IS A GOLDEN GOD!!!!
Task: Make Kathy Pitch a Knit Fit
Time: 24h
Helen Lovejoy: I... I don't believe it. Two perfect sweaters, in under five minutes.
Krusty: I think they're dead. They gave their lives for clothing no one will ever wear. Because they're homemade. And who wants that?
Helen Lovejoy: Wait... I'm getting a pulse. Somehow, they're both alive!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Knit Fits Pt. 5
Kathy from Personnel starts
Kathy from Personnel: We could have died, Waylon. Is our rivalry really worth that?
Smithers: Logically, no. But a body needs a workplace enemy. For better or for worse, you're mine.
Kathy from Personnel: My god, you're right. If I didn't have you to loathe, I wouldn't be so close with all my other coworkers. I suppose I should thank you.
Smithers: And I you.
Kathy from Personnel: *stares meaningfully into his eyes*
Smithers: *returns her gaze with manly directness*
Task: Make Kathy Passionately Embrace Smithers
Time: 8h
Location: Yarn Barn
If the user has Smithers: Task: Make Smithers Be Swept Away in the Moment
Time: 8h
Location: Yarn Barn
Smithers: What the hell just happened?
Kathy from Personnel: I... don't know. I have to tell you, I'm gay.
Smithers: Me too. And proud of it.
Kathy from Personnel: I guess when two people really, truly despise one another, the attraction is irresistible.
Smithers: That makes zero sense. Dumbest thing I ever heard.
Kathy from Personnel: Go to hell, Smithers.
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Big Top Je Ne Sais Quoi Pt. 1
Circus Acrobat starts
Sideshow Bob: Jean-Pierre, the circus is dying. I need your very best at tonight's performance if we're to turn things around.
Circus Acrobat: But I have lost the will to tumble and cavort. Without zese, the acrobat is meaningless.
Sideshow Bob: Granted, sure, but wouldn't it be lovely to see this circus returned to its former glory?
Circus Acrobat: Glory is meaningless.
Sideshow Bob: A valid point. But I really, REALLY want to pack the audience full of Springfielders. So get out there and sell some tickets!
Circus Acrobat: I cannot do this. ‘Twould be humiliating to one such as I.
Sideshow Bob: Ah but one could argue, perhaps, that your pride is meaningless?
Circus Acrobat: Your logic, she is airtight. And very French. I will sell for you.
Task: Make Circus Acrobat Wheel and Deal Around Town
Time: 4h
Sideshow Bob: Well done, Jean-Pierre! You've sold five tickets.
Circus Acrobat: I found ze humiliation very instructive. I am made greater by my suffering.
Sideshow Bob: Of course. Say, I know a local family that numbers five. You didn't sell those tickets to... the Simpsons, perchance?
Circus Acrobat: Why? Is zere something special about ze Simpsons?
Sideshow Bob: Oh, no no no no no. I have no special plans for the Simpsons. Or their spirited son... Bart.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Big Top Je Ne Sais Quoi Pt. 2
Circus Acrobat starts
Sideshow Bob: Jean-Pierre! What's happened to your act?! You can't just sit in a chair and smoke clove cigarettes!
Circus Acrobat: I am not ze dancing bear, to perform for money.
Sideshow Bob: That's EXACTLY what you are! Just... just swing on the trapeze a little!
Circus Acrobat: The trapeze is in ill repair. I could plummet to my death.
Sideshow Bob: So?! I thought you said life was meaningless?!
Circus Acrobat: You are wonderful at turning my intellectual posing against me. Very well. I trapeze.
Task: Make Circus Acrobat Fail at the Trapeze
Time: 4h
Location: Cirque De Puree
Circus Acrobat: How am I still alive? The rope, she break. And I fall. Only to discover ze net is made of zilly ztring and does nothing.
Sideshow Bob: An unfortunate trained seal broke your fall. At any rate, the crowd loved it!
Sideshow Bob: Word of your exploits is certain to reach the Simpsons, and they will bring Bart to me.
Circus Acrobat: You realize when you say the name “Bart Simpson”, your eyes, zey, how you say, “bug out” a bit.
Sideshow Bob: Yes, well, never mind that. Perfectly sane of me. Let's focus on putting you in even more peril tomorrow night!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Big Top Je Ne Sais Quoi Pt. 3
Circus Acrobat starts
Circus Acrobat: I am not qualified to tame ze lions!
Sideshow Bob: Nonsense, nothing to it. You and the lions will get along famously, provided you show not an ounce of fear.
Circus Acrobat: Zere-in lies the problem. Zhough I long for ze oblivion of death, I am, at the same time, a humongous coward.
Sideshow Bob: *gives a big push* In you go!
Task: Make Circus Acrobat Run From Lions
Time: 8h
Location: Cirque De Puree
Circus Acrobat: It is true what zhey say about being mauled by lions: “ouch”.
Sideshow Bob: It was lucky I had these band aids for you, or that might have been serious.
Circus Acrobat: Tell me something: why is it so important to you to lure Bart Simpson to ze circus?
Sideshow Bob: So that I can kill him, of course!
Circus Acrobat: You wish to kill a child?
Sideshow Bob: Bart is HARDLY a child. He's ten. Well within legal killing age.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Big Top Je Ne Sais Quoi Pt. 4
Circus Acrobat starts
Circus Acrobat: What did zhis Bart Simpson ever do to you?
Sideshow Bob: Plenty. For starters, he never lets me kill him. VERY frustrating...
Circus Acrobat: Okaaaayyy.... But what did he do to deserve death in ze first place?
Sideshow Bob: Well, he... uh, that is... funny, I can't really remember...
Sideshow Bob: I'm sure it will come to me. Keep working on your act. Time is short, and our cause is a noble one!
Task: Make Circus Acrobat Practice Death Defying Feats
Time: 12h
Circus Acrobat: I have decided -- I will not use my circus skills to aid in Bart Simpson's murder.
Sideshow Bob: Perhaps you will agree to use them if I point this gun at you?
Circus Acrobat: Sir, if you are asking me to choose my life over zhat of an innocent child, the answer is an enthusiastic yes!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Big Top Je Ne Sais Quoi Pt. 5
Circus Acrobat starts
Sideshow Bob: He's here! Bart Simpson is in the audience! At last, my fingers will close ‘round his neck and choke the very life from--
Circus Acrobat: Murder, she will not bring you ze happiness, friend.
Sideshow Bob: “Friend”? If you don't mind, I'd prefer to keep our relationship on a purely homicidal maniac/helpless pawn footing.
Circus Acrobat: I would have hoped for more, but under ze circumstances, I will take what I can get.
Sideshow Bob: I thank you. Truly. Have a great show.
Circus Acrobat: Have a great murder.
Task: Make Circus Acrobat Perform at the Circus
Time: 24h
Location: Cirque De Puree
Sideshow Bob: Bart Simpson is gone! Just as I was to reach up from beneath his bleacher seat, the entire family left!
Circus Acrobat: Oui, monsieur. You forgot ze first rule of the circus: ze circus is dull, and anyone with half a brain walks out right quick.
Circus Acrobat: I think zhey had some alternate quests to complete, anyway. It is a busy month around here.
Sideshow Bob: When?! When will I have my revenge!
Circus Acrobat: As soon as TV audiences consider it a funny story for a grown man to kill a little boy, zhen you will have your revenge.
Sideshow Bob: Oh. So any day now!
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Circus of Values Pt. 1
Auto starts
Marge: Just a minute, Lisa. I need to stop at the Kwik-E-Mart for milk.
Lisa: Mom, the Kwik-E-Mart is all the way across town. And there's a store right here.
Marge: Huh. You'd think I'd know every store in Springfield by now, but I don't recognize this one.
Lisa: Yeah, well, buildings drop out of the sky pretty fast around here. In case you hadn't noticed.
Marge: Come on, let's check it out.
Task: Make Marge Hunt for Deals
Time: 4h
Location: Circus of Values
On job start:
Marge: Oh my goodness, did you see the price of this milk? Three cents less than at the Kwik-E-Mart!
Lisa: Uh, Mom? You do realize that convenience stores like the Kwik-E-Mart are the worst, most expensive place to shop for groceries.
Marge: And the paper towels! So many different brands to choose from!
Lisa: I've been meaning to discuss this with you for a long time. Over the years, we've probably wasted thousands of dollars buying groceries from Apu.
Lisa: It's not like we're rich. But we almost never seem to go to an actual supermarket. What's the deal with that?
Marge: Sponges are on sale, too. Hurry Lisa!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Circus of Values Pt. 2
Auto starts
Lisa: Mom, I've never seen anyone so excited over mustard.
Marge: I... I just never knew there were multiple kinds. Apu only carries the one brand.
Lisa: YOU'RE THIRTY-EIGHT YEARS OLD. HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT?
Marge: Oooh, look! They have buns made specially for hot dogs! You don't just have to squish up hamburger buns!
Marge: Did you know that was a thing?!
Lisa: YES. EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT.
Task: Make Marge Go Shopping
Time: 4h
Location: Circus of Values
Marge: Sorry about that, sweetie. Okay, I'm done shopping. Let's go.
Lisa: ...Wait, where are your bags?
Marge: Oh, I didn't buy anything. I could never betray Apu by shopping somewhere else.
Lisa: What? Why not?! You can see that the prices are much better than at Kwik-E-Mart. Don't you want to save money?
Marge: Honey, Apu is our friend.
Lisa: A friend who gouges you on a vastly inferior range of products.
Marge: Adult friendships are complicated, okay?
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
The Screens Pt. 1
Auto starts
Marge: Everybody ready to leave for the movies? It's been ages since I've seen a good love story.
Patty: Probably ages since you've lived one, too.
Selma: *laughs* Did you get that, Marge? It was a dig at your husband. Homer.
Homer: Hey! At least have the respect to hold your tongues until you're out of my house.
Patty: Why? You wouldn't hear us then.
Marge: You know, these jokes are actually getting old, ladies.
Homer: Not as old as the ladies themselves!
Task: Make Marge Try to Keep the Peace
Time: 4h
Location: The Screens
Marge: I've had it with all the wisenheimery, you three. It ends now!
Patty: *sniff*
Selma: *tch*
Homer: What the ugly crones said!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Screens Pt. 2
Auto starts
Marge: If the people I love can't get along, what am I supposed to do?
Patty: Have you ever considered replacing Homer with an obese bulldog? The kids would never know the difference.
Selma: You could give it a really stupid name. Like “Homer”.
Homer: Homer is not a stupid name! It's the name of a boring old poet who wrote a story so good they turned it into a Brad Pitt movie!
Marge: That does it! I'm not wasting a babysitter and my going-out-dress on this nonsense. I'm going to the movies alone!
Task: Make Marge Take Herself On a Date
Time: 8h
Location: The Screens
Marge: Have you all finally worked out your disagreements, or should I go back for a double feature?
Selma: Hey, if you want to look at Homer's chin, you could just stay here.
Patty: “Double feature”. Good one.
Marge: It is NOT a good one! It's a slight variation on the same joke you've been boring me with for years.
Homer: Patty is a slight variation on the Selma that's been boring me for years.
Homer: ...
Homer: Admittedly, not my best effort. But that doesn't mean it's not true!
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP