Can't change servers, unrealistic server stats, amazing tech support answer

Technical support told me to post in here about this, so here we go.
I have the same problem as user in this post: https://answers.ea.com/t5/Technical-Issues/US-Player-forced-to-play-EU-Servers-London-Cannot-change-Servers/m-p/9670688#M87396
My server defaults to London, I can't change it, and the ping and packet loss can't be right. (-1 ping, 100% packet loss.) I can't get proper play performance unless I am in a US squad with someone else leading. I do not have a VPN like the OP in the linked thread so I can't tweak that variable, and I'm not sure that's the real root problem anyways.

The response I got from the first time I chatted with technical support is that I needed to talk to my ISP, that my trace route doesn't show me getting out of my state. Well frankly, according to their server list it wouldn't need to(3 in my state,) so I'm not sure how that's relevant or helpful.

So I called my ISP, and they confirmed my suspicion that they were handling the traffic just fine. (Confirmation bias? I suppose that's fairly possible.) Of course they just redirected me to EA support.

On my second call with EA tech support, I was told that it was my problem, and their reason was: "Do you see that ping time column?[in my UOtraces] The values in that column are only supposed to be 0 or 100."
W.
  T.
    F.

I told the person I was talking to (to be clear, on both phone calls this was over the head of the person I was directly speaking to, they kept putting me on hold to ask someone else questions) what ping actually measured and that the "expert" they were talking to didn't know anything.

And here's the kicker, as far as I can tell. Let's do a search on the IP in hop #8 of all three UOtraces, 159.153.92.10

It shows up in a UOtrace for Battlefield V help(https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/ps4/239130-battlefield-v/answers/533877-ea-blaming-isp-isp-blaming-ea-how-do-i-tell-who-is-right), for FIFA help(https://fifaforums.easports.com/en/discussion/564081/people-who-suffer-lag), for SWTOR help(http://www.swtor.com/community/showthread.php?t=975075), and help for the Origin client itself(https://answers.ea.com/t5/Origin-Client-Web-Technical/cannot-log-in-to-origin/td-p/7168631/page/3).
Here's hop #9, 159.153.92.69:

My duckduck search of this IP returns a page FULL of SWTOR threads. I can't find it now, but I thought I had seen a help thread in which the EA rep even told the user to UOtrace to this address, but I can't find that again so don't hold me to it.

I'd really like to play Apex frequently. But I can't. With help like that, it doesn't tear me up inside too much.

PC, Win10 up-to-date.

UOtrace 1 date, Nov 1 2020

UOtrace 2 date, Nov 6 2020

UOtrace 3 date, Jan 5 2021